FR She Texts Me First

[Gentle_Phrases]

A guy walks into a mall...

Sup you guys! I've been batting away at cold approach, swinging tons but missing every pitch. I'm sure you all have been there. Still, my opens have been going better (on average) and I feel more confident [read: indifferent] in the field thanks to hundreds of reference experiences. So without further ado here's a short and sweet post for ya'll to enjoy. My question is at the very end in large font, underlined, starred, italicized, and bold. Bonus - there's a small technique in there that I came up with for reaching sexual conversation:

The Opener

Me: "You look very Peruvian"
Her: "No...Mexican"

Teasing/Flirting

Me: "You strike me as the wild bad girl type" *cheeky smile*
Her: "No, no...I don't party much!"
Me: *extends pinky for pinky promise - she takes it with her pinky* "I promise...your secret is safe with me" *insert cheeky grin*
Her: "Hahaha, yeah I like to go out every weekend. We'll party a drink and stuff..it's fun."
Me: "Yeah, dancing on tables and making it rain I bet"
Her: "Sometimes ahaha"

Sexual Conversation/Nonjudgement

Me: "Yeah, he's going to get an arranged marriage so he's plowing through as much as he can before his freedom's over!" *my imaginary friend is getting an arranged marriage, so he's playing the field for a while. Great way to sneak some non-judgement in there for the ladies *
Her: "Wow, that's not good!"
Me: "Meh, he's safe and uses protection. I think it's fine. He's an adult so he might as well have his fun"
Her: "Yeah, you're right...I could never do an arranged marriage...I would probably cheat"
Me: "Yeah...imagine if they were ugly"
Together: HAHAHAHAAHA

Number Exchange

Her: *putting her number in my phone* "Can I call my phone now?"
Me: "Sure" *she calls my phone so that she too has my number*

Texting

*I don't send her a "nice meeting you" text. She texts me first the next day around 11am.*

Her: "Well goodmorning
Me: "XYZ, hey . Same to you. I just started breakfast!"
Her: "Really wow "
Me: "Jealous! . What about you?"
Her: Hahahaha am not!! I had my breakfast at 8am. right now I'm working . What are you doing?
Me: Munching on this delicious chicken ..so, Karen - our picnic. When are we doing this? I can't Friday. *Got this from Chase, thanks man~
Her: What day can you???
Me: Midday Sat. or Monday I'm free most of the day

I sent that text yesterday at 2pm. She still hasn't responded, so I'll give it another day. I'm guessing that she's either 1) super busy 2) found her soul mate or 3) this one is dead in the water. We'll know by tomorrow.

*My Question*

Did you guys see anything wrong with my text exchange? I know that I can be a bit too silly at times so I really toned it way down.

Confession: I want to quit. Bad.

I wont lie to you guys. This all feels so impossible sometimes.I look around and see couples holding hands and wonder - "do people actually date?" Like, how are babies born you guys. I'll overhear women on the subway talking about some guy that's a complete jerk, yet they're still infatuated with him and I'll wonder "how do I become that guy? What am I doing wrong here?" And you know how you occasionally see dudes with cute girlfriends? The first thing that I always do now is check out the guy, more so than the girl, just for comparison to myself. I swear, I'm like this now, half the time:

*where's my blankie?*

Tell me you've had the same thoughts. Or have I finally lost it?

My New Vibe

Whereas before girls would peg me as "not much of a partier," now when I ask a girl what she does for fun her standard reply is "well, my idea of fun and yours are probably different." If I ask "how so" they usually launch into how I seem like I go out 4 or 5 nights a week, love getting drunk and do drugs (LOL), whereas they're a good girl that goes to house parties only occasionally and would rather stay home with a book. What's funny is that I don't even like clubs and am a total introvert. I'd rather be at home watching Conan O'Brien and reading Stephen Covey than chasing skirts. Also, I don't even drink caffeine because I'm so wary of mind altering substances. Hilarious. Anyone else get this?

 

[sneaky_charm]

Damn GP, if you say like this then what will happen to me! Come on man, it's just a passing thing! You're 100 times better than this!

Anyway, what did you mean by the picture. Did you mean that you get intimidated by cute girl BFs because the guys have too good fundamentals, or you become sad for some reason? Or is it that you feel like the cute girls are dating guys who have no fundamentals whatsoever, and don't deserve the girls?

