Advise after losing potential girlfriend to other guy.

[Little Jester]

And to add to the title, I didn't sleep with her (my biggest fail)


Background:

- Been with a girl for few hours over 2 dates. We knew from each other that we're both active in dating other people too.

- During second date we discussed the concept of dating each other exclusively after finishing each our current dating schedule. The idea felt like a nice change. We both said we were kinda on a date streak and tired of dating lots of people, hearing their stories over and over and not getting anywhere because of being picky.

- 2nd date ended in my place. We kissed (nervously on my end). We didn't sleep together due to my inexperience (ouch) I realised later that I missed a very big window of opportunity at the very end of the night, right before I kissed her.

- End of date 2 we agreed on 'our' 3th date, though specific time would be discussed later. Between date 2 and 3 she/we talked about 'us' a bit. I truely believe she was looking at a future with me and her.

- Few days later I couldn't get her on date 3; She avoided anything related to seeing eachother again all of sudden (big warning sign), but other then that she did not go cold on me whenever I initiated contact.. She just didn't reply to anything that was related to meeting up.

- She later explained, the reason she avoided seeing each other again, was because she had a date with last guy on her schedule and she was in doubt whom she liked better. She really wanted to give 'us' a go, but liked the other guy just a bit better, as she finally told me she went for the other guy.

- I told her I was happy she was honest to me now (instead of avoiding me whenever I pushed for that 3th date). I also told her I was happy for her that she found someone who can give her what she wants and that she should go for what makes her happy. I also told her that I still think she's very cute and I lead her on that I'd still do her if the opportunity was there.

- She hasn't gone cold responding to me afterwards, but she never initiates contact first.

- The 2 text conversations we did have thereafter are more playful teases and just very friendly, if anything, with only a suggestive 'too bad it didn't work out between us' kind of vibe from my side whenever we remind each other about jokes or little details from the few hours we spent together.

- Last text conversation I tried talking towards meeting each other again, but she playfully brushed it off with a witty joke of hers.



A few thoughts:

- I know for certain it was 'on' both ways between her and me right from the start and it was soon clear to me that I wanted to try and make her my girlfriend.

- I hate myself for not moving fast enough (not sleeping with her on 2nd date), especially because I believe I had a head start compared to the other guy.

- I don't know how the other guy or 'them' are holding up right now.

- She hasn't gone cold to me, guess she likes to keep me on friendly terms, in case things burn out with other guy.

- I still want to pour small doses of energy into this, but ever so slightly just to ping her interest and relationship status with the other guy, because I'm still interested in starting this dance with her over again.

- I'm currently seeing other / new girls. Don't you worry about that.



Questions:

1) Any suggestions what kind strategies are suited for this? I mean, if I keep doing the push for a meet thing, it'll get old quickly.

2) If any, what kind of texts are recommended to send to ping her interest? Any examples?

3) What kind of texts should I avoid sending? Guess these are obvious 'anything clingy' texts, but maybe I should be avoiding specific traps too...

4) What kind of interval between texts do you suggest? I've already been slowing down, currently going of now trying to open her with one text a week, but maybe I should keep slowing down over time... (or no longer send anything at all, but that feels like giving up)


thx for your input.

 

[Little Jester]

I've kept sending her random stuff of value (teases, funny stories that reminded me of her/us, complimenting her). All spontaneously time wise. No strategy. Just went with the flow. She always responded, though some messages ended in radio silence for couple of days , but she finally still responds to every message. All fun too.

By the stories I shared with her, she knows I'm seeing other girls again. By example, telling her I had discussion about her with some girl that reminded me of her in some way.

Now last week something interesting happened. All of sudden she spontaneously asked me: "You still want to meet up, right?"
I teased her sarcastically that she can read me so well. It was kinda obvious that I wanted to meet up anyway. I've implied that through my teases once a week without fail.
I then said I think it'd be fun to meet and then asked her how she thought about it. This ended up in silence. Before going to bed, I teased her she is really good in delaying, avoiding and forgetting where she parked her car. (adding the last bit for humor was a good move here, I figure )

The next day, she asked me why I wanted to meet with her. If I wanted friendship, because she was already seeing someone. I told her that I accepted that she had a boyfriend and that I didn't want to come in between whatever makes her happy, but that she also had to accept the fact I still like her. Had a good whatsapp chat with some heavier topics, that I eventually ended myself telling her good night and going to bed.

Now this week I'm amazed by the shift in how our app conversations go. She initializes new conversation. She asks me all kinds of questions (which she didn't do before). Some of the questions are targeted at my dating life, but when I answer and then ask about her BF in return, she avoids that question by deep diving me on something I said earlier.

Is this a power shift I'm experiencing? Or is she simply playing with me... I wonder were this goes