The Elusive Non-Drinking College Student

ChandlerSanzone

Space Monkey
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Jul 28, 2017
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13
I am a sophomore in college currently, and I've never smoked, and never drank alcohol before. Ever. It used to be something I was proud of because I thought that if you did those things then you had your priorities out of wack and that you needed alcohol/weed to have fun or cope with your issues. I have social anxiety, and myriad other issues commonly associated with "nice guy syndrome." I've been approached by many guys in frats here saying that I should rush and join their frat, but I figured it'd be a total waste since I didn't drink or smoke. However, I feel like I'm not enjoying college at all. People say that college is the most fun 4 years of your life but I haven't had any fun here. I'm the stereotypical goodie-goodie who doesn't want to risk his future by doing stupid things and I tend to say "no" whenever I get invited to do something. My biggest worry is that if I try alcohol, I will get addicted to it because it will temporarily cure my social anxiety. I feel like I shouldn't have to drink to have fun and I should instead focus on "fixing" myself and my social anxiety. I've almost drank 3 times in the past month but I'm just so unsure about it. I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts regarding my situation. I want to drink because I'll finally be able to say what's on my mind without worrying about what other people think AND I think it'll help me stop being the uptight kid who never wants to do anything fun. I guess you could say alcohol scares me in a sense, but I hate living my life in fear.

Any advice/thoughts are thoroughly appreciated!
 

Mr.Rob

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Interesting question, and I commend the honest objective self assessment of yourself. Ultimately its up to you to decide what kind of experiences you want to accumulate for yourself.

I started drinking in high school and also engaging with hardcore drugs but like you I was always worried I'd become addicted and due to that fear I made sure I wouldn't make a habit of things and kept my substance abuse to a disciplined limit. I never became addicted to anything and ultimately decided to go back to being stone cold sober and working on my social anxiety and being productive to work towards the life I wanted.

Your right in knowing drugs/alcohol is not going to fix your social issues but your also right in knowing your an uptight goodie good haha. If you want to slacken up and try out drugs/alcohol and see what all the fuss is about go for it, you won't become addicted and ruin your life for trying it and you might just have fun. Its OK to have fun from time to time as long as your still working towards your goals in life.

What you will gain from drinking and going to parties is reference points of what the "college experience" is all about and what its like to be drunk which will allow you to relate to your peers better and then you can decide for yourself if thats something you want more/less of.

Ultimately though with regards to your social anxiety you need to tackle that head on or in tandem with expanding your life experiences. It'll be a hell of a journey but one that will change your life and give you freedom to choose the type of people you genuinely want in your life.

In short, go have your first beer you'll be fine and if you enjoy it then let yourself go out from time to time and enjoy life. If your not satisfied with your social/dating options commit yourself to improving that area of your life.

Lastly learn to relax and break a few rules every now and then ;) you'll thank me later.

Lmk if u have any questions/comments
 

ChandlerSanzone

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Jul 28, 2017
Messages
13
I had a buddy of mine buy me alcohol, but I haven't drank yet. I'm thinking about doing it next weekend, but I'm anxious about going to parties. I have connections to all the frats on campus and house parties off campus, but whenever I get invited, I always make up an excuse for why I can't go. I'm worried about not knowing how to act when I get there - I feel like my social anxiety is going to kick in and I'm just going to sit in the corner alone. I got invited to a concert earlier this week but I made up another excuse to not go. I said that "all concerts are is people screaming and jumping up and down for hours" even though I had no idea if this is true or not. I feel like I have absolutely NO idea how to act in any party situation and its prohibiting me from having any fun and feeling like a loser. I've made so many friends from playing basketball/meeting people in class, but I feel like it'd be awkward to hang out with them in a party setting. Any advice for what I'm experiencing? I feel like if I were able to have fun and actually enjoy my life then so many of my issues would begin to resolve themselves. Thanks in advance.
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
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Jul 24, 2015
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2,092
I was in a frat in college. One of the craziest and most high energy guys there was stone cold sober the entire 4 years he was there. It can be done. You don't need booze to be the life of the party. I saw it first hand.

39 reasons
 

Mr.Rob

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Jun 16, 2013
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Chandler,

The only way your going to overcome this is by actually doing it. You probably will be the awkward guy not knowing how to socialize in a party setting at first but the only way to be the cool guy loving life at the party is to actually go get the reference experiences. Ya you'll probably make some lame moves but you'll be learning and if you keep going and being awkward and observing how to interact and practicing how to interact 6 months from now you'll probably be pretty cool. A year from now people would never even know you used to be the shy naive teetotaler of your past self.

I'd highly recommend you set a rule for yourself that you accept every invitation you get to attend these types of social activities. You don't have to become an alcoholic but learning to socialize in all sorts of environments will pay off big dividends in your confidence, ability to make allies, and of course your sex life.

You just gotta force yourself out there, accept that your going to be a bit of an awkward unsexy dufous at first, and just work to keep experimenting and trying to learn the social game. Like I said you go do that 1-2 times a week for 6 months and you'll be a cool guy, you might even surprise yourself a lot of times if you have a like-able demeanor a lot of times people like the newbie guy to the party scene.

Cheers dude,
-Rob
 

Big Daddy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Jan 26, 2013
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709
I was exactly like you; I didn't drink because I was so afraid of losing control and jeopardizing my future or feeling like it was like "cheating" and I'd never actually fix my issues and be able to game sober, but let me tell you... start drinking was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life.

If you have this natural inclination to not drink like I had, you're probably not gonna be a heavy drinker. Don't worry. And even if you don't drink that much, you can still reap the benefits. Here are some that I can think of:

  • The "been there, done that" feeling that comes after you know what it's like to drink, just like having sex for the first time
  • It helps you frame any drinking situation with a girl as being extremely spontaneous and care-free, which helps tremendously during courtship
  • It's the most universal tool for socialization on the planet; if you're a drinker, you belong to the group which allows you to actually have fun
  • Plenty of excuses to be alone with a girl or share something with her, which in turn creates connection
  • It's fun to drink and get a little buzzed. Alcohol is a drug but not super powerful or addictive so you can definitively control it. Never in my entire life I had the urge to drink alone, for example

Ever since I started drinking, and not only people stopped asking me why I didn't drink (it's extremely annoying and it won't go away), unless you are an extremely edgy individual (e.g. the jacked, tattoed drummer) not drinking is only going to contribute to an image you want distance from: the boring, close-minded nice guy.

If a girl doesn't drink it probably won't matter that much to her, but there aren't many out there who don't drink. And I don't think I ever found a girl that didn't drink and I was dying to fuck her. They were never that interesting to me.

I just had a "date" this past weekend where I just went to some bar with a girl I knew and we just kept downing drinks... it's weird, it creates a bond. Loads of fun. Never in a million years it'd be remotely as fun if she was the only one drinking or if we didn't drink at all.

My suggestion, if you're gonna do this, is to not start with beer; it takes too long to get you tipsy and it's an acquired taste.
 

ChandlerSanzone

Space Monkey
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Jul 28, 2017
Messages
13
Thank you all so much for the advice and support!

Big Daddy said:
not drinking is only going to contribute to an image you want distance from: the boring, close-minded nice guy.

I never thought of that, but it makes perfect sense. People seem to write me off as someone who can't have fun when I tell them I don't drink. Thanks for sharing your experience!
 

Mr.Rob

Modern Human
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Jun 16, 2013
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1,902
I dont drink and fit in fine with ppl drinking/partying but only because I used to drink quite heavily in my former years. Big Daddy makes good points for you.
 
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