RR - fresh new - imminent short LD

[girlsfollow]

So some of you may have seen I posted about a girl that I had been seeing for about 3 weeks that was a really conservative virgin, I just went on a short flight to another country with her. It was actually a great idea - we had a really good time, unluckily she was on her period but the first night we slept together anyway (I framed it as totally not a problem before we left - I can sometimes predict what part of a cycle girls are in). Some pain, she came that night which was good (she was very emotional about it), but it can be difficult having amazing sex when she's in pain and on her period, so only happened once that night... She told me she had liked me since the first time she saw me. Said she almost fainted when I came and got her number (bear in mind she had been ignoring me all that night - avoiding me).

Anyway this is clearly the start of a "relationship" of sorts. I have been in a long LTR before so I know things about maintenance and about salvage, but I'm not an expert on setting all the right frames from scratch- especially since I know I need to maintain abundance (one mistake I've learnt from in the previous LTR). I know this is one point is essential since the girl is always being approached and therefore has the abundance mentality built in! Do I frame keeping my abundance mentality as a normal thing? This is the very very start so we are not even really in one yet but I can tell it will be arriving soon - lets discuss what we think are the perfect frames....

Its the holidays soon - so I'll have been seeing her for 4 weeks by the time we split for the 3/4 week holidays, any frames I need to be setting for this time in advance? How would you approach this - there might be some big questions coming from her over the next week....also how to act towards her during the time apart? - I can't mirror her because she totally follows everything I say - submissive hardly takes any initiative - its all looking to me for what to do....

I would really like to get this one point down perfectly lets talk about maintaining abundance mentalities at the start and the transition phase into a relationship

Not just that but also keeping our process sharp and honed and continuing to improve it throughout.

I've been thinking of using a trick I learnt of just having loads of female friends around - or at least as many as her male ones. I think one important distinction I need to make though is to not have had sex with them - they need to be new friends - otherwise she will ask/find out and then that could start a load of problems.

Oh and a small note - how do you sort out money? - I've tried to start an alternate day/date spending idea - one day I pay everything next day she does - not sure its working very well though.

 

[Just_Dave]

Take it slow

Hello Follows,

For handling the distance, figure out times when it would be best for you two to talk, and how often you want to talk. (once a day, morning vs night and how long). The best thing to do is worry about you and her, guys will always approach girls. As long as you take care of her needs and not over providing them you should be fine, I set up a "Don't take me for granted" frame with my current girlfriend. If you really want her to be loyal, use the "team" mentality. "I really like how we're teammates headed toward a common goal". This will cease relationship drama and jealousy to a point depending on how much you actually see her.

The biggest thing about a relationship "taking it slow", you need to figure out how you want your relationship to actually progress. "Failing to plan is planning to fail".

For money my friend, let her pay and invest in you as much as possible, the first three months in a relationship are crucial. Because the rest the pace for the actual relationship. It's the period when people are on their best behavior if you will. Tell her anything you don't like up front, that way there are no surprises along the way. Keep playing the "mysterious card" it's been close to five months for me, and my girlfriend barely knows what I'm up to half the time. This keeps her from being bored.

 

[girlsfollow]

Re: Take it slow

Hello Follows,

For handling the distance, figure out times when it would be best for you two to talk, and how often you want to talk. (once a day, morning vs night and how long). The best thing to do is worry about you and her, guys will always approach girls. As long as you take care of her needs and not over providing them you should be fine, I set up a "Don't take me for granted" frame with my current girlfriend. If you really want her to be loyal, use the "team" mentality. "I really like how we're teammates headed toward a common goal". This will cease relationship drama and jealousy to a point depending on how much you actually see her.

The biggest thing about a relationship "taking it slow", you need to figure out how you want your relationship to actually progress. "Failing to plan is planning to fail".

For money my friend, let her pay and invest in you as much as possible, the first three months in a relationship are crucial. Because the rest the pace for the actual relationship. It's the period when people are on their best behavior if you will. Tell her anything you don't like up front, that way there are no surprises along the way. Keep playing the "mysterious card" it's been close to five months for me, and my girlfriend barely knows what I'm up to half the time. This keeps her from being bored.

I like the team frame - sounds like a great idea - I realise its important to have a goal in mind you are both working towards - what have you used as a goal - I knew some friends that used getting a flat together - but that would obviously not be anything we could be thinking about.

I think you are right about establishing a pattern for staying in contact - I'll suggest talking on skype - and then go from there...

You are saying taking it slow is the idea? - I do plan to use that phrase next time she brings anything up - just to reduce the needy feeling coming from my end. What is your plan btw (so you dont fail)?

