Zucchini's Daygame Journal

Zucchini

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Messages
28
I am Zucchini. As of this post, I am in my mid-twenties trying to learn to meet and date women I like. This journal is part of my personal learning strategy. I hope to use this as a place to reflect on my experiences and simplify my learning to deepen my understanding (using a similar strategy to the Feynman technique).

About Me
I'm a daytime, intellectual kind of guy. I come from an engineering background because I was good at logic in school, but I've always enjoyed creative pursuits too--writing, music, dance, visual art...all beautiful to me.

I don't much enjoy parties, nightclubs, drinking, or drugs. Too loud, too chaotic. In psychological terms, I am a "highly sensitive person" (HSP). It just means I'm a little more sensitive to details and easier to overwhelm than average. According to the research it's a genetic trait, so I just accept it and live my life appropriately.

Several years ago I found GC and started trying to meet girls. I spam approached, but my fundamentals weren't there and I got blown out over and over again. I felt it was because I wasn't good enough. Today, my fundamentals are the best they've ever been. I've worked hard. But the lingering whisper that I'm not good enough is still there. I want to overcome my fears and become a stronger man.

My Goals
As of today, I don't plan to be a master seducer. My goals in dating really boil down to two things:
  1. Develop the skill to meet, attract, date, and enter a relationship with women who meet my standards (smart, naturally beautiful, open-minded, hardworking, creative, sweet, loyal, and humorous).
  2. Enter a relationship with the confidence that I will be ok no matter what happens. If a relationship with one girl doesn't work out, I have the skill to meet another.
There are some auxiliary goals too (develop better social skills, become a more social guy, learn to connect and build relationships with people). For example, learning to deal with approach anxiety has offered valuable lessons in handling perfectionism and fear. That skill will help me for the rest of my life, not just when meeting women.

For my goals and disposition, daygame seemed most attractive. I'm not interested in nightlife or party girls, and social circle is somewhat unreliable for the quality of girl I am looking for.

Overall I'm interested in getting "good enough" at dating for now and then moving on to my next life goal. There are lots of things to do in life, and I want to die with no regrets.

My Plan
I have already been tackling this dating thing for a few weeks now. I am fortunate to already be working with one of the coaches at GC over the phone, but my coach won't always be with me. I also have plenty of learning and experimenting to do on my own.

Generically speaking, my current plan is something like this:
  1. Work with my coach. Follow his lead on what I should be focusing on and what I don't need to worry about.
  2. Observe and reflect on my actions after outings with this journal. Set a 15-minute time limit per post so I stay focused.
  3. Do some research on GC when encountering sticking points. Stay focused. Read 1-2 articles max. Watch a video or two. Apply.
  4. Work on my mental. Learn to be present in the moment. Accept that I am not perfect, but I don't need to be. Challenge my fears and insecurities one step at a time. Be nice to myself--dating is complex, and exposing myself to rejection is hard. Try meditation, therapy techniques, and reflecting on real life experiences.
  5. Have fun. I want to take this seriously, but at the same time, dating attractive women is fun. It should feel fun.
This is a flexible plan, and likely to evolve over time. That's okay. I just want to focus on the process, make progress, and let the results take care of themselves. One step at a time.
 

Zucchini

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Messages
28

06/06/22​

Goals for this week (06/06/22 - 06/12/22)​

1. Approach 5 girls I am genuinely interested in. No pressure to engage if they don't respond well, just focus on overcoming approach anxiety.

Outing​

Boba Shop
Today I went out to grab dinner at a trendy plaza. First I stopped at a local boba shop after seeing a cute girl sitting down alone. There were only a couple people inside. It was quiet, and she was seated facing outwards on a bench. She had this cute, dark blue top and black yoga pants, but was glued to her phone and wearing a mask.

I made my order, trying to see if she noticed or glanced at me. I've been on the lookout for approach invitations to identify receptive women, but no luck, I didn't see her look at me. That said, it might be because I wasn't paying close enough attention. Still, I was nervous. What would I say to her? I had no idea. Direct seemed a little too much, so I was leaning towards situational. I thought, okay, I can sit on the bench next to her and then open after a minute. But, I wondered, would that be too obvious? There were so many other places to sit. Would I seem like I was chasing her too much if I sat down right next to her?

I was stuck in my head, I knew. I kept racking my brain, eventually sitting down on a bench nearby hers. Then her order was called, and she walked up to the counter and out of the shop. I didn't follow. Damn. I screwed that up.

Reflecting back, I should've been more decisive. Sit down next to her. Wait a minute. Catch her attention somehow...how would I catch her attention? Wave? Then I'd just ask something like, "So what did you order today?" To be fair, she was wearing a mask and seemed very focused, which is a indication she might not want to talk. If I was better at reading signs, I might've accepted that. But I need the reference points. I should've tried and got rejected.

Grocery Store
Next I walked to the grocery store, drink in hand. I planned to get a couple of unsweetened but flavorful ice teas here. It's easier to cut back on liquid calories when you have zero calorie drinks with flavor. I saw a very cute girl with no mask in a white top with tight black pants tapering out like a boot cut across her white sneakers. Let's call her white-shoes.

We made eye contact and she jerked her head away immediately. I wasn't sure what that meant...disinterest maybe? She was shopping with her friend. I decided to leave her be for now. Later, I noticed those two girls push their shopping cart into the same aisle as me. I was looking at the bottom shelf and only saw out of the corner of my eye. White-shoes' friend pulled an item out of the shelf next to mine. I thought these events might have been a sign of interest, but I didn't know what to say. Do girls coordinate these things? Damn, now they've walked away.

I got my items and kept shopping. Walking down the aisles, I suddenly noticed a girl in a tight, tan-colored yoga outfit that showed off her butt. This was the moment--approach or not? I was nervous, but decided to walk down the aisle towards her. I think she noticed me approaching from her left. I passed her, then turned to arrive at her right side.

"Excuse me," I said. She seemed startled and stepped back, as if I had asked her to move. This happens a lot to me...is it my tone of voice when I say that? "I just thought you had a really cool outfit, and wanted to give you a compliment."

She thanked me, but seemed to feel a little awkward or nervous. I stepped a foot back and leaned back a little, thinking she wanted some comfortable distance. I followed up with, "What are you shopping for today?"

"Oh, just groceries," she said.

"Looking for some vinegar to spice up your meals?" I said, gesturing to the items she was looking at. "Or maybe making a salad vinegrette?"

She agreed, and it felt a little awkward. Her body was facing towards me, but she was moving away. About to walk away from me, maybe. "Well, it was nice talking to you," I said. She walked past me and said over her shoulder, "Thanks for the compliment."

Later, while checking out my groceries, I saw white-shoes again. She was standing outside with her friend, next to the big line of shopping carts usually in front of grocery stores. I got nervous again. This was my chance to approach her and say something. But what would I say? I built up my courage while paying for my groceries. I stepped out the door. Okay, this is the moment.

White-shoes and her friend were facing away from me, and their circle seemed closed off to approach. What angle could I come in from? I decided to approach from the side.

"Excuse me," I said, waving my hand to catch visual attention. White-shoes seemed startled and moved aside. This really does happen a lot...I should take a good look at my approach.

"I just thought you had a really nice outfit," I said, "The white top and white shoes, contrasting with the black pants...really cool."

She laughed a little awkwardly, saying she thought I wanted to access the shopping carts. "Oh no, I just wanted to give you a com...compliment," I said. I was very nervous. "Anyway, have a nice day."

Reflection​

I ejected very quickly out of the approaches I made, and I failed to approach a girl. I can do a better job of staying in set, refining my approach to be less startling, and missing out on less approaches.

Maybe I need to do a better job of pre-opening and use something less strong than a compliment. Or I can use a better direct opener, like "I just saw you over here, and thought you were really cute, so I wanted to come say hi." I went for a straight compliment to just spit something out of my mouth.

Still, despite my nerves, I approached 2 women I liked today. That's a win for me.

Regarding these field reports, this process takes way longer than I thought. I want to do a better job of giving details while being concise. I will keep working on my writing skills too.
 
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Zucchini

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Messages
28

06/11/22

Goals for this outing

1. Approach 1 girl with a direct opener. Indirect or a simple compliment is not so difficult after all my practice. But putting myself out there and saying I'm interested in a girl feels difficult.
2. Run up to and approach 1 moving girl. I have a lot of trouble with running up and approaching moving girls (as opposed to stationary girls). I wonder if she'll get scared of a guy running up to her. I wonder if I will look weird. I want to move past my fears.

Outing

Today I went to a popular shopping street. To my surprise, there was some sort of local vendors market in the street, meaning there were also a lot more attractive women than usual.

Warmup​

When I arrived, I first complimented a woman walking towards me wearing an excellent dress. "Amazing dress," I said with a smile as we approached. We walked past each other, both turning around, and stopped to chat for a second. She was very flattered, but I noticed up close she was older than my type, and she disengaged on her own. It was a good warmup.

Then I walked around for a bit, searching for approach invitations. I'm pretty sure I got a few. Two or three times, attractive women just happened to be walking towards me, and passing by close to my side. I'm a little on the blind side when it comes to reading signals, and maybe it was just a coincidence, but I've been told women are careful about who they position themselves by.

Still, I got overwhelmed. I didn't approach any girls for an hour. I just walked around, tried to read approach invitations, and doubted myself whenever I thought I saw one. I needed a mental reset, so I took a quick lunch break.

After lunch, I went out and tried looking for signals again. I didn't see many, but after some fruitless searching I sat down and noticed a woman in a colorful, attractive dress nearby. She was looking at a stall, and I thought to myself that it might be weird to give a direct opener out loud right in front of the vendor and other shoppers. I would wait a second until she was moving on then approach. Unfortunately for me, I kept missing the opportunity I wanted.