- Kevin

 

[Gentle_Phrases]

Damn GP, if you say like this then what will happen to me! Come on man, it's just a passing thing! You're 100 times better than this!

You will persist despite the discomfort (hopefully). Thanks for the encouragement though. I'm just being honest with you all because I have no one else to talk to about game: sometimes it feels like leg day at the gym. Or intense cardio. It sucks ass.

Did you mean that you get intimidated by cute girl BFs because the guys have too good fundamentals, or you become sad for some reason? Or is it that you feel like the cute girls are dating guys who have no fundamentals whatsoever, and don't deserve the girls?

Kevin, you're beautiful (no homo/slight homo). What I'm referencing here, brah, is the curse of self-improvement: I'm looking for/appreciating the vibe of successful guys wherever I go. You know how you go to the gym, see a guy with a great physique and go "I want that body" and you just know it must have taken an eternity and even then genetics is involved? Then you look in the mirror and target your flaws? It's like that - a necessary evil to become great.

I respect and give kudos to those dudes for their hard work. They usually have one or two features that I can't develop (phenotypic) and good fundamentals OR a peak combination of fundamentals that will require much more time to develop. I've never seen a guy with a girl it didn't look like he "deserved"...I don't think that way because if she's with him, then he must, right? Basically, Kev. I'm beginning to realize how much better I'll have to be in order to see results. So far, my best just isn't good enough. It's humbling.

In retrospect this post was a bit bitchy! Still I'll leave it as is. Other guys must be facing the same things. If you're new to game, just feel the pain and keep going. Feelings are temporary.

 

[Mr.Rob]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Az3u-YcBndE
You've probably seen it but always a good refresher... You're currently growing a large root system.
Also 6:02.

Confession: I want to quit. Bad.

If you quit I'm booking a plane ticket to your city, I'm going to find you, and beat you with a dirty dildo. Then were going to go out and meet girls via night street game and both get laid and then switch girls and get laid again... Don't kid yourself G_P this FR right here shows you have the POTENTIAL to fucking win at this shit. You clearly are attractive to women, you just have to keep ironing out the kinks.

It took Tyler 2 years before he got laid. It took Ryan Black (one of Sasha Daygames instructors) 3 years before he could get anything resembling consistent lays (he said he got lucky once or twice in those 3 years on a podcast with Sasha). Sasha, I don't have specifics on in time, but I know it took him like 2,000+ approaches before he got anything resembling a handle on this shit (and in my opinion he's still not super baller at pickup (though I like and respect him)).

This shit ain't easy. I still to this day go out and get rejected 20 times in one week and wonder if this shit is possible (and I've gotten 1.5 cold approach lays [I count the last girl as .5 since the only reason we didn't shag was because of her tightly held religious beliefs]). And then when I'm like "fuck this isn't going to work, I suck" I meet a girl that I can't pry off of me and is down to have sex on a beach with me (Not really but you get the picture).

-----------------------------------------------
Now onto the actual report.

Sounds like things went particularly smooth and she was interested and ATTRACTED TO YOU.

I think your texting lacked in the effort vs. return department.

Your first text back to her "xyz hey just got breakfast " or whatever it was really said "wow I'm so glad you actually texted me first. I'm going to try and keep the conversation going" rather than "oh yeah the girl I met yesterday... Sup girl?"

Yeah and then she said "Really wow "... gay she's now working less than you and you're working hard.

I honestly think that was where you fucked up... though I don't really think she would've tossed you to the sharks for that. I personally still think you can turn this around. Maybe grab your sack and make a phone call... just don't be over entertaining.

Lastly, do you meditate? I've found the better I get at meditation the more outcome independent I am and the more I can "fake" abundance which goes a really really long way in some of my interactions... and it makes me happy =)

Peace out mother fucker

-Rob

 

[Gentle_Phrases]

You've probably seen it but always a good refresher

First time seeing this - good share, Rob.

I'm going to find you, and beat you with a dirty dildo.

LAWL! Thanks for the motivation man. I want to but I can't. Once you've seen that matrix - there's no going back..

