2nd Date -- "roofies" joke. Was I in the wrong?

[pickupq123]

So I have three things that I could REALLY use your help/opinions on. First off, I have a really sarcastic sense of humor, and my filter is a little loose compared to others. For example, if something is too expensive I'll brush it off by saying "I can't afford that, we're in a recession" in a joking matter. Or, being half Jewish, I would say something like "too expensive for a jew like me" (stereotyping). OR for example if the girls asks me what I'm looking for right now, I'll say something like "I don't really know. Between my two wives and three kids, I have a lot on my plate right now (I'm 23 BTW so this scenario is unlikely) These are just examples. I would never say the "too expensive lines" for items on the menu to seem like a cheapskate. Just keep my sarcasm and sense of humor in the back of your mind for these question.

1) i'm having trouble with conversations on a 2nd date. I usually deep dive so much on the first date, that if we connect enough and the girl wants to see me the second time around, I don't know what to talk about. The first date is simple for me, the second is tough conversation wise. It was real awkward sense we were both kind of eating/drinking and not saying something

2) This is where things went downhill . As we were eating, I was bringing up past things that we talked about. These weren't minor things either. As I was bringing them up, she was in shock that she didn't remember telling me this. Our first date was simply ice-cream, so no alcohol could have impaired memory. When she couldn't remember like the 4th/5th thing we talked about, I said something like "wow, they must have roofied your ice cream!". After talking for like 1 more minute, and a brief lull in conversation, she turns to me and says "you know, that roofie joke wasn't funny". I kind of just looked at her and said "ok" and tried to change the subject, but she kept calling all the jokes that followed "lame, like the roofies joke". This completely flipped my mood. Here's a girl I took out on a first date and liked, and she was excited to go on a second date. She had an idea of my humor. So to be honest this comment was out of the blue for me. After this comment, I sort of closed off, BUT, now she was on the attack and I was on defense. In addition to telling me my jokes were lame....

3) Now she was on the prowl with what I was looking for. I'm not going to write out all the conversations, but she asked me/said

- Why was I single (I commented back telling her being single wasn't a bad thing)
- "You must have had a traumatic experience as a kid. Were you bullied in high school? I want to break through your shell (Due to my sarcastic humor and my deflections to questions such as "what are you looking for right now", she was trying to "figure the real me out". I have no trouble opening up to girls, but her reaction from the roofie joke literally closed me off. I didn't want to tell her anything about myself).
- There was even a point where she "deduced" that I was lonely, because I told her that I had an amazing experience K-12 and college, but afterwards was different. This went on to her claiming I was hiding something and was insecure.

The funny thing was while she thought all her deductions were correct, they were actually mostly all wrong. BUT, I didn't want to seem like a kid trying to retaliate, so I just kind of nodded and had a "hmm...interesting" facial expression with her silly assumptions, instead of opening up. I've actually never really had a problem being single, never had a traumatic experience as a kid, and am not that insecure.


My questions:

1) After reading this, I would like your thoughts. Was I in the wrong? I know people connect "roofies" to "rape", and I would NEVER mention rape on a date. I meant this in more of a blackout sense.

2) I want a girl that can roll with my sarcasm and humor. Jokes like this are a good way to weed out these girls, but I still want the date to go smoothly. The last hour of the date was brutal for me. What would you do differently to divert away from this situation and bring the date back to a pleasant standard again?

3) Would you guys just ever walk out on a date? I really wanted to just leave (not because of anxiety. just because i knew i never wanted to see this girl again) but I had to wait for the bill.




The ending of this date was the weirdest. I did NOT want to pay for her share of this date, so I did what chase suggested and let the check sit there (I requested it early before drinks were finished lol). After like 15 minutes of the check sitting there, she asks "so i guess you want me to pay for this then". I said "no, we can split it". we both didnt have cash, only cards. so she put her card in the bill. I said "we can split via cards too" but when i put my card in the bill she rejected it and said she's paying. Additionally, when we left she didn't like walk straight to her car and leave. She lingered around me, but because of the conversation topics and mood I was in, I didn't even want to suggest a pull, regardless if I could or not. Honestly my memory is extremely fuzzy at this point. but she said something like "i guess you don't like me now?", and I said something like "I like you but our senses of humor are very different. I gave her an awkward hug and left.


Sorry for the long post, but I want opinions on the overall date, if you think I was in the wrong, and what I could do to tip the date back in my favor/edge.

 

[Ross]

1) After reading this, I would like your thoughts. Was I in the wrong? I know people connect "roofies" to "rape", and I would NEVER mention rape on a date. I meant this in more of a blackout sense.

