- Joined
- Nov 11, 2019
- Messages
- 33
I've been coaching a number of guys and speaking to a handful of newer gents who constantly say things like
"But Colt...if I build any rapport (esp over text) with her whatsoever, I'll end up in the friend zone."
One thing that all men need to understand cognitively (and will come to understand experientially w/ enough practice) is that outside of women you are related to, all interactions with women are by default a sexual interaction until they are slotted into another category (colleague, gf, etc).
The second factor we all need to impress onto our brains is that women are masters of subtext.
So if you choose to ask a girl to spend one on one time with you, she is going to assume that you are interested in her (unless YOU state otherwise). And, if she's into it, she'll role with it (pun intended). [I once dated a girl by asking her to play backgammon with me. And every time she would head out to spend time with me, her roommate would say "oh...you gonna play backgammon with Colt again? Guess I'll see you tomorrow."]
If she's NOT into it, she will find a subtextual way to communicate that. Some examples:
1. She will start a text with "Hey Friend!....."
2. She will try to reroute you to a group outing "Yeah! A bunch of us are going out to do X...you should come!"
3. Coffee. "Sure! How bout we grab coffee! (Coffee is the antithesis of romance...unless you're outside of the US)"
So as long as you're focusing on trying to get her to see you again in-person, there's nothing wrong with a little rapport building. Ask about her day, make an inside joke, etc. Just don't let it carry on too long before you try to get her on a date. Rapport-building is essential to all human relationships. Also, you don't need to be overtly sexual if you haven't yet had a sexual encounter with her! This is a mistake too many newer guys make. They think, "Unless I make a remark about her playing with my pool cues, she's not going to get that I'm interested."
They get it, trust me ;-). If she doesn't try to re-route you to a "friend" activiti, and you stay friendly, confident and flirtatious, you won't end up in the friend zone. And in fact, you will be able to give her the ever-essential plausible deniability. "Oh...he just wants to get to know me!"
Yes. Yes you do.
"But Colt...if I build any rapport (esp over text) with her whatsoever, I'll end up in the friend zone."
One thing that all men need to understand cognitively (and will come to understand experientially w/ enough practice) is that outside of women you are related to, all interactions with women are by default a sexual interaction until they are slotted into another category (colleague, gf, etc).
The second factor we all need to impress onto our brains is that women are masters of subtext.
So if you choose to ask a girl to spend one on one time with you, she is going to assume that you are interested in her (unless YOU state otherwise). And, if she's into it, she'll role with it (pun intended). [I once dated a girl by asking her to play backgammon with me. And every time she would head out to spend time with me, her roommate would say "oh...you gonna play backgammon with Colt again? Guess I'll see you tomorrow."]
If she's NOT into it, she will find a subtextual way to communicate that. Some examples:
1. She will start a text with "Hey Friend!....."
2. She will try to reroute you to a group outing "Yeah! A bunch of us are going out to do X...you should come!"
3. Coffee. "Sure! How bout we grab coffee! (Coffee is the antithesis of romance...unless you're outside of the US)"
So as long as you're focusing on trying to get her to see you again in-person, there's nothing wrong with a little rapport building. Ask about her day, make an inside joke, etc. Just don't let it carry on too long before you try to get her on a date. Rapport-building is essential to all human relationships. Also, you don't need to be overtly sexual if you haven't yet had a sexual encounter with her! This is a mistake too many newer guys make. They think, "Unless I make a remark about her playing with my pool cues, she's not going to get that I'm interested."
They get it, trust me ;-). If she doesn't try to re-route you to a "friend" activiti, and you stay friendly, confident and flirtatious, you won't end up in the friend zone. And in fact, you will be able to give her the ever-essential plausible deniability. "Oh...he just wants to get to know me!"
Yes. Yes you do.