What's new

FR 
Advice needed on male behavior

Lilly

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 21, 2020
Messages
57
For context: I’m a 28 year-old woman, single and a virgin + never been in a relationship or on an official date (check my past threads for more info).

I’ve been consistently going out to events and just generally spending time outside alone to meet a man. Since my last post things have been bleak (no approaches from men at all).

Today, I finally saw a guy who’s my visual type (except his short height, but who cares about one variable) at the summer port festival I went to.

He was part of a (friends? colleagues?) group: one hetero couple, one old lady, and another man. I spotted him and chose to follow more or less subtly. This chase continued for 30 minutes without substantial results.

For the most part I’ve no clue if he even consciously noticed me. We didn’t make direct eye contact once. One time we came close to each other by walking towards the same poster, but he just did a quick glance and short polite smile before instantly steering the other way.

15 minutes later, his group stopped by a boat tour sign and I made to walk close past him, but he stepped forwards and away.

I kept walking a bit ahead, then stopped by the stone wall separating beach from port and casually looked around.

Soon enough I saw them as they went down to the beach. The couple walked ahead, the old lady and the other guy fell behind some, and he separated himself in the middle to look around as well, also in my direction but I’ve no idea if he looked on purpose or not.

I slowly followed them, but they sat down on the sand somewhere further away, and since it was getting dark, I basically auto-rejected and was pissed. I got back into the crowd to look for another potential suitor, but found none.

I know this isn’t much to work off of, but maybe I should’ve sat down as well despite the impeding darkness? And if you need more details I’ll provide them. This is a short summary.
 

Levo

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Jan 20, 2020
Messages
40
What exactly do you want advice on? Outside of a bar/club environment, men you want to talk to are just not going to approach you. Especially if they are in a group with family or whatever those older women were to him. Alot of men are so dense they wont even realize that youre flirting with them if you do initiate the convo. If you want to go to random public places to meet men youre going to have to get comfortable with being quite direct at first, or try your luck with indirect game and see if they keep trying to chat with you once youve broken the ice. Following them will almost never work. Also stating the obvious, but as a woman your physical attractiveness is also going to play a huge role in your success rate.
 

Lilly

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 21, 2020
Messages
57
What exactly do you want advice on? Outside of a bar/club environment, men you want to talk to are just not going to approach you. Especially if they are in a group with family or whatever those older women were to him. Alot of men are so dense they wont even realize that youre flirting with them if you do initiate the convo. If you want to go to random public places to meet men youre going to have to get comfortable with being quite direct at first, or try your luck with indirect game and see if they keep trying to chat with you once youve broken the ice. Following them will almost never work. Also stating the obvious, but as a woman your physical attractiveness is also going to play a huge role in your success rate.
Got it. So I probably wasn’t on his radar at all.

I work out, am slim and tan, have long brown hair and have been told to have a pretty face.
 
the right date makes getting her back home a piece of cake

OldGuy

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jun 10, 2017
Messages
268
One year in my college dorm, there was a handsome guy that I thought how can I compete with him. This was the '70s and found out "he" was on the women's swim team! (pre-trans era). Being flat chested will not prevent attracting guys, my first GF was flat chested (her waist length hair gave her away). I might have married her, except she did not want children and I did. I don't know if this is an issue for you, but it is for some women.
 

Lilly

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 21, 2020
Messages
57
One year in my college dorm, there was a handsome guy that I thought how can I compete with him. This was the '70s and found out "he" was on the women's swim team! (pre-trans era). Being flat chested will not prevent attracting guys, my first GF was flat chested (her waist length hair gave her away). I might have married her, except she did not want children and I did. I don't know if this is an issue for you, but it is for some women.
I don’t have a flat chest or lack curves. I look like a woman lol
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
5,928
For context: I’m a 28 year-old woman, single and a virgin + never been in a relationship or on an official date (check my past threads for more info).

I’ve been consistently going out to events and just generally spending time outside alone to meet a man. Since my last post things have been bleak (no approaches from men at all).

Today, I finally saw a guy who’s my visual type (except his short height, but who cares about one variable) at the summer port festival I went to.

