Surveying the Topography

[Conquistador]

No longer sick, just drained.

I need to pace myself physically until I’m back to my best self.

After that, I’m ready to do whatever it takes to secure my independence.

 

[Conquistador]

Currently processing deep lessons from recent experiences re:momentum, expectations, realism, etc.

Gotta do further work on breaking down goals into clear and bounded tasks.

Time management is also key. In the rest of 2026 time constraints (rather than stress) will probably be my main bottleneck to unrestricted growth, development, and expansion. Someday I’ll be able to offload and delegate tasks to hired assistants. Can’t yet lol (although I may soon be able to afford a full time virtual assistant in a developing country if I decide that’s worth it).

I’ve definitely gotten better at state management, in addition to being free of certain previous stressors. But sooner would be better than later in terms of a final setup.

 

[Conquistador]

Scrubbing a key campus event because priorities lol.

As far as next steps, I’m just gonna deal with accounts receivable to give myself breathing room, and then I’m gonna prioritize self-care for a week or two.

I feel like I have this. I’m not completely in control of the situation yet, but I’m making progress.

 

[Conquistador]

Things are improving. Not easy, but I’m in a good place overall and I feel ready to deal with everything at once…as soon as I’m not passing out at 5pm lol.

I don’t fully have everything mapped out, but I’m pretty close to that point.

 

[Jamster]

“When you see clips of masked DHS goons hauling off some equally masked anarchist, […] it will not harm the anarchist—it will make his day, his year, and maybe his life. […] In the end, as with many of the BLM rioters, he will probably be well compensated, with taxpayer funds, for his trouble. Not to mention all the pussy and/or dick s/he will, as a martyr, be entitled to! For the Islamist, this reward is only in heaven. But for the leftist it comes on earth.”
(Emphasis added)

—Curtis Yarvin

Does this even work?

To believe that would be delusional. No taxpayer funds outside of a public defender and maybe a jail cell. No particular sexual advantage. "If you go carrying pictures of Charman Mao; You ain't gonna make with anyone anyhow"

I can't attest to the hereafter, though.

 

[Conquistador]

Things are improving. Not easy, but I’m in a good place overall and I feel ready to deal with everything at once…as soon as I’m not passing out at 5pm lol.

I don’t fully have everything mapped out, but I’m pretty close to that point.

Yeah it’s going well.

Just gonna keep chugging along.

Things might take longer than expected to finish, but still got lots of margin.

I don’t know how much I’ll complete this week, but I’ll get plenty of subtasks done. All good

Now, on to internal stuff…

Winter is essentially over. I made it, with less wobbling than ever. Self-awareness works!!

My body comp has started improving again, if only due to living off crackers and stuff much of the time. And I should be able to get a disciplined and consistent fitness program going pretty soon, at least in terms of burning fat and fixing flexibility.

My best bro said something interesting last night about ambitions. He is interested in F you level wealth much more than anything else, perhaps because his dad is very well off but comically miserly. Me, I’m more interested in building stuff. And being loved.

 

[Conquistador]

I may be on the cusp of major personality shifts that I guess I’ve been building up to.

Or it might not be quite that drastic.

But the “something needs to change” which has been at critical mass for a while, now has a clear direction.

I’m going to just let go and see where life takes me.

I do need some discipline in terms of both work/goals and day to day consistency, but I’ve had it.

Yeah, I gotta change. And I will.

 

[Conquistador]

Making progress…but it ain’t easy.

I do like where I’m at overall.

I need to deal with my sleep/wake tho.

 

[Conquistador]

I underestimated how much work it’s gonna be to bootstrap the logistics of living in a permanent place

And I forgot résumés were a thing because I haven’t had to deal with them since high school

But I’m learning how to make it all work. It’ll be fine.

Ideally I’d get accepted to a job, get a lease, and only start work after moving in. This is probably possible with my first choice class of job which I’ll be actively pursuing as soon as I finish my résumé.

 

[Conquistador]

I’m focusing on being present and seeking what feels good…more accurately the lack of feeling stressed or pained.

ok so overall…

Steady progress continues. Moving to OC for a while because it strikes a balance between cheapness and location.

Considering a cabin stay in the mountains for a final place before target move in.

