Date Report 8/10/25
Four hour date that (I think) went well until the last 5 minutes - Denied a Second Date Next Day
Okay, so date — it was four hours overall. It went well, but I feel like I might have fucked up the last five minutes. I wasn’t sure if I should go in for a kiss. I guess I was hoping I’d get the same openings that I got with one date when I kissed her — she made it clear like another date that made it super obvious she wanted me to kiss her. But I didn’t get that this time, so I wasn’t sure.
She at first agreed to a second date this morning, then later today said that she didn’t think it was a good idea. So that’s that.
Reflecting on it, maybe I should have just gone for it, because that kind of shows that I’m keeping the frame and going for what I want (I basically told her that earlier in the date). But I just wasn’t sure, so hopefully I didn’t fuck things up (I did lol).
My date was four hours. I did not anticipate or plan for it to go on that long, especially with all the shit I had to do. I didn’t try to pull her back to my place — which I should have — but I got a little worried since she was talking about being “traditional” and all that. She also told a story about how some guy once asked her, “Why don’t we just have dinner at my place?” and after she agreed she realized, “Oh shit, he thinks I want to fuck.”
I’ve had similar things told to me before, and still ended up hooking up with them. So I don’t know — I shouldn’t have let it get to me. My original plan was to jokingly say, “I’d invite you to dinner at my place, but I don’t want you to have the wrong idea,” and then invite her anyway. But I didn’t, because I was thinking, “Okay, let me go for a kiss close instead.”
So I got neither.
I definitely felt the vibe was good at the end — like I could have done it, or at least that she was open to it — but then we got right up next to her car. I said, “Okay, well, this is fun,” and she looked at me and smiled. It wasn’t a “kiss me” look; it was more of a “Okay, great, yeah, thank you” look.
We hugged. I awkwardly told her, “Have a good safe drive back,” and tried to let our eyes linger to see if she was giving me an opening. She didn’t, so I didn’t go for it.
I feel like there’s got to be a way to not leave it all for the kiss close at the end. Leaving it to the last two minutes just puts all the pressure on that final moment. I need to move past that point much earlier — definitely not four hours in.
It’s good that four hours flew by, and we only had two drinks each, but damn. Hopefully I didn’t fuck things up. She definitely seems like the type of person who’s like, “Okay, not interested — one thing wrong, next.”
The things I did right:
• Conversation and deep diving
• Getting her to open up
• Good pacing
• Talking about women friends
• Qualifying her and disqualifying myself
I didn’t do any future projections — I always forget to do those.
Kino & Compliance:
The first kino I did was telling her to give me her hand. I gave a lot of commands, which she followed every time. For example: “Hey, move your chair closer to me” instead of me moving closer. She complied every time — great sign.
That’s what makes the “not interested in a second date” text a little surprising, she was seemed very compliant. But then again I’m new to compliance and I only did around 4 the entire night, so maybe that’s not nearly enough.
Goal after this:
Find a way where things don’t depend on the last two minutes. When all the pressure is on the end, you end up wondering, “Should I have done this? Did I do the right thing?”
I think I ended on a good note. I made sure we were talking about something positive. Kino and touch were there. I persisted a little in getting her to a second location — at first she was unsure, but I pushed just a tiny bit without overdoing it. That worked out well, and things definitely improved at the second place.
Internal notes:
• Did eye contact
• Used a playful disagreement
• Qualified and complimented (but didn’t tease after the compliment — still unsure if I should)
• Got her to open up a lot, even though she seemed pretty closed-off and restricted at first
• Tried to elicit her values and amplify them, but didn’t fully do it
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• Need to initiate earlier physical escalation instead of waiting until the end
I might have gotten caught up in the “romantic first kiss” idea, but it’s hard to know when they’re ready unless they’re overt about it. If they’re not being overt, it’s probably better to wait. But then again maybe that’s just my fear of rejection talking.
I did a few statements of intent, some projections, and cold reads. She responded well to the cold reads.
If nothing else, I got my reps in — and I didn’t spend much for a drink first date.
Practice makes perfect.
