Advice on getting more comfortable with rejection?

[ChrisXKiss]

So when you approach an average woman as a somewhat more eccentric dude, she tends to see your eccentricity as social poverty and judges you, whereas a hot girl might see it as exceptionality (depending on the rest of your fundamentals).

Thinking now that this has to do not only with the natural attractiveness of the woman, but also with how much she is plugged in the matrix of what is conventionally attractive, what all her friends like, what she should like basically.

I notice a lot for example that the more a girl is well-dressed in an average well-dressed way that is in style right now the less warm she is to my approach. Same thing with a lot of young girls that dress and do their make up almost the same ( sometimes I feel I could go with any one from a group and it would make no difference really ).

I don't think it's total coincidence that the one young girl I slept with last week was the kind of person that couldn't find her tribe among her peers and had her own view of the world. That's what I personally also like in a girl, which begs the question if there is a particular way to go about finding these types.

My feeling is that exactly because they are not following any specific trend or group it's not like they congregate somewhere you can go and find them. Because if they did, they would be their own group with certain characteristics.

So maybe it's like finding naturally beautifully women. You just live your life and approach a lot and you will find them at some point.

 

[Will_V]

Thinking now that this has to do not only with the natural attractiveness of the woman, but also with how much she is plugged in the matrix of what is conventionally attractive, what all her friends like, what she should like basically.

I notice a lot for example that the more a girl is well-dressed in an average well-dressed way that is in style right now the less warm she is to my approach. Same thing with a lot of young girls that dress and do their make up almost the same ( sometimes I feel I could go with any one from a group and it would make no difference really ).

There is a correlation with physical beauty because a beautiful woman simply has a lot more of a sense of abundance, especially when it comes to conventional things. But it also has plenty to do with her personality and how open and curious she is.

I don't really focus on physical beauty in a woman beyond a certain level, as long as she's to a certain standard it matters more that I'm able to capture her mind and spirit and have a really satisfying sexual experience with her. Some girls are technically hot but there's something missing as far as the chemistry goes, they lack imagination and some kind of free spiritedness, and it's hard for me to get excited about ravishing them.

I don't think it's total coincidence that the one young girl I slept with last week was the kind of person that couldn't find her tribe among her peers and had her own view of the world. That's what I personally also like in a girl, which begs the question if there is a particular way to go about finding these types.

I haven't really found a way to find them in concentration. Even if you go to some congregation of people based around some unconventional or adventurous theme, the majority of them are not fundamentally independent, they are just trading their need to fit into one group for another.

And personality types tend not to cluster, but find their place in harmony with other, counterbalancing personality types.

I think the best way is simply to get good at reading people, at getting a feel for her personality based on small cues so you can spot her quickly in the crowd. That's my strong suit, but it's not something I find easy to explain.

 

[bkw]

Rejection is a weird thing. If you're not approaching a lot, one rejection means way more than if you are consistently going out meeting girls. I can approach 50 girls in a week (over time you can lessen that as you get more consistent), and it's not the single rejections that bother me as I know it's part of the process--what gets me is the accumulation of rejections and lack of results over time, because when lots of rejections pile up over time you really start to doubt yourself.

Approach more per session, like 10 if possible, and you'll notice most reject you on most days going direct, and then you'll get some numbers, etc. Variance.

Some stats from the guys who wrote the book on daygame (attractive girls):
beginners: 1 lay per 100 approaches, on average
intermediate: 1 lay per 50 approaches, on average
advanced: 1 lay per 30 approaches, on average

Consistency, every month (attractive girls):
beginner might get a couple dates a month, on average
intermediate might get 4-5 dates a month, on average
advanced: 6+, on average

So if you're bothered by one girl you approached, all this tells me is you're not approaching enough, and/or your expectations are way, way too high and need to be a bit more realistic.

Solution: Approach more per day (10)/per week(30-50), expect rejection to be a normal part of the process, focus on weekly/monthly results if daily results are bothering you

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Approach more per session, like 10 if possible, and you'll notice most reject you on most days going direct, and then you'll get some numbers, etc. Variance.

This is useful indeed. Sometimes I may even keep going after a number of bad approaches to simply get the 1-2 good interactions that statistically will happen at some point and feel like I got something out of the session.

It helps because you start focusing your attention more on these approaches that do go well, the rest fade away a bit.

Some stats from the guys who wrote the book on daygame (attractive girls):
beginners: 1 lay per 100 approaches, on average
intermediate: 1 lay per 50 approaches, on average
advanced: 1 lay per 30 approaches, on average

Consistency, every month (attractive girls):
beginner might get a couple dates a month, on average
intermediate might get 4-5 dates a month, on average
advanced: 6+, on average

Which book is this by the way?

I always found these kind of numbers interesting. I’ve had months when I was actively gaming a lot that I had even advanced number of dates but less than beginner stats of lays per approach.

Still not sure how possible this advanced stat of 1 lay per 30 approaches is in daygame. If we assume that about 80% of women around are in a relationship/not available, then you should be having sex with 1 out of the 6 girls you meet that are single.

Talking about totally random approaches here, with no indications of interest and zero targeting. Just going about your day in the city and approaching girls you like you just see around.

Solution: Approach more per day (10)/per week(30-50), expect rejection to be a normal part of the process, focus on weekly/monthly results if daily results are bothering you

I agree with this a lot. If I go and approach 5 girls in a day just living my life, I am not even bothered much whether I got a result or not.

In fact it even motivates me sometimes to go out and approach way more another day, because I know that with higher numbers I will statistically get some results for sure.