I was a disappointed in myself, then something interesting happened. I saw another guy start talking to her, and overhearing a little of their conversation, I thought he may have been complimenting her style. Was this a fellow cold approacher? In any case, this guy walked right up to the girl, right in front of the stall like I feared. They seemed to be having a nice chat.

This inspired me; here was a guy with the guts to walk up and talk to a girl. He didn't look super weird while doing it, and I don't think anybody else noticed. "Way to go, mystery man," I thought to myself, "I've got to follow your example."

Girl #1​

I walked off, searching for a suitable target. Then I saw one, an attractive woman with beautiful dyed silver hair, denim jacket, and tight yoga pants. I started following her, but started doubting myself. Does she know I'm following her? Does she think I'm a stalker? That thought discouraged me for a moment, so I broke off slightly to the side to keep following her less obviously. Eventually, she started crossing the street. I stopped. Could I really approach this girl?

I decided I could. I jogged towards her, trying to keep my pace casual. I walked up to her side. "Excuse me," I said, and she turned. I was breathing a little harder from the nerves and jogging. "I just saw you over there," I said, gesturing towards the street, "And I thought you had a really great style. Your hair is beautiful, the jacket and yoga pants are a really interesting combination, and...well, I wanted to come meet you. I'm Zucchini."

She was very flattered by the compliment, but then my mind was blank. What did I say next? I made some conversation, asking what she was up to and where she was going. She told me that she was on her way home, and I got stuck. Crap, I knew there were good conversational techniques here, I just was forgetting them all in the moment. So, I decided to try and go for the close.

"Well, I don't want to keep you for too long," I said, "But I would love to have a longer conversation with you. Would you like to grab a coffee sometime?"

"Um," she said, "Maybe not."

"Okay," I said with a smile. "Have a nice day."

Girl #2​

I then walked over to the nearby mall. On the way I saw mystery cold approacher was still talking with the girl he approached. Thanks for the inspiration, mystery man. Although I wanted to say hello, I wasn't sure when he would finish his set, so I decided to try my own approaches.

At the mall I noticed a cute girl, and thought we made eye contact. She walked past me, close by, and I turned around. There were a lot of people around. They would all see me if I ran up to her. I wasn't sure if I saw an approach invitation. But, I decided, I would try it anyway.

I jogged up to her side. "Excuse me!" I said, and she stopped. "I just saw you while you were walking by," I gestured behind me, "And I just thought you looked really cute, I love that necklace, and I wanted to come say hello. I'm Zucchini"

Like some previous girls, she was very flattered by the compliment. "Thank you, but I have a boyfriend," she told me.

"No problem," I said. "Have a nice day!"

Girl #3​

At the mall, I saw a woman in a beautiful white dress walking far down the mall. I willed my feet to walk towards her quickly, following her for awhile. I felt a little weird about it. Was this a stalker-ish thing to do?

I ended up walking closer behind her, but she was in a narrow walkway with lots of people. It seemed like a non-discreet place to approach with tons of people around, forced to notice my approach because we would be blocking their way. I decided to wait until she entered the more open space up ahead past the walkway, and jogged up to her once she was there.

"Excuse me," I said, and she turned to me. "Hi. I just saw you back there and thought you had an amazing dress, so I wanted to come meet you. I'm Zucchini."

She was very flattered by the compliment. I was noticing a pattern here...anyways, my mind blanked out again after that. I started asking her what she was up too, and she told me she was on her way out.

"Are you in a rush?" I asked.

She considered it. "Um, yeah a little bit."

"Okay," I said. "I'll walk with you a little ways. Come on."

I wanted to close quickly, since I was blanking out on conversation. So I tried using the false time constraint technique my coach had mentioned to me. "I was on my way out too," I said, fishing for something, anything, to say. "I had an engagement at 3:30...I think that's soon. Anyway, I just saw you on my way and figured why not say hello."

Later I learned I had approached her at 3:40. Oops, guess I was late to my fake engagement.

We walked a little ways, and I asked her if she came shopping often. "What do you think?" she asked, with a little snarkiness.

"Well," I said, and we both stopped. "You seem very stylish. So I would guess you find it important to keep your wardrobe up to date."

She seemed to agree with that. "Where are you heading?" I asked.

"I'm heading that way," she said, gesturing towards an exit opposite the way I wanted to go. I nodded.

"Well, it was nice chatting with you. I'd love to have a longer conversation with you when you're no longer in a rush. Would you like to grab a coffee sometime?"

"Oh, actually, I'm dating someone," she said.

"No problem," I replied, but she seemed a little confused by my meaning.

"I mean I have a boyfriend," she continued.

I smiled. "Okay, no problem," I said, turning to leave. However I noticed her body language was still pointed towards me and she wasn't moving yet. So I continued with an awkward, drawn out goodbye. I'm not entirely sure what I said...I think I said I genuinely did like her style, and she said I looked great too. Anyway, I departed with another rejection under my belt.

Girls #4 & #5​

I approached two more girls this outing, but it went much less well. The first I jogged up to, but she seemed confused when I said excuse me and kept walking. I briefly got her attention and said I liked her tattoos. Although she thanked me, she kept walking. I think I messed up this approach.

The next I saw while walking towards the parking lot. I thought she had glanced at me while walking in my direction. Then she stopped and turned around, away from me. Was she giving me an opportunity to approach? But then why did she turn around to face away from me? I jogged up and said excuse me, but she seemed startled and confused that I was talking to her.

"I just really like your outfit," I said, noticing that a guy was now standing beside her. Ah, she was waiting for someone. She thanked me in a hesitant, confused way. I bid her goodbye and walked off.

For these two girls I was a bit thrown off during my approach. However I did jog up to them and talk to them, which was a win according to my goals.

Reflection​

Overall I had a great success on this outing. But despite that, while sitting in my car, I felt like a deflated balloon. It felt discouraging to get rejected. I started wondering where I could do better and get better results. Were my fundamentals off? Was I coming off as unattractive? My openers definitely could use some polishing, and I definitely needed to refresh my conversational skills. I couldn't help but think of all the negatives and criticisms, and felt down about myself because of it.

Still, I did achieve my goals for the day. I had made huge progress compared to yesterday. But even so...it didn't feel like much of an achievement without any results. I decided to go home, take a break, and recover. And treat myself to something tasty for doing a good job.
 
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Zucchini

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Messages
28

06/14/22​

Goals for this outing​

1. Shop for dinner, walk around, and look out for pretty girls.

Outing​

Today I went out for dinner at a popular local intersection. I wanted to also get some steps in for the day, so I decided to walk around and browse the stores in the area before getting food. I saw a few attractive women, but they were usually in pairs with another girl. I had not yet done a group approach nor did I feel confident in those situations. My coach recommended I focus on approaching women by themselves before I worried too much about group approaches.

I ended up at a home goods store, looking for some new shower curtains, when I saw a cute girl by herself.

She was in an aisle, looking at a shelf, when I walked past. I stopped at the aisle next door, realizing that I had seen an attractive woman, and debated with myself on how to approach. I wasn't warmed up, and hadn't really been talking to anyone. The idea of walking over and talking to her felt like a tremendous obstacle.

I noticed she walked out of the aisle, into the area I was in. She walked slowly down the aisle in the opposite direction from me. Was that an approach invitation? I wasn't certain, but I decided to move my feet in her direction. I looked at the shelf while walking towards her, pretending to be looking at the items. Then she turned into another aisle.

I stared at her back. It was a narrow aisle and approaching from the side seemed difficult. I decided to use the back approach.

"Excuse me," I said weakly, full of nerves, from behind her. She didn't appear to notice, so I repeated myself more loudly. That time she noticed.

"Hi, I know this is a bit random. I just saw you," I said, gesturing vaguely behind me, "And I thought you were cute, so I wanted to come say hello. I'm Zucchini."

"Hi," she responded, looking pleasantly surprised. She introduced herself. My recollection of the conversation is a little fuzzy, but I'll try to detail it.

"So what are you up to? Just shopping around for..." I said, waving towards some nearby items.

"Just shopping for home goods," she said.

"Doing some interior decorating?" I asked.

She mentioned she was moving to a new place and was shopping for furniture. I was struggling to find a good conversational topic, but I knew I had to start with just spitting words out of my mouth. So I decided a boring conversation was fine, so long as I kept talking.

"Ah, are you moving into a new apartment?" I speculated.

"No, we're moving into a condo," she said. I wondered if she was hinting at something.

"You and your family?"

"Me and my fiance," she said. Ah, I understood now.

We talked a little more about how difficult it was to find housing in our area, and how getting a home here was a great achievement. Then I decided it was time to leave.

"Anyway, it was nice talking to you," I said with a smile.

She expressed a similar sentiment, and also told me where the shower curtains I was looking for were. I thanked her and continued shopping.

Reflection​

Girls approached with a direct daygame opener this week: 4/5. I have technically done more approaches than this but I'm focusing on nailing the whole "Excuse me, I just saw you over there..." song and dance.

I felt that I could've been more confident in my approach, and I could've taken action more decisively instead of dawdling around.

I also noticed that I wasn't in very close proximity to her. I could've touched her shoulder if I fully extended my arm, but I think I could be a little closer next time. It was probably fine to open from a polite distance since it was from the back, but I should've used our handshake as an opportunity to get closer. I also used a polite business handshake, but I should try holding her hand for longer.

I didn't pay attention to my eye contact, so I don't know if it was weak or strong, but I could pay more attention to it next time. I could also speak louder by focusing on my breathing before my approach.

Today I learned that women won't always tell me straight away that they are taken even if I do a direct approach. I had thought the intent would be expressed very clearly, but maybe being approached during the day throws women off too much.

Despite several areas of improvement, I had actually approached this girl. Although I hesitated, three weeks ago I would've been too petrified to approach. Clearly I am making some progress, so even though it didn't work out, I will celebrate this small win.
 
