You have to re-imagine yourself from time to time

DarkKnight

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Oct 18, 2018
Messages
1,576
I wanted to write this down as a reply to this post (https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/recovering-after-a-big-failure.24690/#post-133898) , but I felt this is important enough to warrant a new thread.

We can read from the OP that he made some pretty big mistakes and his ego has suffered for it, he doesn't feel congruent with being "alpha" knowing the things that happened in his recent past. Hell, I actually like him for trying to be congruent because I dislike people who have suffered defeats and still try to be pretend-alphas posturing left and right..

Dating.. is an ongoing armsrace... and while we are developing ourselves, chicks do the same. But what is even worse is that sometimes the field completely changes and everything you were used to has changed. I have been here more than once in my life, very comfortable with doing what I am used to (because it worked) and suddenly something blew up in my face... and when I analyzed what just happened I always discovered that something fundamental has changed in the game.. and to adapt to this I had to re-invent myself. I have perhaps changed myself 8-9 times... ofcourse I am still the same guy, but I recognized the need to adapt so I could turn the new situation to my favor. A lot of times when something goes wrong, it goes wrong for all the wrong reasons and a minor tweak brings you victory.

By now I have seen how girls have stayed the same because nature is doing its work (makes them viable to game), but also how they have changed a lot in rules they adhere to. I have seen how social rules have changed, I have seen how the internet changed chicks and then those horrible apps appeared, I have seen how girls became wretched versions of themselves wandering dating apps like attention seeking wraiths. Have seen a lot of things which was good turn ugly. And it was either close your eyes and do the same.. or change yourself and how you handle things.

@Skills was very right when he mentioned that all men suffer setbacks and regress into weak (or somewhat weaker) behavior.. and @Darius asks how he can re-frame himself as a strong man again.. and my answer ultimately is : you have to change yourself to the new situation, that is your ultimate re-frame. And when you have changed yourself you will not fall into the same behaviors which will make you congruent with yourself again. Build up a winning momentum from the changed you.
 
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Rakehell

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Mar 28, 2021
Messages
683
I agree,

new experiences affect our ego for better or for worse.

We age, we take losses, it’s inevitable. I think there is no such thing as a strong man who perceives themselves as strong because they are strong all the time.

Truthfully what we believe makes us strong is subjective and often fleeting. True strength to me is being able to acknowledge that we are not perfect. It’s being able to rebuild your kingdom after the hurricane.

The key is acknowledging you’ve regressed and figuring out how to adapt to your new situation.

It’s also acknowledging that nomatter what you believe yourself to be it cannot come without loss or mistakes.

Defeat is the most crushing when we believe we cannot be beaten. Mistakes sting the most when we believe we can make none.

An objectively great athlete in his or her sport would constantly be at a mental tug of war if they did not accept these things.

“No man is more unhappy than he who never faces adversity, For he is never able to prove himself” - Seneca
 
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