A warning to the new guys

[feedmeastraycat]

Story time, so gather 'round.

I stumbled on this site about three years ago by googling "How to get over her" on what was one of the most emotionally intense nights of my life. A girl that I had been dating for awhile informally basically told me she was going to have sex with another man that night and that she would like to continue dating me after but she just needed to get this out of the way. (I had serious nice guy vibes). This site saved my sorry ass. I read and I read and I read and like most guys I sat on the information for several months while sort of practicing my nonverbals and fundamentals until I really started to jump into it. About 2 years ago in a span of 3 months I had slept with 3 different women. It was going great and I wasn't tied down. I wasn't really approaching but moreso leveraging social contacts and really focusing on framing and fundamental work

...Then I met her. She was a petite blue eyed blonde receptionist with an ass to die for and a size 0 waist. She had big eyes and a cute nose and perfect facial proportions. I expressed genuine interest, invited her over after work, and had her in my bed in 3 days.

That's when I decided she was "the one". Fast forward 8 months and she was 4 months pregnant and we were getting married.

I got married on a physical connection to a person i've come to hate. We will be divorced around our 1 year wedding anniversary.



I'm not saying this for sympathy and i'm not feeling bad for myself. This is a genuine warning. If you continue down this path and get better with pickup and seduction you most certainly will meet "the one".

Do not commit. Don't settle. Keep pushing and fighting and achieve the life you're working towards. I'm finally back to it after two years and happier than ever. I'm much wiser now and really looking forward to the future.

So when you're lying next to that 10 that you picked up, think about my story and really heed my words. You can do better than this.

 

[Frost]

Sorry to hear that mate.

Well shit happens, and I personally think there is no "one", but many "ones" who would be suitable for marriage and raising a family. I think you quite rushed into this, maybe if you waited a little longer you would have found that she wasn't suitable for you, but what would I know

 

[mb1]

Much appreciated man. Congratulations too.

 

[feedmeastraycat]

Sorry to hear that mate.

Well shit happens, and I personally think there is no "one", but many "ones" who would be suitable for marriage and raising a family. I think you quite rushed into this, maybe if you waited a little longer you would have found that she wasn't suitable for you, but what would I know

Oh certainly. Love and marriage is definitely for a lot of people. Just not 22 year old men trying to find themselves.

So gents. Stick it out. Don't rush into anything. Think with both heads.

 

[Estate]

Sorry to hear of your situation man.

But I think you're missing the point of the site. It very much revolves around learning to get good, not to "nap the next one that comes along" but to get good in general. To screen out women who are not right for you, and build more of an abundance mindset.

Infact, I think abundance is the most important thing you can learn. It teaches you that there are MANY women that are worthy or marriage but not "one".
Yet while there are MANY... we're not saying ANY.

It also teaches guys who get good, not to get so emotionally invested so quickly.

Your story feels like you learned some "tricks" to pickup women you might not have had the confidence to before but really were focused on just getting back in a relatioship quickly. The feelings of whirlwind romance were to replace your ex. What you are neglecting are the qualifying/screening techniques to truely pick the right women, and the abundance to not let your emotions run away from you in making judgements.

 

[Bboy100]

I got married on a physical connection to a person i've come to hate.

Dude, I don't mean to be an asshole, but the above statement says it all.


It sounds like she wasn't even screened correctly as a long-term mate. She was just the best thing you could find at the time. That's exactly what we're trying to avoid here at GC. I don't think seduction itself is what caused this. In fact, I think its MORE likely to happen to someone who doesn't understand relationships on a technical level and instead does what normal people do "just go by how we feel".
So I think saying that we shouldn't settle down is the wrong mentality. It just feels like
A. It should take many years before we make the decision to marry someone. At the very LEAST two years. See: https://www.girlschase.com/content/2-year-drop
B. She should be screened as a long-term partner very quickly. Before we "catch feelings" so to speak. This is in order to prevent yours and a variety of other bad breakup scenarios from happening.
C. Just my personal opinion: Getting married in our 20s is a bad idea in general. Simply because people change so much in that time period. Its very easy for a one person in a relationship to outgrow/out mature the other.

Having said that...it really does suck that this happened to you man. Sounds like you're framing this as a learning experience which is good. And who knows, in the long term, maybe this was a good experience for you to have (A lot of people, including men wonder "what its like to be married". For you, that's not going to be an issue anymore. This might leave you more equipped to make better decisions about marriage later on.)

 

[feedmeastraycat]

Awesome replies guys. I think you hit the nail right on the head.

 

[Tim Iron]

what age did you get married?

Oh certainly. Love and marriage is definitely for a lot of people. Just not 22 year old men trying to find themselves.

So gents. Stick it out. Don't rush into anything. Think with both heads.