Advice for bringing out a different side of my female housemate (platonic)

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Bit of background, I got a female housemate that moved in a few months back. Part of the reason I chose her was to get more experience living with an attractive woman (she’s a couple years older than me). She started dating a guy soon after moving in and they’ve been together a few months now. In a complete shock twist I knew the guy beforehand – he's one of my bros closest friends. He’s a total legend so of course I don’t want to do anything.

What I do want to do is try to crack her shell. See she’s a very no-nonsense person, not easily impressed. Former gymnastics coach, and training to become a pilates instructor.

After initially chatting and getting to know each other, our conversations started dying down. I realized this was a failure to lead on my part. Right now we only really talk about two things – her pilates classes when I ask about them and COVID. Occasionally will talk about my workout goals (she doesn’t care about any of the other parts of my life that I’m working on). Occasionally I’ve brought up sex (such as making offhand comments about how the sex must be amazing when she complains about a friend of her who is in love with and not leaving a guy despite the relationship being unstable), but she just shuts this down completely (once with “she can just find another guy to have sex with” (which comes across to me like she’s never had a guy blow her mind above anyone else) and another time with “ugh, I don’t want to talk about their sex life”.

When we get enamoured in these conversations I’m strong, grounded and attractive (and I can tell by her behavior switch as the conversation progresses), but I have a problem keeping things fresh and finding new conversation topics every day. I have been improving my fundamentals quite a bit and I can markedly see the difference in how she treats me when that happens (straight after a workout/after having a haircut she’ll open up more and ask more questions/try to keep the conversation going even after I’m trying to leave) but this goes down to a standard baseline after a short while. I may have a bit of negative preselection as I haven’t had a girl over since she moved in (last girl I had over was June, she moved in July and that’s when my state went into hard lockdown again which has made things exceedingly difficult)

Do you guys have any advice for a situation like this? I want to keep conversation fresh and interesting every day, and want to try to bring out her girly side from the cold exterior. Of course I’m not coming at this from a “need to please her” angle, I just want to use this as an opportunity to practice being a more engaging, attractive personality day after day and working on my conversation skills (which brings up another point - does anyone have tips for talking about the mundane – people who live with partners what do you even talk about all day and how do you keep things engaging? I realize this is difficult which is why so many here say not to live with a partner, but well.. my eventual goal is to do this and have kids soo...)
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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Chase

Chieftan
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tribal-elder
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I've had awkward female roommates who didn't want to chat.

I'll talk to anyone. I'm a talkative guy. And most people (men and women) are comfortable talking to me. So I tend not to assume it's me.

Sometimes she's not chatty because she's got a guy in her life and she's trying not to give you any ideas.

Sometimes she's not chatty because she feels awkward about developing too close a relationship with a man she lives with but isn't dating.

The best thing you can do if you want to break her out of her shell is get her to do something with you, preferably out of the apartment. Invite her to a night of drinking with a mixed group of friends (guys and girls). Or have her tag along when you go to a party.

It sounds like you're locked down there so maybe that's not an option... but maybe you can plan a small joint Halloween party where you get some of the neighbors over?

Get creative; try to figure out a way to actually do something together. Once you're in the process of doing something, it'll get her more comfortable talking with you.

When it's just "guy and girl sitting alone in an apartment" it can be very awkward for the girl if she's not trying to make something happen with you and/or trying to keep her living situation tranquil.

Some people do not want to feel like they have to talk to anyone back at home, and just want a quiet place to retreat to.

Chase
 

Beam

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2019
Messages
773
Thanks guys. The next event I go to with friends I might invite her along, since things are starting to open up again - she was initially keen in joining a one off DnD session but I stopped playing since I started getting bored.

Also, last few days I have been making an effort to think of new and different questions to ask her (a lot have still been related to Pilates, but with a different spin), and have also focused on teasing her a lot more which seems to be working and putting her more at ease (for instance when she asked if it was ok if she kept her food on the kitchen bench while I was cooking, I jokingly told her "of course not, get that out of my sight" which she laughed at.

Basic stuff really, but I tend to forget the basics too often.

Some people do not want to feel like they have to talk to anyone back at home, and just want a quiet place to retreat to.

Funny enough, that's usually me, but n I realize now it's because my conversation skills are somewhat lacking. When I know exactly what to say and how to say it to elicit the right emotion, talking to other people becomes a hell of a lot more enjoyable.
 
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