The People
Her: mid-20s Vietnamese traveler, in NGO work, studied at an american university, thin + C cups
Me: early 30s Asian Entrepreneur
Background
I’m traveling for a wedding in Seoul, Korea. Not the first time I’ve been here, though it is the first time I’m seriously trying Cold Approach here. In the past, the combination of language barrier + not having enough approach confidence led to half-ass attempts.
My recent work with Hector has revealed to me how much more vibe matters compared to what I actually say. So I flew in believing it’d be possible to Cold Approach successfully even in a non-English speaking country.
The Meet
On the second night here, in the early evening in a fancy shopping district, I cross paths with a cute girl with a fashionable dress who’s walking around slowly while taking photos. I walk along side her and compliment her dress in English. She responds “thank you” in perfect English.
I ask her where she’s from, what she’s up to, etc. etc. At one point, I’m telling her I sought out a japanese delicacy earlier today. Instead of just telling her “pufferfish”, I closed my lips and blew my cheeks out, and made a funny expression. She laughed really hard, and said “I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about”. This is noteworthy for me, because I’m not good at incorporating silly humor into my approaches. But this did wonders towards dispelling my stoic nature and creating some trust.
As we talk more, it turns out we’re both just walking around this evening without any concrete plans, at which point she asks “want to…. explore together?”. This is quite bold, I can’t remember the last time a girl asked me out on an instant-date. I of course agree.
First Date
As we’re walking around, she hints that she’s hungry. I throw out some food ideas, and she’s extremely agreeable + compliant. She understands that we just need to go anywhere decent, and our conversation is what really matters. We walk about 5 minutes before settling into a spot for food.
This dinner goes alright. Just some information sharing, nothing crazy or especially connection-building. Although we never hook onto anything juicy, I think my overall vibe is significantly better than before (I’m happier, kinder, more emotive, more trustworthy, less judgmental, etc.), so I don’t show any red flags, and she gives me the benefit of the doubt.
We bounce, I pay (feels weird to not pay when there’s a large age gap, I end up paying for everything subsequently) and she agrees to head to a cocktail bar with me afterwards. Again, she’s ultra agreeable on location.
This ends up being a pretty good spot. Cool foreign cocktail bar vibes, great drinks, good music, etc. We dive a bit deeper, and I end up talking about some of my sessions with Hector (who I call my therapist), and how I’ve been becoming a more generous and kinder person over time. She LOVES this.
I believe by the end she’s thinking “okay, this guy is obviously high value, entrepreneur, looks good, confident, has social value (here for a wedding) etc. But he’s also got some humility to admit he wasn’t a great partner in the past, and seems to be genuinely trying to become a better friend and human (+++ attainability). And I’m on a fairly freestyle vacation, so this guy could be a very interesting way to spice that up.”
We leave the bar, and are about to go our separate ways. I go for a kiss, but she refuses. She immediately caveats with “not because of you, but I just don’t trust strangers so quickly”. I just downplay it as “no big deal”. We hug goodbye.
Subsequent Dates
We arrange to meet up a few more times over the coming days. And we’re both leaving at the end of the week, me on a flight to a different country in my vacation tour, her a train to a different part of Korea.
Not too much to elaborate on for these subsequent dates. I’ll just mention key points:
So now I canceled my flight, and I’m training across a foreign country to go stay in a hotel with a girl I haven’t even kissed yet. It does sound super nice-guy, but I think it’s okay as long as I maintain my frame and don’t make a giant deal of it. I try to keep the attitude of “sure what the hell, as long as I’m still enjoying this”.
Over the next few days, we do get closer. On one night in particular, she criticizes a few things I did: awkward jokes, little bits of inconsideration, etc. Which puts me in a bad mood. And I admit to her some vulnerability that her criticism makes me feel like the stuff I’ve been working on clearly hasn’t been working. I was just trying to be honest, but unintentionally it made her really feel a lot more connected to me.
I had already realized days before that it wasn’t value, but attainability/comfort that was the issue. But because this girl is a virgin, the amount of attainability/comfort she needs is so high, that it can’t just be generated in one or two dates. This really needs to be something special for her. So it took days of travel + comfort building + natural revelations of vulnerability on my part.
On the walk back to the hotel, she kisses me. I accept it nicely, without making a big deal of it.
Then back at the hotel, after we shower, and are cuddling a bit in bed, we just… go to sex without much LMR at all.
After Sex Dates
The next few days are amazing. It’s so nice the feeling of being with someone after having sex. The sexual tension has been released, and we can be ourselves so much more. She ends up saying several interesting things in our after sex conversations:
Another “show a virgin an AMAZING first time”. I’m proud of myself for bringing good vibes into this world and working to heal people’s past traumas. See other post.
