- Joined
- Jun 17, 2022
- Messages
- 389
In the last few weeks I got LMR from a couple gals back home. They were comfortable with me and attracted—they were just not ready for the final step. I let both of them go rather soon and didn't pursue further.
One of them (31yo) came home with me on a first date where we connected a fair bit. I started escalating right away, maybe too single-mindedly. She kept pulling back and telling me "I'm not just a body" and asking me "what do you want with me?". I didn't make it clear that I wouldn't pump and dump her. I was definitely open to get to know her beyond sex, but my interest quickly waned after the initial resistance.
I had the other (33yo) at my place on the second date (well, third including the instadate we had when we met). We were making out heavily and she let me take off her shirt and bra. My hand was in her panties, feeling her wet pussy. I attempted to take off her pants a couple times, but she resisted and I gave up very quickly after that. She probably needed a bit more persistence. She asked me "do you always have sex on the second date?" before leaving. Maybe she would have agreed to a third date right at my place, but honestly I didn't feel too strongly about it after such a disconnect.
One of them (31yo) came home with me on a first date where we connected a fair bit. I started escalating right away, maybe too single-mindedly. She kept pulling back and telling me "I'm not just a body" and asking me "what do you want with me?". I didn't make it clear that I wouldn't pump and dump her. I was definitely open to get to know her beyond sex, but my interest quickly waned after the initial resistance.
I had the other (33yo) at my place on the second date (well, third including the instadate we had when we met). We were making out heavily and she let me take off her shirt and bra. My hand was in her panties, feeling her wet pussy. I attempted to take off her pants a couple times, but she resisted and I gave up very quickly after that. She probably needed a bit more persistence. She asked me "do you always have sex on the second date?" before leaving. Maybe she would have agreed to a third date right at my place, but honestly I didn't feel too strongly about it after such a disconnect.
CONTEXT
Me: Caucasian European, 43Her: Black American, 28
Going back home on a Wednesday afternoon, I hop on a train and I spot this pretty black gal seated in an empty area. She's got long braided hair and great fashion, casual but classy. Good body. She's down on her phone and listening to music.
OPENING
I sit down in front of her and I open within a minute.me: hey, do you know how long it takes to X? Can't see it on the screens
her: [smiles] yes it takes more or less 1h
me: ah thanks. I never take this train, I always take the direct one
her: don't mention it
She goes back to her phone. Short pause.
Brief chat about her job. She lives abroad and will spend a night in Y town in my country. I mention something about myself (where I live, where I'm from, etc).
GOING DEEPER
We have 1h until we part ways. I ask her what she does for fun and if she's a planner or spontaneous. She's into live music and is definitely more spontaneous than a planner. Nice segue into SOTs such as how important it is to live in the moment, "we only have the here and now", etc and I can see her eyes lighting up.Dating is another topic that is always easily accessible and opens the door to more juicy conversations. She's single since a couple years, and she agrees with me that if there's attraction and comfort, you can have sex with someone on the first date and "that's perfectly fine and doesn't make you a slut". She also understands the dichotomy of masculine and feminine energy and is perfectly comfortable in her more passive, receptive element.
(This is something I noticed lately by the way—women being more comfortable being women. I had another gal a few months ago telling me that she was a feminist before but not anymore. Fourth-wave feminism seems, if not almost dead, definitely out of fashion in this part of Europe.)
We touch on our previous relationships. I tell her about my experiences with alternative relationship types. She's always done monogamy, but seems intrigued by my past and open to think about other ways to explore connections.
Throughout the entire conversation, I often tap her knee and high-five her when we agree on something or when she tells me something cool about herself. I also gently caress her hands as I'm inspecting her bracelets and she shares a little bit of history about them. I can see her body language opening up more and more and her hands trying to close the gap between us a couple times.
When she asks me how old I am, I make strong eye contact, a smirk on my face.
I motion her to come close and I whisper in her ear, softly.
I wink at her and she laughs.
The energy between us is great, she's very smart and cool and I love the way she shyly covers her face as she laughs.
As I'm sharing some info about myself, I show her a map of my city and test the ground for a potential meet in the future.
She opens her eyes wide and is intrigued.
Time flies and we never stop talking. It's rare to be honest—I usually take long breaks in order not to overload the convo and bore each other out, but with this gal it's different. We're clearly engaged and strongly focused on each other.
But the time comes when we have to part ways. I suggest we keep in touch and we exchange numbers. On leaving, we make a good handclasp and I make strong eye contact while saying "it was great to meet you X". She later told me that that was one of the defining moments of our little story.
Only thing is, our logistics are a bit of a mess. Not only she lives in another country, but she will also leave soon for a long trip in a remote part of the world.
If something meaningful has to happen, it has to happen in the next few days.
TEXTING
Her response to my icebreaker is warm. She tells me it was a pleasure to meet, I responded that unexpected pleasures are indeed the best. She just arrived to her destination, a small town in the countryside.This is my window.
Short exchange ensues where we try to figure out logistics. Turns out Saturday (3 days after we met) is our only option.
her: i'd like to know what you have in mind
me: absolutely, i'll call you in 15 minutes?
her: perfect!
So we have a brief videocall. I propose a plan for Saturday, I wanna show her the nice little corners around my city and I offer her a few accommodation options, including my place ("this is the best accommodation you can get here!"). She laughs and is really damn cute.
We end the videocall and I have a feeling we're all set.