He was part of a (friends? colleagues?) group: one hetero couple, one old lady, and another man. I spotted him and chose to follow more or less subtly. This chase continued for 30 minutes without substantial results.

For the most part I’ve no clue if he even consciously noticed me. We didn’t make direct eye contact once. One time we came close to each other by walking towards the same poster, but he just did a quick glance and short polite smile before instantly steering the other way.

15 minutes later, his group stopped by a boat tour sign and I made to walk close past him, but he stepped forwards and away.

I kept walking a bit ahead, then stopped by the stone wall separating beach from port and casually looked around.

Soon enough I saw them as they went down to the beach. The couple walked ahead, the old lady and the other guy fell behind some, and he separated himself in the middle to look around as well, also in my direction but I’ve no idea if he looked on purpose or not.

I slowly followed them, but they sat down on the sand somewhere further away, and since it was getting dark, I basically auto-rejected and was pissed. I got back into the crowd to look for another potential suitor, but found none.

I know this isn’t much to work off of, but maybe I should’ve sat down as well despite the impeding darkness? And if you need more details I’ll provide them. This is a short summary.
Lily i seen my girlfriend open groups with can i hang with you guys or is it ok to hang out with you? To the whole group.... I would have opened group and go from there..

Lily i heard women complain that guys are just very passive now a days.... Same thing you described...

Make sure when you make eye contact you smile...
 

7years

Rookie
Rookie
Joined
Sep 11, 2015
Messages
7
You sound like the guy from the sauna lol jk
🤣

though I'm sure this guy never felt unsafe - fully clothed within a group - compared to being naked and alone in a room with a physically stronger stranger

as a woman, you can linger around to get approached, but a man has to approach sooner or later, or just leave..
 

Levo

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Jan 20, 2020
Messages
40
🤣

though I'm sure this guy never felt unsafe - fully clothed within a group - compared to being naked and alone in a room with a physically stronger stranger

as a woman, you can linger around to get approached, but a man has to approach sooner or later, or just leave..

Depending on what country/city she was in, if I was an obviously well off guy and I noticed a random woman tailing my group for thirty minutes and think it was more likely a scout for some kind of crime group than a woman who was interested in me.
 

KJ Francis

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Mar 27, 2023
Messages
1,136
@Lilly I am joking.. Not to minimize your fear as @7years noted. Agreed women play the passive role and can sometimes have decently long escalation windows if the guy is rare.

Male hover is different and should only be for a bit to force/induce approach invitations to act on or move on. He failed you and is weeding his genes out of existence. Yours can survive through adaptation.

In 2025 unfortunately it may require you to play a slightly more active role as Skills says. It's not uncommon really... women say hi and how's it going, etc all the time. It's normal and socializing. A lady opened me in the elevator tonight and gave me two pieces of pizza and brushed her hair back twice. These efforts are still feminine. It Is submission... placing yourself at his feet and saying take me. It's still attractive female behavior and relies on the male to seize and lead.
 

mirror

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jul 8, 2025
Messages
43
Lily i seen my girlfriend open groups with can i hang with you guys or is it ok to hang out with you? To the whole group.... I would have opened group and go from there..

Lily i heard women complain that guys are just very passive now a days.... Same thing you described...

Make sure when you make eye contact you smile...
Yeah, i have seen another girl do the same thing with convincing people to vote for her. "Would you please vote for me? It would make me very happy."

Is it a guy/girl thing? I dont know. I think an open demeanor can mean and do a lot already. It's a lot about bodylanguage, vibe / tension control and calibration kind of stuff.
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
5,928
Yeah, i have seen another girl do the same thing with convincing people to vote for her. "Would you please vote for me? It would make me very happy."

Is it a guy/girl thing? I dont know. I think an open demeanor can mean and do a lot already. It's a lot about bodylanguage, vibe / tension control and calibration kind of stuff.
Vote? Please re read...
 

Lilly

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Nov 21, 2020
Messages
57
Depending on what country/city she was in, if I was an obviously well off guy and I noticed a random woman tailing my group for thirty minutes and think it was more likely a scout for some kind of crime group than a woman who was interested in me.
He didn’t look “obviously well off”. He just looked normal. Shirt, jeans, no fancy accessories. Just casual.
 
Top