State / Inner game

[Absolutely_Human]

(Not a native speaker, no GPT used) Hey everyone, 1st: thank you all for all the valuable info in this forum - 2nd: I'll try to keep it short

Me: 35 y/o average looking, started w/David D then MM, then RSD and random PUAs, now here... Trying to get away from indirect, too much BF/drama zone.

Two gfs (~4 years each), then random girls (~4 months each): one maybe two a year, which I mostly considered very cute and fun... Mainly via social circle but some not. I had long lapses of not going out at all (e.g. two years). I don't want a LTR.

• A few 'pros' of mine: Good fundamentals / No one-itis / Can talk forever (which can also be bad ofc)
• A few 'cons' of mine: Can't go out of my house to save my life / Cold approach drains my brain / 110% dependent on state (and I can go on on these)

I wanna conquer state, but maybe I should be independent from it? It's so f* difficult for me to go out... And "Just do it" does not seem to work TBH.

So, I want your opinion on being in state, the importance of it and maybe inner game... Or anything related to these topics.

TIA

 

[Arnav]

(Not a native speaker, no GPT used) Hey everyone, 1st: thank you all for all the valuable info in this forum - 2nd: I'll try to keep it short

Me: 35 y/o average looking, started w/David D then MM, then RSD and random PUAs, now here... Trying to get away from indirect, too much BF/drama zone.

Two gfs (~4 years each), then random girls (~4 months each): one maybe two a year, which I mostly considered very cute and fun... Mainly via social circle but some not. I had long lapses of not going out at all (e.g. two years). I don't want a LTR.

• A few 'pros' of mine: Good fundamentals / No one-itis / Can talk forever (which can also be bad ofc)
• A few 'cons' of mine: Can't go out of my house to save my life / Cold approach drains my brain / 110% dependent on state (and I can go on on these)

I wanna conquer state, but maybe I should be independent from it? It's so f* difficult for me to go out... And "Just do it" does not seem to work TBH.

So, I want your opinion on being in state, the importance of it and maybe inner game... Or anything related to these topics.

TIA

If by state you mean the motivation to go out and approach, for me it has always come down to having specific, attainable weekly targets.

These small goals provide psychological and emotional boosts that keep your motivation high.

To consistently go out and approach, there needs to be a sense of hope, possibility, and excitement — and those come from seeing continuous, visible progress and real improvement that you can feel.

One effective way to generate this feeling and maintain a state of high motivation is to set clear, achievable approach goals. Each week, analyze your interactions, identify what worked and what didn’t, and adjust your approach for the next session

For example in the begining I would have goals like have a weekly goal of having 2 min conversation, then another week hold the conversation for 10 mins. Or try screening and qualifying, try teasing 5 girls this week.
Every sucessfull attempt would give me a big emotional boost and I would feel the progress , making me excited for the week ahead and upcoming approaches.

You should also Write down your observations and doubts, look for relevant articles in the website , and work on resolving those doubts. As you develop a deeper conceptual understanding, you’ll feel yourself making progress — and you’ll approach your next outing with greater confidence, clarity, and excitement about the possibilities ahead.

 

[Spyce D]

Discipline over state.

I have been out of state for many months now and not just in hand but in life. But, if there is something that needs to be done then it must be done ( whether today or tomorrow).

Focus on building a discipline of approaching women... It's more grounded and won't vanish that easily like state.

And speaking of inner game. It's more related to your beliefs towards life and yourself so it's really helpful to focus on it. If your inner game is really solid, you will be able to do things easily and would face less internal conflict or hesitation or anxiety.

 

[Absolutely_Human]

If by state you mean the motivation to go out and approach, for me it has always come down to having specific, attainable weekly targets.

These small goals provide psychological and emotional boosts that keep your motivation high.

To consistently go out and approach, there needs to be a sense of hope, possibility, and excitement — and those come from seeing continuous, visible progress and real improvement that you can feel.

One effective way to generate this feeling and maintain a state of high motivation is to set clear, achievable approach goals. Each week, analyze your interactions, identify what worked and what didn’t, and adjust your approach for the next session

For example in the begining I would have goals like have a weekly goal of having 2 min conversation, then another week hold the conversation for 10 mins. Or try screening and qualifying, try teasing 5 girls this week.
Every sucessfull attempt would give me a big emotional boost and I would feel the progress , making me excited for the week ahead and upcoming approaches.

You should also Write down your observations and doubts, look for relevant articles in the website , and work on resolving those doubts. As you develop a deeper conceptual understanding, you’ll feel yourself making progress — and you’ll approach your next outing with greater confidence, clarity, and excitement about the possibilities ahead.

Hey Arnav, this totally makes sense.

It actually may work for me, I think I do need achievable goals... I bielieve I think too ahead, maybe I just need small achievable goals in order to see that continuous, visible progress as you say.