Also, proving that the “be a better, kinder, more empathetic person” path that Hector has me on, is leading to some results + more happiness for me, her, and everyone.
Also, first cold approach lay in a foreign country. Which definitely opens my mind to new possibilities.
Her: mid-20s Vietnamese traveler, in NGO work, studied at an american university, thin + C cups
Me: early 30s Asian Entrepreneur
Background
I’m traveling for a wedding in Seoul, Korea. Not the first time I’ve been here, though it is the first time I’m seriously trying Cold Approach here. In the past, the combination of language barrier + not having enough approach confidence led to half-ass attempts.
My recent work with Hector has revealed to me how much more vibe matters compared to what I actually say. So I flew in believing it’d be possible to Cold Approach successfully even in a non-English speaking country.
The Meet
On the second night here, in the early evening in a fancy shopping district, I cross paths with a cute girl with a fashionable dress who’s walking around slowly while taking photos. I walk along side her and compliment her dress in English. She responds “thank you” in perfect English.
I ask her where she’s from, what she’s up to, etc. etc. At one point, I’m telling her I sought out a japanese delicacy earlier today. Instead of just telling her “pufferfish”, I closed my lips and blew my cheeks out, and made a funny expression. She laughed really hard, and said “I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about”. This is noteworthy for me, because I’m not good at incorporating silly humor into my approaches. But this did wonders towards dispelling my stoic nature and creating some trust.
As we talk more, it turns out we’re both just walking around this evening without any concrete plans, at which point she asks “want to…. explore together?”. This is quite bold, I can’t remember the last time a girl asked me out on an instant-date. I of course agree.
First Date
As we’re walking around, she hints that she’s hungry. I throw out some food ideas, and she’s extremely agreeable + compliant. She understands that we just need to go anywhere decent, and our conversation is what really matters. We walk about 5 minutes before settling into a spot for food.
This dinner goes alright. Just some information sharing, nothing crazy or especially connection-building. Although we never hook onto anything juicy, I think my overall vibe is significantly better than before (I’m happier, kinder, more emotive, more trustworthy, less judgmental, etc.), so I don’t show any red flags, and she gives me the benefit of the doubt.
We bounce, I pay (feels weird to not pay when there’s a large age gap, I end up paying for everything subsequently) and she agrees to head to a cocktail bar with me afterwards. Again, she’s ultra agreeable on location.
This ends up being a pretty good spot. Cool foreign cocktail bar vibes, great drinks, good music, etc. We dive a bit deeper, and I end up talking about some of my sessions with Hector (who I call my therapist), and how I’ve been becoming a more generous and kinder person over time. She LOVES this.
I believe by the end she’s thinking “okay, this guy is obviously high value, entrepreneur, looks good, confident, has social value (here for a wedding) etc. But he’s also got some humility to admit he wasn’t a great partner in the past, and seems to be genuinely trying to become a better friend and human (+++ attainability). And I’m on a fairly freestyle vacation, so this guy could be a very interesting way to spice that up.”
We leave the bar, and are about to go our separate ways. I go for a kiss, but she refuses. She immediately caveats with “not because of you, but I just don’t trust strangers so quickly”. I just downplay it as “no big deal”. We hug goodbye.
Subsequent Dates
We arrange to meet up a few more times over the coming days. And we’re both leaving at the end of the week, me on a flight to a different country in my vacation tour, her a train to a different part of Korea.
Not too much to elaborate on for these subsequent dates. I’ll just mention key points:
- On the 2nd date, I lean in on her just a bit while we’re taking the escalator. And she explicitly says “can you like… not be so close?”. This kinda throws me off, as I’m used to girls warming up to me physically much faster. I feel like with this girl, I’ve been forced to regress back towards “nice guy” mode, where I’m slowly building up to us lightly touching each other, as compared to other girls where we might have sex on the first date.
- But, I do find out that she’s pretty inexperienced. Her first semi boyfriend was just half a year ago, and she might even be a virgin (later confirmed). So I soften my perspective from “I’m frustrated this girl is slow-balling me so much” to “she’s just extremely inexperienced. These are all completely new and confusing things to her. It’d actually be somewhat cold and out of character of me to pressure her into jumping forwarding through all these intimacy steps”.
- So I just continue going on dates with her, on the one hand, playing “nice guy”, but on the other hand, I don’t feel myself losing “frame” too much. It’s not that expensive here, and I’m honestly enjoying getting to know her as a person, and as long as I don’t feel like she’s dragging me along and wasting my time/money, then I don’t act that way.
- On the 3rd or 4th date, right before we’re both about to leave, I believe that this was just a nice few dates, and the story wouldn’t go any further. But, she does a few interesting things:
- We’re going to meet for a final dinner, but she also asks me what I’m doing 12-3pm, which is an oddly large amount of “I want to spend every minute with you” type of energy.