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Zucchini

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Messages
28

06/15/22

Goals for this outing​

1. Shop for a suit, get lunch, and look out for pretty girls.

Outing

Today I needed to shop for a suit. I was recently informed my cousin's wedding was in a few weeks, so I needed to get fitted soon. I went to a popular luxury shopping street, deciding I would pick up lunch while I was there and try to approach one pretty girl.

Girl #1

I saw a promising target while driving towards the parking garage: a cute girl in tight workout clothes, working on a table outside with her laptop. She also wasn't wearing a mask. I had observed over my last few outings that women with masks were usually less receptive to socializing.

After parking, I practiced staying calm and planned my approach in my head. I would walk by, notice her, stop, then walk over and approach. In a few moments, I saw her still there. I executed my plan, although it felt more clumsy than I imagined.

"Excuse me," I said. She didn't react, still looking at her laptop, her hair covering her eyes. That threw me for a loop...either she disliked me so much she was pretending I didn't exist, or she didn't realize I was talking to her. I stepped closer, waving my hand to try and catch her attention, and repeating myself louder.

After a tense moment, she turned to look at me, pulling out her earphones. Ah, she must've just been distracted...that was a relief.

"Hi," I said, smiling. "I just saw you over here, and I thought you were cute, so I wanted to come say hello."

"Oh my god!" she said, pleasantly surprised. "You're so sweet."

"What are you up to right now?"

"Oh, I'm actually in a work meeting," she said, gesturing towards her computer. I saw she was on a conference call.

"Ah, maybe this is a bad time," I said. She offered to chat after, but I didn't have a lot of time to wait around since I had to get back to work. I told her that I had to run and go suit shopping, but I would come say hello if she was still here when I got back.

We exchanged names, since I forgot to introduce myself earlier, and I walked off. When I finished my business and returned, she was no longer there.

Thinking back on this, I could've tried to go for a close. I was thrown off during the initial approach, and also realized she wasn't as cute as I had thought once I approached. Still, it would be good practice to go for the close during these time constrained approaches.

Girl #2

Later, while walking, I saw a woman in a cute dress walking down the street. She wasn't wearing a mask, which was a good sign for me. I followed her, jogging most of the way, before slowing to a walk once I got within earshot. I was still worried about freaking a girl out with heavy thunks on the concrete while running up to her, so I hesitated.

Then she started crossing the street, towards the parking lot. I had to make a decision quick, so I decided to lightly jog the rest of the way.

"Excuse me," I said weakly. My voice felt tight.

She turned, pointing her ear towards me. It seemed she had a hard time hearing me.

"I just saw you," I said, willing my voice to spit out the words, "And I thought you had a great outfit, so I wanted to come give you a compliment."

She smiled and thanked me but quickly turned away, continuing to walk. I guessed that meant she was flattered but not interested, so I left her alone.

Reflection

Girls approached with a direct daygame opener this week: 6/5.

I noticed I am hesitant to approach girls wearing masks, even if I find them otherwise attractive. It might really be a sign she isn't open to meeting people. But if I'm unlikely to ever see this girl again and I find her attractive, I probably should still shoot my shot.

I have also noticed a reluctance to approach girls who I found kind of cute but not super attractive. Sometimes I would notice possible approach invitations from these girls, or would start walking towards them and stop once I caught a glimpse of their face. I don't think I should approach women who I find completely unattractive. But I also think I could reevaluate my standards, especially as a beginner. Am I really not willing to even practice with these girls? Or is this my mind finding reasons to not approach?

I also could work on calming my voice. In these last couple approaches my voice wasn't very loud, mostly because of nerves. Next time I can take a deep breath into my diaphragm before speaking to improve the odds my voice will sound confident.

I failed to pay attention to my eye contact again. I was distracted by nerves and external stimulae. Next time I could remind myself to focus on my eye contact before approaching.

 

Zucchini

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Messages
28

06/16/22

Goals for this outing​

1. Work out, grab dinner, and look out for pretty girls.

Outing

Today I went out to a nearby park to do a workout. Afterwards I planned to walk to a restaurant, grab dinner, and then head home.

While at the park, I noticed a couple of attractive women, but failed to capitalize on opportunity. I remember seeing a potentially cute girl walk past on the sidewalk across the street. I was slow, occupied with my own things, and before I knew it she was far down the street. I considered running all the way over there to talk to her, but ultimately failed to make the decision. I wasn't decisive enough. If I wanted to approach, I should've done it immediately.

There were a few other times where I failed to approach a girl. Despite my efforts, I was still paralyzed by approach anxiety and inertia. I felt a little disappointed in myself. Was I a failure of a man, if I couldn't consistently approach attractive women? It felt like I needed to always be "on", always ready to approach.

Eventually I finished dinner and walked back to the park, not approaching any girls along the way.

Girl #1

Still ruminating on my thoughts, I returned to the park and found there were more attractive women than before. It was about 5:30 PM, when women should be coming home from work. I walked around, deciding to get some steps in. I saw a couple of girls along the way. One was playing with her dog, who was playing with another guy's dog. I worried that they were together and failed to approach.

After a minute, I saw a woman in a cute summer dress. She was walking along the sidewalk away from me. I decided to speed up to hopefully catch her. Then I noticed her turning. She was taking a circular path, probably to finish her lap around the block. The path she was taking would lead her straight towards me, although there were also other people in the way.

I slowed down, allowing the other people to gain some distance so we could have a small bit of privacy when I approached. I stared off, unfocused, towards a nearby treeline. I planned my approach. I would pretend to be occupied with my thoughts, "notice" the girl when she walked towards me, and then approach. It almost failed; she walked right past me. I turned, watching her back recede away. I took a deep breath.

Despite my nerves, I jogged towards her. I was worried about the thunks of my boots into the concrete scaring her, but continued to proceed. "Excuse me," I said, once I had reached her side. She turned towards me and we stopped.

"Hi, I just saw you walk past," I said, gesturing backwards. I made sure to give her strong eye contact when I delivered the compliment. "And I thought you were cute, so I wanted to come say hi."

She seemed surprised, and had some sort of awkward or nervous reaction. I didn't know exactly how to interpret it.

I accidentally cut her off as she was about to speak up about something. "What's your name?"

She introduced herself. "I'm Zucchini," I said, shaking her hand.

"I've got to go," she said.

"No worries," I said with a smile. She walked off.

Girl #2

I continued to take a walk through the park, eventually spotting a cute girl across the street. She was struggling to tame her excited dog. I took a slightly more indirect approach here, pretending to not notice her because I was looking for cars as I crossed the street. I "coincidentally" walked right over to her, at which point her dog started excitedly turning its attention to me.

"Hello," I said to her dog with a smile. Then I looked up, pretending to just notice the girl. I chatted with her a bit and played with her dog. I don't remember the conversation too well; just that the dog was very happy to meet me and practically jumping on top of me.

"What's your name?" I asked after a little chitchat. We introduced names, and talked a little bit more. Honestly, her dog was fun but very distracting. I could hardly focus on talking to her because I had to carefully parry the dog's hug attacks.

"Well, it was nice talking to you. Hope your dog doesn't cause too much trouble for you," I said after a little more conversation. She had told me her dog was very excited about people and she struggled to keep him calm. Up close, she wasn't as cute as I had thought, and I didn't feel particularly attracted. I also hadn't really expressed my interest in her, so I didn't know how to transition to a close.

Reflection

Girls approached with a direct daygame opener this week: 7/5.

I could be a lot more decisive about my approaches. Especially at the beginning of an outing, when I am not warmed up, and I could really use the momentum given by the first warmup approach.

I can also make quicker decisions on whether or not to approach a girl instead of hesitating and dawdling around. To do this, I could lower my standards for an approach: I just have to awkwardly walk up to a girl and say anything, even ask the time. I should be able to do that no matter how socially cold I'm feeling.

I could brush up on indirect approaches and practice them. Although I like the direct approach, knowing the ideas behind an indirect approach will also be helpful.
 

Zucchini

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Messages
28

06/17/22

Goals for this outing​

1. Continue suit shopping and look out for pretty girls

Outing

Today I went back to the luxury shopping street to continue suit shopping since I didn't finish the day before. I actually found an excellent menswear boutique by accident, simply by walking into a random store. The tailor impressed me with how quickly he sized up my measurements, and he provided lots of solid recommendations. The price tag was nothing to sneeze at, but still within my budget, so I happily made my investment.

While there, I approached two girls. There were other attractive girls, but I found reasons not to approach them. I'll be keeping my descriptions short today.

Girl #1​

While walking in to the street, I saw a woman relaxing on a chair with some shopping bags. I walked towards her, not looking directly at her, and stopped once in front of her. I gave her my standard compliment open, and we talked briefly. I noticed she was giving me short and vague responses, so I started talking about how I was shopping for a suit today. It felt like she wasn't very interested, but I went for the close anyway and asked if she wanted to grab a coffee sometime. She said, "No, it's okay," so I bid her farewell.

Girl #2​

Later, while walking down the street, I thought I saw an attractive woman coming towards me. As we passed by, I thought I saw her glance at me out of my peripheral vision, so I took that as an approach invitation. I turned around and jogged to her side, then gave my standard compliment open from the side. We talked briefly about fashion, although I noticed I didn't find her as attractive up close.

On a high note, she said I had great fashion, which is a nice bit of feedback on my fundamentals. This is the second time a girl I approached has said I look stylish, so I'm feeling more confident in my style.

I eventually told her I was in a rush, so we said our farewell. I could have tried to go for the close, but I didn't feel genuinely interested in her, and my coach recommended I focus on girls I actually like.

Reflection​

Girls approached with a direct daygame opener this week: 9/5.

