- Joined
- Apr 26, 2024
- Messages
- 31
Hey, this is my first FR for my first approach ever. Naturally it was a bit unsmooth. I am going to write these primarily for my own benefit, but will try to make the next ones a bit more easier to read and better structured.
So a few days ago I was at a festival with a few friends, didn't have the intention to approach but ended up in a conversation with a cutie that was there with her brother and the brothers friend. The conversation started with a comment on a situation playing out in front of us, our groups merged and we laughed about it with an inside joke resulting out of that. In between joking I engaged the men and asked about their work etc. Teased the girl a bit, brother and brothers friend jump in, talked to her about her career, honestly can't remember much else we have talked about but we continued to.
Very receptive to touch, standing side by side touching, laying arms around her while she showed me something on her phone, playfully letting my head rest at her shoulder exasperated, leaning in close and whispering a joke, her engaging, friend and brother friendly towards me. In the middle of talking a hag approaches me and says I know her, confused look by me and recognizing her friends. Me saying "yeaaah" disinterestedly and going back to talking with cutie. Cutie scoffs a bit at the other girl. My group engaged the brother, the friend told us he was going to go piss. Great, no more cockblocks.
Conversation with her died down, I suggested we move somewhere quiet because the music is loud (it wasn't that loud lol, we have been speaking comfortably for a while, her leaning in to hear). She agreed.
Goofed up a bit by rushing forward a meter. Stood still and waited for her, guiding her by the small of the back after that, a bit unsmooth, no steady pace because we move through a bit of a crowd.
At this point we stand at an elevated area where food and drinks get served. I plan to move her to the exit through a dense crowd to my place just a few minutes away, haven't told her that. Getting to the stairs leading down I tell her to grab my hand lest I lose her in the crowd. She says she's good.
A few steps down the stairs she says how we won't get through, I hesitate, look around and tell her confidently that we'll manage. Objections from her that her brother and friend don't know where she is and she doesn't want to go (plan for her was to stay with brother till the end of the night and them driving back together a few cities over). I tell her it'll only be 5 minutes, they all have phones and can text each other. She says she'd rather stay on the elevated platform. I had planned to leave anyway, so I told her goodnight and left.
So, of course I know I backed off prematurely. In retrospect I think I was too much of a goofball while interacting with them, but I don't have the experience yet to calibrate and know either way. She was definitely interested in where this was going but we hadn't built a connection that made her comfortable to take my hand (maybe I should've just taken it in the beginning instead of rushing off and it would have been no problem). Was moving fast because my friends don't do pickup, don't recognize obstacles and I feared that when the brothers friend especially came back, he would distract.
Maybe I could have taken a seat with her and built more comfort, then try and transition to my place. Maybe she wasn't super hot for me (maybe just flirty) and/or me rushing ahead and hesitating briefly on the stairs made her lose attraction for me.
Maybe just (for now) impossible logistical complications to overcome, with her wanting to drive back with her brother.
On another note I am terrible at conversation. Can't tell a story, stumble over words, lose my train of thought while talking. When I listen I too often take the spotlight off of them and because I can't talk for shit it can get slightly awkward. Also not conducive to deep diving.
Don't know whether I should have kissed her while brother and friend were gone, we were in a crowd. Next time maybe just try.
Lessons for me:
1) Approach and try to pull early in the evening. After midnight you get tired, it gets easy to make excuses not to persist and execute.
2) Sexualize conversation not just through teasing but also other ways (complimenting, sex talk, chase framing? will have to look up how.) Show em you have a dick and are not just friendly.
3) Cut back on silliness, primarily engage woman, don't waste time with obstacles.
4) Be aware of logistical issues, maybe just use them as a pawn and for preselection, open another group
Questions:
Build sufficient comfort (as needed) before trying to move out of queue?
Handle objections to move more seriously and dominant?
-would have been impossible to find brother and the friend
-be less pushy in the moment, handle objections with care
-> Did I leave because I was tired and didn't want to deal with comfort building, or did I auto-reject beacuse I was afraid of what would come after her objections and the damaged vibe because of noncompliance?
Interesting addendum:
Struggled before this to make my voice sexier, lower, add rumble. The day after I woke up and had no such problems, naturally gravelly voice. Holding dominant eye contact without even noticing how it "should" feel uncomfortable. Sounds gay as fuck but it is as if having the cojones to penetrate the world unlocked something in me. Tasted blood, on some level always knew I was somewhat attractive, but having it confirmed in this way was a really nice experience. Baby steps.