2) I want a girl that can roll with my sarcasm and humor. Jokes like this are a good way to weed out these girls, but I still want the date to go smoothly. The last hour of the date was brutal for me. What would you do differently to divert away from this situation and bring the date back to a pleasant standard again?

3) Would you guys just ever walk out on a date? I really wanted to just leave (not because of anxiety. just because i knew i never wanted to see this girl again) but I had to wait for the bill.

1) No, you weren't in the wrong. There's plenty of jokes that can be taken the wrong way because they contain sensitive subject, and she probably only thought about this afterwards as a way to neg you in an attempt to establish social superiority.

You may, however, want to cool it on being too sarcastic. Brushing off everything with sarcasm can start to sound dismissive, almost as if you're denying an emotional connection by being shut off to sharing anything unique or interesting about yourself. This can be used sometimes as a tool to cut off threads that likely weren't going to lead anywhere pleasant, but you must always remember to then lead the conversation back to better grounds.

2) Again, be sure not to be too sarcastic and you'll find yourself making much better connections with women.

3) I've never walked out on a date, even if it was going horribly. Worst case scenario I can get her to pay for my meal .

You probably felt pretty bad after defending yourself from her attacks on your personality, which made you want to leave. First thing is to not take attacks/dismissive things too seriously, such as her belated reaction the roofie joke, so you don't get shut off and defensive. Whenever girls object to something I've said, such as saying a joke wasn't funny, I typically play it off along the lines of "ohhhh... tell me a funny joke" (they can't). Just remember to stay playful and not get dragged down into her state of "not funny, not fun" that she may have associated because of her emotional connection to the word roofie. That way you can move past a minor hiccup in conversation, rather than lulling on it.

 

[pickupq123]

1) After reading this, I would like your thoughts. Was I in the wrong? I know people connect "roofies" to "rape", and I would NEVER mention rape on a date. I meant this in more of a blackout sense.

2) I want a girl that can roll with my sarcasm and humor. Jokes like this are a good way to weed out these girls, but I still want the date to go smoothly. The last hour of the date was brutal for me. What would you do differently to divert away from this situation and bring the date back to a pleasant standard again?

3) Would you guys just ever walk out on a date? I really wanted to just leave (not because of anxiety. just because i knew i never wanted to see this girl again) but I had to wait for the bill.

1) No, you weren't in the wrong. There's plenty of jokes that can be taken the wrong way because they contain sensitive subject, and she probably only thought about this afterwards as a way to neg you in an attempt to establish social superiority.

You may, however, want to cool it on being too sarcastic. Brushing off everything with sarcasm can start to sound dismissive, almost as if you're denying an emotional connection by being shut off to sharing anything unique or interesting about yourself. This can be used sometimes as a tool to cut off threads that likely weren't going to lead anywhere pleasant, but you must always remember to then lead the conversation back to better grounds.

2) Again, be sure not to be too sarcastic and you'll find yourself making much better connections with women.

3) I've never walked out on a date, even if it was going horribly. Worst case scenario I can get her to pay for my meal .

You probably felt pretty bad after defending yourself from her attacks on your personality, which made you want to leave. First thing is to not take attacks/dismissive things too seriously, such as her belated reaction the roofie joke, so you don't get shut off and defensive. Whenever girls object to something I've said, such as saying a joke wasn't funny, I typically play it off along the lines of "ohhhh... tell me a funny joke" (they can't). Just remember to stay playful and not get dragged down into her state of "not funny, not fun" that she may have associated because of her emotional connection to the word roofie. That way you can move past a minor hiccup in conversation, rather than lulling on it.

Thanks for the advice. I will tone down the sarcasm next time. I think what happened is she kept bringing up the roofie joke. Every time I made a new joke I would get something like "that was almost as bad as your roofie joke". Eventually, I started going in autorejection. I can't stand people that cannot take a joke/laugh about life, so I dial up my sarcasm meter like 4x when I run into people like this. The problem this time is I was stuck at a stupid table with her. In other situations I could just leave and find people that have a sense of humor.

This was also frustrating for me because I normally am tough to crack mood-wise. This girl managed to turn me from a pleasant mood to annoyed mood, and I couldn't do ANYTHING to turn the mood around. All I wanted to do was to switch subjects and start laughing again, but I couldn't do it...

Overall, this is not a bad thing that this happened, because it weeded her out, but if this happens again with a different date, I just want some way to turn the tables extremely quickly back in my favor and keep the conversation and mood light. Something tells me if I used your line "you tell me a funny joke", she would say "no" or "i can't". Then the mood is still negative. What would you do if you receive a negative answer when trying to switch the mood around?