I've noticed that I take approaches much less seriously now. It takes a lot less mental effort to convince myself to approach a girl, and I've been rejected so many times that it's not really a big deal. This is an interesting mindset shift.

That said, I still find excuses not to approach girls. I think things like "She's so far away!" and "I'm tired and don't want to put in the effort." These might be true, but I never know when I'll meet a girl I click with. Not to mention I need all the practice I can get as a beginner. I would like to find ways to approach girls no matter how I'm feeling.

Usually habits are created by a simple formula: trigger + behavior + reward. The trigger is seeing a attractive woman. The behavior is approaching her. I wonder what I can use as a reward? Obviously a great interaction or date is one type of reward, but I could also think about something I can provide myself when girls reject me. I'll need to think about this.
 

Zucchini

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Messages
28

06/19/22​

Goals for this outing​

1. Scout a new venue

Outing​

Today I visited a new venue, a pan-asian outdoor shopping mall. To my surprise, it was absolutely packed around noon, however there weren't many attractive women by themselves. It was mostly older people or young people in groups.

I had been feeling demotivated recently, and increasingly felt troubled by internal predictions that I would be rejected whenever I approached a girl. My approach anxiety had evolved into a reluctance to approach women if I was just going to get rejected. So far reality had supported this belief, but logically I understood that daygame was a numbers game. Not to mention that my approach was not perfect, and results may change as I better developed my skills. Still, my emotional brain was hard to convince.

I decided today that I would just be scouting. I didn't have to approach any girls if I didn't want to.

Girl #1​

I was walking through the mall when I saw a woman in a beautiful blue dress. She was on the other side of a barrier from me, but I thought I saw her glance at me and make eye contact as I passed. I had already seen another cute girl and failed to approach her, so I decided to take my shot. I circled around the barrier and walked over to her.

"Excuse me," I said. She looked over to me, surprised. The volume of my voice was low for the situation; it was a normal speaking voice, but low compared to the loud and bustling environment. "I just saw you while I was walking by, and I thought you looked pretty in that dress, so I wanted to come give you a compliment."

"Oh, thank you," she said. She had looked a little nervous and had been awkwardly stepping away from me. She was clearly uncomfortable.

"Have a nice day," I said, and turned to leave. I wondered if there was something off about my approach that made her feel uncomfortable, or whether my fundamentals were not good enough.

Girl #2​

I was walking down the street when I saw a woman in a cute flowery dress. I thought we made eye contact as we walked towards one another, so I smiled and waved.

"Hello," I said, when we were about five feet from each other.

She gave me absolutely no reaction in the next 1-2 seconds, so we walked right past one another. I took it as a sign of disinterest and moved on, but maybe she was just slow to react. I could have turned around to see her reaction, or I could've stopped instead of continuing to walk.

Girl #3​

I was later at a Starbucks in a different venue. Walking in, I saw a cute girl sitting down at a table, dressed in a flannel shirt and shorts. I walked past her and entered the store, not looking at her or making eye contact. I was still feeling reluctant to approach.

After making my order and picking up my drink, I sat down and looked out the window. The girl was still there. However, there were two people standing very close by. If I approached, they would absolutely hear me approaching her. I wanted to be more discreet, so I prayed that they would leave. It didn't look like they would leave anytime soon.

I started thinking about a few imperfectionist ideas I had been trying to implement. Care less about problems, care more about making progress. Care less about what other people think, care more about the kind of person you want to be.

I set a one minute time on my phone. I told myself that if the two people didn't leave after one minute, I would approach the girl anyways.

One minute later, the timer was up. The bystanders were still there, but it was time to take action. I walked out, stopped to notice the girl, and approached her at the table. "Excuse me," I said. "I really love your hair today. It's a great color."

She thanked me, but I noticed up close that she wasn't as cute as I had thought, and I could see the two bystanders looking over at me. I excused myself.

Reflection​

I want to work on changing the conversation in my head, and care less about getting rejected by girls. It will be important for me to find a girl who is really into me and moving forward with her in order to anchor a positive experience to cold approach. Otherwise I will feel continually demotivated when I have only experienced rejection.

I also want to care less about my results and care more about refining my process. Instead of worrying about getting results with any one girl, I can care more about gathering data and feedback on my approach to do a better job next time.

That said, despite not wanting to go out and approach, I made a few approaches anyways. This is progress.
 

Zucchini

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Messages
28

06/22/22

Journal​

Recently I was still feeling demotivated. I felt burnt out; I had gone through so much effort and transformation, and was still getting used to being rejected. I felt exhausted.

Over the last couple of days I decided to take a break from approaching. There was a heat wave recently and it was unsafe to be outside for long. I decided to use this opportunity to reflect on my experiences so far and adjust my approach.

I recorded myself pretending to approach women exactly the way I had been doing it, and then compared my approach to the ones demonstrated in GC courses. I found myself cringing at the idea of observing myself, but pushed through it. I wanted to nail my approach, so that I would never have a reason to cringe at a recording.

I discovered a few discrepancies and made some notes to adjust my approach.
  1. Don't grin so much and show a little less teeth when smiling. I was nervous and overcompensated with excessive smiling.
  2. Make STRONG eye contact when delivering your compliment. Really focus on it.
  3. Get a little in front of a girl before opening her. Sometimes I would open from the side, but a little behind the girl's shoulder.
  4. Lean back a little when opening. Prioritize easing into the opener.
  5. Relax your face after the initial opener. You don't need to keep grinning. Use more natural expressions instead.
  6. Talk more about yourself. Don't just ask questions and make it an interview.
Hopefully this would help me stop startling girls or making them feel uncomfortable.

Goals for this outing

1. Go outside and grab dinner

Outing​

Today I was feeling ill and unusually fatigued. However I decided I would go out to grab dinner, at least just to feel the wind on my face and cool down a little. It was hard. I wondered if I was suffering from stress. I told myself that I didn't need to approach any girls today.

Girl #1​

When I arrived at a local plaza, I parked a little distance away and started walking. I wanted to get some steps in, but as I left the parking lot, I saw a cute girl walking down the sidewalk.

I stopped and watched her back recede for a moment. I had been in situations like this before, and I failed to approach. I felt reluctant to approach. But, I thought to myself, what's the worst that could happen? She might reject me, like I've been rejected before. That didn't feel as scary as it did a few weeks ago.

I jogged behind her until I was within speaking distance. She was alone on the sidewalk, with no other people around, so I decided to use a back approach to make her feel more comfortable.

"Excuse me!" I said. She turned, looking towards me. I walked closer.

"Hi, I just saw you walking by," I said, pointing back to where I was. "And I thought you looked really cute today. You have amazing hair, I love the color, and...I wanted to come say hi."

She seemed to be expecting me to tell her something impersonal, and immediately became more positive when I delivered the compliment. We exchanged names.

"So, what are you up to today?" I asked.

The conversation is a little fuzzy to me, but I'll try to note the details. She told me that she was coming off work, and that she worked at an optical company. Apparently she was an engineer who worked with lasers.

"Wow, that's cool! I do a different type of engineering, but it's also fun," I said. She asked me what kind of work I did, so I told her simply that I did software engineering.

"Yeah, lots of those around here. It's not as boring as it may sound," I said, feeling a little lost about what to say. I was stumbling but willed myself to just spit words out of my mouth. I noticed there was a bit of polite distance between us. I wondered how I could enter closer proximity smoothly.

I eventually told her that I worked for a big corporate company, but I might want to stop going corporate and start my own business in a decade. She asked me what company I worked for. I noticed she was smiling and laughing, but not super enthusiastically; I wasn't sure if she was just being polite. I told her directly, since I was blanking on clever things to say.

"But, well..." I said, "I might also just get out of tech."

She seemed a little interested, so I continued. "The work I do now, it's great, and intellectually satisfying...but I've always felt more like an artist. I might want to just leave the corporate world and become an author."

"That's cool!" she said.

"Yeah, I loved to read books as a kid. Kind of want to give that experience to others too. What about you? Do you have any big dreams?"

She told me that she did, but wasn't very specific. I asked for details, and she said she wanted to travel, and that she was working her job to be able to afford her dreams.

"Oh, like a Youtuber or blogger?" I speculated. She said no, she didn't want attention. She wanted to travel for herself. I told her that being financially independent and traveling for fun was very cool.

I was running out of conversation, so I decided to try closing here. "Are you heading somewhere, by the way?"

"Yeah, I'm heading home now," she said.

"Cool," I said. I decided to use a fake time constraint, and checked the time on my phone. "I'm actually meeting up with someone for dinner in a few minutes...yeah, I have to go."

She seemed to see that as the end of the conversation, and I sensed she was about to make a polite exit, so I quickly continued. "But I enjoyed talking with you today. Would you like to grab a coffee sometime?"

"Um...sure, why not," she said, taking out her phone. I put mine away and added my contact information to her phone, then sent a text to myself while chatting a little with her about how to spell her name. I noticed our physical proximity was closer, but felt nervous about touching her.

"Okay, cool," I said after we exchanged information and turned to depart. "Have a nice day!"

Reflection​

Unfortunately I forgot to consciously implement all my approach adjustments. That said, I may have unconsciously changed up my approach, because this one seemed to be received better than the others. Or maybe it was because I was putting no pressure on myself today.

In any case, I felt like offering information about myself and talking about myself helped carry the early conversation. She seemed to get more receptive and comfortable after I shared a little information. I will try doing this more to help girls feel more comfortable letting their walls down, at least in the first few minutes of my approach.
 

Zucchini

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Messages
28

06/25/22​

Goals for this outing

1. Scout a few new locations for meeting girls.

Outing​

Today I spent the afternoon checking out 5-6 different venues. I didn't plan to do so many, but I kept thinking to myself, why not just go to one more that was close by? Some places were total duds, some places had a just couple of cute girls, and one actually seemed pretty decent. I was often surprised that places which seemed great on paper were terrible in reality.

