Advice for hard to read girl (co-worker)

[Anonymous]

Hey!

I'll make this short (I hope). I asked out a co-worker a few months back (September). She declined, said she really liked me but had barely any time for herself, little alone for another person (she's in university, and takes the stuff extremely serious, a mutual friend of ours warned me of this). She said she still wanted to talk on the phone through texting. No. I'm not much for texting in general, and a free pass to be her texting buddy made me want to puke. So I just gradually stopped texting her. A few months passed, she never bothered to initiate conversation, and I was to busy to really care, I honestly had forgotten about her. Out of the blue during winter break, she texts me, talking to me about how she has all this free time, blah blah blah. So I though "what the hell" maybe she's trying to give me a subtle hint that she might be available. I ask, she gives me a maybe, she has to see if she's going to visit family. Understandable. Turns out she is, and she declines again. I look at this as a clear sign she's not interested, tell her to have a good time, and that if she ever wants to do anything, balls in her court. A month and a half goes by, and our reading break comes up, out of the blue, at work no less, she pulls me aside, asks if I'm up to anything, and then asks me out. I accepted and we went out. It was fun, and we both had a blast, so I asked her out again a few days after. She accepted, movie at my house. Watched movie, made out, some groping (over the clothes only, I think I got placed in the boyfriend category accidently!). Date ends smoothly, I ask if she wants to try to continue dating during school and she smiles, tells me that she definitely wants to keep on seeing each other. Now here is where it gets a little weird. I asked her out for a third date, she tells me she can do Sunday, even comes up with a date idea. She seemed enthusiastic. The day before the date, she sends me a text saying "I don't think I have the time to go out Sunday I'm sorry!". No explanation, no reschedule. So I responded about an hour later with "oh, wanna try next week? text when you can...". She was at work at the time, so I wasn't surprised to have a delayed response, but as soon as she went on break I got a "yeah (I assume to the rescheduling), I'm just at work now! I'm on break" So I stated I would call her the next day, but never did (was kind of looking to project an I'm busy vibe).

Basically, I'm just looking for a bit of advice, on how I handled the situation. I'm new to the whole trying to change my strategies with women, so any advice/pointers are an aid. I also like this girl. Not crazy in love, can't get her off my mind (I don't need to be a pro to know that's unhealthy early on), but she has gotten under my skin a bit, so I'm trying to get a view on her actions from someone who is objective, as I'm a bit nervous that I can't analyze her moves properly. My instinct right now is to reschedule tomorrow, and see if she cancels again, to which I will basically toss the ball in her court again, and go back to focusing solely playing the field. I don't know if persistence is such a good move at this point. And sorry about the length!

Minor note:
-On dates, she definitely made lots of nods to a future (talked about me meeting her family on the first date)
-Lots of signs of attraction as per girls chase articles.
-Not all our texting convo's are great. At time's she seems disinterested, and barely put the effort in to move conversation (not to say this is like this all the time)
-she is a shy girl, barely talks, and happens to have quite a bit of self esteem issues from what I have heard.
-I initiate most conversations.

 

[Light]

Hey Buddy,

You did a good job starting out.
It seems to me that this girl has 2 issues you need to be really aware of:

1) She is very serious about her studies
- This explains why the text conversations can seem a bit off sometimes, as she may really be busy studying etc.
Or at the very least - she is easily distracted away from the topic of Flirting / Relationship, as it is definitely not on top of her priority list.
Do not take this personally.

2) She doesn't know what she wants from you yet:
- As mentioned above, due to the fact that relationship is nowhere near the top of her priority list, it is not a surprise that she hasn't given much thought on it either.
Yes, she likes you, and would love it to go somewhere. But she personally lack the skill and knowledge to move things forward, and isn't sure if she wants to move it forward or not.
She isn't ready to commit.

Bad news is; that also means you're not a priority in her life. Hence she will not invest in you.
Good news is; you can use this to your advantage to put yourself into the Lover category if you play it right.

Here are my advise:

A) Do NOT over invest in her - apply the Law of Least Effort at all time.
If it seems like she isn't bothered to make an effort, then you simply don't either. But don't let it affect your emotion.
You have to expect this, and brush it off like a man. If she comes to you, then let her come. If she don't, just carry on with your own thing.

B) Find the balance, or rather, find the right timing to persist.
So even though I say don't over invest, you still need to invest right? But timing is key.
And more importantly, persistence is required.
Remember its not what you do but how you do it.
E.g: When you ask her out, let her know that you're free on THAT day only, and you WILL be doing something fun or interesting, and you would like to ask her to join.
Don't ask her out like its a date. Just let her know when you're available and ask her to join. She can say yes, she can say no. It matters not.
You must let her know that she isn't the only person in this world who is busy. You have a life too.

The ball may be at her court, but you must be the one to take control. So if she isn't hitting the first ball back, make sure you slam another one at her while the attraction window is still open.
If you haven't slept with her yet, then you're in risk of losing her soon.