Addressing "I don't have sex on the first date"

[Ergon]

So yeah guys, my question is what are some good responses for when a girl throws the "I don't have sex on the first date/meeting"?
Or a recent one that I got and I totally botched "I don't kiss on the first date".

I've been thinking about it and I can't thinking about a way to address that . I remember seeing a good response somewhere here in the forum but can't seem to find it again.

If you guys know and wanna share I'd really appreciate it.
Thanks!

 

[lopprime]

It's a shit test. They want you to chase or get angry at them saying that. You need to have a counter reaction, something like "yeah you're right, that's a bit much" but it needs to be delivered a certain way and the sexual tension needs to be there. For example if a girl says "I don't kiss on the first date" when you're going in for the kiss:

Girl: "I don't kiss on the first date."

You: *raises eyebrows, gives sexy smile, maintains close distance* "You're right. You don't seem like you're ready anyways."

It's important to sit at that close distance for a few seconds after saying this, and then sit back. The girl is just gaging your attainability and sexiness. A non sexy impatient man would get angry and say "well why?" Or "what do you mean" and the attitude changes. There's a few articles on GC about this. "How to be a sexy man", attainability, don't chase, first date resistance, etc.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Ahh the sweetest line to the ear of the seducer. I think I've gotten laid every time I've heard a girl tell me this. Better yet if she says "I'm not going to have sex with you" you can pretty much consider yourself in the clear assuming you don't do something goofy and drop the ball.

As far as responses go...

I had a friend who would pull girls and they'd say something along the lines of "I don't have sex with strangers that quickly. I'm not that type of girl!" He'd just look at them and say "Well I'm that type of guy" and just grab their hand and lead them in or out of the bar or car. If they put up more resistance he'd say "Well I promise you we're going to make out and I'm going to play with those perky titties of yours anything beyond that we'll just have to see where kismet takes us." (something along those lines)

Personally if I hear a say "I don't have sex on the first date" (assuming she says it as your pulling her back to your place) is:
"I can't promise you we won't have sex but I can tell you that if at any point you feel uncomfortable or you don't want to hangout any longer your welcome to leave anytime you want. Now lets go grab a nightcap and trade those stories about (xyz thing) that we talked about."

-Rob

 

[Seppuku]

Sometimes the girls need your help to overcome their own bullshit. And they are grateful when you do.

How about that. You first address logically the "it's not just about sex" concern, then go on with "Alright. No full intercourse. But I want to see your boobs". If needed, you insist "I want to see your boobs." Then add "But be aware that I will try to kiss them". Once you're in front of her naked boobs, make her horny enough so that she beg you to fuck her. LOL.

That's the tactics I successfully used in my latest lay report. To be fair, I also helped it by implying that it was now or never, i.e. I would not get myself caught into her "wait for sex" game.

Seppuku

 

[mindful]

The key is you need to have fun with it and make it seem like it's not a big deal.

The girl is looking for reassurance from you that if it does happen, it's ok. The fact that she even mentions it means she knows what your intentions are.

The above responses are pretty good, but I've also used this one before with success:

her: we aren't having sex tonight
me: that's cool, I was just hoping for a make out session (with sly smile)

That exchange happened as we were walking from the bar back to her place. And the girl pulled me that night too!

 

[foggy]

Chase discusses possible responses to this type of objection in the following article under the, "I'm not going to go home with you." section:

https://www.girlschase.com/content/19-co ... beat-these

 

[Ergon]

Mr. Rob.
I hadn't heard about that line before getting home. I usually tell them let's get some wine/Kahlua/wathever and lead them home. Or I just ask them to give me a ride.
It worked before, but I generated a lot of sexual tension before too.

Do you think I should be more straightforward and casually mention that is at my place? Because just leading them to my home quickly make them more guarded when I escalate when we're both alone.

"I don't have sex on the first date" (assuming she says it as your pulling her back to your place) is:
"I can't promise you we won't have sex but I can tell you that if at any point you feel uncomfortable or you don't want to hangout any longer your welcome to leave anytime you want. Now lets go grab a nightcap and trade those stories about (xyz thing) that we talked about."

I like it .


Seppuku.
My most recent sticking point has been with making out. They might be okay with touch but when I go for the kiss they back off. Then of course kissing her neck, ear or any other part becomes difficult.