This shit ain't easy. I still to this day go out and get rejected 20 times in one week and wonder if this shit is possible (and I've gotten 1.5 cold approach lays [I count the last girl as .5 since the only reason we didn't shag was because of her tightly held religious beliefs]). And then when I'm like "fuck this isn't going to work, I suck" I meet a girl that I can't pry off of me and is down to have sex on a beach with me (Not really but you get the picture).

Yeah, for real! I feel you there - I know logically that it is possible. Emotionally, part of my brain doesn't "get" the picture.

Your first text back to her "xyz hey just got breakfast " or whatever it was really said "wow I'm so glad you actually texted me first. I'm going to try and keep the conversation going" rather than "oh yeah the girl I met yesterday... Sup girl?"

Yeah and then she said "Really wow "... gay she's now working less than you and you're working hard

True. I was surprised. Also the "really wow" response did blow me. Next time I'll try to be even more curt.

Maybe grab your sack and make a phone call... just don't be over entertaining.

You know what...maybe. Not anytime soon though.

Lastly, do you meditate? I've found the better I get at meditation the more outcome independent I am and the more I can "fake" abundance which goes a really really long way in some of my interactions... and it makes me happy =)

Yeah Rob I used to meditate. You're right about it feeling good! It got to the point where I was doing 2-3+ hours a day and even skipping class/socializing to do it, so I stopped. Maybe it's time to reintroduce it, though to a smaller degree

 

[Mr.Rob]

True. I was surprised. Also the "really wow" response did blow me. Next time I'll try to be even more curt.

Yeah I'm working on managing my emotions as well via text.

You know what...maybe. Not anytime soon though.

Why not?

It got to the point where I was doing 2-3+ hours a day and even skipping class/socializing to do it, so I stopped.

WTF that's a fucking long ass time to meditate per day Mr. Buddah. I usually go for 30 min. max. It also helps a lot while in set if I can become present to the moment and just let shit flow and have fun.

 

[ocantu1987]

Man I feel the same, I tried "moving fast" like chase says to and escalated on a first date with a girl, (she was enjoying it at the time) and the next day she had buyers remorse and kept making excuses on giving me a second date and never saw her again. pissed me off.

went out for some night game and got harsh rejections all night.

Did a few daygame approaches and noticed just about every girl was taken or married. .

 

[Smith]

Hey GP,

Confession: I want to quit. Bad.

I wont lie to you guys. This all feels so impossible sometimes.I look around and see couples holding hands and wonder - "do people actually date?" Like, how are babies born you guys. I'll overhear women on the subway talking about some guy that's a complete jerk, yet they're still infatuated with him and I'll wonder "how do I become that guy? What am I doing wrong here?" And you know how you occasionally see dudes with cute girlfriends? The first thing that I always do now is check out the guy, more so than the girl, just for comparison to myself. I swear, I'm like this now, half the time:

Image
*where's my blankie?*

Tell me you've had the same thoughts. Or have I finally lost it?

Haha same here. I was just having the same thoughts as well after having no results this week, not even a phone number although had some good conversations. Maybe it's because the exams are coming up and everyone's stressed. Sometimes it seems like I have gotten worst or something. But I'm gonna say from this FR that you're actually doing pretty well! (This report also reminds me of how I screwed up over text with a really cute chick that I was literally one text away to setting up a date lol should've jst kept it simple) But Keep it up man. If you give up now, wtf am I gonna do?

Also, just remembered something RSDTyler said, "you can never win the comparison game". There will always be people who are higher up than you, so no point comparing yourself to him.

-Smith

 

[Marty]

Hey Gentle Phrases,

I gave the following a little thought overnight:

Confession: I want to quit. Bad.

I wont lie to you guys. This all feels so impossible sometimes.

I mulled it over a bit, and here's what I came up with.

Instead of giving up, start again from the beginning.

This requires a little explanation.

Have you ever been in the situation where you're working on a desktop computer (without a battery backup, like a notebook) and you do maybe 20 minutes' work on a document or spreadsheet without saving, when there's a power surge and the lights go out momentarily?

It's annoying, to say the least, but you soon realize you have little choice other than to start again. So you do, and what you come to realize is that what took you 20 minutes last time round, only takes you perhaps 5 minutes this time. You're inevitably surprised. What happened? Did you just get more efficient?

