A
Anonymous
Guest
Hi readers,
So, I've got a question about a girl I have been dating for about three weeks now. When I first met her, everything was awesome and she really seemed to be enjoying every minute I spend with her. She was constantly messaging me on WhatsApp, and we had long conversations (I know I should only use instant messaging to set up dates, but it would be really weird to have ignored her). I saw this girl -whom I'll refer to as Mary- 5 days in the first week after meeting her. I'm not sure, but I think I saw her 4 days during the next week. When I first took Mary out to have a drink with me in a local pub we really hit it off, but she made sure to explicitly tell me that she 1) Is a virgin, and 2) Generally doesn't know what she wants from guys when dating.
Okay, so we had a great time the first two weeks, but things quickly went sour. I ran into her when I was going out clubbing with some friends, and even though she did seem to be really into me, she also seemed distracted. We talked for almost an hour, and then she told me she had to get back to her friends (the conversation went great, I got to dive deep and get loads of information out of her). After a while though, I noticed she was flirting with some other guys as well. She didn't really do anything, but it still seemed inappropriate after spending so much time with me. I figured that she was probably testing me, to see how I would handle this kind of behaviour. I kept my cool and didn't think much of it. The second time I ran into her when going out went exactly the same, but I just couldn't keep my cool (some guy licked her ear, and I lost it and left).
When Mary came by my place to watch a movie, I decided to confront her with her behaviour, and she told me that's just the way she is. She likes being really close to people, but that it doesn't really mean anything. She said she really liked me, and liked spending time with me, and that I shouldn't worry so much. All was good, or so she said.
After this, I quickly began noticing how she was seeming to lose interest in meeting up with me, and she pretty much stopped contacting me. This seemed odd, because whenever I saw Mary, she would tell me how much she digged me and what not.
I could go on and on about the kinds of behaviour she displayed, but let me get to the point:
- Mary said (and showed) that she was really into me
- Her actions, however, didn't. All I could see were mixed signals
- I did try to escalate things, but Mary wouldn't have sex just yet. She told me she wants to, but that she needs more time. We did make out, and we were both undressed, only wearing underwear (no bra). She was grinding on me and, well, you get the picture.
- I messed up by not keeping my cool, overreacting and chasing her for attention
- I messed up by eventually 'breaking up' with Mary, and in doing so seeming less powerfull
- Mary didn't seem to be phased by all this, but she did say she was really dissapointed and felt bad about not seeing me anymore.
- After a while Mary messaged me again, saying she misses me, so I proposed to get a drink, but Mary declined.
What I make from this:
It looks to me as if Mary isn't really that interested in me, at least not anymore, but she tries to keep me around as an orbiter or back-up, if you will. I really like Mary, but I'm thinking that I messed up too bad by not bedding her quick enough, losing my cool and thus seeming less powerfull.
Do you guys think I should just cut my loss, and move on? I really like Mary, and I would really like to try to make things work out with her, but it seems highly unlikely. My instinct tells me to chase after this girl, but from everything I've read on this blog, it looks like I'm missing an abundance mentality. I've read all the theory and articles relating to this problem, but I just can't get myself to cut her off completely, because I know she wouldn't be all to bothered by it. It looks like this game I'm playing is beginning to be more and more about winning the game, instead of Mary herself.
Do you guys have any suggestions for things I can try to turn this around, or is the general opionion to just walk away.
I would appreciate your responses, and sorry for the poor spelling/grammar. English isn't my native language.
So, I've got a question about a girl I have been dating for about three weeks now. When I first met her, everything was awesome and she really seemed to be enjoying every minute I spend with her. She was constantly messaging me on WhatsApp, and we had long conversations (I know I should only use instant messaging to set up dates, but it would be really weird to have ignored her). I saw this girl -whom I'll refer to as Mary- 5 days in the first week after meeting her. I'm not sure, but I think I saw her 4 days during the next week. When I first took Mary out to have a drink with me in a local pub we really hit it off, but she made sure to explicitly tell me that she 1) Is a virgin, and 2) Generally doesn't know what she wants from guys when dating.
Okay, so we had a great time the first two weeks, but things quickly went sour. I ran into her when I was going out clubbing with some friends, and even though she did seem to be really into me, she also seemed distracted. We talked for almost an hour, and then she told me she had to get back to her friends (the conversation went great, I got to dive deep and get loads of information out of her). After a while though, I noticed she was flirting with some other guys as well. She didn't really do anything, but it still seemed inappropriate after spending so much time with me. I figured that she was probably testing me, to see how I would handle this kind of behaviour. I kept my cool and didn't think much of it. The second time I ran into her when going out went exactly the same, but I just couldn't keep my cool (some guy licked her ear, and I lost it and left).
When Mary came by my place to watch a movie, I decided to confront her with her behaviour, and she told me that's just the way she is. She likes being really close to people, but that it doesn't really mean anything. She said she really liked me, and liked spending time with me, and that I shouldn't worry so much. All was good, or so she said.
After this, I quickly began noticing how she was seeming to lose interest in meeting up with me, and she pretty much stopped contacting me. This seemed odd, because whenever I saw Mary, she would tell me how much she digged me and what not.
I could go on and on about the kinds of behaviour she displayed, but let me get to the point:
- Mary said (and showed) that she was really into me
- Her actions, however, didn't. All I could see were mixed signals
- I did try to escalate things, but Mary wouldn't have sex just yet. She told me she wants to, but that she needs more time. We did make out, and we were both undressed, only wearing underwear (no bra). She was grinding on me and, well, you get the picture.
- I messed up by not keeping my cool, overreacting and chasing her for attention
- I messed up by eventually 'breaking up' with Mary, and in doing so seeming less powerfull
- Mary didn't seem to be phased by all this, but she did say she was really dissapointed and felt bad about not seeing me anymore.
- After a while Mary messaged me again, saying she misses me, so I proposed to get a drink, but Mary declined.
What I make from this:
It looks to me as if Mary isn't really that interested in me, at least not anymore, but she tries to keep me around as an orbiter or back-up, if you will. I really like Mary, but I'm thinking that I messed up too bad by not bedding her quick enough, losing my cool and thus seeming less powerfull.
Do you guys think I should just cut my loss, and move on? I really like Mary, and I would really like to try to make things work out with her, but it seems highly unlikely. My instinct tells me to chase after this girl, but from everything I've read on this blog, it looks like I'm missing an abundance mentality. I've read all the theory and articles relating to this problem, but I just can't get myself to cut her off completely, because I know she wouldn't be all to bothered by it. It looks like this game I'm playing is beginning to be more and more about winning the game, instead of Mary herself.
Do you guys have any suggestions for things I can try to turn this around, or is the general opionion to just walk away.
I would appreciate your responses, and sorry for the poor spelling/grammar. English isn't my native language.
