Advice on looking for a Girlfriend

[Mr.Rob]

One of my goals is to get a high quality girlfriend by summertime this year. I'm going through the articles on what to look for in a girlfriend and as I do I'm coming to a couple of hang ups. I can't really answer one way or the other what type of girl I'd rather have on some of the questions.
Example: Do I want a girl that's a girly girl or a tomboy? I'd think I'd prefer a tomboy but I don't have the reference points to know either way. I have no idea what would be better for my personality and what I want.

That's just one example.

I know I want a girl that's ambitious, to push me to succeed in my endeavors, and is sociable/charismatic. I know I want a girl that is unapologetic, goes for what she wants, and approves of herself instead of seeking approval/validation from other people. I know I want a girl that's stunningly sexy with boobs (not overly huge) and an ass. Though I don't know if I'd rather have a brunette or blonde and I don't have a preference in race since I've never had a GF to be able to say which race I prefer the most personality wise.

Other than that I have no clue what I want.

My question to whomever is reading this is this:
Should I even be able to know exactly what kind of girlfriend I want being 20 and never having had a girlfriend before? I have almost no reference points on what kind of girl I want/vibes best with my personality.

When I go on dates with women I meet and get to know them I can usually tell pretty quickly what I want from the relationship. Either being I just want to take her to bed to progress my seduction skills and get to understand women better or someone I'd actually be interested in keeping around. I have yet to go on a date with a girl I'd genuinely want to keep around as someone I'd want to grow with and be exclusive to. So at least I know what I don't want!

For those that know me am I being overly ambitious for where I'm at right now to think I can get a high caliber girlfriend? I personally don't think so but it's in the back of my mind that I might need to have a lifestyle in which I have connections, social circle (I'm a loner by choice at the moment), and overall better charisma/fundamentals in order to retain a high caliber girlfriend. But I guess I would probably land a girlfriend that's relatively close in all those areas to me anyway except for the social circle.

Any, all, and YOUR input is very much appreciated!

-Rob

 

[Thedoctor]

Rob,

Learning what you want and what you don't want generally comes with experience. I used to think many different things that would be cool in a gf. Once I was in the relationship, I realized these were bad things to want. I used to think it would be cool to have a gf that was always on the go, partying, socializing, doing new things etc. But once I had it, I hated it. These girls are broke, seek lots of attention, and get bored very easily, not to mention they lack ambition. I actively avoid hedonistic-type girls for this reason.

Based on my life so far and the relationships I've had, here's what I now look for:

-A girl that has ambition: Whether she's on a good career path, in school to get a degree or the like. I'm an ambitious person and I wouldn't want to pursue a LTR with someone who has no desire to better herself.

-She needs hobbies: At least one or two passions she enjoys. I don't really care what they are so long as she enjoys doing them and she has been doing them for a fairly long time (a year at least). Someone who changes hobbies every two weeks is fun in the short term, but she'll be hard to manage in a LTR. If she has no discernible hobby, guess what? Her new favourite hobby becomes you!

-She needs a few friends that she has had for a long time, and at least one really good friend who's a girl: If all her friends are friends she just met a couple months ago, chances are she's all over the place and probably seeks out drama. And if she only has guy friends, she probably seeks out drama and craves attention.

-She needs to dress more conservatively: A girl who constantly is all done up and is showing lots of skin is only looking for one thing: Attention. And LOTS of it. I cannot stand validation-seeking behaviour. It's a huge pet peeve of mine.

-She needs to be sexual: This isn't a problem with a lot of girls. But there are some out there that seem to need it a little less, just as there are some guys that are that way too. I'm a sexual person and I enjoy constantly having it in a relationship.

This is all I really look for. The personality aspects have never really mattered to me (like your tomboy example). I've dated girls from all walks of life and the dynamics of an LTR don't really change all that much, in my opinion. The dynamics have only changed when I don't follow my rules I just laid out. And I only really start looking to see if she follows these rules after I've slept with a girl. If I slept with her, chances are she'll be attractive and we get along well so those points don't need to be touched on. Obviously there can be exceptions to these rules, but there will be some sort of valid explanation on her part.

As far as you thinking you can get a high caliber girl with your current experience? You can. It happens all the time, though it probably won't be easy until you gain experience. Can you keep her? Most likely not. Unless you really do already have an absolute abundance mentality. Chances are, if you do get her, you'll be terrified you'll never be able to land a girl like that again. Once that happens, you'll either start chasing her or supplicating to her demands. And as we know, neither of those situations is desirable.

But if you already do have an abundance mentality, then all the power to you.

-John

 

[Franco]

Rob,

Building off of what John mentioned: don't get too far ahead of yourself. The best way to find out what you want is to simply take lots of women to bed. Focus first and foremost on bedding attractive girls, and if you feel like you enjoyed the night you spent together with one of them, then invite her over again!

After you've slept with a girl and spent some time with her on separate occasions, you'll get a clearer view of her actual personality and characteristics; girls will often only show you a sliver of their true selves before you bed them. From that point, you just need to simply keep seeing her as long as you're enjoying her company. While you do this, take mental notes on the things she does that you like and the things that you don't like. If you want to, it might even help to write them down later so that you don't forget. Keep in mind that some things are trivial (and may not be worth screening a girl out for) and that some things might be deal-breaking for a girlfriend. Keep in mind what these things are to you, and start compiling a list. You'll notice that John already has his list, but yours might differ (and mine does as well), so don't afraid to keep track of it.

You're young, so you'll have plenty of time to have an abundance of amazing girlfriends. For now, just focus on learning how to take attractive girls to bed -- once you do that, you'll be able to quickly distinguish what attributes of a girl you like, and the girlfriend-quality girls will come to you with much more clarity!