A lot of work remains on job search, but I’ve gotten myself in a much better state semi-permanently so I’m confident I can be done, or at least secured the job and the lease, by the end of April.

I hate being reliant on my parents for limited “rear area” logistical support. Not for much longer, I hope.

 

[Conquistador]

I’m not doing myself any favors by just continuing as I am.

So here’s my plan:

-Get in shape (fix lower body flexibility, build upper body strength)

-Spend much more time on job search (I have a specific niche I want to look into but if not, not)

-Work on being healthy and happy consistently.

Hard to believe it’s been only two months. It feels like two years.

I’ve grown a lot. Challenges remain.

But I really need to close out and secure my independence.

 

[Conquistador]

Everything is exploding around me and I’m just barely keeping my cool. Largely because I failed to plan something and took it as a constraint when technically I did have other options.

 

[Conquistador]

IG currently is a net drain. I can’t ax it entirely for practical reasons.

So I’m gonna try to do what I did with reddit successfully, and use it only thru the web interface.

 

[Conquistador]

Looking back at the past ten weeks, what strikes me is how natural each decision seemed at the time despite the lack of a sense of strategic urgency.

Honestly, in the medium term everything is fine. I’ve actually achieved what I to, which was practice adulting under more brutal constraints than I’m ever likely to face again.

So all I have to do really is get a job so I’m not burning savings, and then it’ll be, if not great, sustainable and a solid base from which to really start improving the situation.

Typing that out was very helpful.

Since I don’t want to pull out my laptop to edit my last entry in my other journal, I’ll say this:

I have a pretty good idea of how to be the kind of seducer (I dislike the term honestly) I want to become. Mindsets, habits, traits, everything.

What’s now missing is the basic setup that allows those things to happen.

Truth is, I’ve been in a very unpleasant place for nearly half my life. Getting not only out of there, but making up lost time, won’t happen instantly.

Eventually, I will be genuinely strong and confident all the time. Already, I have many attractive traits even on meh days.

It comes down to just sticking to the path.

 

[Kshatrap A.V.]

I have a pretty good idea of how to be the kind of seducer (I dislike the term honestly) I want to become. Mindsets, habits, traits, everything.

What’s now missing is the basic setup that allows those things to happen.

Truth is, I’ve been in a very unpleasant place for nearly half my life. Getting not only out of there, but making up lost time, won’t happen instantly.

Eventually, I will be genuinely strong and confident all the time. Already, I have many attractive traits even on meh days.

It comes down to just sticking to the path.

Can relate here a lot. Right now, at the age of 27 my life has finally began to sense.

I am so close to get a really high level job and I know how it is like to have lost time. I have lost plenty.

All I know that we will make a success of our respective lives.

Also, I am familiar with having everything but lacking the basic setup and the castle falls due to lack of basic setup.

 

[Conquistador]

I can’t yet cut contact with my parents for practical reasons, of course.

But my most recent conversation with my mother made me realize that I need to completely cut contact for months to years once I have fully disengaged from my parents logistically and moved all my stuff out.

I see no other option than to go very hardcore on this. I don’t mind talking to my father occasionally but my mother is incorrigible and impossible to communicate effectively with no matter what I do.

 

[OldGuy]

Your mother sounds worse than my mother. My mother only prohibited my dating women, so going away to college was enough (although I was 24 before I let my parents meet even a former girlfriend).

 

[Conquistador]

Your mother sounds worse than my mother. My mother only prohibited my dating women, so going away to college was enough (although I was 24 before I let my parents meet even a former girlfriend).

That’s not even the main thing I’m pissed about lol. But for sure living with my parents was holding me back with women even more than I realized.

 

[Kshatrap A.V.]

Your mother sounds worse than my mother. My mother only prohibited my dating women, so going away to college was enough (although I was 24 before I let my parents meet even a former girlfriend).

Can relate.

Rn, I am at a place with lot of local and israeli and Tibetan juicy tits and round booties but I can't approach them cuz I am with family.

 

[Kshatrap A.V.]

That’s not even the main thing I’m pissed about lol. But for sure living with my parents was holding me back with women even more than I realized.

Definitely.

I feel like my family somehow makes me feel less confident about laying women in pickup. They are more inclined about me marrying rather than talking to new women.