So a few days ago I was at a festival with a few friends, didn't have the intention to approach but ended up in a conversation with a cutie that was there with her brother and the brothers friend. The conversation started with a comment on a situation playing out in front of us, our groups merged and we laughed about it with an inside joke resulting out of that. In between joking I engaged the men and asked about their work etc. Teased the girl a bit, brother and brothers friend jump in, talked to her about her career, honestly can't remember much else we have talked about but we continued to.
Very receptive to touch, standing side by side touching, laying arms around her while she showed me something on her phone, playfully letting my head rest at her shoulder exasperated, leaning in close and whispering a joke, her engaging, friend and brother friendly towards me. In the middle of talking a hag approaches me and says I know her, confused look by me and recognizing her friends. Me saying "yeaaah" disinterestedly and going back to talking with cutie. Cutie scoffs a bit at the other girl. My group engaged the brother, the friend told us he was going to go piss. Great, no more cockblocks.
Conversation with her died down, I suggested we move somewhere quiet because the music is loud (it wasn't that loud lol, we have been speaking comfortably for a while, her leaning in to hear). She agreed.
Goofed up a bit by rushing forward a meter. Stood still and waited for her, guiding her by the small of the back after that, a bit unsmooth, no steady pace because we move through a bit of a crowd.
At this point we stand at an elevated area where food and drinks get served. I plan to move her to the exit through a dense crowd to my place just a few minutes away, haven't told her that. Getting to the stairs leading down I tell her to grab my hand lest I lose her in the crowd. She says she's good.
A few steps down the stairs she says how we won't get through, I hesitate, look around and tell her confidently that we'll manage. Objections from her that her brother and friend don't know where she is and she doesn't want to go (plan for her was to stay with brother till the end of the night and them driving back together a few cities over). I tell her it'll only be 5 minutes, they all have phones and can text each other. She says she'd rather stay on the elevated platform. I had planned to leave anyway, so I told her goodnight and left.
So, of course I know I backed off prematurely. In retrospect I think I was too much of a goofball while interacting with them, but I don't have the experience yet to calibrate and know either way. She was definitely interested in where this was going but we hadn't built a connection that made her comfortable to take my hand (maybe I should've just taken it in the beginning instead of rushing off and it would have been no problem). Was moving fast because my friends don't do pickup, don't recognize obstacles and I feared that when the brothers friend especially came back, he would distract.
Maybe I could have taken a seat with her and built more comfort, then try and transition to my place. Maybe she wasn't super hot for me (maybe just flirty) and/or me rushing ahead and hesitating briefly on the stairs made her lose attraction for me.
Maybe just (for now) impossible logistical complications to overcome, with her wanting to drive back with her brother.
On another note I am terrible at conversation. Can't tell a story, stumble over words, lose my train of thought while talking. When I listen I too often take the spotlight off of them and because I can't talk for shit it can get slightly awkward. Also not conducive to deep diving.
Don't know whether I should have kissed her while brother and friend were gone, we were in a crowd. Next time maybe just try.
Lessons for me:
1) Approach and try to pull early in the evening. After midnight you get tired, it gets easy to make excuses not to persist and execute.
2) Sexualize conversation not just through teasing but also other ways (complimenting, sex talk, chase framing? will have to look up how.) Show em you have a dick and are not just friendly.
3) Cut back on silliness, primarily engage woman, don't waste time with obstacles.
4) Be aware of logistical issues, maybe just use them as a pawn and for preselection, open another group
Questions:
Build sufficient comfort (as needed) before trying to move out of queue?
Handle objections to move more seriously and dominant?
-would have been impossible to find brother and the friend
-be less pushy in the moment, handle objections with care
-> Did I leave because I was tired and didn't want to deal with comfort building, or did I auto-reject beacuse I was afraid of what would come after her objections and the damaged vibe because of noncompliance?
Interesting addendum:
Struggled before this to make my voice sexier, lower, add rumble. The day after I woke up and had no such problems, naturally gravelly voice. Holding dominant eye contact without even noticing how it "should" feel uncomfortable. Sounds gay as fuck but it is as if having the cojones to penetrate the world unlocked something in me. Tasted blood, on some level always knew I was somewhat attractive, but having it confirmed in this way was a really nice experience. Baby steps.
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