so i keep treading water, i'm not doing well lately. I literally gave up today and got my scooter to go home.
waiting to come out of my parking space and there's a girl waiting at the traffic lights who is hot and sexy wearing like cheerleader shoes and socks and hotpants, wearing a jade colour tshirt with "Aa" on it.
now, literally yesterday my colleague told me that "AA" is what people say to split the bill, like go dutch.
(incidentally,the term go dutch came about because the dutch are notoriously stingy.
he told me that in holland, a businessman invites you for lunch means - you get invited to the park to watch him eat a sandwich his wife made.
i was laughing saying it's a funny joke but he insisted it's not a joke).
so i look at this fucking sexy girl and smile nod at her shirt and say "AA." i think i said it a couple of times. made sure i had her attention.
she nods and says yeah so i say, "ok. you buy the coffee i'll buy the cake." she says, "OK" so i say "OK, get on" and motion with my face to the seat behind me.
she says "OK" again and i think well, that was easy and open the footpegs.
she climbs on. literally. rather than swinging her leg over, she put one foot on the footpeg and stood all the way up, balancing on my shoulders, and then stepped over to the other footpeg.
i thought that was strange. funny though. everybody is watching. they must think i know her already. or, if they understand, i must look like the king of the fucking world.
i ask as we pull away what she thinks they will think. "i don't care!" she replies.
she's all smiles and i'm in quite a chatty mood now, so i'm able to blather a little bit on the short trip to the coffee shop.
her name is the name of a song we sang when i was at little school. she's been here in the city for just a Week. just come out of the metro on her way home from work.
i ask her, "is this how you dress for work?" i mean,awesome. imagine having that walking around your office. fucking hell. so awesome and so inappropriate. she tells me it's not how she dresses for work
i play a guessing game, having her say different sentences to determine from her accent where she comes from. i guess wrong several times. but it's fun and i blame it on not being able to look at her.
so when we dismount i give her a good look up and down and take another guess. wrong. she tells me finally. one of my guesses had been correct but i guess she wasn't listening. lol
at the coffee shop there was a little confusion when i try to swipe my card so she paid with cash.
then i chose some ice cream and she chose some cake. rum and raisin ice cream, you could smell it when you entered the shop so i chatted about it. had to have it. i paid with a different card so i didn't look like a hobo.
i carried a tray up the stairs. nice comfy chairs. i made her sit next to not opposite. there was a guy sleeping in the corner. he became a recurring talking point.
i mentioned her outfit a couple of times. think i may have overdone it. not enough to fuck it up but, once should have been enough.
i eat a little cake but she refuses the ice cream. i say,"ohh it's too cold on your tummy .. ok i see." i guess from this she has her period.
we talk about city life and anonymity. i frame her as a brave adventurous girl far from home where no one can know her business and she can keep her secrets etc etc
she totally agrees.
then i notice a scratch on her leg and i draw attention to it, taking the opportunity to touch her leg. she banged her leg walking into a table or something. i should have teased her about her clumsiness.
this is great news. she's not even 21.
story isn't very exciting. apparantly he picked her up on the subway, exchanged details, her got her out on one other date, i think. i asked "you used to love him, you were lovers?" she said no. she said she only knew him for a week.
i elicited the information. guessing her feelings along the way: "so you couldn't trust him. you thought he must be lying."
i told her it was a good secret and thanked her for telling me.
she asks, "so what's your job?" i tell her that yes, i have a job. they pay me money. i pay my bills with the money.
she's an intern in some advertising company, according to the bag she's carrying.
her body language was quite often closed, (e.g. sitting with elbow on knee, forearm covering her torso) but the mood wasn't bad. i decided not to mention her body language, but tried to just relax and pay attention to my own body language.
i asked about the bag. there was a magazine and a pack of uhmm ... pantie liners? fairies' hammocks, as my mother would call them. for a lady's monthlies. not tampons, the other ones.
i tell her about the song from my childhood. it's a sad song. i talk about when i went to school and the teachers were hippies so we sang bob dylan songs instead of church hymns.
this leads her to question my age. i can see her doing the math in her brain.
i tell her i wasn't a child in the sixties. i wasn't alive in the sixties. i have a little grey in my beard but i i was saying my teachers were hippies, not me.
i tried to seed a proper drink. at my apartment, preferably. she declines. but says maybe on "friday or saturday or sunday" which is unheard of ever. is she saying "i'm free all of this time, so pick a day and pull the trigger"?
i asked if this cake was gonna be her dinner. she said yes. before she met me she was on her way to eat in bla bla local restaurant.
i didn't know the name she said but i said what "kind of food is it?"
she didn't know how to describe it. i said "you're talking about yang's. yang's fried dumplings." she says "no no no"
i said "you're talking about potstickers. guo tie"
she says "yeah yeah oh you know how to say that?" surprised that i knew the word.
after an hour or so i decided time was up so i stood up
me:
(and only now does it occur to me that maybe she rejected me because of the period problem. i didn't wanna get to full on talking about period sex, didn't feel appropriate but .. why not? should have just said with a wink "well, i have no problem with that")
outside, before we leave, i take her wechat details, then i take her some of the way. talk about her work shit. she jumps off when i stop at the lights on the way. dunno why. i could have took her further but i just went with it -
she walks down the rode and then i have to go the same way. awkward.
that's that. missed windows? mistakes? how to proceed? i feel like i'm having to re-learn this stuff. definitely chase framing needs to be ramped way up in every interaction.
i think that's the secret sauce i've been missing. as well as some playful misogyny.
thanks for reading
waiting to come out of my parking space and there's a girl waiting at the traffic lights who is hot and sexy wearing like cheerleader shoes and socks and hotpants, wearing a jade colour tshirt with "Aa" on it.
now, literally yesterday my colleague told me that "AA" is what people say to split the bill, like go dutch.
