A whole big mess! Advice?!?

[Anonymous]

What do you guys think of this situation?

I'm almost 6months single (was with my ex for 6 years). In Feb, I unexpectedly met this "highly exceptional" girl on OKCupid. She lives right across the park from me (<1mile).

1st meeting:
she met me on my campus for coffee. We both ended up seeing each others apartments. We hungout for around 3hrs.

2nd meeting (couple days later):
11pm for drinks. She sat across me on the table and initiated contact first by massaging my hands and arms on the table; I reciprocated. We ended up walking to her place and to her bedroom. We chatted, danced and made out. While dancing I was up against her dresser and she told me, "Just to let you know, you're not getting any tonight." I said, "I wasn't even thinking of that." Then we were making out on her bed, and she said she wanted IT. Needless to say, we didn't do IT and I went home empty handed because it would've been the first girl I slept with since my ex. I was gun-shy because we were both falling asleep and drunkish.

Note: Leading up to date 3, she was about to cut ties since she was "conflicted and confused" about what we had. I convinced her to meet again.

3rd meeting (a week later):
Met for coffee in a public space. "Day date". Ended up spending 2hrs in a furniture store taking about design, then she left because she had an audition. It was Monday and we made plans to meet up again on Friday. I told her we could be "just friends" and she said, "wow. Now that the pressure is off this makes it seem more interesting."

4th meeting (3 days later):
drinks at 11pm. Had a great time. Ended up making out in the bar and in her building foyer but her roommate was home so we couldn't do IT (but we both wanted to badly). Walked home empty handed but anticipating the next day!

5th meeting (next day):
"day date" Took paint and supplies to her house because she wanted to paint. Started making out on her bed, I got gun-shy and didn't do IT even though she was clearly wanting to rip our clothes off. She had to leave to meet her dad for dinner so that was the end of that. She went COLD soon after that. Even called me over the phone and said, "I'm looking for a 'forever' and you're not it. We're like two different puzzle pieces that don't fit. And you just broke up with your ex and I feel weird about it."

Fast forward to now:
Didn't communicate with her for over a month. Out of the blue I asked her a question about something she was working on and that same day I went over to her house and she cooked food for me. Hung out for 2hrs catching up. She mentioned that she slept with someone the week before and it was a type she'd never tried before. Tonight, she invited me to hangout with some friends next week at a club, which will be "singles night." Again, we're supposedly "just friends." But the chemistry and attraction between this girl and me is palpable. The day I went to her place we ended up in her room because she wanted input on her room design. As she was standing next to me, both looking at her bed, we both caught each others eyes for a brief moment and then she looked away quickly. But for that moment I saw "something" in her eyes. Was that another opportunity I missed, again?!?!

What I'm thinking after reading Chase's advice:
1) She went into auto-rejection after #2 & #5. Probably thought that since we didn't do IT that she didn't like me or I was too nice and out of her league. Maybe I was too nice and easy to get? Or since I stopped, that I was out of her league?
3) Maybe I should make her jealous by talking to other girls in the club on Tuesday?!
4) I did so many things wrong. Do you guys think I should walk away and forget it? I messed up badly.
5) According to Chase's qualification for "friends" she checks every box. She's highly connected (for example: she can gain entrance past any velvet rope here in NYC), very valuable in many ways, etc. I probably will meet high valued contacts through her.

 

[Penguin]

Yes obviously the problem is you didn't have sex. She actually gave you more chances than the average girl would. Last time I didn't go all the way, the girl never texted me back afterwards. So she must have really liked you before auto-rejecting. Now a fast-moving guy has slept with her. I think you should talk to other girls in the club on Tuesday to turn her on again. You should be trying to meet as many new women as possible anyway so it will help with your goals.

 

[Anonymous]

Yep, you're right. Sex would've sealed the deal. I went to the club and I barely spoke with her the entire night because I was so caught up in talking to other women. I got at least 5 numbers that night from some pretty hot girls. Weird thing is that she made it a point to meet up with me at a different location and then we walked to the club together. I was wondering why she didn't just meet her friends, then meet me there. I spoke to women that were near our group, outside, away from her eyesight and within her eyesight. I had such a awesome night and people literally thought I owned the club.

Anyway, it being "singles night" they were handing out glow bracelets (taken, single, DTF) and she didn't want one but I thought it would be fun to use DTF (down to f**k). Needless to say, as soon as we got into the club she was all over the bartender (they apparently met and exchanged numbers the last time she was there). But every time I saw them interacting it seemed forced and friend-like. I think I'm a pretty good judge of interactions and theirs didn't seem to have an ounce of chemistry or spark. And heck, I became "bros" with the bartender and even got a free drink! So I ended up ignoring her all night except for a brief moment when I grabbed her (in a slow dance position) and she mentioned something about the women I was talking to and I stupidly said: "But you're the only 10 here" (I was intoxicated at the time). Then I disappeared back to the two women I was talking to. These two girls even unexpectedly bought me a shot before they left.

Funny thing is that I swore I overheard her friend saying, "But you've got someone great right here." And she raised her arm and loudly said, "There's the bartender!" And staggered off in that direction. Mind you, this was all right in front of me as I was talking to another friend of theirs. For one, I felt like she was trying to make me jealous or something. She totally didn't have to say that to her friend, in the LOUD way that she said it. Especially 3 feet away from my face making it obvious. But I didn't flinch. I just knew it was a show. Another thing is that when we got there, a hot girl caught my eye and my head naturally turned and my girl (sitting next to me) instantly turned her head, tapped my knee while shaking her head and said, "You don't want that!" Needless to say, I got the girl's number and even though I'm not her type, she'll be a good "friend" addition since she's hot.

After the club closed, we went to another bar and I figured she was waiting for the bartender so I chilled with some new buddies I had made earlier. It was getting late so I decided to leave. Before leaving I asked her if she'd like to dance and she said she was drunk and couldn't move, so I hugged her and left. The next day, a buddy of mine said that the bartender came but was interested in some other girl and my girl didn't get any action (that anyone saw at the time). So ha!

Abundance mentality sure works! I also met a friend that can get access into parties with models and my girl's friend commented (in front of her) that I had so many women chasing me that I didn't need those models. She didn't say a word; she was quiet. lol.