99% lost case - I still want to try

Newb66

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Ok so me, 25, her 24, neither did have a long term partner before. She hasn't had sex before and is timid, me- just a one night stand, usually not nervous in intimate situations with girls, but too invested in them after a while.

PROBLEM: matching characters, but poor sex on first date, is there a way out from this horrible position?

We knew each other for like a year but started talking two months ago. I could tell she was into me, so we started texting and after a while talked like good old friends- plus there was mutual attraction. We got an occasion to meet up at hers a few days ago, actually our first night out. She was even more into me than I was into her. I get some attention from girls, although she's above my league, so I didn't want to lose her (yeah, wrong mindset I know). Much alcohol, we got to bed, but I knew I'd be nervous fucking her good to show I'm capable, plus I wasn't really horny lately due to inactivity. No resistance at all, that's probably because of long foreplay, she was highly aroused and came once during that phase. When it came to the right moment, as I said I could barely get it up- then we did a round which she RATHER enjoyed, but then I tried a second one but I was done, I told her it seems I'm nervous around her. She was ok though at that point.

I slept over, she still was into me apparently, but then I thought I needed to improve myself in her eyes and try once more. Again no resistance, but again due to the pressure, getting into my head and inexperience I couldn't get it done properly... I could stop here but ok, let me finish (no pun intended). Initially all ok and cuddling, then she started cooling off, we talked about life in general, but I didn't address my undoing. I might have also indicated too much that I'm into her. When I was leaving she was already somewhat colder. I felt like shit obviously.

Two days after she said it was too quick, she's not looking for a relationship right now and blamed it on alcohol, obviously it was the most diplomatic thing she could say, and she was not really enthusiastic but responded to my messages fairly quickly.

Now that I read it I feel like a fckn idiot to even ask, but is there anything to be done here given that she was intially into me, we invested much time in each other? I'd say we're a good match (sadly except for the sex part...). I really like her, although I know it's like 99% irreparable. I only thought about talking it over in person & not over text, but then- what do I say or offer her? There is no way I'm taking her to bed now, and that's the only way this could be miraculously rectified, taking it slower is also not an option I believe. Obviously just texting her to turn things around when she's already cold = chasing. How do I get a chance to prove her wrong? She's inexperienced herself, so wouldn't she be a bit slower to write me off?

Just waiting for you to say to go out and meet other girls, but yeah, tough times now with going out so I wanted to give it one more go.

Thx
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
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I have been in this situation many times, were sex was bad or performance issues, but i usually the one that rejects them....

So you have to give it time, disqualify yourself, and go into cool friend territory, as soon as a window opens again then you may have another chance.... But now she totally lost interest and attraction in you.... Sex is very important, you should have had cialis or the likes with you if you knew you sucked the first time...
 

Newb66

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Thanks for the insight! On the first day I thought it might go well, the day after I just shrugged it off and thought "maybe it was just the alcohol, you'd better hurry up"...

Since the incident we haven't been texting, before we used to do that a lot. Do you think I just casually chat her up from time to time as we've got some topics to cover, without her getting pissed even more? I was thinking of asking her early like, today or tomorrow, to talk it over in person to honestly explain that I was really nervous and that I should have told her back then, which she could have understood as a newbie herself. No convincing her to my person of course- I would do that to get it off my chest at least, okay maybe so she sees me just as a nervous newbie with some ideas, but not totally incompetent dude. But you're right- I'm invisible for her now. I know I'm really putting off saying it's a goner, but I'm just counting there's a small chance she's the one I could get some more experience with. Especially now that social meetings will be off-limits and she lives nearby
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
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Thanks for the insight! On the first day I thought it might go well, the day after I just shrugged it off and thought "maybe it was just the alcohol, you'd better hurry up"...

Since the incident we haven't been texting, before we used to do that a lot. Do you think I just casually chat her up from time to time as we've got some topics to cover, without her getting pissed even more? I was thinking of asking her early like, today or tomorrow, to talk it over in person to honestly explain that I was really nervous and that I should have told her back then, which she could have understood as a newbie herself. No convincing her to my person of course- I would do that to get it off my chest at least, okay maybe so she sees me just as a nervous newbie with some ideas, but not totally incompetent dude. But you're right- I'm invisible for her now. I know I'm really putting off saying it's a goner, but I'm just counting there's a small chance she's the one I could get some more experience with. Especially now that social meetings will be off-limits and she lives nearby


no horrible move, right now you are too needy.... neediness kills attraction... just let some time pass... and then ping her to taste the waters...
 
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Okboomer

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Got it. I'll wait a week or two at least (I recon it's enough) to see if anything's changed.

Posting from a new account, couldn't retrieve the other one. I'll make an update if I remember.
 

Okboomer

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Ok, as expected she's cold obviously so I'm done here. I realized I've been too stressed and inactive recently, so didn't even think about sex. Already have a plan to turn things around health-wise and to not be fixated on one girl so much. If I got a second chance instantly I wouldn't come here and realize she's totally in power. Lesson learned
 
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