To all you scoundrels: do your girlfriends think you're the seducer, or that other women seduce you?

Chase

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I just had a discussion with @Hector Papi Castillo and we realized our women tend to think about our exploits with other women differently.

Women I date tend to see me as a very conscious seducer. They view me as a man who is able to go out and find a woman and get her. When there's talk with current girlfriends about other women I may have been with while also with those girlfriends, they will call me 'naughty' or 'bad boy' or things like that.

However, with Hector, it's totally different. Hector's current girlfriend basically puts no responsibility on him at all when it comes to 'Hector with another woman' scenarios. She's several times said "If I catch another girl with you I'll kill her!" To Hector's girlfriend, it almost seems to be that Hector is just some guy, and he is her (the girlfriend's) guy, and if some other girl gets him, it is because that girl is a scheming homewrecker, not because of anything Hector did.

Put another way:

  • My girlfriends view any Chase-other woman interaction as Chase having agency and women simply being the objects that Chase picks up

  • Hector's girlfriend views any Hector-other woman interaction as the women having agency and Hector simply being the object other women pick up

So now I'm wondering: is this because of differences in how Hector and I come across? Is it differences in our frames?

Or is this a difference in how different women think? Or cultural differences between women from different regions? Is it something where Eastern European women are more likely to view other women as scheming boyfriend thieves, while women from other parts of the world are more likely to view the man as the one pursuing and getting women?

We were talking about this and basically concluded "There's no way we can know what the cause is without more data points from different guys."

So I put it here for the boards to way in:

If you're a guy who isn't always the most monogamous sort, or even who is but whose woman thinks/worries he may not be, how do your women frame it:

Do they think you're the one with agency, that you are the seducer? Or do they think women are the ones with agency, and that you are merely the seduced?


I will also say here I have had women do a thing that I think is them attempting to discern how much agency I actually have.

I have had girlfriends try to gauge how much willpower I have, and whether I "could say no" to a woman if a woman came onto me and I was supposed to not go along with it. I once had a girlfriend get super seductive, to the extent that it freaked me out for a while at first (she'd never been that intense before), and when I ultimately shagged her she said, "See? I knew you could not resist." (I had no idea I was being tested for 'resistance', btw, so this test did not even make sense. I told her as much)

So it could just be a frame thing. I do usually frame myself as a very deliberate person, and if those tests by girlfriends are any indication, it could be they're just responding to my frame, while also testing to see whether I'm really in control of my actions or I'm just responding to whatever woman or not.

Anyway gents, I'd be very interested to hear your experiences.

Chase
 

DoWhatWorks

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It must be your different game styles and how you come across.

For me, I'm like Hector, girlfriends blame other girls for being "too forward" & stating they should "back off".

My style is social and happy go lucky so from the outset it almost looks like I get laid by accident as I'm barely sexual or aggressive. I just put calibrated feelers out there and see if the girl is into me enough to bite.

If I was more deliberate & cut out the fun "fluff" that I enjoy in seduction then yeah girls I date would probably see me as the seducer not the girl.

It's got to the point where my gf will get a little jealous from me getting a discount on trainers from a female assistant lol.

Either way girls (despite what mainstream media says!) love it when they know you have options - keeps attraction high for sure.
 

ZacAdam

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IMPT: No preview button.

@Chase

You do know that this is a huge ask right? :(

I don't think I am qualified to answer this but here's all the variables involved

- Chase/Hector value system similar to hers (How does he fit into my life scheme of things)
- How Chase/Hector appear to her tribe
- Her 'Phase of Individual'
- Her 'Phase of society' (Post modernism!)
- 4 types of girls, article (How does Chase/Hector 'linears' in her past state. Example: if she is used to being treated more aggressively when being punished, too much of a calm threshold is a little too far for her

Also example: Chase is truly neutral (I'm a chaotic positive?). Zac feel like sometimes this Chase guy needs a kick in the butt to be a little passionate for me. That's a selfish need for me. I'm excited for him but he's kinda too positive at the wrong time.)

- Limited life experience for challenging hierarchy, thus "weird" challenge and powergrab

- Religion (You will see this shit in Asia often) (Asking me about heaven, time, food, and so on)
- Culture (you will see this shit with Asian girls)(That's why Westerners plow thru Asians easy I guess :) until you marry them and become weird yourself.)

