My Way Forward

[TheEcho]

I'm looking to deal with the damage of non-stop rejection the past couple years and any other ghosts that may be lurking in the shadows. I have fallen into the nihilism that usually comes with being highly aware, but i's increasingly clear this is doing nothing positive for me. My state of being is less for it and though people enjoy talking to me due to my charisma, the underlying tone of almost everything I say is negative.

It's becoming clear a false overestimation of oneself goes FAR further than a true estimation does. "Fake it 'til you make it" seems to be less helpful guidance and more a prerequisite. I'm actively fighting the tendency to phrase things negatively (including insecure phrasing in online posts) and am leaning towards meditation and even a bit of "manifestation" a la Wayne Dyer and Alan Watts. I see a decent amount of woo in these areas of thought, but I'm agreeing with Andrew Tate's strategy of believing and disbelieving things based on how they materially benefit you.

I'm open to any thoughts, comments, and feedback!


"I am coming into financial and romantic success. I have so much to offer the world and those that deal with me benefit greatly. I am the star in every room. Every girl that sees me wants me. Every guy I interact with knows they can rely on me in friendship and business. I get my greatest joy in creating great experiences for others and am building a life that will let me do this to my heart's content. This is my way forward, the only way I can go."

 

[Will_V]

I'm looking to deal with the damage of non-stop rejection the past couple years and any other ghosts that may be lurking in the shadows.

What exactly have you been doing, what did you try and what was the result?

I have fallen into the nihilism that usually comes with being highly aware, but i's increasingly clear this is doing nothing positive for me. My state of being is less for it and though people enjoy talking to me due to my charisma, the underlying tone of almost everything I say is negative.

The solution to this in my experience is action and consequence. It's easy to be nihilistic when everything is abstract, it's much harder to be that way when the things you are nihilistic about punch you on the nose when you get things wrong.

It's becoming clear a false overestimation of oneself goes FAR further than a true estimation does. "Fake it 'til you make it" seems to be less helpful guidance and more a prerequisite. I'm actively fighting the tendency to phrase things negatively (including insecure phrasing in online posts) and am leaning towards meditation and even a bit of "manifestation" a la Wayne Dyer and Alan Watts.

Meditation is great, but meditation in my opinion works best when the chaos is activated in you, when you have just been in the arena. When you've just gone out and had a bunch of rejections, or done something else that has dealt a blow to your self esteem or tested your mental resilience, meditation massages that chaotic energy into something calm and controlled. But when you are listless and nihilistic, first you have to go out there and activate that energy - the fear, the sense of being overwhelmed, the confusion and anxiety, the blood rushing through your head. It has to be brought out before meditation can have any effect on it.

I see a decent amount of woo in these areas of thought, but I'm agreeing with Andrew Tate's strategy of believing and disbelieving things based on how they materially benefit you.

As far as I understand, this isn't about believing something into existence, but not letting 'reality' interfere with the concepts that instinctively reinforce you.

"I am coming into financial and romantic success. I have so much to offer the world and those that deal with me benefit greatly. I am the star in every room. Every girl that sees me wants me. Every guy I interact with knows they can rely on me in friendship and business. I get my greatest joy in creating great experiences for others and am building a life that will let me do this to my heart's content. This is my way forward, the only way I can go."

I'm sure others will have differing opinions, and YMMV, but for me this type of affirmation has never had any real effect. Perhaps my mind is too strong and too cynical.

The only thing that can fundamentally alter my perception is action and consequence. When I see something work a certain way in the real world, I believe in it. That means that for me there is only one way out of a bad mental framework - going out, trying a lot of things, and paying attention to the results (sometimes very small, incremental results at first) that I get.

 

[TheEcho]

Breakup, 200+ job denials, still 0 dates. Felt like the world was basically telling me to go die.

My nihilism is from the corruption all over the place, having little faith in the most humans' mental abilities, and a declining society (growing censorship, cost of living getting outrageous, social media and tinder's effects on girls).