I'm not sure how you keep her in the dark about what you are doing - she must have asked you what your job is and avoiding the question looses its charm after a few times, how do you manage it? I've taken to avoiding actively telling her what I've been doing, found thats a good start - so I'll wait till late in the day to get back to her and then not give any explanation for why it took me 9 hours to respond

 

[Chase]

Re: Take it slow

Hey GF,

Dave's already covered all the main bases here. One thing you can do to REALLY set a strong initial relationship frame is simply never take her out, just have her come over to your place.

All my relationships now are run this way; we do not go out, except on a handful of rare occasions, for at least the first 3 to 4 months. That way, she gets it set in her head what the relationship is about. However you start your relationship, that's how a girl's going to expect it to go for the remainder of the relationship, and anything less will feel like you're falling out of love with her, while anything additional will feel as if you're getting even closer.

It's easiest to start off doing nothing but hanging out at your place, since it's new love and the two of you are crazy about each other and just want to shag all the time anyway. If you set her expectations as, "Okay, this relationship is me going over to his place, we have sex, and then I go home / spend the night and then go home," you've just set "low" expectations that give you the freedom to run your future relationship however you want (taking her out a lot, not at all, etc.) without her expecting, insisting, or demanding things you did for her at the start but couldn't maintain forever.

Also - hey, great job on the lay! She sounds like a really cool, fun girl - congrats, amigo.

Chase

 

[Just_Dave]

Re: Take it slow

I like the team frame - sounds like a great idea - I realise its important to have a goal in mind you are both working towards - what have you used as a goal - I knew some friends that used getting a flat together - but that would obviously not be anything we could be thinking about.

I think you are right about establishing a pattern for staying in contact - I'll suggest talking on skype - and then go from there...

You are saying taking it slow is the idea? - I do plan to use that phrase next time she brings anything up - just to reduce the needy feeling coming from my end. What is your plan btw (so you dont fail)?

I'm not sure how you keep her in the dark about what you are doing - she must have asked you what your job is and avoiding the question looses its charm after a few times, how do you manage it? I've taken to avoiding actively telling her what I've been doing, found thats a good start - so I'll wait till late in the day to get back to her and then not give any explanation for why it took me 9 hours to respond

For a long term goal since me and her our both in school is to work hard and save money, this way we can travel to Greece and Italy when our loans are paid off. This does many things, it lets her know that I'm into saving money and that I'm planning on being a success after college. It also throws out the idea of getting married anytime soon because I'm so focused on my degree and I don't need any distractions.

For short term, I told her we'd take a trip to a different city in the mid west and spend a weekend there. I have many relatives across the country so it'll be a quick fix. Find her interests and plan things together to keep her focused. But keep them realistic and make sure they build off of other things you guys want to do.

My job, I work in Information Technology on Databases, she tells her friends and family computer stuff. She doesn't need to know every bit of the job I do because frankly it's not that exciting. I focus more on her life and job, and I relate it because I use to work in her line of work. She we talk about her challenges while still keeping my life in the dark.

Consistency, the less you say the better like my father told me "Every time you open your mouth you put yourself at risk." If she asks you where you been, I use one of these. "Hey babe, I just finished at the gym. Hope your day went well. " *text message* I didn't take my girl out in the beginning and I still don't. Unless its the park or something small.

Taking it slow, this is to pace yourself. This is the process of spanning out goals and activities throughout your relationship so you always have something to look forward to. That means put off meeting her friends and family for as long as possible. This way you guys can build a connection without any outside interference.

 

[girlsfollow]

Re: Take it slow

For a long term goal since me and her our both in school is to work hard and save money, this way we can travel to Greece and Italy when our loans are paid off. This does many things, it lets her know that I'm into saving money and that I'm planning on being a success after college. It also throws out the idea of getting married anytime soon because I'm so focused on my degree and I don't need any distractions.

Cool, good long term goal - you made the aim concrete - in my last LTR I just wanted to save money because I thought it was obvious it would be useful for holidays and houses and stuff - that led to her getting frustrated, so good job there - also the marriage distraction is useful (that did come up).

For short term, I told her we'd take a trip to a different city in the mid west and spend a weekend there. I have many relatives across the country so it'll be a quick fix. Find her interests and plan things together to keep her focused. But keep them realistic and make sure they build off of other things you guys want to do.

What kind of things do you have planned out of interest? - this is basically what I just did last weekend, went to coffee shops flower market and exploring...

My job, I work in Information Technology on Databases, she tells her friends and family computer stuff. She doesn't need to know every bit of the job I do because frankly it's not that exciting. I focus more on her life and job, and I relate it because I use to work in her line of work. She we talk about her challenges while still keeping my life in the dark.

Oh I see so she has a basic idea of what you do but not the details - I thought she had no idea. Good idea to keep talking about her challenges....

Consistency, the less you say the better like my father told me "Every time you open your mouth you put yourself at risk." If she asks you where you been, I use one of these. "Hey babe, I just finished at the gym. Hope your day went well. " *text message* I didn't take my girl out in the beginning and I still don't. Unless its the park or something small.