Anyway. I think I can dig more dirt from this brain but err I don't know.


z@c+
 

Fluxcapacitor

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@Chase dude! I've had both reactions from girls so I've always thought it was just different girls. Typically I find the more possessive girls blame the other girl, I find this is to protect their own frame that I'm not deliberately seducing other girls. If they're not that possessive or more understanding they frame it that I'm a "bad boy" and this is more a turn on for them that they're with a desirable sexy dude.

I've field tested both your styles and still use them, there's no correlation between how the girls react to each style for me. I've had both views for both styles and I've had girls change opinion over a period of time.

I've had girls go from thinking I'm a "bad boy" to blaming the other girls and from blaming the other girls to being turned on that I'm a "bad boy" they can't control. Usually I find the girls really wanting monogamy from me will (start to) blame the other girls to rationalise why they're accepting my behaviour.
 

ZacAdam

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If you're a guy who isn't always the most monogamous sort, or even who is but whose woman thinks/worries he may not be, how do your women frame it:

Do they think you're the one with agency, that you are the seducer? Or do they think women are the ones with agency, and that you are merely the seduced?

Weakness of Man That is Not Spoken.

I hope the media, or any bad person doesn't catch this information. I been thinking about this the past few weeks.

There seems to be this smokescreen state between men and women, that we are testing the waters. Simple way to look at this is how social circles are looking at each other and looking at the hierarchy when it is establishing.

Or when GC members find something is "off" when I do "psycho analysis" to find out someone's intention and pure essence of what happened in a post/event/experience.

Anyway, The news do this because they are trying to push the narrative. At it's individual, it's just selling an idea, following orders from the top hierarchy.

In normal human use, we all do this because it's unconscious and mankind can't grasp every info. Thus the 'many people' spamming.

Updated: Projecting a smokescreen state.

which is not always malicious. It has different causes but it is meant to find out things. Mainly related to Power, Roles and The Stadium.


z@c+
 
Last edited:

Chase

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@DoWhatWorks,

Interesting, yeah. If you're coming in with more of a "I'm just a force of nature / I just do what I do" frame I could definitely see that leading women to treat you as more a guy that women fight over and the winner gets him rather than a guy who goes out and claims women for himself.


@ZacAdam,

Noted on the preview button. I'll pass along to Haseeb.

Are you saying I'm not passionate enough for you? ;)


@Fluxcapacitor,

Oh, that's fascinating. So you've seen both.

Your theory is so long as a girl sees you as the rogue, she blames you for taking women.

Once she starts picturing you as her future monogamous beau, other women become the ones to blame for trying to steal you away.

Hmm, that's some real food for thought...


@PalmaSailor,

Close!

We're both Americans. But different lines of descent.

He's half European, half Andean. Whereas I'm all European... predominantly Northern European.

Could be different ethnic mixes influencing our seduction styles.

Chase
 

Rain

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I have had girlfriends try to gauge how much willpower I have, and whether I "could say no" to a woman if a woman came onto me and I was supposed to not go along with it. I once had a girlfriend get super seductive, to the extent that it freaked me out for a while at first (she'd never been that intense before), and when I ultimately shagged her she said, "See? I knew you could not resist." (I had no idea I was being tested for 'resistance', btw, so this test did not even make sense. I told her as much)
Hey Chase,
Do you mean, one of your previous girlfriends told you to resist her even though she is your current girlfriend, and then she got super seductive,as a test? I thought a better test would be for her to get one of her friends that you hadn't met or a random woman or promo woman etc to come onto you and see how you react.

I have had previous thoughts about 'testing' but kinda opposite genders, eg if a man got a girlfriend, get one of his friends that she had not met or a random guy or promo guy etc to try chatting her up and see if she resists. I don't know if that's a good idea though.
 

Chase

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No, she didn't even tell me to resist her.

She just started seducing me, then told me after it was proof that I couldn't resist a woman.

At which point I told her, "You have to tell me FIRST that I'm supposed to resist. Otherwise it doesn't tell you anything!"
 

Beck Bass

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I'm from Brazil, so no idea where that's between US and Eastern Europe, I would argue obviously girls here are more influenced by US media but tbh a lot of them look more like Eastern European women, from what I see (I live in the south of the country, not Rio or something like that, most women are European descent).