These are the things that were to be left unsaid, unreinforced. I get they are the missing context, though

My business is nearing launch and I'm going to start doing Postmates again to be outside the house other than the gym, so I'm prepping to force some wind into my sails finally, but it's been a journey and I'm not out of the storm yet.

 

[WalkWithMe]

Hey Echo!
Rejection is horrible, in all aspects; job applications, dates. But keep getting up and try again. Try something different, but try again.

Nihilism I understand, and do that to things you don't (want to) care about. I see the world burning as well (esp. the shit that is going down in Israel atm) and everybody is in it for his or her sake. I have given up worrying about that as long as it is not interfering with me directly. I can highly recommend 'The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck' by Mark Manson.

Good luck on your business endeavours!

 

[TheEcho]

Ironically, my ex bought me that book years ago lol. May need to read it again.

 

[TheEcho]

Remembered something important I had forgotten over the years:

There was this really hot chick lifting at my gym, but she has a giant wall up and previously I had asked her how many sets she had left on a squat rack (like actually, not just a pretense) and she had so much attitude "I just started" but then was off in like 5 minutes lol. Her attitude made me remember that women NEED to THINK you are at least equal to them and ideally better than them. It doesn't matter how good I actually am in bed, how fit/smart/funny/etc., if my way of interacting doesn't make her feel I am those things, those strengths might as well not exist. This is probably why being wealthy works so well, as it is much easier to passively present than other strengths.

There's plenty of inner (and actual) work to do to actually feel complete as a human and a man, but as far as dealing with women, this is a huge aspect I've been missing. Despite logically knowing my many strengths, I come off as hopeful of their approval and am not outright needy, but definitely haven't been implying I am a high value person that they would be lucky to be around.

Back to the girl, she was OBVIOUSLY wanting attention with bright red, super tight leggings and a very showy top. The attitude is a filter against weaker men and for stronger men to show themselves. It's so easy to forget these realities when you're in a 1-on-1 relationship so long and then the societal messaging that girls are "just dressing for themselves" being pushed hard.

 

[HoofHearted]

Her attitude made me remember that women NEED to THINK you are at least equal to them and ideally better than them. It doesn't matter how good I actually am in bed, how fit/smart/funny/etc., if my way of interacting doesn't make her feel I am those things, those strengths might as well not exist.

I want to offer you something. You might immediately see the benefit/meaning of it. But let's put it in the context of sex.

Some men can't precisely say what it means to be 'good in bed.' If we consider it some vague notion, or let insecure emotions do a degree of projecting, the idea of this can (mistakenly) evolve into a bad and limiting concept.

There are of course physical skills and techniques involved with having sex, but they're only part of the story. We should all work on them, and they can always be improved. But even if you have average, maybe even slightly below average physical skills (that you need to work on), you can still have positive sexual experiences via other aspects of sex. You can create an experience for your partner that is pleasant and pleasurable by offering things she desires that maybe she doesn't always get, and sometimes it's a simple as paying attention and asking questions.

For example, once I was with a woman that had bad experiences from aggressive oral sex. We were together, and I was asking about what she liked, telling her what I liked, generally making out/touching and vibing, and she mentioned how an ex would just kind of forcefully grab her and make the experience really uncomfortable. I diverted away from the topic and didn't mention it again, because I could tell that, although she probably would've been willing to meet an ask, it wasn't all 'green light' for her. Later, she told me she appreciated and was amazed that I didn't even ask.

It was a small element of the experience, among other things, that increased the quality of the experience for her-- she felt sexy, safe, connected and trusted, which are fundamental things, but man oh man sometimes people do not always feel this way during sex. And it's not a physical skill. It's not even really a sex skill, but it was a skill applied in the domain of sex. You might call it a 'soft skill.' But what is it really besides attention, consideration, etc? Really just stuff we do throughout our day but for some reason doesn't get applied so much in an intimate setting.