(incidentally,the term go dutch came about because the dutch are notoriously stingy.
he told me that in holland, a businessman invites you for lunch means - you get invited to the park to watch him eat a sandwich his wife made.
i was laughing saying it's a funny joke but he insisted it's not a joke).
so i look at this fucking sexy girl and smile nod at her shirt and say "AA." i think i said it a couple of times. made sure i had her attention.
she nods and says yeah so i say, "ok. you buy the coffee i'll buy the cake." she says, "OK" so i say "OK, get on" and motion with my face to the seat behind me.
she says "OK" again and i think well, that was easy and open the footpegs.
she climbs on. literally. rather than swinging her leg over, she put one foot on the footpeg and stood all the way up, balancing on my shoulders, and then stepped over to the other footpeg.
i thought that was strange. funny though. everybody is watching. they must think i know her already. or, if they understand, i must look like the king of the fucking world.
i ask as we pull away what she thinks they will think. "i don't care!" she replies.
she's all smiles and i'm in quite a chatty mood now, so i'm able to blather a little bit on the short trip to the coffee shop.
her name is the name of a song we sang when i was at little school. she's been here in the city for just a Week. just come out of the metro on her way home from work.
i ask her, "is this how you dress for work?" i mean,awesome. imagine having that walking around your office. fucking hell. so awesome and so inappropriate. she tells me it's not how she dresses for work
i play a guessing game, having her say different sentences to determine from her accent where she comes from. i guess wrong several times. but it's fun and i blame it on not being able to look at her.
so when we dismount i give her a good look up and down and take another guess. wrong. she tells me finally. one of my guesses had been correct but i guess she wasn't listening. lol
at the coffee shop there was a little confusion when i try to swipe my card so she paid with cash.
then i chose some ice cream and she chose some cake. rum and raisin ice cream, you could smell it when you entered the shop so i chatted about it. had to have it. i paid with a different card so i didn't look like a hobo.
i carried a tray up the stairs. nice comfy chairs. i made her sit next to not opposite. there was a guy sleeping in the corner. he became a recurring talking point.
i mentioned her outfit a couple of times. think i may have overdone it. not enough to fuck it up but, once should have been enough.
i eat a little cake but she refuses the ice cream. i say,"ohh it's too cold on your tummy .. ok i see." i guess from this she has her period.
we talk about city life and anonymity. i frame her as a brave adventurous girl far from home where no one can know her business and she can keep her secrets etc etc
she totally agrees.
then i notice a scratch on her leg and i draw attention to it, taking the opportunity to touch her leg. she banged her leg walking into a table or something. i should have teased her about her clumsiness.
this is great news. she's not even 21.
story isn't very exciting. apparantly he picked her up on the subway, exchanged details, her got her out on one other date, i think. i asked "you used to love him, you were lovers?" she said no. she said she only knew him for a week.
i elicited the information. guessing her feelings along the way: "so you couldn't trust him. you thought he must be lying."
i told her it was a good secret and thanked her for telling me.
she asks, "so what's your job?" i tell her that yes, i have a job. they pay me money. i pay my bills with the money.
she's an intern in some advertising company, according to the bag she's carrying.
her body language was quite often closed, (e.g. sitting with elbow on knee, forearm covering her torso) but the mood wasn't bad. i decided not to mention her body language, but tried to just relax and pay attention to my own body language.
i asked about the bag. there was a magazine and a pack of uhmm ... pantie liners? fairies' hammocks, as my mother would call them. for a lady's monthlies. not tampons, the other ones.
i tell her about the song from my childhood. it's a sad song. i talk about when i went to school and the teachers were hippies so we sang bob dylan songs instead of church hymns.
this leads her to question my age. i can see her doing the math in her brain.
i tell her i wasn't a child in the sixties. i wasn't alive in the sixties. i have a little grey in my beard but i i was saying my teachers were hippies, not me.
i tried to seed a proper drink. at my apartment, preferably. she declines. but says maybe on "friday or saturday or sunday" which is unheard of ever. is she saying "i'm free all of this time, so pick a day and pull the trigger"?
i asked if this cake was gonna be her dinner. she said yes. before she met me she was on her way to eat in bla bla local restaurant.
i didn't know the name she said but i said what "kind of food is it?"
she didn't know how to describe it. i said "you're talking about yang's. yang's fried dumplings." she says "no no no"
i said "you're talking about potstickers. guo tie"
she says "yeah yeah oh you know how to say that?" surprised that i knew the word.
after an hour or so i decided time was up so i stood up
me:
(and only now does it occur to me that maybe she rejected me because of the period problem. i didn't wanna get to full on talking about period sex, didn't feel appropriate but .. why not? should have just said with a wink "well, i have no problem with that")
outside, before we leave, i take her wechat details, then i take her some of the way. talk about her work shit. she jumps off when i stop at the lights on the way. dunno why. i could have took her further but i just went with it -
she walks down the rode and then i have to go the same way. awkward.
shortly after i get home i text -
that's that. missed windows? mistakes? how to proceed? i feel like i'm having to re-learn this stuff. definitely chase framing needs to be ramped way up in every interaction.
i think that's the secret sauce i've been missing. as well as some playful misogyny.
thanks for reading