Girl #1

I was at a shopping center near a park. Great looking place with vibrant vibes, but not a lot of great looking women at the time I went. After walking around for a couple of minutes I saw a woman with a slim figure step out of a store with takeout. She was talking on her phone. I hesitated, thinking I would wait until she got off the phone to approach. It didn't happen in the next 30 seconds, so I figured I'd just give it a shot.

I walked up beside her, about to gently touch her elbow to get her attention, but she noticed me before I did. "Excuse me, just one second," I said, since she was still on the phone. "I just thought you had such beautiful hair. The curls and the color...it's just amazing."

She had a happy reaction to that, but her body language felt a little guarded. I asked if she was busy, and she said yes, so I told her I would be at the park. Then she told me apologetically that she was married, so I bid her farewell.

Girl #2​

I was at a different shopping center near a Target. For some reason Target stores seem to attract cute girls. I was standing on the sidewalk, looking at my phone, when I saw a girl walking in my direction. We made eye contact for a second and she broke it, so I started putting away my phone. After a couple moments she passed and I started jogging after her.

She seemed to be on alert, because she reacted as soon as she heard me jogging and turned. Her body language seemed defensive, so the compliment opener got lodged in my throat. Instead I told her I liked her shoes, and had a brief awkward exchange before she left. I thought she was interested, but was I mistaken? Next time I could say hello while she's walking towards me instead of running after her.

Girl #3​

I was at my car in the parking lot for the Target shopping center, typing up notes about my last approach. A car pulls into a space near mine, and I catch a glimpse of a cute girl in the driver's seat. I stay preoccupied for a minute while she gets out and starts rummaging through her trunk. Then I pick up some trash from my car, deciding to approach her while throwing away the garbage.

As I walked by, I pretended to notice her and stopped. "Excuse me," I said, "I love your outfit. The pink top and the colorful shoes is just..."

She had a positive reaction and did a little curtsie, but was still continuing to walk away from me, so I bid her farewell. In hindsight, maybe I should not have let her go so easily. Next time I could show interest and test hers by following up with something more personal. Something like, "What are you up to today?" or just introducing myself.

Girl #4​

I went to a different outdoor shopping center. It was a nice walkable little center with minimal cars and a lot of youthful and trendy food places. I saw a few cute girls at first, but felt like I had trouble finding approachable targets. Later I sat down in a restaurant to eat and counted how many cute girls by themselves passed by: 7 in the next 20 minutes. There were plenty of targets. Unfortunately, the activity seemed to quiet down once I left the restaurant and I didn't see many at all. Bad timing?

I walked around to explore the nearby side streets, and saw a cute girl sitting by herself on the phone. I pretended to just notice her as I was about to pass by.

"Excuse me," I said, waving to catch her attention when nearby. "Hi, I just love your outfit. The white pants and the contrast with the black top...it's great."

I asked her name, and started trying to get a conversation going. I asked her about what she was up to, whether she lived around the area, whether she was in school...it felt like trying to push through a swamp, because I didn't seem to be going anywhere. She was giving me one-word or vague responses.

She replied that she was in university, so I decided to use something different to inject life in the conversation. "Let me guess," I said, "You're a business major?"

I was apparently correct, which surprised me. "Wow, how did I know that?" I said playfully.

"I don't know," she said. Okay, still not going anywhere.

I tried probing her ambitions, speculating if she planned to be a CEO. "Would be nice," she said. I noticed she was fiddling with her glasses case to pull out some sunglasses. Sign of discomfort maybe?

I then tried relating about myself, saying that I also wanted to do business when I was in school, but eventually decided it wasn't for me. That didn't seem to resonate, and I was running out of stuff to talk about, so I went for the close.

"Anyway, don't want to keep you to long, and I actually gotta get going. How about we grab a coffee sometime?"

"Um, I'll think about it," she said, which I took as a no.

"No problem. Have a nice day."

Girl #5​

Eventually I ended up in a coffee shop, and saw a cute girl sitting down. I decided to try an indirect opener, so I walked over.

"Excuse me," I said, gesturing to the seat beside her. There were a lot of people here and it was one of the few empty seats. "Is this seat available?"

She gave me a pleasant smile and said yes, so I sat down. I planned to slow open, but she immediately started packing up as I sat down and left after about 6 seconds. She seemed content to keep sitting there before. Did I do something wrong?

Reflection​

Despite approaching multiple girls today, I still feel terrible. There were a lot more girls who I failed to approach. And none of the approaches I did went all that well. By the end of the day I felt worn out, like if I laid down then I would dissolve into a puddle of liquid failure.

I was conflicted by thoughts that maybe girls were rejecting me because I wasn't good enough or because I was unattractive. I felt totally inadequate in my skills and too incompetent to execute correctly. And I felt powerless because I wasn't sure what exactly I was doing wrong or how to fix it.

After today, I understand better than ever why so few men get good at picking up girls. It's hard to execute and harder on your ego. I will need to persist if I want to get better.

It's okay for me to feel bad about failing to hit my expectations, but maybe I should re-evaluate those expectations. Was I expecting to go around, getting every girl excited and giving me their phone numbers? Would be nice, but perhaps not realistic for a beginner.
 

Railer

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Oct 26, 2015
Messages
244
By the end of the day I felt worn out, like if I laid down then I would dissolve into a puddle of liquid failure.

I was conflicted by thoughts that maybe girls were rejecting me because I wasn't good enough or because I was unattractive.

It's hard to execute and harder on your ego.
When working out, I made it a habit of watching a TV episode of a series I like only when I had already trained that day. It doesn't sound like much, but it gives you some 45 minutes where you just relax, knowing that you earned "not doing anything productive" in that moment. Now I do that for cold approaches.

People really only reject the approach, not the person. "hi, what's up" vs "a donation for our cause?"

Think "nobody else is ever approaching - all for me" and smile thankfully.
 

Zucchini

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Messages
28
When working out, I made it a habit of watching a TV episode of a series I like only when I had already trained that day. It doesn't sound like much, but it gives you some 45 minutes where you just relax, knowing that you earned "not doing anything productive" in that moment. Now I do that for cold approaches.

People really only reject the approach, not the person. "hi, what's up" vs "a donation for our cause?"

Think "nobody else is ever approaching - all for me" and smile thankfully.
This is a great idea. I have been trying to think of a reward for cold approaching to help reinforce my behavior. Something like this could be a great fit.

You're right that they're rejecting the approach; most of these girls don't know anything about me. I think the emotional reaction emerges because I put so much effort into working on my fundamentals and approach, and it feels like they're saying my best effort wasn't good enough. That seems unavoidable to me. I just need to keep working on my skills.
 

Zucchini

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Messages
28

06/26/22

Journal

This week I reviewed my strategy with my coach and decided to focus on my thought patterns when approaching girls. Although I am approaching girls, I don't seem to be leaving a strong impression on them. Changing the way I think can affect the type of impression I make on girls.
  1. Change my motivation for approaching to be because I desire a potential romance with an attractive woman rather than to fulfill my duty to hit my approach goals.
  2. Focus on my breathing when talking to a girl. Slow, deep breaths. This is to help me learn mindfulness and multitasking.
  3. Accept and embrace sexual thoughts when approaching girls. Imagine undressing her with your eyes. This is to help me express sexual intent and become more comfortable with sexuality.
  4. Set a positive goal in your head when approaching a girl...I want to make her smile, or I want to leave her better than I found her. This will also help you express positive intentions and help girls feel more comfortable with me.
  5. Don't feel pressured to stay in set with girls who are not showing obvious interest. Focus on girls who show obvious interest.
This week I will approach as many girls I would like. It is important that I listen to my desire rather than an obligated number.

Goals for this outing​

Scout a new location and read a book.

Outing​

Today I went downtown. Surprisingly, it was pretty dead. There were a couple of hubs of activity, but not many cute girls by themselves. I went to a popular coffee shop and sat down to read a book. I told myself that I didn't have to approach any girls if I didn't want to or if I didn't see any.

Girl #1​

While sitting down, I noticed a cute girl sitting at another table in the shop. I didn't see an easy way to walk over there and approach, so I allowed myself to just chill and keep on reading my book. However, I noticed myself wanting to glance at her. I really tried paying attention to the way I felt, and I wasn't sure why, but I really wanted to meet her (more so than usual with a pretty girl)

When I finished my book and packed up, I asked myself whether I would be okay with leaving. It felt scary to approach this girl, who was all the way over there in an enclosed space. I didn't really have any excuse to walk over there. But I knew if I walked away then my brain would constantly barrage me with regret about not approaching her, so I cooked up a simple adjustment to my approach.

I walked over near her and stopped. "Excuse me," I said, waving with a smile. She looked over at me. "Hi, I was just curious about your outfit. What kind of fabric is your skirt made out of?"

She started explaining it to me, and her body language seemed to be open. "Do you mind if I feel it?" I asked.

"Sure," she said, and allowed me to touch the fabric of her skirt. The tone of the conversation seemed to become a little more friendly after this, and we exchanged names. We started having a back and forth about fashion, and how you didn't need to spend a lot to get quality essentials.

"Wow, you're so stylish," I said, to qualify her on how knowledgeable she was.

Our conversation moved on to what she doing that day. "I'm just editing some pictures for my fiance," she explained. "I'm sort of like his ghost editor."

"Do you at least get credit for it?" I asked. I decided to shift gears to just be social since she appeared to be unavailable.

We talked more about the work she was doing and where she was from. She started asking me some questions about if I was from the area, and I felt like we were vibing. We had a conversation about how she was a foodie and she gave me a bunch of great food recommendations.