Cool your keeping it very open to interpretation. interesting you didnt take her out - doesn't she want extra stimulation?

Taking it slow, this is to pace yourself. This is the process of spanning out goals and activities throughout your relationship so you always have something to look forward to. That means put off meeting her friends and family for as long as possible. This way you guys can build a connection without any outside interference.

This sounds like GOLD, planning them nicely spaced out is good idea, planning is good

 

[Just_Dave]

Re: Take it slow

What kind of things do you have planned out of interest? - this is basically what I just did last weekend, went to coffee shops flower market and exploring...

I locate the parks in the area which ever city and we chill and talk. Then we go a ways off and make love. I told her about the different beaches in my hometown and when the weather clears up I'll take her to one when the moons full. In a relationship just like pick up if you've been sleeping with a girl, she'll come to expect you to sleep with her sometime during the event.

Cool your keeping it very open to interpretation. interesting you didnt take her out - doesn't she want extra stimulation?

I see my girlfriend at least once a week depending on what I have going on. When she's here she knows I'm not into going to place to place and I just want to go out. If she needs stimulation I have her bring over her favorite movies and such. The thing is you're in charge but you listen to what she wants to do. Then you plan around it, but keep sex in mind.

Example: My girlfriend really wanted to go to the homecoming game at my school. She bought her ticket and everything, we ended up staying my room making love for most the day and during the game. I told her we could go if she wanted to, but she said it was too cold.

The way stimulation works is the girl wants to have fun, and that's why you shouldn't provide so many good feelings like taking her out. Because then she'll only want to go out instead of giving you some pussy. It's tragic but I see it in a lot of my friends relationships. You want your girlfriend to see you in the most sexiest way as possible. You're not here to entertainer her, that's what her friends are for.

 

[girlsfollow]

Re: Take it slow

Hey GF,

Dave's already covered all the main bases here. One thing you can do to REALLY set a strong initial relationship frame is simply never take her out, just have her come over to your place.

All my relationships now are run this way; we do not go out, except on a handful of rare occasions, for at least the first 3 to 4 months. That way, she gets it set in her head what the relationship is about. However you start your relationship, that's how a girl's going to expect it to go for the remainder of the relationship, and anything less will feel like you're falling out of love with her, while anything additional will feel as if you're getting even closer.

It's easiest to start off doing nothing but hanging out at your place, since it's new love and the two of you are crazy about each other and just want to shag all the time anyway. If you set her expectations as, "Okay, this relationship is me going over to his place, we have sex, and then I go home / spend the night and then go home," you've just set "low" expectations that give you the freedom to run your future relationship however you want (taking her out a lot, not at all, etc.) without her expecting, insisting, or demanding things you did for her at the start but couldn't maintain forever.

Also - hey, great job on the lay! She sounds like a really cool, fun girl - congrats, amigo.

Chase

really interesting you guys and doing hardly anything with your gf's - I can see how this works if she has friends to keep her busy the rest of the time. In my past the girl was with me here in my country and had hardly any friends so she just got angry/depressed at me for not providing stimulation other than sex - hence why I'm maybe hyper sensitive to trying to keep things fun. But if its more balanced I can see it working. Thanks she is a great girl - really difficult to read though - I'm trying to work on communication at the moment.

 

[Chase]

Re: Take it slow

really interesting you guys and doing hardly anything with your gf's - I can see how this works if she has friends to keep her busy the rest of the time. In my past the girl was with me here in my country and had hardly any friends so she just got angry/depressed at me for not providing stimulation other than sex - hence why I'm maybe hyper sensitive to trying to keep things fun.

Don't get me wrong, you want to be providing good conversation as well - you just don't want to turn yourself into the "fun bringer."

My first real girlfriend was an expat living in my country without many friends too, and I fell into the same trap you did, thinking I had to bring the fun. Subsequent girlfriends I worked on helping them build social circles or business projects to work on to occupy their time if they needed more to do, rather than us having to go out and do things all the time together.

Cheers,
Chase

 

[Just_Dave]

Re: Take it slow

really interesting you guys and doing hardly anything with your gf's - I can see how this works if she has friends to keep her busy the rest of the time. In my past the girl was with me here in my country and had hardly any friends so she just got angry/depressed at me for not providing stimulation other than sex - hence why I'm maybe hyper sensitive to trying to keep things fun.

Don't get me wrong, you want to be providing good conversation as well - you just don't want to turn yourself into the "fun bringer."

My first real girlfriend was an expat living in my country without many friends too, and I fell into the same trap you did, thinking I had to bring the fun. Subsequent girlfriends I worked on helping them build social circles or business projects to work on to occupy their time if they needed more to do, rather than us having to go out and do things all the time together.

Cheers,
Chase

The idea is to set yourself about from her guy friends, she's dating you for romantic and sexual reasons.