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- Feb 5, 2017
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How's that's for a clickbait title?
I had taken the Friday before Halloweekend off, and so decided to go out with my friend. For privacy reasons, I'll just say my costume was large, red, and had a tinge of flamboyance to it.
For those of you following my journal, I've been in a not very good mood recently-approach anxiety and wussing out of approaches have me dejected. I do think it's due to a very low social momentum, and warming that up is something I absolutely need to do. Luckily I have been working through Riker and watching a good amount of PU related material, so I'm not rusty.
Anyway, enter the start of the night. My friend and I go to check out a couple of bars, and within one venue, I am extremely downtrodden. To the point my friend notices. He tries to pump me up-but to be completely honest, this just bums me out more that I'm so visibly down that someone else feels the need to try and make me feel better.
We walk to the outside of my favorite rooftop bar. I pause. I feel absolutely awful, so I ask my friend to do something for me.
I have to give my friend credit for having absolutely zero hesitation, and slapping me with the full force of his body. It was clean, and uninjuring-but jarring at the same time. I don't know if it was a placebo for me, but I felt some of the fog in my brain lifting, and though still in a low mood, I was suprised to feel mildly happier-it was so ridiculous to be sad and depressed and the slap just added to the humor.
We enter the venue, and I try to do some warm ups, but there is still AA, and the conversations I try to have are stilted, and less than 2 minutes long for the most part. My friend, despite not studying PU, has a much higher macro-social momentum-so his conversations are lasting, even if they aren't very sexual.
I walk around, and cross paths with a blond girl. She's got a cute face, but is quite chubby. It's not really Halloween weekend yet, so she's just wearing a simple black top on pants. I open anyway. She's a 21 year old Swedish International Business student. I am fairly automatic in my conversation. I avoid being too physical, letting her increase touch on me. I quickly move her around, leading pretty well. I also make sure to steer through useful SOTs, bringing up travel, independence, following your own wants and desires. We land on enjoying traveling for all the different people you meet, and how the connections you can form are such beautiful and amazing things.
We talk for some more, and her friends come by to leave. I just stand there, letting them talk, and the friends leave the venue without the girl.
At this point I'm pretty sure I just need to not screw anything up. I do try to pull a few times, as I've gone over a lot of different important topics, and I can feel that the girl really, really wants me to kiss her. Her eyes are drooping hard, and she makes me dance with her. Each time, she pulls me in harder and tries to get me to kiss her. I don't allow it, though I don't react in a way that is negative in any way. It may have been just me, but I swore I could smell her wetness.
However, every time I try to pull, she says she wants to keep dancing and partying. So I continue to do so, as every seed I've set has failed. I resign myself to just having to wait for the bar to close. I had considered just grabbing her hand and pulling her out, or maybe just telling her I wanted to take her home and fuck her, but both of those seemed to show my intentions too visibly.
I do make one mistake however. I'm thinking about Chase's article on barriers at that moment, and say the following line to try and get her to leap over the barrier.
And I'd just thought about not showing my intentions...
Anyway, she immediately grabs on this and needles me on why I don't just kiss her-do I care what other people think? On top of showing intentions, it's incredibly incongruent with the stuff I'd talked about during SOTs. In order to not dig myself further, I don't really expand on the why I feel that way, just that I don't enjoy showing affection in such a public setting. I do kiss her, once. But I try my best to make it about a personal preference, in order to remain as congruent with what I'd said before.
I do end up going unpunished for this mistake though. And the bar eventually turns its lights on. I use this as an excuse to grab her hand, saying we should head out before everyone realizes they need to leave.
From here, I pull her home, she asks where we're going a couple of times-but as I've already told her I live nearby, I just say we're going somewhere close. No resistance and we end up at mine.
It's a pretty easy escalation, no LMR at all. And my god, this is easily the wettest girl I've ever met. But I can't get hard. I think I just wasn't very attracted, plus that coupled with her being self conscious of her body, and inability to be vocal during sex just caused me to continuously lose my erection.
We try for a few hours, and I make sure to give her a good time anyway, and she is very happy by the end of the night. Then I call her a Lyft and send her off. I didn't take her phone number though, but she did pull me in for a goodbye makeout pretty hard as she left.