I'm not sure of the answer, but I assume some pathways are formed in your mind, and you have the sequence of actions you just performed in short-term memory. So for each action you repeat, you know what's around the corner, and you spend less time contemplating and more time doing. All of a sudden you wonder why it took you so long the first time. Well, that's the answer... because your first time at anything is harder.

So what I do in these situations is pretend that I'm a complete novice, maybe take a week or two off, but set a restart date and then don't hold myself accountable for results expected of someone who's already made progress. Instead, I go into the approach as if it's my first, and am pleasantly surprised when it goes smoothly. Of course.

What you're actually doing is getting yourself back into the rhythm of the actions without putting pressure on yourself for the outcome. This seems to have the effect of getting yourself accustomed to the feeling of doing the process, without worrying too much about whether you're doing it right—excessive concern for mistakes can sabotage effective habit formation.

Another example: I grew up with parents from two different countries. However, as a small boy, because of the Iron Curtain being down (as I later learned), I picked up only a few basic phrases of my father's language such as "Good night", "Enjoy your meal", "I'm hungry" etc. When the Iron Curtain was removed I was 14 and assumed that I knew nothing of the language, and was very self-conscious about traveling to meet my relatives and having communication issues in the country. However, my father sent me on a summer-school course there, and I went into it with the mindset that I was a complete novice and would just see how I got along. Of course, the early exposure I'd had meant that I raced ahead of the other students. I kept it ticking over a little through high school, and when I went to live there for a year at the age of 19, I became totally fluent in a couple months, with many strangers assuming I'd grown up there.

Gentle Phrases, I've contemplated giving up this journey on several occasions. I started in May last year at a rather leisurely pace. Something went badly wrong in October, and I thought I was ready to quit. I'd never had such a bad month... from an average of 19 girls opened per month throughout July, August and September, I suddenly plunged to 8 in October. Eight! I just couldn't do it.

Then on the very first day of November I kissed a pretty redhead. She was the first new girl I'd kissed for 12 years, and she's 13 years younger than me. It blew my mind. Coincidentally, the first time I ever kissed a girl in my youth, ever, was also on November 1 (1995!), so the moment had a symbolic significance for me that supercharged my enthusiasm.

Ten days later, to my shock, I kissed another girl, and yet another followed at the beginning of December. But then with the Christmas and New Year period and so many people being away, I got into another rut (and was dejected by the disappearance of the last girl). My January was horrific: a lot of effort and very little result, girls literally hanging up when I called, that sort of thing. I was ready to quit again.

Then right at the beginning of February I had another success. Suddenly, everything seemed different. I realized how silly I'd been to get overly invested in the outcome, when what I'd really being doing was honing my skills in preparation for this win. (That girl is way off in the Rockies by the way, but any time I send her a text message, I get a response in seconds. I see the speech bubble appear instantly.)

You get the picture. To tell you the truth, I'm in another bad place at the moment, so I'm actually gearing up to put into practice exactly what I'm telling you. I had a couple enjoyable successes early in May and I'm rather upset they won't follow up. So: remind myself and you, start again as if from the beginning. It's always easier the second, third, or fourth time.

Hope this idea helps.

Separate issue:

I think you missed a beat here, although I'm sure I wouldn't have been so sure-footed either:

Her: "Wow, that's not good!"
Me: "Meh, he's safe and uses protection. I think it's fine. He's an adult so he might as well have his fun"

In my opinion, the following would have been better:

Her: "Wow, that's not good!"
Me: "Arranged marriages? No, they're not, I quite agree."

Rather than challenging the frame that "fun" is not good, interpreting her words to refer to the conservative background instead, implying you are not even able to see she might disapprove of the "plowing". Nicely handled afterward, though!

Your first text back to her "xyz hey just got breakfast " or whatever it was really said "wow I'm so glad you actually texted me first. I'm going to try and keep the conversation going" rather than "oh yeah the girl I met yesterday... Sup girl?"

Yeah and then she said "Really wow "... gay she's now working less than you and you're working hard.

I don't quite understand this, Rob. GP's response seemed okay to me, if someone could explain what I'm not seeing I'd appreciate it!