I don't know if this was only in my head, but I felt like there was chemistry building up. Something about her made me start looking at her more sensually and wanting to touch her. Our conversation started to naturally end, and it felt like it would be awkward if I kept standing there while she sat. So we said our farewells and I gently touched her shoulder with the back of my fingers, just to start practicing very light incidental touches with women.

Reflection​

I hadn't been thinking about this much before, but I should really set specific goals for starting to touch women. I will try doing at least one light touch on the shoulder or arm with girls I approach from now on. This should be easy enough for my comfort level.

I also learned a new adjustment I can use when approaching women in a different context. Instead of running up and doing my whole "I saw you over here and wanted to say hello" routine, I can instead use a more innocent question on something about her.

This was also one of my first times asking to inspect something a girl is wearing. It seemed to make her feel more open, so I should try this more often.
 

Zucchini

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Messages
28

06/27/22

Goals for this outing​

1. Approach as many girls as I want, but only if I am motivated by a desire to meet them.

Outing​

Today I went to a luxury shopping street to pickup some clothing. I decided I would try to approach a girl if I liked the look of her and practice shifting my mindset.

Girl #1​

I saw a girl walk out of a building. She was wearing this fantastic black dress, so I walked quickly to catch up to her. For the final stretch I jogged up to her side and slightly in front of her, so that I was within her field of view.

"Excuse me, I just saw you back there, and I just thought you had such beautiful hair and a beautiful outfit...and I wanted to come give you a compliment," I said, trying to project genuineness in my voice.

"Oh wow, thank you! You made my day," she said. I noticed that she wasn't as attractive up close as I had thought. We exchanged names.

"So what are you up to today?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm actually just getting lunch," she said.

We talked a little bit more about her lunch plans, then she asked what I was doing today. I started practicing rambling and told her about how I was picking up some clothes today and all the associated context behind it. In retrospect, she was already showing interest by asking me questions, so maybe I could've been more vague and intriguing instead.

I noticed that she was holding her hand up to block out the sun from her eyes. "Hey, are you in the sun right now? Do you want move over to the shade instead?" I asked.

I sensed there was a shift in the tone once I asked this. "Oh no, I'm actually gonna go get lunch now. But when I come back, if I see you I'll say hello," she said in a friendly way while still moving away from me.

"Okay, have a nice day," I said. She didn't seem to genuinely be in a rush, at least not as far I could tell, so I figured that she was politely expressing disinterest.

Reflection​

I failed to touch this girl. I had totally forgot that touch was one my goals. I also didn't do a good job of thinking sexually when talking with her. Next time I should check out her body just before approaching to get my mind in a sexual mood, which should also make touch more natural. However I did achieve my goal of making her smile and leaving her better than I found her.

This girl had given me a good reaction, but when I asked for compliance she said no. Was this because I asked too early? Or maybe because she just wasn't interested in me. I know that asking girls to move a little distance with you is a good compliance test, so I should try using this more in the future.
 

Zucchini

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Messages
28

06/28/22

Goals for this outing​

1. Approach as many girls as I want, but only if I am motivated by a desire to meet them.
2. Try thinking sexually when talking with an attractive girl.
3. Hold your handshakes unless she pulls away to practice touching.

Outing​

Today I decided to go out for lunch and dinner. If I saw a cute girl, I would focus on my desire to approach them.

Girl #1​

I was at a coffee shop, and I saw a cute girl at the end of the line. She was wearing a mask and was on her phone. I stepped beside her and asked if she was in line, and she said yes, so I stepped in line behind her. I decided to use a slow open and just looked around for a few seconds before turning back to her.

"What are you thinking of ordering today?" I asked.

"Oh, um...probably an espresso," she said.

"Need a caffeine rush?" I speculated. She agreed, so I teased her a little, "At 1 in the afternoon?"

She gave a small laugh. "It's been a long week."

"On a Tuesday? Man, can't imagine how you'll feel on Friday."

She showed some interest by asking me what I was thinking of ordering. "Probably an iced tea," I said, "It's been a hot day."

We chatted a little bit about the temperature and our plans for the day. She told me about her job in sales, but then it was time for us to order. There was a bit of an awkward transition where the conversation was interrupted and she left to talk to the cashier. I decided to be chill and make my order as well.

Afterwards she went to wait for her drink, and I walked over to the same location. I was about to reopen, but we made eye contact and she initiated. "So what do you do?"

"I'm a writer," I said. I wanted to define myself with more interesting stereotypes. This was my first time using this explanation. "Yeah...I have a day job, but I would probably define myself more as a writer."

"That's interesting. Must be tough," she said.

"Yeah...what about you? You told me what you do for work, but is that how you define yourself?"

"Um, probably not. I would probably define myself as a mom," she said. Ah, that was good to know; I didn't want to pursue women with kids. I would transition to a social mode instead.

We talked a little bit about her son and her outdoor hobbies. I tried to practice social touches on the arm and shoulder, but I kept missing. As in I reached out a little, misjudged the distance, and failed to make contact. Fortunately I was using low key touches so they might be mistaken as just hand gestures, but it was a little embarrassing to keep missing.

Eventually her order came up and we bid our farewells.

Girl #2​

I was unlocking my car when I saw a seemingly cute woman across the parking lot. She was standing near a tree, talking on the phone with her dog on a leash. Crap, there was so much empty space between us...how would I even walk over there to talk to her?

I sat in my car and pondered the question. What excuse could I use? Was she even all that attractive? I discretely checked her out when she turned her body so that her side faced me. I wasn't that into her, but she had a nice round butt...she was at least worth approaching.

I decided I did want to approach her, and I would feel regret if I didn't. So I cooked up a plan by picking up some bits of trash from my car. I would pretend to be throwing out some trash, then suddenly notice her.

On my first round I failed, because she turned as I was walking towards her and I panicked. I adjusted my direction in a different direction to head towards the garbage bin. On my second round, on the way back, I stopped and pretended to double take, then walked towards her. Approaching her directly felt uncomfortable, but her dog noticed me, so I waved.

Then I was close to her and she seemed to notice me. "Hi, I just thought your dog was so cute...do you mind if I pet him?" I said, quickly pivoting my opener since she seemed a little confused to see me.

Her body language was guarded, and she gave me a neutral reaction. It felt like she thought it was weird that I was even talking to her. The dog was a little shy so he moved away from me. I decided not to persist too much here and excused myself.

Reflection​

I know now that I need to reach out a little further to touch girls. I was hesitant about reaching too far and being obvious about my touch. I can also enter closer proximity when talking with girls to make it easier to touch them.

This was my first time doing a situational opener with a girl in line. I had previously felt weird about just asking someone I didn't know what they were ordering. Maybe it's because of my fundamentals or energy, but it seemed to go fine. This is something I should try more to expand my comfort zone.

I didn't use very strong eye contact today. I should focus on making strong and consistent eye contact with women and letting them break first. I also forgot to sexualize my eye contact.
 

Zucchini

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Messages
28

06/29/22​

Goals for this outing​

1. Approach as many girls as I want, but only if I am motivated by a desire to meet them.
2. Try thinking sexually when talking with an attractive girl.
3. Hold your handshakes unless she pulls away to practice touching.

Outing​

Today I decided to work at some cafes and observe if any cute girls were around.

Girl #1​

I saw a girl sitting outside as I was leaving the first cafe. She was alone in a red shirt, and seemed to be watching something on her phone. I was about to approach but hesitated when I saw a spectator talking on the phone walk right between us. She hadn't seen me yet, so I pulled out my phone and pretended to be busy while I regained my composure.

After a few seconds, I said okay, it's time. I walked over and waved. "Excuse me," I said. "I love your outfit."

"Oh...thanks," she said, pulling out her earbuds but looking confused that I was talking to her. I noticed that she wasn't as cute as I thought.

"The rose-gold on your glasses and the way you braided your hair...it's a great combination," I continued. She seemed to have a more positive reaction now. Maybe she was starting to believe it was genuine.

"So what are you up to today?" I asked. She told me she was on her lunch break. I told her that I was on my way out to get lunch too, but I just noticed her as I was walking and wanted to give a compliment.

We talked briefly about where she worked and what kind of work she did. She wasn't really asking me anything in return yet, although she seemed to be giving me her attention, but I was blanking on things to say. "Anyway, I don't want to keep you for too long...have a nice day."

Girl #2​

I was sitting at a restaurant when a cute girl walked in and was seated near me. I didn't know how to approach in this situation...enclosed space with lots of spectators, not a lot of ways to discretely move over. So I just sat there and pretending to be too preoccupied with eating to notice her.

Eventually she made a move to call the server for her order, and I used that as an opportunity to pretend to notice her. "Excuse me," I said, waving from where I sat. "Is your jacket denim?"

She didn't seem to understand what I meant, so I clarified it was like jeans. She confirmed and I continued, "Oh, wow, I've never seen a pink denim jacket before. That's really cool. Goes well with your blue pants too."

She smiled and said thanks, appearing to appreciate the compliment. She was within easy speaking distance but not touching distance, so there felt like I gap between us. I didn't really know how to continue so I went back to ignoring her. I'm not sure if she wanted to keep talking or how I would've continued.

I didn't end up talking to her again, but funny aside: one of the waiters noticed me complimenting her, and recognized me because I had also complimented him sometime back at a grocery store. I had no recollection of doing this, but goes to show that a simple compliment can stick in someone's memory for a long time.

Girl #3​

I entered another coffee shop and sat next to a cute girl. I noticed her shifting around and pulling out her phone after I sat down...related or coincidence? Anyway, I decided to slow open and pretended not to notice her for a couple of minutes. Then I waved to get her attention and asked her to watch my things for a minute while I went to the restroom. She seemed happy to do so.

While I was coming back, she looked towards me and made eye contact. I smiled and thanks.

"So what are you working on?" I said while sitting back down.