- Franco

 

[trashKENNUT]

Mr.Rob,

Hey, thinking about a girlfriend, I think most guys want one because they don't have one. I realize it is something with being "leftout" and that you are not worthy.

Sometimes you will get a girlfriend or anything you want in life, with luck, but then you revert back to your normal self because you don't really reach or change that level of consciousness. This is what i perceive, from a scientific perspective.

Zac

 

[Mr.Rob]

I Really appreciate everyone's commentary here. And yes I do have bad habit of getting further ahead of myself than where I'm actually at when building skill sets. That's partially why I posted this question so I'm glad yall addressed this!

Essentially what you guys are saying is: if I don't know what I want then I need to go and find out what it is I want. And in order to find out what it is I want, rather than guess and hope for the best, I should actually sleep with a lot of women, figure out the different types/personalities of women, keep track of traits/personality characteristics I like/don't like, and keep the ones I vibe with around to screen further to see if we mesh?

Honestly I like this plan a lot better than my original goal of getting a girlfriend by summer as this is a lot more attainable.

@Zac- It's not that I feel left out by not having a girlfriend. I see people around all the time with hot girlfriends and wives and I don't feel like "why don't I have a GF" or be jealous/bitter towards those men. I realize that that would be seeing the result not the process. I know I'm on the right road/process so it's only a matter of time before the players in the game change and rotate positions.

Sometimes you will get a girlfriend or anything you want in life, with luck, but then you revert back to your normal self because you don't really reach or change that level of consciousness. This is what i perceive, from a scientific perspective.

This scares the bejeezes out of me Zac, and I don't quite know exactly what you're getting at. I think you're talking about levels of abundance mentality? Meaning I developed abundance from approaching hot girls all the time but if I were to land a high quality GF, without absolute abundance, I would risk going back to square one with abundance? This is what I take from what you wrote.

Please elaborate I'm interested

-Rob

 

[trashKENNUT]

Mr.Rob

This scares the bejeezes out of me Zac, and I don't quite know exactly what you're getting at. I think you're talking about levels of abundance mentality? Meaning I developed abundance from approaching hot girls all the time but if I were to land a high quality GF, without absolute abundance, I would risk going back to square one with abundance? This is what I take from what you wrote.

Please elaborate I'm interested

Not exactly abundance mentality but your beliefs and your learning experiences. IT is true that you will value your high quality girlfriend more when all your previous girls you dated were just "okay" or "average".

Because you do not learn or reach the capability, yet, to achieve that level and after that maintain it.

So luck can make you reach there and you feel good, but then you either fall back to your previous state. But if you will, you speed up the process of learning and catch up with what you have, that is brought upon by luck.

Luck is nothing but beliefs that is accidentally manifested by yourself.

Zac

 

[BarryS1]

One of my goals is to get a high quality girlfriend by summertime this year. I'm going through the articles on what to look for in a girlfriend and as I do I'm coming to a couple of hang ups. I can't really answer one way or the other what type of girl I'd rather have on some of the questions.
Example: Do I want a girl that's a girly girl or a tomboy? I'd think I'd prefer a tomboy but I don't have the reference points to know either way. I have no idea what would be better for my personality and what I want.

I am in the same place as you, early 20's and never had a girlfriend. Not sure what to do besides create a list and experiment like Franco suggested. Chase has a great .pdf about finding your niche that helped me out.

Here it is: https://www.girlschase.com/downloads/Finding Your Niche.pdf

After reviewing it, I realized my type of unicorn girl and started targeting them. Funny thing was is that after sleeping with a couple girls from that category, I changed my mind! Turns out the niche I thought I was attracted to did not satisfy my current preferences. Now, I changed my niche slightly and gonna go at it again!

Cheers Franco, I am experiencing the same process you mentioned and it's working well so far!

Mr. Rob, how about going for younger girls and not hot older women at the book store?

Mr.Rob

Mr.Rob wrote:
This scares the bejeezes out of me Zac, and I don't quite know exactly what you're getting at. I think you're talking about levels of abundance mentality? Meaning I developed abundance from approaching hot girls all the time but if I were to land a high quality GF, without absolute abundance, I would risk going back to square one with abundance? This is what I take from what you wrote.

Please elaborate I'm interested

Exactly what I've been wondering. Assuming my future girlfriend is superior in each category to every girl I slept with, I have to start all over? Zac, can you achieve abundance mentality without ever having a girlfriend or is it necessary?

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hi Guys,

Sometimes you will get a girlfriend or anything you want in life, with luck, but then you revert back to your normal self because you don't really reach or change that level of consciousness. This is what i perceive, from a scientific perspective.

This scares the bejeezes out of me Zac, and I don't quite know exactly what you're getting at. I think you're talking about levels of abundance mentality? Meaning I developed abundance from approaching hot girls all the time but if I were to land a high quality GF, without absolute abundance, I would risk going back to square one with abundance? This is what I take from what you wrote.

Please elaborate I'm interested

Exactly what I've been wondering. Assuming my future girlfriend is superior in each category to every girl I slept with, I have to start all over? Zac, can you achieve abundance mentality without ever having a girlfriend or is it necessary?

I think we need to define what absolute abundance mentality means. https://www.girlschase.com/content/absolute-abundance

Not exactly start over, since you have learned and achieve abundance mentality. But i think the hardest thing for a lot of guys, in any fields, is going back to a level below and starting again, and sometimes start everything from ground level.

IT's hard but the good thing is your past learning experience will speed things up.

Zac