- I tell her I’m just hanging in my hotel room, doing some work, maybe checking out the pool. She replies “can I leave my suitcase in your hotel before going to my 4pm event?” That’s an oddly forward request. I’m honestly quite confused, and I ask her if she’s changing hotels today (to try to triangulate her motives, and also give her an excuse to tell herself in case she’s looking for one). She says yes, exactly. I then say sure.
- She comes to my hotel, and literally hands me the suitcase in the lobby, and then runs off to the event. I guess she was literally just looking for someplace to store it…?
- After she comes back, she says she’s super tired, I offer her to take a nap. And we nap together while cuddling a bit. Obviously my “is this an escalation window?” senses are tingling, and I don’t want to make the mistake of missing one. But I find out this isn’t that. By napping with me, she’s actually already at the edge of her comfort level. It’s somewhere here where she asks me to come with her on the train instead of going on my flight. I basically say, “sure, what the hell”.
So now I canceled my flight, and I’m training across a foreign country to go stay in a hotel with a girl I haven’t even kissed yet. It does sound super nice-guy, but I think it’s okay as long as I maintain my frame and don’t make a giant deal of it. I try to keep the attitude of “sure what the hell, as long as I’m still enjoying this”.
Over the next few days, we do get closer. On one night in particular, she criticizes a few things I did: awkward jokes, little bits of inconsideration, etc. Which puts me in a bad mood. And I admit to her some vulnerability that her criticism makes me feel like the stuff I’ve been working on clearly hasn’t been working. I was just trying to be honest, but unintentionally it made her really feel a lot more connected to me.
I had already realized days before that it wasn’t value, but attainability/comfort that was the issue. But because this girl is a virgin, the amount of attainability/comfort she needs is so high, that it can’t just be generated in one or two dates. This really needs to be something special for her. So it took days of travel + comfort building + natural revelations of vulnerability on my part.
On the walk back to the hotel, she kisses me. I accept it nicely, without making a big deal of it.
Then back at the hotel, after we shower, and are cuddling a bit in bed, we just… go to sex without much LMR at all.
After Sex Dates
The next few days are amazing. It’s so nice the feeling of being with someone after having sex. The sexual tension has been released, and we can be ourselves so much more. She ends up saying several interesting things in our after sex conversations:
- she asked me my lay count. I always find this to be a trick question. Too low, and she wonders if she overestimated my game. Too high, and she’s defensively thinking she’s just another +1 to me. I love to counter with a ridiculously unbelievably high number. So I said 4000. She obviously doesn’t believe me. Then I say “okay, it’s 200”. She still doesn’t believe me.
- later she asks me what’s the strangest sexual thing I did. I show her a picture of one of my BDSM scenes, a really hot girl tied up artistically in my bedroom. She’s enthralled and begs to see more photos, and one or two photos later she says “okay, now I believe your 200”. Then I say, no actually it’s 4000, but the 4000 are with men. This is my favorite way to deflect the question, either claim I’m a virgin, or claim I’m gay, both utterly unbelievable to her given my obvious level of game.
- After our 2nd time having sex, which was much better than the first. She tells me “okay, I know I have no reference points, but that was AMAZING”.
- She says “when I watched pornos before, I honestly thought all the women were faking their screams. But… when you were in me, I have no idea where it came from, but I just started screaming in a higher pitch voice that I didn’t know existed”
- she decides to boost my ego with “okay, it’s not that I’m really tight, honestly you’re just really big”
- “The last few weeks have been a fever dream for me. I don’t think I’ll ever have a similar experience for the rest of my life. Thank you”
- going at her super slow pace. Again, she’s a virgin, this is a super new thing for her. She needs a TON of comfort + attainability (also, she may have had some brushes with sexual abuse in the past).
- recognizing I’ve already reached the value bar, and not overfilling it anymore. I sussed out that there was enough value by the second date, and so I never brought up anything else that might raise value further and lower attainability:
- didn’t mention anything about my successful business any more
- didn’t mention any past girlfriends, or anything alluding to that
- etc.
- Just being flexible when things don’t work my way. Don’t be butthurt if a girl refuses sex on the first date. Don’t take life so seriously, have fun, and maybe I’ll end up having a far more amazing experience than if I tried to force it.
Another “show a virgin an AMAZING first time”. I’m proud of myself for bringing good vibes into this world and working to heal people’s past traumas. See other post.
Also, proving that the “be a better, kinder, more empathetic person” path that Hector has me on, is leading to some results + more happiness for me, her, and everyone.
Also, first cold approach lay in a foreign country. Which definitely opens my mind to new possibilities.