That's an example toward the conclusion I'm trying to present to you. You, by default, have something to offer in the bedroom-- once you understand what people actually value. And once you understand that you have something to offer, that you can deliver a pleasurable sexual experience with what you have, if used correctly (and allowing for statistical flukes as always), your sexual confidence shoots up. And once your sexual confidence shoots up, your behavior as you *move toward sexual encounters* changes because of that confidence.

End the context of sex now, and see the general idea here. It applies in many other cases. It's really just understanding that you have something to offer in a lot of areas, if you understand what it is that people are looking for-- and generally, acrossed many domains, human beings look for such general, fundamental things. I'll leave it at that for your to reflect on or consider as it pleases you.

 

[Chase]

@TheEcho,

The problem you're having is high awareness without agency.

High awareness without agency SUCKS. It's really bad. It's far better to either have both or lack both.

If you have agency without high awareness, you will soon make a buffoon of yourself. If you have high awareness without agency, you'll just be miserable.

Let me give you an example: if everyone else is floating through life like unaware driftwood, guess what? That means there are HUGE LANES OPEN for you in life. You can do pretty much WHATEVER you want! Life is like an open highway... IF you're both highly aware and in possession of agency.

Examples of where you are not:

• 200+ job denials: from where? Online job boards? If it's there, they don't even count. Might as well be 0 job denials. Ever study how companies hire from job boards? They have automated programs that go through the THOUSANDS of resumes they receive (average job board job gets 1,000 applications), looking for specific keyword phrases + keyword densities, and throwing out any that don't match. Many job posts on job boards do NOT get filled by online applicants, even (IIRC it's something like only 30-40% of them do). Usually what happens is the company posts a job board ad, but before it can hire from the job board it hires someone else off a referral from someone already working at the company. That is how you REALLY get hired... meet people working at companies, make the connection, and get them to refer you. It's how you get 5 job offers from interviewing at 8 or 9 companies. This is the hustler way / guy with agency way. Re: job boards, if you don't keyword optimize your resume and know exactly what you're doing, applying to jobs via job boards is like playing the lottery. You might luck out, but you'll probably just waste time and energy. Job boards are "driftwood tech" -- they're where you go if you don't know what you're doing and lack agency. Unless you are going to deep dive on keyword optimizing your resume and really study the shit out of winning at job boards -- then you have agency.
  
  
• 0 dates: from how many approaches? You're either doing online with an unoptimized profile (which is the driftwood way!) or you're not approaching nearly enough and/or not going for the close. When's the last time you did the 4 approaches per day challenge? That'll give you some agency in a HURRY.
  
  
• Corruption all over the place, growing censorship, exploding cost of living... okay sure. Any reason why you would stay in a place like this if this bothered you? Just keep drifting along where you are while grousing about it? We've got 200 countries in the world, and these things are happening in just a fraction of them. You've got places WITHIN most countries that have a lot less of this than other parts. You travel back to one of the places with skyrocketing costs and growing censorship to visit family/friends and you get shocked at how high the prices are and how angry everyone is about things, then as you board the airplane back out of there you wipe your brow and say, "Whew! Nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there!"

What it really reads to me is that you are aware of PROBLEMS, but you are NOT aware of solutions.

Here's a suggestion: put a spotlight on how you are spending your time and what sort of media you are consuming. Ask yourself what % of your media diet is focused on feeding you information about all the problems with the world, versus what % of your media diet is spent studying solutions to the various problems you have in front of you.

If I had to hazard a guess (and I don't think like this is too big of a risky guess) you are consuming a LOT of media on "problems" and next to nothing on solutions.

So, in addition to developing a lot more agency, you might want to switch up the media you're consuming -- and make it far more solution-based, and far less problem-ranting.

It sounds like you already know what the problems are.

Time to start dumping your energy into solutions instead.

You can do it -- it's all just where you're putting your focus and your energy.

Are You Free or Do the Glowing Screens Direct You?