However the next morning I receive a 1.5 minutes long vocal from her. In my mind I'm like "Cold feet? Was I too pushy?". Turns out the trip from her city to mine is a bit too expensive for her, which "poses a problem" and "we should maybe postpone?".
Oh well...
I'm willing to cover her expenses here, but I'm not willing to pay for her round trip.
Maybe yeah, we should cancel then...
This is what I thought initially. A ruin from my ancient programming—giving up very easily at the first sign of resistance and not really playing to win.
But lately I've been forcing myself to persist a little bit and to try to solve these kinds of challenges.
me: welcome to my country
her: I usually pay 50 to get to X
me: best price I see right now is less than 3 times that. wdyt?
No reply from her. I video call her a couple hours later, no answer.
But she calls me a few minutes later. We look into buses as an alternative transport option—It's way cheaper and some seats are still available.
So we quickly set a schedule for Saturday and Sunday. I go to sport and receive a text from her a few hours later.
her: see you tomorrow
Can't wait to see her.
MEETING AGAIN
Saturday comes.After a minor logistical hiccup (she'll arrive later than expected), I finally meet her again at the bus station.
I promised her a great sunset in my city and we're late, so I grab her luggage and we run upstairs to catch our train.
On the train I immediately park my hand on her leg and draw her close to me.
It only takes 20 minutes to reach my city. Once there, we go drop her luggage at my place. Inside, I show her the apartment, I pull her close for a quick makeout, then we grab a bottle of wine and a couple glasses and we leave to explore the city.
There's a food festival in the old town. We spot the ideal place for us—a pier on the lake. We sit down not far from a group, and it's magical: people around us chat, drink and laugh as they're witnessing the sunset and its changing colors on the waters around, and my girl and I are living the moment.
PULLING AND PULLING BACK
A couple of glassfuls of wine later, it's time to go.Takeaway food.
My place.
We don't eat much.
I immediately get close to her and kiss her. Then I get us some water.
When I'm back, I lead us to the sofa.
That's where I start escalating pretty aggressively and get some LMR in return.
To be fair, I can be a little too single-minded when it comes to escalations. I always keep track of the girl's comfort level of course, but I'm still learning the subtleties of the art of calibration.
This girl likes me, her body draped over mine. But she pulls back when I kiss and touch her and she tests me with questions such as "hey, look at me. What's my name? Where am I from?"
She's worried that I'm gonna treat her like a piece of meat. Like an additional notch on the bedpost.
But every girl wants to feel special.
And if we ask the right questions and listen, we always find something special about every girl we bring in our lives.
I do remember many of the things about her that she asks me about. However answering her questions one after the other would kill the vibe and put me in a position where I'd be trying to qualify myself as a good listener.
I don't want that. I wanna show that I'm a good listener without reacting to her or going at the pace she sets.
So I stop what I'm doing and I just make quiet eye contact. Just a silent, intense gaze in her eyes. She quickly crumbles under the pressure and laughs while covering her face.
Then I hang back and relax, my hands behind my head. She's still draped over me and we're listening to her favorite music.
That's when I start talking about our encounter on the train and how crazy and wonderful it is that she's here. As I'm talking about this, I put in details about her that indirectly answer her questions from before, and more. I notice a change in the way she looks at me—a bit more "dreamy", if it makes sense. She knows I get her now.
Not long after, she asks me if she can take a shower and goes to the bathroom. When she comes back, she's wearing a tight short yoga suit. What a hot gal. Her ass is just perfect, and the rest of her body is toned but not overly muscular. A beauty to see.
SEALING THE DEAL
Back on the sofa, she lays over me. My hand runs on her back.I want her to crave it a bit.
I start massaging her back and neck.
I take off her clothes and kiss her back, neck and pull her face in for a kiss. She kisses me back eagerly.
She turns around, her body facing mine, completely naked underneath me. I remove my t-shirt and trousers. Then, the magic words.
From then on, it's pure fire. Her beautiful body convulses multiple times, one orgasm after the other as I pull her in, toss her around and shag her in 3-4 different position. We almost break the damn sofa.
After a few more orgasms, we pause to chat a bit, drink a buncha water and split a protein bar lol.
Then we go at it again and again until I come over her tits.
We go to bed at 2am. In the morning, after only a few hours of sleep, we go at it again. As I'm banging her from behind, we look at our reflection in my bedroom's mirror. Always pretty hot. She comes another 2-3 times and I finish as well. The bed is a meter away from where it was before.
Her return bus leaves soon. Shower time. We get ready and I take her to the station, where I tell her to text me as soon as she's home and we kiss goodbye.
THOUGHTS
We didn't use condoms in the end. And again, I regret it. I recently went in raw with another gal and got an STI from her that I got fully treated for. My tests have been negative since then and I shouldn't have risked another stupid infection. I need to be more disciplined.Persistence won this time because she was still investing—her 1.5 minutes long vocal was very warm and didn't sound dismissive at all. She was trying to find a logistical solution with me.
I'm getting better and better with my escalations. I used to escalate weakly if at all, and girls felt I was not really interested. Then I overcompensated and started escalating a bit too aggressively, and girls felt I just wanted their bodies. Now I'm in that sweet spot in the middle: girls truly fascinate me on various levels, and they feel I get them.
She said that she wants to get married at some point, maybe kids too. I'm not the right guy for her and I made it abundantly clear, plus we're long distance. But she wants to see me again, I guess she wants to try to tame me. Will she succeed? Or will she bite off more than she can chew?
