Novacane,
I just would like to get a grip on how to avoid or at least prevent those you've slept with from going cold, and if they do go cold how does one attempt to remedy the problem?
There are usually two primary suspects when something like this happens, and they are both related to
warmth. After sex, you need to provide enough warmth so that she doesn't get
ego depletion and resent having slept with you. On the flip side, you don't want to provide
so much warmth that she feels like you're a different person after the deed as well! She wants to feel like she slept with a real man, but one that won't make her feel bad about her decision.
Here's my usual checklist after I've just finished sex for the first time with a girl (regardless of my future intentions with her):
- 1) Lay next to her for a moment and catch my breath for a few seconds (as we're both usually breathing heavily at this point).
2) Make a joke referring to something earlier in the evening that somehow relates to the current situation in a calm, warm voice (i.e. "Well, I guess you won't be needing to do your cardio session at the gym tomorrow!"). She'll usually laugh at something like this.
3) Exchange a bit of conversation with her for a minute or two.
4) Use a hand gesture to tell her to move close to me on the bed if she isn't already. Once she is, I put my arm around her and let her cuddle in close to me, although I don't "cuddle" back. My other hand is usually thrown behind the back of my head with my head resting on it.
5) Continue to have conversation with her for 10-20 minutes. This is a good time to reveal something about yourself that she didn't previously know. It's a way of "rewarding" her decision with some personal information that she feels like a lot of people may not know about you.
6) At this point, if it's early in the night, you can have sex with her again, or you can walk her out if she needs to go. If she's staying the night and it's late, you can also go to sleep holding her (and then release her 20-30 minutes later so you can actually fall asleep).
7) If she stayed over, I kiss her neck and her shoulders in the morning when it's time to get up, make a little bit of light, flirty banter, and have sex with her again. I then walk her to her car when it's time to go.
8) Regardless of whether or not she stayed the night, I send her a text sometime in the early afternoon the next day with something along the lines of, "I had a great time with you last night, Alexis! Hopefully you're not too tired today 
"
I've never had a girl go cold after sex, so that checklist has been rather full-proof for me. Hopefully this checklist will help you figure out where your sticking point was!
- Franco