 

[Arnav]

Another thing I've found is that the more you deviate from the status quo of what's attractive, the more frequent harsh rejections you'll get from average women. Average women are in some sense 'socially poor' and tend to be angling for a man who makes them look good to everyone else and elevates them in the social hierarchy, whereas really beautiful women are often curious about things that are more outside of the norm, because they can afford to do so - they already have social status, validation, and 20 perfectly acceptable prospects lined up.

So when you approach an average woman as a somewhat more eccentric dude, she tends to see your eccentricity as social poverty and judges you, whereas a hot girl might see it as exceptionality (depending on the rest of your fundamentals).

This goes not just for the way you dress but also your attitude and the way you express yourself.

It's one of the reasons why I never try to follow the typical stereotypes of attractive males very closely, because I'm looking for a woman who can afford to go on an adventure, not one who is looking for social security.

this past week i had been very demoralized by these blowouts where a girl makes a disgusted annoyed face and rejects me( it made me feel like a creep)

It made me question my looks and attractiveness, but todays warm recpetion made me notice something.

The 3 warm recpetions I got this week- 1 was a financial analyst, 1 a corporate lawyer, another a biotech researcher. All were beautifull.

Seems like intelligent pretty girls give me warmer reception.

I dont really mind rejections but these blowouts or angry snap backs really cut deep.

Could you tell me how does one know if your approach rejections are due to fundamentals, something in your approach, you not good looking or due to the girl type.

 

[Will_V]

Could you tell me how does one know if your approach rejections are due to fundamentals, something in your approach, you not good looking or due to the girl type.

My view is that immediate rejections are almost always about fundamentals. The reason being that at that point your fundamentals, i.e. your presentation, are all she knows about you. She is reacting to the person she perceives you are as a function of her first impression of you.

I'd suggest first reading everything you can find on the girls chase site about fundamentals, perhaps starting here.

Not being a good-looking guy or not being the girls type aren't a cause for blowouts, that's not how people treat eachother. Not being her type might mean she's uninterested in taking things further, but she's not going to have an immediate reaction unless there's something she thinks is wildly off about you.

The idea of a good-looking guy is one of the most misunderstood and misused concepts in dating. Because most people are not aware of what creates their impression of a particular guy, they assume it has to do with his jawline or whatever, when in reality it is much more a function of their impression of his power, as a function of the signals he gives off. His charisma, and the way he expresses the strength and force of his character, completely changes other people's concept of his physical characteristics. While this is not really the case for women - women are in some ways static aesthetic objects as far as beauty is concerned.

This I believe is simple evolutionary training, we develop instincts to judge everything as a function of what is most important about it. The most important thing about a woman is her genetic quality, whereas the most important thing about a man is his capability to change your reality for better or worse. So in some ways our perceptions 'trick' us in order to make sure we receive the information that is most valuable to us.

Improving your posture, tone, the way you carry yourself and interact with the world, will do more for people's impression of your physical beauty than anything else you can do.

Seems like intelligent pretty girls give me warmer reception.

That's not a bad problem to have! But I would say the likely issue is your fundamentals, that some aspect of it is not up to scratch, and that these pretty intelligent girls like other things about you and are willing to overlook it, while the blowout girls are not.

So my suggestion is to work hard on your fundamentals. It takes time and consistency to mold and polish yourself, but there's no aspect of your life that it won't improve.

 

[bkw]

@ChrisXKiss

Out of respect for the GirlsChase, I don't want to pimp-out too much other people's content, but those stats are from Tom Torero, which he used to say in his videos and products. He's dead now, so he's not profiting off the stuff anymore, but still.

 

[Aussiedude]

Thinking now that this has to do not only with the natural attractiveness of the woman, but also with how much she is plugged in the matrix of what is conventionally attractive, what all her friends like, what she should like basically.

I notice a lot for example that the more a girl is well-dressed in an average well-dressed way that is in style right now the less warm she is to my approach. Same thing with a lot of young girls that dress and do their make up almost the same ( sometimes I feel I could go with any one from a group and it would make no difference really ).

I don't think it's total coincidence that the one young girl I slept with last week was the kind of person that couldn't find her tribe among her peers and had her own view of the world. That's what I personally also like in a girl, which begs the question if there is a particular way to go about finding these types.

My feeling is that exactly because they are not following any specific trend or group it's not like they congregate somewhere you can go and find them. Because if they did, they would be their own group with certain characteristics.

So maybe it's like finding naturally beautifully women. You just live your life and approach a lot and you will find them at some point.

I've asked a few different girls who I've slept with what they think about guys approaching cold. And often they'll say it's fine or they wish it happened a bit more.

But there's been two that were sort of negative to the idea . And both of these girls attitudes and personality in general I looked down upon. Ultimately I see them for easy sex and not much else.

First one just had a general shitty attitude, just a kind of ignorant person. She really was a fucking idiot in hindsight. quite Attractive but part of me regrets associating with somebody who has so little substance to them.

And the second I'm still seeing, and while she's kind, and nice, and doesn't have a bad attitude like the first. She's lives in a very mediocre kind of way which semi often irritates me. Just doesn't really have any zest for life, and has super normie opinions about basically everything.

So I think you're right that a girl could be a shitty kind of person or totally plugged into the matrix as you say aha.

Maybe it's a good thing they don't like getting approached, because yes I'm getting easy sex, and yes they're attractive. But sometimes I feel like I'm demeaning myself by associating with such a low quality person. Not to sound like an asshole lol.