I'll definitely try this. I also think I need some emotional kick in the ass, it's like I have no motivation, maybe these small goals help in that regard.

BTW I have deleted all my social accounts some time ago, so at least I don't have that against me, it feels so freeing and a bit of a challenge (which I really like).

Discipline over state.

I have been out of state for many months now and not just in hand but in life. But, if there is something that needs to be done then it must be done ( whether today or tomorrow).

Focus on building a discipline of approaching women... It's more grounded and won't vanish that easily like state.

And speaking of inner game. It's more related to your beliefs towards life and yourself so it's really helpful to focus on it. If your inner game is really solid, you will be able to do things easily and would face less internal conflict or hesitation or anxiety.

Hi Spyce, yes, I hate the vanishing nature of state... I was wondering if there's anything to make it more solid, but discipline would be my best choice I think.

The thing is that it's so hard for me to start, like I need discipline but the problem I feel appears before I can even try anything.

I like your view on inner game, I'll do some research on it, it sounds that it may be really helpful.

Thanks both of you for the input!

 

[mirror]

I like your view on inner game, I'll do some research on it, it sounds that it may be really helpful.

So
In my eyes
Inner game is like a combi of.multiple things
- a mindset that has grit, worthwhile goals and realistic expectations as well as good, sustainable, ego attachments in it
- a way of life, in which there is room for sports, familial and friendship like connections, and mindfullness + a fulfilling job
- a combination of healthy scheduling and meeting basic bodily meets:
sleep, food, human contact, basic physical activity
- awareness of yourself and others. Not focusing on the differences, but the similarities. Not having needyness but finding balance in your own core. Bringing yourself to a state in which you are sending as well as receptive and capable of allowing things come to you and go. Mindfullness can help achieve this
- healthy knowledge and skills, morals, other kinds of good attitudes in life

 

[mirror]

Oh and last, but not least.
- A healthy inner dialogue, which requires some control as well as some freedom.
- You need to know what you truly believe and also what you need or want to believe and behave or work accordingly.
- It requires awareness of your own attitudes, thoughts, desires, assumptions as well as facts.
- It requires challenging and allowing others to challenge your assumptions
- reflection

 

[Absolutely_Human]

So
In my eyes
Inner game is like a combi of.multiple things
- a mindset that has grit, worthwhile goals and realistic expectations as well as good, sustainable, ego attachments in it
- a way of life, in which there is room for sports, familial and friendship like connections, and mindfullness + a fulfilling job
- a combination of healthy scheduling and meeting basic bodily meets:
sleep, food, human contact, basic physical activity
- awareness of yourself and others. Not focusing on the differences, but the similarities. Not having needyness but finding balance in your own core. Bringing yourself to a state in which you are sending as well as receptive and capable of allowing things come to you and go. Mindfullness can help achieve this
- healthy knowledge and skills, morals, other kinds of good attitudes in life

Hey Mirror, I really like your take on inner game, focusing on the internal but also on the projection into others, such as awareness of others. Regarding on things like finding similarities I think I'm on solid foundation, TBH I'm really good at socializing and bonding so I understand the importance of these quailities (socially and regarding your own mental health).

Oh and last, but not least.
- A healthy inner dialogue, which requires some control as well as some freedom.
- You need to know what you truly believe and also what you need or want to believe and behave or work accordingly.
- It requires awareness of your own attitudes, thoughts, desires, assumptions as well as facts.
- It requires challenging and allowing others to challenge your assumptions
- reflection

The inner dialogue point is smth I do have to work on, and also I really like your emphasis on challenging your assumptions.

Good compilation of values IMO, practically speaking I also apply a couple of philosophies in my life that help me focus such as minimalism, zen, expansive mentality and so on.

I think my main issue (but not the only one ofc) is an emotional one, but I may be barking up the wrong tree. I feel like no motivation (despite my neocortex understands what I should have to do), but definitely your inner game description serves as a substantial foundation.

Thanks for sharing, I'm keeping all views in mind, trying to get out a bit of my own understanding of things.

 

[mirror]

expansive mentality and so on.

Interesting! I dont recognize expansive mentality, do you feel like expanding on it?

I think my main issue (but not the only one ofc) is an emotional one, but I may be barking up the wrong tree. I feel like no motivation (despite my neocortex understands what I should have to do), but definitely your inner game description serves as a substantial foundation.

Okay so.. what i found the past 1-2 years, lack of motivation often comes from (emotional) depletion which can be physical basics related (e.g. low on energy from food (e.g. unhealthy food like processed food, not protein/fat rich meals but other meals, bad glucose uptake; lack of sleep; lack of exercise)
But they can also be emotional processing related. Meaning that there are emotions or worries you have that may not have been processed just yet.

Thanks for sharing, I'm keeping all views in mind, trying to get out a bit of my own understanding of things.

Very nice. Good luck!