In my case, my main squeeze (we just split up as "boyfriend and girlfriend" as apparently we had different view of what a relationship meant) considers me a seducer, I guess, or at least some attractive guy that likes to meet new women and actively goes for it (though in her case, she did quite a bit of chasing). That said, she realizes there are many attractive girls in our city and that of course I don't have much control over wanting to bang other chicks. But when we talk about other women, she puts the blame on me, for the most part (as it should be, for the most part, in my opinion, since I'm the one that she expects things from).

Other girls I've been sleeping with treat me even more like a seducer/player/whatever, though they take responsability for attracting me. I think that overall right here I would say it's kinda balanced, like women recognize that both parties are responsible for "seducing" the other, though of course still is the male responsability to lead and move things forward.
 

ZacAdam

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But when we talk about other women, she puts the blame on me, for the most part (as it should be, for the most part, in my opinion, since I'm the one that she expects things from).
i'm not sure where all of us comes from. I might need to read Chase's post over and over again.

Are we analyzing from her tone?
Are we analyzing post sex?
Are we analyzing post drama?

and so on.

I'm convinced that most of us do forget and that we should not take women's words seriously. Also part of the female sex fitness strategies is to always hook you in. Similart to business, You don't make mass money by cold approach. You make mass money by appearing infront of people passively that they then consider to buy from you.

I firmly consider that her phase of individual, phase of society (We are now in post modernism), her past sequencing states and the current state (who she is virtue signalling to) plays a large major role.

We just happened to hear her words. which unfortunately is the cherry at the top of the cake. Not the whole cake.
z@c+
 

Will_V

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Interesting topic, I think it's a question of how you present yourself to her and the main events that she quantifies the relationship by.

My ex knew that I did things deliberately. I met her at a salsa club while travelling in Brazil and it's hard not to come across as the one who's in control when you're the foreigner from a first world country. I always presented myself to her as someone who could do anything I put my mind to, which is the main quality that shapes how I view myself. Over the years she referred to our relationship in ways that suggested that, at least early on, she was 'innocent' and I was the one who knew what I was doing (in an ambiguous way that wasn't clearly positive or negative, that I usually left at that).

But on the other hand, I like to present myself as 'irresistible' to girls, simply because it's a much more powerful image to have. I do try to be that - by focusing on having natural fundamentals and body language over deliberate techniques. And I also encouraged her to believe it, because I knew how to say it and when to bring it up in a way that's a bit exaggerated and funny but she still thought had an element of truth. So I'm not entirely sure how she did view me.

There was one time when a girl working at the gym went looking for a towel for me when my girlfriend was there, and mentioned that she had found me a 'really fluffy' one. That since became a sort of infamous event that was brought up sometimes, probably also because my ex knew I conversed with that girl regularly. But I couldn't quite tell if she thought the problem was me or the other girl - the girl's actions were the problem, and she would use some slightly colorful words to describe the girl, but clearly she 'blamed' me for it.

I do believe that in a relationship, its better for her to think you're largely the one that makes things happen or not, just because she's more likely to focus her emotions, positive or negative, on you rather than someone else. But in a seduction setting it seems the opposite is often better.
 

ZacAdam

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I do believe that in a relationship, its better for her to think you're largely the one that makes things happen or not, just because she's more likely to focus her emotions, positive or negative, on you rather than someone else. But in a seduction setting it seems the opposite is often better.
Great point.

Amazing points actually. However I like to think her past 'states' do matter, and so is her family and friends. In the West, you can get away with it. In Asia, you can. It's just culturally different to get away from her tribe.

Which is why we also see this random outburst appear here n there in relationships too. If you are in a social circle, she suddenly become hot n heavy for "no reason" or "angry" because of.

Anyway, fuck it.
 

Beck Bass

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However I like to think her past 'states' do matter, and so is her family and friends. In the West, you can get away with it. In Asia, you can. It's just culturally different to get away from her tribe.
Yeah, there's places here in Brazil that are a lot like America's "fuck my family" and other that are more like "my family is everything", Asian style, it even varies from girl to girl, tbh, conservative girls will always want to please their family with their decisions.
 

ZacAdam

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Yeah, there's places here in Brazil that are a lot like America's "fuck my family" and other that are more like "my family is everything", Asian style, it even varies from girl to girl, tbh, conservative girls will always want to please their family with their decisions.
Yeap.

There's a complete difference. In the West, you visit your parents like only Christmas, or whatever. In Asia, the dynamics change.

It can be 6 months, 3-4 months, maybe even once a month to weekly. Of course you can always say 'fuck this people'. But for females, it will affect them badly.

z@c+
 
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