Then, I read your post about your escalation process and it dawn on me that I should attempt to go for the make out until the end [almost]


Mindful

her: we aren't having sex tonight
me: that's cool, I was just hoping for a make out session (with sly smile)

It's really good. I'll write down for later.

Songbird

That's among my top favorite articles. I usually learn better by reading about examples with context and specific lines explained from which I can extrapolate my own. I didn't think Chase address the "I don't have sex on the first date" specifically there, though.

By the way I made a mini compilation for handling objections since I had been feeling unprepared, based on chase's and others I read here.

I'm over the hook up scene
-You're afraid I'm cold and a heartless playboy. What makes you think I'm anything other than a lover and a romantic?

What kind of girls do you date?
Girl like you, but I don't know if you're my type.

I think this is too fast for me
-I think the speed is just right. Or are you smiling for some other reason?

I don't have sex on the first date
-We don't have to do anything

I don't even know you
-Yes you do. I'm me

her: we aren't having sex tonight
me: that's cool, I was just hoping for a make out session (with sly smile)

 

[Mr.Rob]

Ergon,

Do you think I should be more straightforward and casually mention that is at my place? Because just leading them to my home quickly make them more guarded when I escalate when we're both alone.

Yeah I definitely recommend you let them know explicitly your going back to your place. Don't make a big deal of it but do explicitly tell her your taking her to your place and then change the subject and keep the vibe light and casual. This should reduce the guarded "surprised" reaction your getting as well.

-Rob

 

[foggy]

Songbird

That's among my top favorite articles. I usually learn better by reading about examples with context and specific lines explained from which I can extrapolate my own. I didn't think Chase address the "I don't have sex on the first date" specifically there, though.

You're right, there's no "I don't have sex on the first date" objection. However, "I'm not going to go home with you" is in the same ballpark.....the subtext of both objections are her trying to figure out your intentions, which is why you can use similar responses to both.

By the way I made a mini compilation for handling objections since I had been feeling unprepared, based on chase's and others I read here.

Very good. Doing this sort of thing will help you improve faster. I made a master shit test list with possible responses and often study it - it's helped a lot.

What kind of girls do you date?
Girl like you, but I don't know if you're my type.

Another reply you can use is, "I date girls I have chemistry with."

 

[Seppuku]

Seppuku.
My most recent sticking point has been with making out. They might be okay with touch but when I go for the kiss they back off. Then of course kissing her neck, ear or any other part becomes difficult.

Then, I read your post about your escalation process and it dawn on me that I should attempt to go for the make out until the end [almost]

You probably didn't build enough tension. She's not ready. Don't kiss her yet! Take your time! Build tension. Play with her!

To give you an idea, it's something like this:

You're side by side with her. She's fine with your touch? Ask her a few questions as part of your deep diving. And while she's speaking, you play with her hair - keeping a neutral expression, or maybe a slight, slow smile. Then stop playing with her hair, and proceed with conversation. Chit chat, then ask another question. Briefly but slowly caress her bare skin with the tip of your finger - depending on what clothes she wears, could be her arms, her legs, her neck, her belly. Stop. Resume conversation. Later, you draw your lips close to her face, but stop short of kissing, then smile... and withdraw. Later, you can venture your fingers a little more daringly, for instance across her nipple, and wrap it with a sexy comment "Oh my God! There's a lot of people in here!" Another thing you can try is to take her hand, then gently put her finger in your mouth and lick it. If done sensually that will make her pretty horny! She will give you her other fingers to lick one by one! Etc... If at any point she has a reaction to put your hand away or similar, you just withdraw, smile, and gently start again a few minutes later.

It's a form of fractionation I think. I like playing like this, if I feel she's not fully ready for the next step. I like the idea of keeping her logical mind busy with my questions while at the same time being completely comfortable around her body and taking my time to appreciate it. A key element is to do all that with zero nervousness.

Also, when you start kissing, you can start with something else than her lips. Try a kiss in her neck! then go up and gently lick the lobe of her ear... You see, you have so many options other than making out! Only go for the make out kiss when she can't hold it anymore.

Seppuku

 

[Fuck This]

"and even if you did it's no ones business but your own."

"I've always preferred to let each individual situation determine what is going to happen. And I certainly wouldn't judge someone for what they felt was appropriate. I tend to avoid terms like never and always since I think a truly free person can make their own decisions accordingly.

I considered a fuck it response of "Well what about on the LAST date?"

 

[BetaBoy]

Say “with your hand? Neither do I” shell probably laugh and you can move from there.