About a month ago my fiance and I broke up, she's bisexual and left me for a girl. I'm still seriously down about this and just looking for anyone that might have been through a similar situation. I know it just takes time to get over a long and serious relationship, but I could use advice on trying to get any sort of confidence back.
Hey Zimmer,
The best thing you can do is get back to having an active social life, and on top of that, some kind of productive activity. Can be work(preferably), can be a hobby or two. For example, after one of my past break-ups, I learned archery (which is awesome, especially in the woods with a few friends).
Having a good social life also includes meeting more women. Keep on flirting with and seeing girls, that's the best medicine.
If you feel you're too depressed to do anything, I very highly recommend listening to The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Just torrent it from somewhere.
These will help you get back on track. Don't worry, this was a good experience for you. But remember that you'll get to have even better ones in the future.
And don't forget there's someone here cheering for you.
RAFox
P.S: Things like these you would usually post in the "general" section of the forum.
The best thing you can do is get back to having an active social life, and on top of that, some kind of productive activity. Can be work(preferably), can be a hobby or two. For example, after one of my past break-ups, I learned archery (which is awesome, especially in the woods with a few friends).
Having a good social life also includes meeting more women. Keep on flirting with and seeing girls, that's the best medicine.
If you feel you're too depressed to do anything, I very highly recommend listening to The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Just torrent it from somewhere.
These will help you get back on track. Don't worry, this was a good experience for you. But remember that you'll get to have even better ones in the future.
And don't forget there's someone here cheering for you.
RAFox
P.S: Things like these you would usually post in the "general" section of the forum.
1) Suffer, and remember your suffering. Suck it up
2) Analyze what went wrong, see if you can find mistakes in your behavior that lead to break up. At the same time don't over analyze
3) Avoid blaming yourself, you did what you though was right with the knowledge you had
4) Create strategy to avoid the same mistakes with possible future mate and learn new stuff about relationship on GC or other sites. Learn some new things about women... Oh boy, see below...
5) Create a strategy to meet new women...
6) Man up, move on... focus on the future, don't just keep replaying things in your mind that went wrong...
I don't know your story but it is most likely similar to many stories here. There is always some reason for rejection, consider the following points which usually lead to rejection:
* You are too much of a Nice Guy, too compliant, too girly...
* You displayed poor dominance, poor leading skills...
* Your value was low(er) than value of your ex-fiance...
* You are too needy, too clingy, too immature... too much of a mamma boy...
* You don't have your life together, e.g. job, finances, friends,...
------------------------
Also consider these points:
* I don't want to break anybody's illusions, but in current society marriage doesn't really have much value (as it used to for our parents) for multiple reasons. Let's start with that women are or can be more independent, they can make decent money, they don't really need classical provider... With the same token, women are still seeking providers especially if they can stay at home - while hubby is working his ass off and paying for everything... Call it what you want, I call it voluntary slavery especially if you consider other points below...
* The trend today is that women don't really respect men, see for example many stupid shows such as Friends in which men are portrayed as incompetent, spineless dumb schmucks... It's disgusting how TV portrays today's men, but to be fair - many men behave just like that, so mine as well it is just a reality we live in... Other dumb shows and movies portray men as heroes with supernatural power... Or movies about stupid dating expectations where man does everything right (according to her illusions about man), otherwise he is just dumped as he doesn't qualify... Everything else but reality... Check out magazines, you see hundreds of magazines for women, brainwashing them... yet perhaps just handful magazines for men, how they should really behave as real men... Simply said, today's man's value is artificially lowered by numerous stupid shows, movies, articles, women are disillusioned about what men is and what he should be...
* Men don't really gain much from marriage today: Sex will (usually) become more limited after some time... Never mind how many miles she's put on with different guys before marriage, chances are that guy is getting quite used stuff, for which he will pay high price... She will usually gain weight after couple years, if not the first one... She will most likely not take good care of the household, she won't clean up much, she won't cook, and she may not take good care of children... She was simply never raised like that... Never mind cheating, many women cheat behind their hubby's back, there is really no penalty for cheating anymore, so the stability of marriage is not there anyway... Don't forget the rate of divorce is high, if I remember around some 50%...
* On the other hand, man can lose a lot by getting married, mainly because current laws are in favor of women: she will most likely end up with the kids, with the house the guy paid for, with half of his money and retirement (if not all, LOL)... He will continue to pay and pay for child support and possibly alimony, while having limited access to his kids...
