Surveying the Topography

[Conquistador]

Today I received an important replacement cable I had ordered from China. The tolerances were all wrong so it won’t seat. I got it working for exactly two seconds.

Quality matters. Lesson learned.

 

[Conquistador]

Gradually piecing together a plan to get across the finish line to independence. I think when I’ve mapped it all out I can get myself where I need to be.

In order to achieve my goals with business, travel, social life, sex life etc, I need to finish healing. Everything hinges on that breakthrough.

In general there have been lots of positive developments internally, and recently my parents made more tyrannical innovations not just on me but my sibs, but I still struggle to do emotionally difficult things. I understand the mechanics of this better than I did a year ago, but ultimately again it’s all about that breakthrough.

I’m really optimistic about the medium term even as I feel more dejected than ever in the moment a lot of the time. But I know I have buried resources and the ability to unlock them when I really need to.

 

[Conquistador]

Today was the single most productive day I’ve had since November 2024. Well, it’s a start.

It feels good to finally be back on track on the road to freedom and independence. I did an incredible amount of planning in 15-minute blocks throughout the day, surprising myself.
I’m in a really good place again. This time to stay, hopefully.

Meanwhile…

“When you see clips of masked DHS goons hauling off some equally masked anarchist, […] it will not harm the anarchist—it will make his day, his year, and maybe his life. […] In the end, as with many of the BLM rioters, he will probably be well compensated, with taxpayer funds, for his trouble. Not to mention all the pussy and/or dick s/he will, as a martyr, be entitled to! For the Islamist, this reward is only in heaven. But for the leftist it comes on earth.”
(Emphasis added)

—Curtis Yarvin

Does this even work?

 

[Conquistador]

Things came to a head with my parents unexpectedly last night. I’m not unwilling to reconcile with them, but my best bro helped me see the reality that this should be the end of the line. Fundamentally they won’t treat me as an adult and they are now offloading stress I did not cause onto me. So I need to find something.

Tonight I’m crashing again on his couch. About to try to find an airbnb/vrbo somewhere to points south for the rest of the week.

SD is still very much on. Swiffer is basically doing a second date to sleepover with the girl from last week. I fired off a pair of pings to the two girls I know there, and as for the rest I’ll figure it out.

 

[Conquistador]

What a day! So much growth.

Light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to healing and independence.

I learned some key things.

Hopefully tomorrow will be as productive and as exciting, but easier.

 

[Conquistador]

Woke up in my temporary digs after 7 hours on an empty stomach and four days of semen retention. My shoulders are sore, my awareness is still foggy, but I feel like I’ve got this.

I need to lose weight. The stress and the winter rhythms have really done a number on me. For now the main thing is to not worry about it.

 

[Conquistador]

A good day, though not as epic as yesterday.

A lot is still up in the air but I’ve gone from a place of “2 steps fwd 1 back” to “2 steps then 1 step then 2 steps”. Hopefully permanently.

I wish I could have become like this years ago. But Rome wasn’t built in a day, and let’s face it, even if I had been up to it then circumstances would be less favorable to awesomeness personally and professionally.

 

[Conquistador]

More productivity. Next steps are tense, however.

I’m in a good place despite the increased stress. It’s moments like these that make a man.

I will triumph. Providence, my friends, and all the older women behind desks who love me will help.

 

[Conquistador]

Today the real campaigning began!

I’m on track so far. Energy levels going up, stress levels going down. Tasks being checked off on time. That’s all that matters for now.

I haven’t yet looked into housing beyond setting a target move in date of March 1. But I’m getting other things done.

Something that isn’t a massively urgent priority but that does need my attention is fitness and diet. Soon I’ll be formulating more detailed medium-term goals. Then I’ll pursue them.

 

[Conquistador]

I’m in a hotel for the rest of the week. Cheaper than an airbnb, but no laundry, no backyard, etc.

I definitely feel less stre than ever. A bit less energized by the situation but that’s fine.

Had a nightmare last night about my parents being tyrannical and publicly humiliating me. Well, I’m already committed to independence anyway…

Still no progress on finding a permanent place. Will browse later.

No major progress on finances but stuff in the pipeline.

 

[Conquistador]

Today I made lots of progress in different areas.

In particular, I handled a stressful and awkward situation relatively more calmly and smoothly than I would have in the past.

I still really don’t like being othered. Particularly when someone else is simultaneously being welcoming. That phenomenon has actually occurred twice on this trip, once by Swiffer’s toxic fling, once because of her.

I’m increasingly a tiny bit anxious about the future (medium-term) outlook for my mental stability. Actually if anything I’ve been demonstrating vast growth and improved resilience and consistency, and I have no logical grounds to be concerned, but I’m anxious because I’m more alone and independent than ever despite being much more socially calibrated and vastly more empathetic than ever.

Maybe the point of this whole struggle is to demonstrate that I’m not teenage me and that I can do things right in a way I couldn’t then.

 

[Conquistador]

I heard recently that you should always apologize to your friends, because you care more about the relationship than about being right.

I now understand that better than ever. I’m doing my best. Friendship, like seduction, requires two.

 

[Conquistador]

My state/energy collapsed over the weekend, having been slipping since Wednesday. I’ve got the situation under control, but I need to take next steps.

I also need to be aware of my limits, which I pushed too hard last week.

I’m still confident in my ability to achieve my goals. But the struggle is real.

 

[Conquistador]

Been doing a lot of thinking…

My material situation is still, despite freedom from parents and having some logistics, the largest obstacle to fulfilling my ambitions with women.

Even more than any of the other issues I’ve identified recently, many of which are tied to it.

The main thing is to keep making progress.

 

[Conquistador]

Today I’m going to do the most ambitious thing I’ve ever done while emotionally stable. And as it turns out I’m going to do it on no sleep. Helps that I planned most of it earlier in the week.

After this, I should have what I need to destress properly and simultaneously work even harder on finding a permanent lease and a job.

The best part? It’s pretty bulletproof. The main failure modes all have a clear solution.

 

[Conquistador]

GLORIOUS SUCCESS

I write this from my new affordable quality stay in the middle of nowhere.

All objectives met or exceeded! Although it was completely solo in the end.

I even got a fair bit of social XP from various stuff that happened along the way.

The stage is hopefully set for me to move forward.