She told me that she was working on her transfer paperwork. We chatted a bit, introduced ourselves, and I learned that she had just finished community college and was transferring to another university.

At this point I was blanking on things to say. I could've continued asking whether she was excited to go, what she wanted to do there, all sorts of stuff...but in the moment, I didn't have any follow-up, so there was a bit of awkward silence and we broke eye contact.

Then she said, "Well, thanks for asking!" and went back to work. I really felt like I dropped the ball here. I went back to work, but observed occasionally if she stopped working and went on her phone, just to see when she might be open to another conversation.

Later I had to plug into an outlet and she was next to one. However she was on the phone, and I dawdled about talking to her, pretending to be occupied with my things. Then I walked over with power cord, about to tell her I was plugging into the outlet (which would cause my power cord to cross over her seat).

"Oh, actually, I'm leaving, so you can have my seat," she said, beating me to the punch.

"Sure. Do you mind if I sit here for now then?" I said, deciding to use the excuse of moving things over to chat with her. She agreed, but I sensed a little hesitation.

"So you excited to move out to that city?" I asked while plugging into the cord. I was specifically saying the city she was going to, but keeping it vague here. She seemed to be ambivalent so I teased her a little and lightly touched her shoulder, "Come on, you gotta be a little excited."

She smiled and agreed, but started scooting out of her seat to get out on the opposite side from me. "It was nice meeting you," she said. I bid her farewell.

Girl #4​

A little while later, I noticed another girl sit down at the table in front of mine with her back to me. Her face wasn't all that cute to me...but I was appreciating the peach shape of her butt in her tight shorts. It was much easier to start thinking sexually about this girl, which I had failed to do with some other girls.

I felt intimidated about approaching this girl. Just walking over in a coffee shop...it seemed hard to be discrete. I mulled it over and decided I wanted to be a different man...the kind of man who would approach this girl. But how would I do it? I decided to throw out some trash, and as I walked back to my seat, I pretended to notice her.

"Wow, those are nice headphones," I said, after waving and gesturing for her to remove them. She had a smile on her face when she saw me talking to her. I wondered if she had actually wanted me to approach. "What are you listening to?"

She seemed a little off put by the question, but told me the artist. I noticed quickly that it felt awkward to be standing while she sat...but it also felt strange to just sit down and commit when I was pretending to have only just noticed her. We chatted a little bit but I was once again struggling to converse. I learned that she was a student and was here to study.

"Hmmm, let me guess what you're majoring in," I said. She seemed to think that was a fun idea. "You seem like you're a finance major."

That was incorrect: she was a nursing student. I used a tip a forum member had suggested to me by explaining my reasoning if I missed on a cold read. "Ah, whoops. You just looked smart so I thought you might've been in finance. Nursing was the other possibility for a smart girl."

We chatted a little more, but I had nothing else to say. "Anyway, I don't want to keep you from studying for too long...but it was nice talking to you. You seem like a cool person. Maybe we could hang out sometime?" I said. She seemed to agree but a little neutrally. That felt like the end, so I totally failed to close on her number.

I realized this after I sat down. Later I decided to approach her again as I was leaving. I started trying to squeeze past her towards the exit, and she thought I was trying to catch her attention...I was, but I was pretending I wasn't. "Oh no, just trying to get past. What class are you studying for by the way?"

She told me, and I commiserated. I was blanking again, so I pressed forward, "Anyway, this might not be a good time...I have to get going to a meeting...but, maybe we could have a longer conversation. How about we grab a coffee sometime?"

"Okay," she said, so I took out my phone and looked towards her.

"How about I take your number instead," she suggested. I didn't really understand why, maybe she didn't really want to give me her number?

"Ah yeah, maybe a little awkward," I agreed, intending to say it might be little cumbersome to say phone numbers out loud, but it didn't really come out right.

We exchanged numbers, and I gave her a social touch on the shoulder. I noticed we weren't making lots of eye contact. I wanted to end the interaction positively, so I complimented her on the cute keychain she had for her car keys, and then said farewell.

Later I forgot her name while writing my followup text, so I tried to modify my text: "Nice meeting you today! Sorry I forgot to write down your name...how do you spell it? -Zucchini."

That seemed to clearly show I forgot her name and was covering it up. Oh man. I felt so cringe about this whole approach. I should've done a better job at everything.

Reflection​

I encountered a lot of new situations where I wasn't sure what to do or how to continue the conversation today. I realize that I have a consistent problem with blanking out on conversation when approaching women. I also get so preoccupied with my own thoughts that I forget about my goals. I could do a lot better by defining a process to follow in these situations where I feel lost.
 

Zucchini

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Messages
28

07/01/22

Journal

I decided to take it easy yesterday to reflect on my experiences and troubleshoot. I read some articles on approach processes and created one of my own to help me learn. I don't expect to remember every step right now, but I have it on my phone to review before going out to approach.
  1. Spot a girl you want to talk to.
  2. Don't make eye contact (unless appropriate for situation).
  3. Start thinking sexually about her and set a positive internal goal (such as "I want to make her smile").
  4. Position yourself near her (just move your feet towards her if nervous)
  5. Pre-open (proximity, wave for her attention, "Excuse me")
  6. Raw open (harness sexual / positive thoughts, give strong eye contact)
  7. Introduction (use handclasp, enter closer proximity, hold her hand unless she withdraws)
  8. Early conversation (small talk questions, ramble and talk about yourself if she isn't comfortable yet)
  9. Social touch (within 30 seconds of opening, touch on the arms or shoulders)
  10. Light banter / teasing (show playfulness, relaxation, tease only on harmless things)
  11. Ask for compliance (move around, inspect jewelry like bracelet or necklace)
  12. Build rapport (relate to her with a story, show approval of her, deep dive a little bit)
  13. Close and get out (propose a date and then exchange numbers)
I have realized that I am having trouble being relaxed and present when approaching women, causing me to forget my goals and blank out in conversation. I will need to gain more experience and be mindful in order to make my approaches more natural. Hopefully following a process will help me stay focused and keep a clear mind.

I have noticed these journal entries can be hard to read sometimes, so I will also experiment with formatting.

Goals for this outing​

1. Approach as many girls as I want, but only if I am motivated by a desire to meet them.
2. Try thinking sexually when talking with an attractive girl.
3. Push through early conversation even if you're blanking out.

Outing​

Today I went out to a local shopping mall for a couple of hours. It was mid afternoon so a lot of people had not gotten off work yet, and there were a lot of underage girls. I tried to be careful about who I approached, although I've also found that underage girls don't usually go to the mall by themselves.

Girl #1​

I approached a cute girl sitting down at a table, eating alone. I approached her and waved. "Excuse me, hi, I know this is a bit random, and I know you're eating right now...I just saw you from back there and I thought you looked really pretty so I wanted to come say hello."

She smiled and thanked me. Her body language was cute and feminine; I think she was interested. I don't remember exactly what I said...I started off asking what she was up to today. Apparently she was here with a friend, but her friend was out shopping right now. I said something about how healthy her meal looked, and asked if she was into eating healthy and going to the gym. It felt a little awkward to be talking to her while she was in the middle of her meal.

After a little awkward conversation, I didn't know what to say anymore, so I asked, "Do you mind if I sit here for a minute until your friend gets back?"

This might have been jumping the gun. She was hesitant and I noticed her reluctance, so I said, "Oh, but no pressure."

She agreed and said she preferred to eat alone. I nodded. "Okay, in that case, have a nice day."

I probably could have done a better job of building comfort before asking to sit with her. I could have also used some more basic questions in the conversation, like "How is your day going so far?"

Girl #2​

While walking, I made eye contact with a woman who then looked away with an impassive expression. In retrospect, her body language was signaling that she probably did not want to be approached. However, me being clueless, I caught up to her, got her attention, and delivered my opener. She turned her head but not her body to look at me blankly, no reaction on her face, and then walked away without saying a word. Ouch. I felt like I lost a couple years off my lifespan after that one.


Girl #3​

Feeling demoralized after the last approach, I approached a pair of girls with a social question to warm up again. I saw they were drinking some milk tea and asked where they got their drinks. We chatted for a little bit about it, but I didn't know how to progress once my question was answered, since it felt like our interaction naturally ended there. I excused myself.


Girl #4​

While walking, I noticed a potentially cute girl across the hallway. She was sitting down at a table, so I walked over and pretended to just notice her as I walked by. I asked what she thought about the ice cream she was eating, saying I was curious about it. Once again I didn't know how to progress once my question was answered, so I excused myself.


Girl #5​

I saw a girl walking through the mall in a cute outfit with matching white top and pants. I quickly took action to catch up to her, and made sure to get slightly in front of her before waving to catch her attention.

"Excuse me, I just saw you from over there, and I thought you had a really amazing outfit, and...I just wanted to come meet you."

She seemed to smile and appreciate that, but she was wearing a mask and I couldn't see her reaction very well. I introduced myself and started talking. At first it felt like all my other approaches where I blanked out, got stuck, and ultimately went nowhere. However I told myself to just keep talking and try to push my way through the early conversation.

"So what are you up to today?" I asked. She said she was out shopping, but I may have detected that she was still not feeling completely comfortable and ready to give detailed answers. "Just shopping in advance of the holidays next week?"

She agreed. I pressed for more. "Do you have any plans for the holidays?"

She said she was going out to wine country. I touched her on the upper arm and teased her a little, "Ah, are you a partying and drinking kind of girl?"

"Maybe a little," she said with some playfulness. I related a story about how I liked wine better than hard alcohol in college because it tasted better and you'd get less severe hangovers. I asked if she had a similar experience, and she agreed.

I was running out of things to say. "Were you heading somewhere, by the way?" I asked.

She said yes. "Okay, I'll walk with you. Let's go," I said, touching her on the upper back to start guiding her.