* Thanks to the technology, she can fairly easily find replacement for current guy. Whether it is man or woman, she can swipe her finger on her smart phone, and have a date virtually the same evening... Which only further lowers value of current male in her life, he can be replaced anytime she wants...
* Women are usually masters of manipulation. She will make it seem that he is the villain, she will turn most family and friends against him, months before he even realizes that something is going on in the marriage... He may ended up being depressed, financially broken, without friends and support... He may even go to jail if he doesn't pay... All this while she - poor and innocent woman - will be fucking his replacement in no time, in the house he paid for, and while everybody is feeling sorry for her...
Think I am joking? Think again...
Welcome to "equality" of genders... Which guy, that is using sane mind, would want to get married today...???
2) Analyze what went wrong, see if you can find mistakes in your behavior that lead to break up. At the same time don't over analyze
3) Avoid blaming yourself, you did what you though was right with the knowledge you had
4) Create strategy to avoid the same mistakes with possible future mate and learn new stuff about relationship on GC or other sites. Learn some new things about women... Oh boy, see below...
5) Create a strategy to meet new women...
6) Man up, move on... focus on the future, don't just keep replaying things in your mind that went wrong...
I don't know your story but it is most likely similar to many stories here. There is always some reason for rejection, consider the following points which usually lead to rejection:
* You are too much of a Nice Guy, too compliant, too girly...
* You displayed poor dominance, poor leading skills...
* Your value was low(er) than value of your ex-fiance...
* You are too needy, too clingy, too immature... too much of a mamma boy...
* You don't have your life together, e.g. job, finances, friends,...
------------------------
Also consider these points:
* I don't want to break anybody's illusions, but in current society marriage doesn't really have much value (as it used to for our parents) for multiple reasons. Let's start with that women are or can be more independent, they can make decent money, they don't really need classical provider... With the same token, women are still seeking providers especially if they can stay at home - while hubby is working his ass off and paying for everything... Call it what you want, I call it voluntary slavery especially if you consider other points below...
* The trend today is that women don't really respect men, see for example many stupid shows such as Friends in which men are portrayed as incompetent, spineless dumb schmucks... It's disgusting how TV portrays today's men, but to be fair - many men behave just like that, so mine as well it is just a reality we live in... Other dumb shows and movies portray men as heroes with supernatural power... Or movies about stupid dating expectations where man does everything right (according to her illusions about man), otherwise he is just dumped as he doesn't qualify... Everything else but reality... Check out magazines, you see hundreds of magazines for women, brainwashing them... yet perhaps just handful magazines for men, how they should really behave as real men... Simply said, today's man's value is artificially lowered by numerous stupid shows, movies, articles, women are disillusioned about what men is and what he should be...
* Men don't really gain much from marriage today: Sex will (usually) become more limited after some time... Never mind how many miles she's put on with different guys before marriage, chances are that guy is getting quite used stuff, for which he will pay high price... She will usually gain weight after couple years, if not the first one... She will most likely not take good care of the household, she won't clean up much, she won't cook, and she may not take good care of children... She was simply never raised like that... Never mind cheating, many women cheat behind their hubby's back, there is really no penalty for cheating anymore, so the stability of marriage is not there anyway... Don't forget the rate of divorce is high, if I remember around some 50%...
* On the other hand, man can lose a lot by getting married, mainly because current laws are in favor of women: she will most likely end up with the kids, with the house the guy paid for, with half of his money and retirement (if not all, LOL)... He will continue to pay and pay for child support and possibly alimony, while having limited access to his kids...
* Thanks to the technology, she can fairly easily find replacement for current guy. Whether it is man or woman, she can swipe her finger on her smart phone, and have a date virtually the same evening... Which only further lowers value of current male in her life, he can be replaced anytime she wants...
* Women are usually masters of manipulation. She will make it seem that he is the villain, she will turn most family and friends against him, months before he even realizes that something is going on in the marriage... He may ended up being depressed, financially broken, without friends and support... He may even go to jail if he doesn't pay... All this while she - poor and innocent woman - will be fucking his replacement in no time, in the house he paid for, and while everybody is feeling sorry for her...
Think I am joking? Think again...
Welcome to "equality" of genders... Which guy, that is using sane mind, would want to get married today...???