I had taken the Friday before Halloweekend off, and so decided to go out with my friend. For privacy reasons, I'll just say my costume was large, red, and had a tinge of flamboyance to it.
For those of you following my journal, I've been in a not very good mood recently-approach anxiety and wussing out of approaches have me dejected. I do think it's due to a very low social momentum, and warming that up is something I absolutely need to do. Luckily I have been working through Riker and watching a good amount of PU related material, so I'm not rusty.
Anyway, enter the start of the night. My friend and I go to check out a couple of bars, and within one venue, I am extremely downtrodden. To the point my friend notices. He tries to pump me up-but to be completely honest, this just bums me out more that I'm so visibly down that someone else feels the need to try and make me feel better.
We walk to the outside of my favorite rooftop bar. I pause. I feel absolutely awful, so I ask my friend to do something for me.
I have to give my friend credit for having absolutely zero hesitation, and slapping me with the full force of his body. It was clean, and uninjuring-but jarring at the same time. I don't know if it was a placebo for me, but I felt some of the fog in my brain lifting, and though still in a low mood, I was suprised to feel mildly happier-it was so ridiculous to be sad and depressed and the slap just added to the humor.
We enter the venue, and I try to do some warm ups, but there is still AA, and the conversations I try to have are stilted, and less than 2 minutes long for the most part. My friend, despite not studying PU, has a much higher macro-social momentum-so his conversations are lasting, even if they aren't very sexual.
I walk around, and cross paths with a blond girl. She's got a cute face, but is quite chubby. It's not really Halloween weekend yet, so she's just wearing a simple black top on pants. I open anyway. She's a 21 year old Swedish International Business student. I am fairly automatic in my conversation. I avoid being too physical, letting her increase touch on me. I quickly move her around, leading pretty well. I also make sure to steer through useful SOTs, bringing up travel, independence, following your own wants and desires. We land on enjoying traveling for all the different people you meet, and how the connections you can form are such beautiful and amazing things.
We talk for some more, and her friends come by to leave. I just stand there, letting them talk, and the friends leave the venue without the girl.
At this point I'm pretty sure I just need to not screw anything up. I do try to pull a few times, as I've gone over a lot of different important topics, and I can feel that the girl really, really wants me to kiss her. Her eyes are drooping hard, and she makes me dance with her. Each time, she pulls me in harder and tries to get me to kiss her. I don't allow it, though I don't react in a way that is negative in any way. It may have been just me, but I swore I could smell her wetness.
However, every time I try to pull, she says she wants to keep dancing and partying. So I continue to do so, as every seed I've set has failed. I resign myself to just having to wait for the bar to close. I had considered just grabbing her hand and pulling her out, or maybe just telling her I wanted to take her home and fuck her, but both of those seemed to show my intentions too visibly.
I do make one mistake however. I'm thinking about Chase's article on barriers at that moment, and say the following line to try and get her to leap over the barrier.
And I'd just thought about not showing my intentions...
Anyway, she immediately grabs on this and needles me on why I don't just kiss her-do I care what other people think? On top of showing intentions, it's incredibly incongruent with the stuff I'd talked about during SOTs. In order to not dig myself further, I don't really expand on the why I feel that way, just that I don't enjoy showing affection in such a public setting. I do kiss her, once. But I try my best to make it about a personal preference, in order to remain as congruent with what I'd said before.
I do end up going unpunished for this mistake though. And the bar eventually turns its lights on. I use this as an excuse to grab her hand, saying we should head out before everyone realizes they need to leave.
From here, I pull her home, she asks where we're going a couple of times-but as I've already told her I live nearby, I just say we're going somewhere close. No resistance and we end up at mine.
It's a pretty easy escalation, no LMR at all. And my god, this is easily the wettest girl I've ever met. But I can't get hard. I think I just wasn't very attracted, plus that coupled with her being self conscious of her body, and inability to be vocal during sex just caused me to continuously lose my erection.
We try for a few hours, and I make sure to give her a good time anyway, and she is very happy by the end of the night. Then I call her a Lyft and send her off. I didn't take her phone number though, but she did pull me in for a goodbye makeout pretty hard as she left.