While walking I complimented her on her bracelet and asked to see it. She seemed a little hesitant; it was a small bracelet that would be hard to take off. I told her to give me her hand, which she did after a few seconds.

"Blank gold bracelets are one thing," I said, touching her wrist and inspecting the bracelet for a few moments, "But these little inscriptions here...those add a lot of cool details. This is a really nice bracelet."

There was a brief pause after I let go and didn't know what else to say. She then asked me, "So where are you headed today?"

We both stopped. "Me? I actually probably have to go...I was going to meet someone for dinner, but I just noticed you and figured I'd stop for a couple of minutes to say hello. But how about we hang out some other time?"

She agreed, so I exchanged numbers with her. "Okay, have a nice day. I'll see you...I'll text you, we'll figure it out," I said with a smile, touching her upper arm. We then went our separate ways.

Fun aside: afterwards another guy approached and congratulated me. Apparently he was also doing daygame (he was a lot more advanced than me) and he even had a daygame blog. We exchanged contact info. That was unusual; how often do you actually meet another daygamer?


Girl #6​

While walking out of the mall, I saw an older woman in a blue dress and made eye contact. I hesitated, but followed her and then approached. I gave her a compliment on her dress being amazing and going really well with her earrings, but it felt a little off to me. I think I waited too long...30 seconds had passed since we made eye contact and she walked quite a distance. She knew I ran all the way over there to talk to her. Anyway, she slowly created distance between us after thanking me and we said our farewells. I let her go. Next time I could try being more decisive and not letting girls get so far away before opening them.


Girl #7​

Later I went to a park and saw a girl sitting on a bench and reading. I walked beside her, stopped, did a double take to notice her and then approached. "Excuse me, I just saw you over here, and I thought you were really cute. The pink top and the black pants...it's a great contrast...and I just wanted to come meet you."

I introduced myself, but struggled with touch. It felt awkward to be reaching out and touching her when she was sitting down on the bench and I was standing. I pushed through early conversation by asking what she was reading. I guessed that she considered herself an artistic person, and she agreed, so we started talking about art.

I learned a little bit about her painting, and I related that I also was artistic, but I was more of a writer than a painter. However I told a little story about how I found many creatives are interested in all kinds of art, even if they only specialize in one form.

She related that she agreed and her boyfriend was also a writer. I think she was waiting for an opportunity to reveal that to me. Anyway, I mentally noted it but continued talking to her normally to just practice socializing, then I excused myself after a minute.

Girl #8​

Some time later I was in a tea shop, getting a drink, when I saw a cute girl ordering in front of me. She looked over at me as I got in line beside her but then broke eye contact to the side. In hindsight, her body language did not change much or become more feminine. I observed her as she walked past me after ordering, but she didn't make eye contact or seem particularly impressed.

I guessed she might've just been shy, so I made my order and then walked over to her. "Hi," I said, but she looked at me blankly. I pivoted a little and quickly found something to compliment about her since I felt intimidated. "I just really like your bag. The strap...with all the metal and the chain...that's cool."

"Thanks," she said without much emotion or change in expression.

"Yeah," I answered, and then walked away.

These blank looks I've been getting are painful! I felt like I lost a year off my lifespan.


Reflection​

Today I have discovered that some rejections are just a girl giving you a blank look, but they're still painful! I could do a better job of adjusting my proximity to be able to touch girls in situations where they are sitting.

I can also do a better job of pushing through early conversation and finding opportunities to tell stories, tease a girl, or transition to emotional topics so that it doesn't feel like an interview and I can build comfort.

If I make eye contact, I should approach women within 3 seconds of them passing by me to reduce the distance they travel and the feeling of chasing them. At point today I was at a grocery store, see an attractive woman, and then hesitated about approaching her for too long. I hovered nearby, but when I eventually walked over, she decided to also walk away and disengage from me.

I can think about better ways to transition out of an informational question (asking for directions, opinions on food, etc) into a social interaction.

I failed to think sexually when approaching women today. I get so distracted by conversation, body language, touch...so many factors. I could do a better job by being present and reminding myself to think sexually before opening.

I pushed myself hard today. I am an introvert, so all this socializing is draining. At one point I drove over to a popular dining area. Then I realized I was yawning and felt my eyes drooping despite all the loud music and people around me. I understood that my body was telling me to take it easy so I went home...but not before stopping at the tea place to approach that last girl. I think I'm getting a little obsessed with approaching.
 
Last edited:

Railer

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Oct 26, 2015
Messages
244
"Excuse me, I just saw you over here, and I thought you were really cute. The pink top and the black pants...it's a great contrast...and I just wanted to come meet you."
"Hey .. [noticing] wow, you're cute. Pink [pointing] and black [pointing] makes for an exciting contrast. I'm Z. [smile, handclasp]"
Might be worth a try;
 

Zucchini

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jun 6, 2022
Messages
28

07/02/22​

Goals for this outing​

1. Approach as many girls as I want, but only if I am motivated by a desire to meet them.
2. Scout new venues.

Outing​

Today I scouted a couple of new venues because I wanted to better understand where attractive women liked to go at different times of day.

I also felt a little paranoid about going to the same places over and over and having them "dry up" by repeat approaching girls I had already met or earning a reputation as "that pickup guy". That motivation pushed me to find new hot spots to meet women.

Feeling tired today, so the journal entries will be a little less detailed.

Girl #1

I discovered a book sale at the library near a shopping center. I saw a cute girl possibly glance at me while walking in my direction. I make a quick decision to walk towards her as well, but I'm not making eye contact. When close, I open with, "Are those your dogs?" while looking at her pets. She had a quick and friendly response; was I right about an approach invitation? I then make eye contact with her and have a quick conversation about her pets. It never really veered into personal questions about her, and eventually she starting walking away on her own.

Upon reflection, I also didn't express much interest in her or show much energy. However this was also one of the few times I've acted decisively when a spontaneous approach opportunity appeared.

Girl #2​

I was at a shopping center when I see a cute girl in a skirt and knee-high leather boots a short distance away. I was on my phone, but when I looked up she is suddenly nearby me, walking in my direction. I make a quick decision to wave and say, "Excuse me, I love your boots." She barely looks towards me and gives a very bland thanks without much change in body language, turning to look away at some store. That stung a bit, so I decided to leave her alone.

Maybe I could've calibrated my opener better; stop her first and use more spontaneous energy. I also could've made eye contact before opening, which I failed to do today. I had thought she had given me an approach invitation, but was I wrong or was my approach just off?

Girl #3​

I was walking through the parking lot when I see a cute girl walking in my direction. She drifted closer to me on the side of the road, but it also plausibly could have been to get out of the way of potential cars passing through. She had sunglasses on and a tight black outfit with a circle to show her cleavage. I couldn't really see if she made eye contact with me, and I was still feeling hesitant after the last approach, so I failed to say anything.

After dropping off some things in my car, I returned to grab an iced tea from a bakery, and I saw her standing in front of it. She was just looking out into the street; waiting for someone, maybe? She looked over, saw me, and had an almost startled reaction, then walked away in the opposite direction from me. Maybe she was upset I didn't approach her?

I got my tea, then when I left the bakery I saw her standing in front again, looking out into the street. I decided this time I would at least say something, so I walked up to her side so she could see me. "Excuse me, I just really like your style. The black [pointing at top] and the white [pointing at sneakers]...it's a great contrast," I said.

She had a sort of defensive reaction, leaning back when she saw me approach and giving a lukewarm thanks. I felt like she wasn't very interested, so I excused myself.

Maybe I could've tried continuing the interaction just to see how she would respond, since she at least didn't blow me off like some other girls. I probably also could've used a more elegant compliment...I feel like the ones I give are a little basic and might be more intriguing if phrased better. I also could've done a spontaneous frontal approach the first time I saw this girl instead of waiting so long.

Girl #4​

At a different shopping center, later in the day, I saw a girl standing in a parking lot. I was heading in her direction, and she didn't seem to be going anywhere, although she was looking around like she was waiting for someone. I didn't make eye contact and took my time walking towards her, checking my phone and throwing out some trash on the way. I looked straight at her when I was close and said "Excuse me..."

She had a very blank look when responding to me. I took a look at her outfit and realized it was a little bland, so I tried to find something to compliment. "I just like your backpack. The leather is really neat."

That didn't seem to interest her. She barely gave me a reaction, just a neutral thanks and looked away. Ouch, still hurts.

Girl #5​

Inside a grocery store, I was looking at the frozen food section when I see a cute girl walk behind me by herself. She was walking slowly, and I had previously seen her scanning items farther down the aisle. I wondered if her suddenly appearing near me was an approach invitation. I turned around, looked towards her, and said, "Oh...I like your outfit. The color of your shoes are a similar shade to your hair, and they kind of go together."

She gave a positive thanks after I made a more specific compliment. Said she didn't intend to have it that way but it worked out. I replied that she must have a good eye. However her body language never pointed too much towards me and she continued walking away, so I let her go.

After a moment, she came back and asked if I did real estate. We talked briefly about the kinds of work we did. I think she may have been thinking of recruiting me for her firm? Anyway, she left and I later saw her with another guy, so I think she was unavailable.


Reflection​

I've been getting more of the blank stare / blow off rejection recently. There are some possible explanations: I am approaching girls I previously would not approach...I am not properly reading women's signals and openness to approach...my approach is less calibrated...or it's all just random chance. I should focus on the things I can fix and keep thinking about my potential problems.

I am more decisive about approaching women who show up spontaneously, but I need to be more consistent. I also need to focus on my eye contact; sometimes it feels weak, but I don't pay attention to monitoring it very well.

I failed to think sexually about women or follow my goals. I did not review my objectives prior to going out and approaching today, so I forgot. I can do better by actually reviewing these things before approaching.
 
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