There’s one reality on the glowing screens. There’s another one in the realm of the five senses. You can only live in one of them. Which one do you choose? The other day I talked a bit about screens warping men's perceptions and making them think women all lust after men with giant muscles. This...

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Chase

 

[Swati]

200+ job denials: from where? Online job boards? If it's there, they don't even count. Might as well be 0 job denials. Ever study how companies hire from job boards? They have automated programs that go through the THOUSANDS of resumes they receive (average job board job gets 1,000 applications), looking for specific keyword phrases + keyword densities, and throwing out any that don't match. Many job posts on job boards do NOT get filled by online applicants, even (IIRC it's something like only 30-40% of them do). Usually what happens is the company posts a job board ad, but before it can hire from the job board it hires someone else off a referral from someone already working at the company. That is how you REALLY get hired... meet people working at companies, make the connection, and get them to refer you. It's how you get 5 job offers from interviewing at 8 or 9 companies. This is the hustler way / guy with agency way. Re: job boards, if you don't keyword optimize your resume and know exactly what you're doing, applying to jobs via job boards is like playing the lottery. You might luck out, but you'll probably just waste time and energy. Job boards are "driftwood tech" -- they're where you go if you don't know what you're doing and lack agency. Unless you are going to deep dive on keyword optimizing your resume and really study the shit out of winning at job boards -- then you have agency.

Great description to go about it the correct way Chase! Too many times I see people submit to bullshit LinkedIn or job portals, myself included, never hearing back. These days, the game is different. Have to be creative, hunt down the decision marker, message alumni, and sometime AVOID submitting to the portal cause it'll auto-reject your resume cause of the shitty HR people's settings.

Here's another one, "the resume cuck"

There are the ones always pointing out those small ass details or saying your resume needs formatting and shit, giving you a generic reply about how "resume, resume." just avoid these cunts. In my head, why the fuck do you reply, if you don't want to have a conversation. They got dildoed up the ass, been sitting in a corporate office too long, and yelled at by fatass Susie from HR for not bringing the cupcake for the potluck. When I'm not busy, I'll make sure to laminate my resume, ship it to their house, and have it shoved up their ass.

BUT for HIGH FINANCE, your resume needs to be perfect. You could use paid service to have it looked over.

 

[TheEcho]

Thanks for the big reply! I started explaining WHY I have the issues and am justified in such, but probably best to stop feeding that habit. I'll just say I did reach out a lot to college advisors and people in my field and got a lot of thumbs ups for my resume, then the dozen-plus interviews (including referral ones) ended in ghosting or "not enough experience" with no further elaboration, despite them all seeming great and me following-up. I was always on edge of just going door to door in a suit with a stack of resumes, then an interview process would lull me into false security, rinse and repeat.

For problems 1 and 3, I've been putting together a software program for almost 6 months and am inching toward the finish line, but I also have 0 income, so am just at home until things take off (and probably for a while longer, as this is a hotspot for my industry). Putting in effort day-in and day-out for months with no monetary or social return is...interesting, but I believe it will be extremely worthwhile.

For the dating situation, I've mostly approached at gyms, almost out of stubbornness to make it work. I really am only outside the house at the gym and grocery stores as I work nearly all day. I am coming to the realization I prioritize a smooth open way too highly and IOI's far from enough. There have been many girls checking me out that I never approach due to no clean moment, or if I do it's a month later... I approached about 50 girls in January-February, then 20-30 since, and none of those were off IOI's, so... I am slowly losing my sense of despair and seeing how dumb my approach has been lol. I also have signed back up for Postmates as the weather cools off so I can be out and about with a purpose without being a sweaty mess.


I consume huge amounts of podcasts and educational content on YouTube, and that has included a lot of doom and gloom. I've always been very picky about what I consume, but am now factoring in the frame of mind a topic will put me in.


This does feel like a chance to right a lot of underlying issues that were easy to gloss over when I was at a prestigious college and in a steady relationship. Almost like a movie of everything crashing down and being forced to deal with the man in the mirror.