A girl's sign of attraction can seem confusing at times!?!

[dsdezzy]

So my fraternity had a Christmas party the other night.
I was hanging with some of my fraternity brothers in their room. A group of girls come in and introduce themselves to us. One of them seemed to be interested in me, we have a light playful conversation. She says out of the blue "I'll be your smoking buddy." (Girls that like to blaze are a turn-on to me luckily, though she didn't know this previously)
I say that's fine by me. We talk and we're having a good conversation. At one point, she mentions that she had previously been in a relationship with a black guy (I'm black). I assume that she was indirectly saying that she was attracted to me.
She whispers to me that she was going to get another drink downstairs. She later mentions how she wants to dance also. I mention that I'd dance with her.
At one point she subtlety rubbed her body against mine while she was talking to her friends. (I would return the favor)
She whispered something to her friends and they laugh. (I think they glanced at me during this point; Never really understood this)
As we walk downstairs, she says "You didn't have to go with me." (I was confused by this)
Once we get downstairs, she mentions being my "wing-girl" and introduced me to some of her other friends. (I was really confused here)
We started to dance and I held my hand out and asked her if she wanted to dance, and she kind of ignored it.
I felt unsure what to do in the situation, so I went to talk to other people.
Sorry for the long post. I'm not sure what I did wrong and what I can do to make sure that I don't get led astray by the different signs a girl shows again?

 

[ILoveElla]

Well I must say this post is genuine. A lot of posts here are just typical, and leave me not feeling sympathetic.

I can't see anything you did wrong. Did she seem to be more the initiator? I guess the only thing you're left to ponder on is whether you didn't act fast enough, but that's probably not the reason. Perhaps she's just a cock teaser!

Girls laughing at me is something I can relate to. Because you'd really love to know what they said, but I guess you just have to act like you don't really care. Generally speaking I do not tolerate anyone muttering something under their breathe about me, so when girls do it I get confused as to what I should do??

 

[dsdezzy]

Thanks ILoveElla. It is safe to say that she was more of the initiator.
Girls that are cock teases never made any sense to me. I know why they do it, but it is one of the most frustrating things in the world!

 

[Drck]

There is a good strategy:

1. Stop analyzing what she could be thinking and what is she saying, and watch her actions instead. If she wants to be around you she will find her ways. She will make sure you notice her (standing around you, talking loud, asking you for XYZ, ...) and she will make herself available, e.g. she will go for a date with you (but you won't find out if you don't ask, right?). If she is really interested in you she will make it rather obvious, she will be all over you, texting you and calling you, even telling you that both of you can go out. On the other hand, if she is not interested she will keep away from you - won't show up, avoid places you go, won't return your texts and calls, flake on dates and so on.

2. She may be quite confusing, as you describe. That usually means that she is not exactly sure what to think about you. She likes you but she also wants to know more about you to make sure that you are the right person - what do you like, how you talk to others, how are you doing with other girls, what do you do for fun and so on. Sometimes she just needs a couple of minutes to decide, other times couple of dates. Here the best thing to do is to Assume Attraction. If she feels strong Attraction towards she may lower other of your qualities that she could consider obstackles

3. By what you perceive as confusion might actually be a test. For example, she really wants you to be around as she really likes you, but not answering your messages she wants to find out if you have enough patience and if you are a cool guy. So she texts and texts for several days, she is all sweet and cute - and all of the sudden she stops testing. Guy who is immature and emotionally unstable will usually flood her with lots of messages. He will try to find out what HE did wrong, perhaps appologize for some behavior, or so on. So right there, by his reactions, she knows what kind of person he is - unstable, immature, clingy, impatient, overreacting, annoying ... He usually ends up being rejected. Cool guy, on the other hand, sends one or two simple messages and then waits for response. He doesn't chase. She knows right there that he can walk away from her and pursue another girl. Usually, she comes back to him very excited because he is just different than all the other guys she knows...



