When girls go cold on you

[HellAtlantic]

I find it very odd: I’m married but don’t wear a ring at work. In my work bldg are many different companies. I see the same ppl (girls/women) often over the past few yrs. I have noticed their IOIs and have had some open me, introduce themselves to me. I’m very friendly and always return a smile and chit chat with any girl who starts talking to me. However I just don’t think it’s a great idea to “do” anything more than friendly banter. I love the attention - who wouldn’t - but I don’t move it forward with anyone I have to see again/knows where i work. The problem is after a point these girls inevitably get the hint that I’m not going to move anything forward and it always seems they go cold. Eventually they don’t seem as excited to say “hi” and I’ve even caught a few of them rolling their eyes after saying hi. I get it, in their mind I’m seemingly available and yet I never escalated further. My problem is it’s obviously stupid to go out blurting “hi....btw I’m married” every time a girl smiles at me or shows interest. If I don’t plan on doing anything with these women I don’t feel the need to talk about my relationship status. But I also don’t like someone suddenly turning cold on me or essentially acting rude to me just cuz I didn’t ask them on a date. Since i didn’t approach them or start talking to them I don’t feel I mislead anyone. Btw all these girls that open me are seriously good looking (like 6s, 7s and every once in a while an 8) and I would love nothing more than to put my private parts into their private parts, it’s just not a good idea. I’m fine with this being an ego-boost type of thing.

My question is more or less - how do I interact with these girls who’ve gone cold. Ignore them? Give a very uninterested/forced hello and go about my business? Act as if nothing is wrong? It’s very hard to verbalize this situation I’m in. I just don’t know how to act with women who used to be very outwardly friendly to me (because they were seemingly attracted to me) and then gone cold but because of our frequent contact we bump into each other often. FYI these aren’t my coworkers, but they work in the same bldg campus I do so I definitely bump into them on a frequent occasion.

 

[Sprezzatura]

Well...I've been married for eight years myself and can relate. In my social circle and at work it was well known that I was in a relationship, yet girl would still flirt with me, and even ask me out etc. and eventually they would grow ice cold. Over time I realised that women don't think like men and being married and having kids is actually a turn on for most of them. They see you and you evoke certain feelings in them, regardless of your marital status and over time they go into auto-rejection. I also noticed that with me, the women that were offended the most, were the ones who were also married or in a committed relationship. Over time this has happened to me often enough that I adopted a different strategy.

I am a very friendly person and some women take my attention the wrong way. I am divorced now, yet have a new GF but my attitude to other women is similar to how I acted during my marriage. Whenever I meet some girl I know, I say hi, have a light chat, flirt and tease a little then I go about my day. Sometimes I chat a little more, somedays I just say hi and go on. I vary the time I interact with women regularly - sometimes I tell a story, a few jokes (often juicy stuff), leave open loops, do a little chase framing and always end on a high note and girls eat it up like candy. They relish the attention, the positive emotions and good vibes and most of them can't wait to see me again. Most of them still think I am married, yet they still wonder what if. I fuel their imagination and most of them still hope that something will happen. Despite my behaviour there are some girls that I cannot have a normal interaction with, most of them are Cluster B women, who change their opinion of me on a dime - hot and cold. Just because you are married, you shouldn't neglect your girl-geting skills. Me, I enjoy all the longing/lip/croch looks, the lip licking, the hair tossing, the back rubbing etc. I made the mystake of neglecting my social skills when I was married and it took me quite some time to get back on track after the divorce. It's like weight lifting - you get ripped or you get wrecked. So you better get lifting...

 

[HellAtlantic]

Thanks for your perspective!

Yes, that’s the term - auto-reject. And I get it, they think I’m available because by all appearances i am available. But since I don’t go past friendly banter and mild flirting they’re auto-rejecting. And I’m cool with that. But I guess I’m taken aback by the abrupt change in attitude. They still have to bump into me every so often. I guess I don’t know what my interaction should be with women who are auto-rejecting me. When I notice the change in attitude and I see them i still say hey what’s up and smile. I didn’t approach them they all approach me so I didn’t mislead or lead anyone on so I don’t have any need to feel weird.

Thanks for sharing bro!