FU A non-break up break up

[Smiling_Stray]

Yeah, I know that's an oxymoron but it's pretty true here. It felt like we were in a relationship even though we weren't.

We met three years ago in a hospital (some of you familiar with my posts probably recognize this girl, which is a bad enough sign as it is but wait a minute before you crucify me) we both were in a pretty bad place but we helped each other out and kept in touch after leaving the hospital even though we weren't supposed to. I texted her back then and got nothing. She had a boyfriend at the time so I shrugged it off, her choice seemed understandable to me. Then she came back and we were conspiring an affair. He checked her texts at a bad time for him to check her texts and things escalated pretty quickly. I found myself saying goodbye to her through a video chat with him in the room. She cried a bit and I went numb (you know, when you just kinda feel disconnected from everything since it feels so unreal).

Anyway 3 years later (we're done with the flashback now), corona hits and everyone starts recommending reviving dead numbers. Well, I didn't have her number anymore but I was cleaning out my desk and came across an old piece of paper with her number and name on it. So I figured it was worth a try, I called it. Nothing. I left a message for her voicemail. Less than five minutes later, she texts me and gives her new number to me and her snapchat. We did a video call there and sure enough it really was her. Everything was great again, I remember the first thing she said was "I love you" under her breath followed by something else almost immediately after. Turns out the boyfriend was abusive and out of the picture now. We were both single... this is hard to write right now... everything relevant up until what happened these past few weeks is in a post I made a while back. Just click here if you're so inclined to check it out.

Anyway, after that post I gave her two weeks of silence and focused on some other girls. After two weeks we reconnected again and things were great again. We talked about fuckin' everything a person could tell about themselves. Somehow there still seemed to be more to talk about every time we talked. Which was by video call on snapchat every other night as she was on the other side of my country now (she had moved during our three years apart). Her family has a vacation place close to me and we were planning on meeting in the summer two weeks from now when her family came up here on vacation. Sex was on our minds a lot. She couldn't shut up about how much she wanted me to fuck her and about how I would've taken her virginity 3 years back, had things worked out. She sent nudes too and said that she trusted me with them. Joked a bit after that too (mostly about how I was getting hard at the moment).

Her birthday came not long ago and we talked a bit then and just hung out. We weren't really having as much fun as we did the time before then but we were having fun and as usual, she couldn't shut up. Then suddenly she said she had to call me back and hung up before I could really say anything. I waited for about ten minutes before the silence just gave me a bad feeling. I went and played video games to get my mind off of her for a while. It didn't work as well as I had hoped. I knew I was way too interested in her and needed to talk to other girls at the time. I thought about doing so as I was in touch with a girl that lived not far from me and was pretty cool. But it was getting late and I was still waiting on her and some other girls to reply from earlier that day.

I ended up texting her "hey! u still alive???" and about two hours later she texted me back at about two in the morning. I was tired and I tell she was too. So rather than ask what the hell happened? I just thought to myself "meh fuck it" and said "getting late, i'm going to bed- glad to see you're all good "

Then today, i wasn't planning on texting her but she put up a story saying hmu. I guess she didn't get a reply so she ended up saying "gn assholes" in a story following. I laughed and messaged her "hey, (name)! The nights young! I got a minute to hang out " she said she wanted to call real quick then asked me to call her. Already this was odd. I did anyway and she just joked throwing a personal insult in my face and hanging up. I just texted back "You're mean " she replied "I know." then "That's the best part of me".
I replied "If u say so..."
Her: "k"
I said nothing and five minutes later, she texted me " "
I replied joking with a picture of me mirroring one she sent me earlier and a caption " "

More time went by.

I began thinking that I should talk to her about when she's going to get here (as there was no specific time set up yet) and told her "i legit have something to talk about"
and we called for a few seconds. Nothing more. We were talking about our parents the other night (since we're young and still live with them) and I told her I never told my parents about her even though she told her's about me. "So I figured I'd lead with I just told one of my parents of the possibility of you stopping by for a bit in the summer" I was going to go on to say when do you think you'll be by? Some notice would be nice. (something along those lines) but she cut me off saying "I don't know that i'll be by this summer anymore. I've been talking to this other guy and I really want things to work out. I don't want to fuck you anymore. Bye!" then hung up. She said it all in a tone that sounded like a joke. I just laughed and texted "lol"
she replied " XD XD "
then in second text "I'm tired"
Me: "alright"

Then that was it.

I went numb again. Now it just feels like a breakup does to me. It wasn't anything real, but I lost myself there and so I made my bed. Now I'm laying in it. Fuck.

Part of me think it's just a joke. But I know it's not. It's sudden but some other guy got there first. Shit happens.

No job now, down a few girls, and could be homeless at any moment... oh well, back to normal.

I put away any reminders I have of her out of sight for the meantime and scheduled some stuff with friends. I'm planning on seeing what I can do with women right now but I live waaaayyy out in the middle of nowhere and can't afford to move. So I guess I'm mostly stuck with online and the girls who haven't gotten back to me yet (when they do, or when it's been long enough) but I can't say with all honesty that I'm gonna be the best of company (not that I'll won't try to be ).

 

[Mondo]

Stay positive man

I would be very careful of investing time and energy into a long distance relationship with any girl, especially one you haven’t built much of a connection with in person or had sex with yet. Building something over the phone, even video chat, is volatile ground.

I know that you said you were focusing on meeting other women at points, but it's hard not to put a lot emotional-investment-eggs in her basket when your spending so much time on her.

It's very important to be the one leading here. Being at the whims of her feelings is like being a flag in a storm, you’re going to get ripped apart.

You want to be the rock in the storm. How you do that, is knowing, firmly, what you want in general, what you want from her, and what you want to do about it, and then be firm about that (and that should be easy, because you'll want to do that). That includes being able to walk away if she's not willing to do what you want. A woman will change like the weather over the sea, but if you can be the rock that let's her be free to be the feminine creature she is AND she see's you can handle it easily, you'll have a purring cat in your hands.

I travel a lot, and even with my long term girlfriend (we’re open), I keep contact at a minimum. I remember once she was planning to visit me after not seeing her for 6 months. I was very excited to see her, but I know how changeable women’s mood can be (especially hers!) and she went between “definitely coming to visit!” to “I can’t or won’t come visit” several times. I was disappointed but I was solidly ok with whatever and I told her just that. She was welcome to come and visit and I wanted her to, but it was cool either way, I had things going on and meeting women.

I can share with you an experience where I met a girl once, and then couldn't meet up with her again for a couple months and successfully dated her when I came back. I had a lot of things that helped me out, but I still think the general strategy I used is the effective one in most situations.
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I started writing it out and realized it was going to be better as a full LR. So I can send you a link after I write it up, if you're interested in it.

 

[Smiling_Stray]

Mondo, hey man. I'm just laughing through the pain if we're being honest (though that doesn't mean i don't feel like i had my balls ripped off by her just last night... not in a fun way. ). I'd love to check out your story, send it my way sometime. Maybe i can learn something from it (since just about any relationship I get is gonna have distance, being stuck in the middle of nowhere and all).

In the meantime i'm just trying to keep myself busy and cut contact with her. even if she comes crawling back, i don't know that i'd take her. the shit she said roughed me up bad (she doesn't know) but do appreciate the honesty, just not the steel toed boot part : /

I know that you said you were focusing on meeting other women at points, but it's hard not to put a lot emotional-investment-eggs in her basket when your spending so much time on her.

Yeah, I tried... well for future reference, how much time would you have prescribed, doctor Mondo???