some kinda close friends have a games night. i'm not very social usually, i hardly hang out with friends, so decided i'd go to one tonight.
i make a good entrance, very friendly and confident, i know the hosts; another couple, i've met once or twice, and there is a sngle girl, quite hot, blonde american. petite and slender and seems very cool. i have four beers, i should have taken more as i offer them out saying i brought four but wasn't gonna drink all of them. 2 people take one then i offer girl a beer. she says "don't you want two?" and i repy, yeah but i'm a gentlleman" and give her the beer. later i feel bad about this. shouldn't have made any deal about it, just gave it in good spirits. she had wine which she shared later but i feel i kept putting my foot in my mouth and saying stupid shit. or at least after, when i thought back, i thought it was stupid. like she said about the wine "my friend told me if it's under xxx amount per bottle it's not good wine" and i said "so x is as good as xxxx then and you brought this?" or something like that. made her feel bad for even bringing a bottle of wine. i'm totally in my head about this.
thing is this all happened early on within the first few minutes. then we started playing jack box, or something, which is a group game but you play by hooking your cell phone to the wireless then all play on the tv. it seems like a fun game but totally fucking ruins a social interaction. it would be cool with some dudes you know well but doesn't really facilitate conversation.
i feel very self conscious when others can hear my conversation, i go incredibly shy/
so we just played that game and i drank my beer, making appropriate comments here and there and trying to be funny.
but i felt the hosts had kinda arranged it that i meet this girl. i can imagine them telling her about me and her being hopeful, then i just left her disappointed. or maybe the hosts don't need to say anything, but she's a single girl and i made a good first impression and, again, disappointed.
which is totally my ego fucking with me. who do i think i am that this was arranged for me? she don't give a shit about me either. there are like thirty + people in this group for games night. just random chance that it was this arrangement of people tonight.
i'm really kicking myself coz i feel like a different person than the guy i know i can be. i feel on another night i could have crushed this situation.
on the other hand, social circle is a very delicate game to play maybe it was good that i was so introverted ....but i was on the wrong side of the line tonight. no doubt
at one point she asked me where i'm from and as i answered the hostess answered for me and there was an awkward moment and somebody asked her a question amd she turned away and that was about as far as it got. i never got into a momentum and couldn't re start it.
this couple, the hosts, i believe they want to involve me in their sex life. i have several reasons to believe this. dating back at leasd 1.5 years.
tonight, at one point, in response to something i said, i can't remember, the hostess said loudly "it's ok, lao che, we're looking for a third"" or something like that. i fully belive this is true. i was too embarrassed , or taken aback, or too in my head, to really respond. so i said nothing and just smiled.
i'd only planned to stay for 1.5/2 hours but i felt so awkward that i couldn't find the right moment to leave.
the girl left before me and that could have been my chance to go out. but as i hadn't talked to her all night it felt weird to say "oh i wanna leave too. lets leave together". i didn't even get up as she left, just said a casual bye. was not the gentleman i proclaimed to be
so i ended up staying way longer than i wanted to just to avoid awkwardness. how awkward. lol.
then i rode home, it rained hard and i went right through a huge puddle and got soaked. then i hated myself for stayings so late, and being too weak to assert myself, even though i hardly drank, i still wanted to leave early and keep my shit together. have an early night.
i realize most of this takes place in my head, but i'm posting it anyway. if i write about the last week i had visiting hong kong you would think it was written by a different person
i make a good entrance, very friendly and confident, i know the hosts; another couple, i've met once or twice, and there is a sngle girl, quite hot, blonde american. petite and slender and seems very cool. i have four beers, i should have taken more as i offer them out saying i brought four but wasn't gonna drink all of them. 2 people take one then i offer girl a beer. she says "don't you want two?" and i repy, yeah but i'm a gentlleman" and give her the beer. later i feel bad about this. shouldn't have made any deal about it, just gave it in good spirits. she had wine which she shared later but i feel i kept putting my foot in my mouth and saying stupid shit. or at least after, when i thought back, i thought it was stupid. like she said about the wine "my friend told me if it's under xxx amount per bottle it's not good wine" and i said "so x is as good as xxxx then and you brought this?" or something like that. made her feel bad for even bringing a bottle of wine. i'm totally in my head about this.
thing is this all happened early on within the first few minutes. then we started playing jack box, or something, which is a group game but you play by hooking your cell phone to the wireless then all play on the tv. it seems like a fun game but totally fucking ruins a social interaction. it would be cool with some dudes you know well but doesn't really facilitate conversation.
i feel very self conscious when others can hear my conversation, i go incredibly shy/
so we just played that game and i drank my beer, making appropriate comments here and there and trying to be funny.
but i felt the hosts had kinda arranged it that i meet this girl. i can imagine them telling her about me and her being hopeful, then i just left her disappointed. or maybe the hosts don't need to say anything, but she's a single girl and i made a good first impression and, again, disappointed.
which is totally my ego fucking with me. who do i think i am that this was arranged for me? she don't give a shit about me either. there are like thirty + people in this group for games night. just random chance that it was this arrangement of people tonight.
i'm really kicking myself coz i feel like a different person than the guy i know i can be. i feel on another night i could have crushed this situation.
on the other hand, social circle is a very delicate game to play maybe it was good that i was so introverted ....but i was on the wrong side of the line tonight. no doubt
at one point she asked me where i'm from and as i answered the hostess answered for me and there was an awkward moment and somebody asked her a question amd she turned away and that was about as far as it got. i never got into a momentum and couldn't re start it.
this couple, the hosts, i believe they want to involve me in their sex life. i have several reasons to believe this. dating back at leasd 1.5 years.
tonight, at one point, in response to something i said, i can't remember, the hostess said loudly "it's ok, lao che, we're looking for a third"" or something like that. i fully belive this is true. i was too embarrassed , or taken aback, or too in my head, to really respond. so i said nothing and just smiled.
i'd only planned to stay for 1.5/2 hours but i felt so awkward that i couldn't find the right moment to leave.
the girl left before me and that could have been my chance to go out. but as i hadn't talked to her all night it felt weird to say "oh i wanna leave too. lets leave together". i didn't even get up as she left, just said a casual bye. was not the gentleman i proclaimed to be
so i ended up staying way longer than i wanted to just to avoid awkwardness. how awkward. lol.
then i rode home, it rained hard and i went right through a huge puddle and got soaked. then i hated myself for stayings so late, and being too weak to assert myself, even though i hardly drank, i still wanted to leave early and keep my shit together. have an early night.
i realize most of this takes place in my head, but i'm posting it anyway. if i write about the last week i had visiting hong kong you would think it was written by a different person
