I am not a complete beginner. I have done more than 200 approaches before I took a break. but they have been very inconsistent.
I had a mental breakdown and I was so sexually frustrated because I couldn't even close a girl that was actually interested in me. You can check out more about this girl in my journal. This has happened many times. I feel like I don't have a proper structure for what comes after opener to actually number closing the girl. My non verbals are good (I have the problem of talking too fast, but I slow it down consciously), fashion wise I am good. I am also very silly so my conversations are playful sometimes. I can open girls consistently but the problem resides in what happens after I open. Also whenever I ask for some level of compliance I always get resistance and I don't know how to deal with it. (example: asking for her number, signalling her to hold my hand before we walk, moving her etc)
200 approaches is a lot, so if you’re still consistently getting resistance on simple things like numbers, moving locations, holding hands etc, I would start looking on how you are transitioning.
I’m not really a mass approach guy. I’m pretty selective and mostly open girls I’m genuinely attracted to or find interesting, and if the interaction goes well I can nearly always close the contact info.
For me, closing contact info or suggesting a new location should feel almost casual, like its the obvious next step, not like making some huge move.
The way I think about it is basically doors. She already walked through the first door by staying in the conversation and investing. Then I get a good vibe going, make her laugh, let her invest a little, and when the interaction is at a good point or I’m about to leave, I open another door, and see if she goes through it.
Where I’m from Snapchat is normal, so I’ll usually just ask if she has snapchat (Everyone here does). For you that might be phone number, Instagram, whatever people actually use.
The key is making it relevant to the interaction. If you talked about something funny, a place, music, a pet, whatever, use that. “You have to send me that,” “I’ll send you the picture,” “remind me to show you X.” Then exchanging contact feels like continuation, not some random “can I get your number?” moment. (Personally ill often just ask something like "Do you have snap" but in my language and the way i say it, it sounds super casual and almost like i expect her to say yes, the reason i go so direct is because i know she most likely will give it to me)
Same with moving her somewhere else. Listen to what she’s saying and use it to bridge naturally. For example, if she’s talking about what she studies:
“Damn, that actually sounds kinda interesting. I wanna know how you even figured out you wanted to study that, but I could really use a coffee. Why don’t you join me?”
Now you’re not randomly trying to move her somewhere. You’re continuing the conversation somewhere else, so the transition feels natural.
If she hesitates or gives you a reason she can’t, don’t make it a thing. Just stay relaxed, something like “all good, I’ll see you around,” and keep the interaction normal. The last thing you want is to make the moment awkward just because she didn’t go along with the next step.
Snapchat/IG can also be lower friction than a phone number depending on your age/country. Personally I prefer Snap over Instagram because IG can turn into her judging your whole profile unless your profile is actually helping you.
Shoot me a DM if you want, I’d be happy to look at a couple actual examples and tell you where I think the resistance is coming from.