Oh and GP re your other thread... that cockblocking wing-guy: Dump him.

-Marty

 

[Gentle_Phrases]

Re: Rob

Gentle Phrases: You know what...maybe. Not any time soon though.

Why not?

Last time I waited for a long delayed response, the girl texted me six days later!

Re: Octanu

Man I feel the same, I tried "moving fast" like chase says to and escalated on a first date with a girl, (she was enjoying it at the time) and the next day she had buyers remorse and kept making excuses on giving me a second date and never saw her again. pissed me off.

went out for some night game and got harsh rejections all night.

Did a few daygame approaches and noticed just about every girl was taken or married. .

Lame, man. Yeah, this game stuff can get trying. Still, if you keep pushing there are some funny/impromptu events that will bless you with more patience for the grind!

Re: Smith

Also, just remembered something RSDTyler said, "you can never win the comparison game". There will always be people who are higher up than you, so no point comparing yourself to him.

Right - it's good for short term boosts in your motivation but drains your tank in the long run. I sort of lost sight of that - it's good to keep in mind.

same here. I was just having the same thoughts as well after having no results this week, not even a phone number although had some good conversations. But Keep it up man. If you give up now, wtf am I gonna do?

I think it's good for us to always be honest with each other and with new guys coming in. Like Chase said, "[paraphrased]Game is a ton of small losses followed by a HUGE win!"

Re: Marty

You get the picture. To tell you the truth, I'm in another bad place at the moment, so I'm actually gearing up to put into practice exactly what I'm telling you. I had a couple enjoyable successes early in May and I'm rather upset they won't follow up. So: remind myself and you, start again as if from the beginning. It's always easier the second, third, or fourth time.

Thank you Marty - I felt the love in that one . I went out last night and did exactly what you suggested. I ended up holding hands (first I've ever done that on cold approach...I think) with this chick after talking to her for just 2 or 3 minutes, walking her to her apartment, and then persisting in insistence for maybe 15 minutes to try and get her let me in in her apartment LOL. The last thing she said was "have fun on the street!" to which I replied "Heartbroken!" Hahaha. It was so much fun, you have no idea. Surprisingly, she was so casual with everything - probably because I had her laughing about it the entire time. At first I was like, "is she drunk?" so I asked her plus paid attention to her words/walking etc. She seemed sober.

*Note: the girl I approached before her wouldn't even acknowledge my existence. Such is game!

I had a couple enjoyable successes early in May and I'm rather upset they won't follow up.

So frustrating, right! I feel you. My new goal is persisting via phone/text. There are plenty of times when a girl either flakes or suddenly stops messaging me back (like this chick, who texted me first, wtf) but I always stop after the first time she cuts it off. Have you seen tangible results by reaching out to girls multiple times? I read this sales book and it said that the average number of times to get a "no" before "yes" is about five...

In my opinion, the following would have been better:
Gentle_Phrases wrote:

Her: "Wow, that's not good!"
Me: "Arranged marriages? No, they're not, I quite agree."

Rather than challenging the frame that "fun" is not good, interpreting her words to refer to the conservative background instead, implying you are not even able to see she might disapprove of the "plowing".

Whew, Eagle Eye on that one! Good point.

Oh and GP re your other thread... that cockblocking wing-guy: Dump him.

You might have a point here, Marty.. I'm reluctant to give up on him that fast just because I think he was in shock from his first ever street game/bitter because he had approach anxiety. He's super competitive and I can see how it would hurt his ego a bit for me to be pushing things in a way he thought was unbelievable. If he comes out again and doesn't shape up then I'll follow your advice and dump him.

I don't quite understand this, Rob. GP's response seemed okay to me, if someone could explain what I'm not seeing I'd appreciate it!

I believe Rob's point here was that I could have gone with an even more laconic response and leaned back since she was initiating contact.

 

[Mr.Rob]

I went out last night and did exactly what you suggested. I ended up holding hands (first I've ever done that on cold approach...I think) with this chick after talking to her for just 2 or 3 minutes, walking her to her apartment, and then persisting in insistence for maybe 15 minutes to try and get her let me in in her apartment LOL.

Dominance!
Progress!

I believe Rob's point here was that I could have gone with an even more laconic response and leaned back since she was initiating contact.

=)