Cock Teasers: well, girls are just girls. Like guys, they are also inexperienced, they also have lots of anxiety. They can have low self esteem, they are usually very social thus they also need lots of validation from guys. So, she may really like that one particular guy, she will go after him, talk to him, flirting with him... At the same time she will try to be sexy or act sexy (exactly the same as lots of guys on GC do), yet because of her inexperience and anxiety she may not be able to go for sex (same as lot of guys on GC). So she is actually trying to gain lots of conficence and comfort by talking to lots of guys, perhaps she is trying to increase Abundance Mentality (like lots of guys on GC?) and hopes that she will find a guy who she can do it with... IMO, some Cock Teasers could just be bitches but most don't really do it purposely, they are just trying to be comfortable as sexual beings...

You could easily switch the whole scenario and look at Pussy Teaser: A guy who talks sexy and walks sexy, who looks confident and has dominant looks. A guy who talks confidently to lots of girls - but is really afraid to take her for dates and have sex with her. He is really shy about sex, he doesn't really push things forward with her, anything he does is just stalling... That is also very frustrating for girls, they could also easily think that he is only playing, only teasing...

So, you simply can't chase Cock Teaser, she will run away much further than regular girl. You will be more successful if you show low(er) interest in her, remain cool and emotionally distant, perhaps even not project too much sexual interest. This way she can calm enough around you, get used to you, gain some confidence while talking with you about sex and so on. You may not even want to lead her that much, you can simply just show an interest - and leave the rest up to her...

 

[dsdezzy]

Drck I'm glad that you told me that. It can help me on this journey to improving upon this aspect of my life. I already see the progress I have made since the start of the semester.
I've been at the pussy teaser stage before, so I can see the error of my old ways there. As long as I have forward-thinking mindset, I can improve at a more exponential rate.

One quick question though....

When I don't focus (actually listen) to what a girl is saying, I struggle in my responses to her. How do I pay attention to her actions/verbal undertones?

 

[Drck]

It is not difficult. Some examples:

She says: I'll text you/call you back. She never does.
She says: Wait for me, I'll be right back, we can go to XYZ. But she never shows up.
She says: Ok, we can go for a date/movies/dancing,... But she never shows up
She says: I'll bring you XYZ. But she never does.
She says: Ok, I'll give you a ride. But she never does, or takes bunch of friends with


You text her, or call her and leave message for her. But she never replies. Then when she meets you next time she'll say something like "I'm sorry, I forgot,...".

She will confuse you, she will give you lots of mixed signals.
She will try to avoid places where you go so she doesn't have to meet you there.
She doesn't want to be alone with you, you can come but only when friends are around.
She doesn't want to know much about you, e.g. not asking questions about your life.
She won't touch you much
She won't do much for you, if anything (no compliance)


Do you think girl like this is interested in that particular guy? Nope, she is not. But the thing is, she doesn't want to hurt his feelings, it makes her feel good that he is interested in her, so she will be always (unless she's a bitch) very sweet about it. So she may promise date, she may be very flirty and exciting around you (so you feel good too), she may put your number in her phone - but she won't go for a date with you, simply because she is not interested...


Now, girl that really likes you, is very much interested in you, and want to spent time with you:

She will call/text back.
She will text you before you text her.
She will initiate (many actions).
She will invite you out (or at least suggest that you can go out) and she will show up
She will want to be alone with you, without friends (obviously you can go out with friends too).
She will go for a date or to XYZ (just with you, without friends as she wants to be alone with you).
She will not confuse you, she will be very clear (but not necessary direct) with all the signals.
She will bump into you at places where you go, I'm sure by pure coincidence.
She will touch you a lot, rub against you.
She will drive long distance just to meet you, at time and place you specified (compliance)
She will simply be all of you, mentally, physically and emotionally.
She will be investing into you in many ways - time, effort, even finances,...
She may even invite you to her place without you trying to push for sex.

Some may be confusing, for example, she might be very much interested in you but will not ask too many questions about you. Or, she may be taker and not a giver, which means you won't get much from her, e.g. she won't buy you a coffee, won't offer to pay for meals or so, but at the same time she's still very much interested.

-------

You obviously don't need all the signs and actions to be sure that she is into you. You may get some positive and some negative actions from her. Simply just look for prevalent actions - the more she is interested in you the more positive actions you'll get from her. As long as you see some positive actions and she wants to stick around you, always assume attraction. Once you notice lots of negative actions, she's decided that you are not that guy... Drop her, don't chase, move on...