Surveying the Topography

[Conquistador]

A couple more days and I should be finally ready to rush the final stretch. After that, a new story begins.

I’ve been working on regaining self-discipline in general. I’ve made some progress, but I need to go much further to get to where I was at the start of this journal.

 

[Conquistador]

Uncertainty != risk. Trajectory looking good for now. Job search progressing as well.

 

[Conquistador]

I think I’ve found my footing. Much hard work still lies ahead but I have more room to maneuver and I’m never better in some ways.

Beginning to get noticeable benefits from several ongoing medium and long term efforts, such as with tolerating beer.

 

[Conquistador]

I need to reduce my remaining reliance on my parents asap. I wish I could just leave the country but that isn’t yet practical. I am however making progress getting my affairs in order, which means I could potentially travel more so long as the cost of the travel doesn’t exceed cost of living savings.

Job search making progress but I really didn’t understand how much work it is these days just to make a good résumé.

 

[Conquistador]

A very hard moment due to just-in-time logistics failing again. I’m spending the night in the hills because it’s better than the streets or borrowing more from my best friend. At least I have a bike and a water bottle and fully charged devices.

A couple k on the way hopefully tomorrow followed by another several in the next couple weeks. That should restore my reserves once I get a job. I’m assuming that will take a couple weeks of full focus but we’ll see.

Reflecting on things in a state of low horniness, I’m on balance glad I’m single right now. While it would be a great comfort to have a gf through all this it would also probably lock in the relationship solidly in a way I really don’t want (especially as I am emphatically not looking for a future wife rn unless she’s completely unbothered by one-sided exclusivity).

 

[Conquistador]

In periurban america, cougar finds YOU!! I didn’t see it but I heard it when I flashed a phone light into the bushes near my perfect and bike accessible off trail hollow. I left only when I heard an odd rattling from another direction.

 

[Conquistador]

Welp after that mistake I’m crashing outright with my best friend until I get paid which I really hope will be today.

I’m handling the unprecedented pressure way better than I expected. But this whole sequence feels like a defining moment not so much for me as for my relationship with my parents and various others.

 

[Conquistador]

So basically I’m winding up my previous part time contracting for the foreseeable future. Zero new earnings until I get a new job. Not ideal but it is what it is.

Just gonna stay the course.

 

[Conquistador]

Progress! My liquidity crunch is over. Now to get a job and stuff.

 

[OldGuy]

Good to hear that!

 

[Conquistador]

Over the weekend the toll of it all caught up with me. I should recover in a few more days. Checking out in 8 hours and hopefully the next place will be better. Also I need to just stop screens and junk food so I’m gonna do that.

 

[Conquistador]

I woke up after 12 hours of sleep, physically still drained but mentally refreshed. I’m gonna be productive with the rest of the day one way or another. It’s all gonna be good.

 

[Conquistador]

Things continue to improve, but I need to up the pace dramatically over May.

I’ve begun to confront the central problem of the past two years: a dearth of day to day meaning and satisfaction and healthy stimulation to drive the cycles of actually living independently. Happily, just fully mapping the issues and the underlying dynamics seems to be 3/4 of the solution.

There are a few other things that still need to be dealt with in parallel to resume/dmv/searching for openings:

-stress and physical health management + grooming improvements and ideally body comp improvements

-serious work on self-awareness in ways that have only become possible as I temporarily go no contact with my parents

-drastic and enduring slashes in screen usage. I can now see how unprepared I was to fit it into my life when I finally got a proper smartphone at the beginning if this journal. I’ve since become actually addicted. This must end.

So yeah that’s where I’m at.

 

[Conquistador]

Progress is accelerating! Hit a speedbump today but now that I have a somewhat more permanent place, as soon as I’ve wound up my logistical tail I will be ready to slay.

I’m gonna close out and balance the budget no problem. One way or another.

That said time management and mobility aren’t gonna solve themselves. So I’m committed to further progress.

Can’t wait to learn to drive tbh. Even if I can’t afford a car immediately.