Afraid of other people's judgment on campus

[Smith]

Sup gents,

Recently, I'm having anxiety when it comes to talking to girls around campus, especially around midday when it's quite busy. My reason (or excuse) is that the other students might overhear or see me doing it, and I would get "shamed" on fb for trying to be a PUA. (There's actually a fb page called "overheard XXX" where people post funny things they heard around campus)

Our campus is quite small, and pretty "quiet" (maybe this is just my mind playing tricks on me). I can talk to girls when they're alone or there's barely anyone around, and in other places like the supermarket when I can just start a conversation situationally and go from there. But I'm afraid if I tell a girl that "she's cute" when there's a lot of people nearby who can hear us, I'll get known as "that guy" who hits on girls around the campus. It's actually not that rare for me to bump into girls I already talked to lol and since I've been taking action a lot lately, it's getting quite frequent. So I can really get around this by not talking to girls when I think it would drew attention on us. But I would like to face my fear. Part of me says I'm being irrational.

I remember when I was in Sydney last month, I have no problem just talking to girls on a busy street, because it was obvious that I won't see those other people ever again so I don't really care about their judgement.
But now I'm back in my uni, which is in a small town, I feel like people will start gossiping about it. Maybe I'm taking myself too seriously haha
Please give me any advice on this! really appreciate it!

Cheers

 

[ray_zorse]

I would do everything as normal but just not use the "totally cute" opener, lately I've been saying "I was just ... and I noticed your ... and I wanted to compliment you" then not following up with an introduction, instead just observing her reaction since it kind of leaves it open for her to hurry off and continue about her day if she wants to. I don't see how you could get a gamey reputation just for commenting on a woman's dress, accessories, eye makeup, ...?

-Ray

 

[Smith]

Thanks ray!
That is a pretty good idea. I just need something to start the conversation without making it too "pick up"ish.

 

[Troy]

Smith,

Firstly stop calling yourself a PUA. And secondly check out these article's. I read them last week and they rung trueness to my ears.

http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comm ... _thinking/

http://www.puatraining.com/blog/guide-t ... in-college

http://www.abcsofattraction.com/communi ... t1912.html

Later I'll get back to this and explain more what I'm talking about.

P.s. you might see me edit this later

Troy

 

[Smith]

Smith,

Firstly stop calling yourself a PUA. And secondly check out these article's. I read them last week and they rung trueness to my ears.

http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comm ... _thinking/

http://www.puatraining.com/blog/guide-t ... in-college

http://www.abcsofattraction.com/communi ... t1912.html

Later I'll get back to this and explain more what I'm talking about.

P.s. you might see me edit this later

Thanks for the articles Troy!
I don't call myself a PUA, and don't consume any PUA materials at all because I found them not really that helpful and actually makes you worst with women. GC is an exception of course.
My uni doesn't have a greek life, like you do in the States. We only have some clubs like "Chinese student association"...etc, where students get together and party.
So I can afford not being a big social butterfly on campus, but it's starting to feel like a big social circle because I'm starting to bump into girls I know these days. Good thing is every year, there are exchange students and freshers.
One thing about those articles that makes me reconsider things is mastering long game. I can get laid outside uni by moving fast, but now that I'm back, it just seems like I need to do things a little differently. I'm still trying out things. Will see if things improve. Once I figure it out, it will be easy to do it again

 

[Troy]

Smith,

Great that you aren't into the whole pick up stuff. It definitely can make a person weird. Seconding as Ray said, you can compliment women. Everyone appreciates feeling special.

From what you wrote it seems like you are more interested in meeting more girls than spending time with girl's you have already met, have known for a while and haven't slept with. Correct?

If your uni is small then you have no other choice but to use social circle game. At the rate you are going ( a good thing ) having a few new girls every year won't cut it.

Those articles I linked you to are from pua sites yet they have good messages that teach exactly what this site teaches. Read them again. They talk about fundamentals and building a attractive lifestyle.

Personal opinion: You should join different activities, go to every event and party, know where they are before everyone else, bring the energy, and befriend everyone. Before trying to sleep with any girl, build up a cool guy group and make sure you are held in high esteem there.

When girl's see you being a leader, you have a skill ( a dj, sports player, the brighest guy, or best comedian e.t.c. ) you will see them begin to approach you, ask you for your number, and ask you to go to parties with them.

Establish yourself as well known. Next thing, do remain single if you want to get more girl's in bed. After you sleep with even one attractive girl and it was good, word will go around and you'll be known as the guy to come to for good sex. Do all this first and eventually half the work will be cut out for you.

Troy

 

[Estate]

I'm not a big advocate of spam approaching one area over a short time.

The way I see it. There's no "shame" in talking to people. If you are just seeming to go about your day and strike up conversations with peole as you go... that's natural, that's human, nobody will notice. Infact they'll probably think you just saw a friend as you walked along.

On the contrary, if you were hanging around the same spot alone then walking up the random women without a purpose, that would come off strange unless you're selling something or with a charity or something. I don't nessessarily agree with this PUA thing of spam approaching. I've seen a few guys like this around town at the weekend and even though I know what they are doing, it still makes me feel uneasy.
I've passed girls elsewhere on the street later talking about the "weird guy" who stopped her walking.

 

[Troy]

I'm not a big advocate of spam approaching one area over a short time.

The way I see it. There's no "shame" in talking to people. If you are just seeming to go about your day and strike up conversations with peole as you go... that's natural, that's human, nobody will notice. Infact they'll probably think you just saw a friend as you walked along.

On the contrary, if you were hanging around the same spot alone then walking up the random women without a purpose, that would come off strange unless you're selling something or with a charity or something. I don't nessessarily agree with this PUA thing of spam approaching. I've seen a few guys like this around town at the weekend and even though I know what they are doing, it still makes me feel uneasy.
I've passed girls elsewhere on the street later talking about the "weird guy" who stopped her walking.

I definitely agree. Another reason why I say just be social and not pua.

Edit: Fuji has a point. A simple equation from him to answer your question. I hope everything works out for you Smith.

Troy

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

college game = maximizing social circles and being the social guy on the scene

being a PUA on campus is not that beneficial

 

[Ross]

Sup gents,

Recently, I'm having anxiety when it comes to talking to girls around campus, especially around midday when it's quite busy. My reason (or excuse) is that the other students might overhear or see me doing it, and I would get "shamed" on fb for trying to be a PUA. (There's actually a fb page called "overheard XXX" where people post funny things they heard around campus)

Our campus is quite small, and pretty "quiet" (maybe this is just my mind playing tricks on me). I can talk to girls when they're alone or there's barely anyone around, and in other places like the supermarket when I can just start a conversation situationally and go from there. But I'm afraid if I tell a girl that "she's cute" when there's a lot of people nearby who can hear us, I'll get known as "that guy" who hits on girls around the campus. It's actually not that rare for me to bump into girls I already talked to lol and since I've been taking action a lot lately, it's getting quite frequent. So I can really get around this by not talking to girls when I think it would drew attention on us. But I would like to face my fear. Part of me says I'm being irrational.

I remember when I was in Sydney last month, I have no problem just talking to girls on a busy street, because it was obvious that I won't see those other people ever again so I don't really care about their judgement.
But now I'm back in my uni, which is in a small town, I feel like people will start gossiping about it. Maybe I'm taking myself too seriously haha
Please give me any advice on this! really appreciate it!

Cheers

I've mostly bypassed this by only approaching in ways that anyone in their right mind would deem "socially acceptable". Obviously this rules out shotgun approaching, as you are in a smaller, more communal environment.

This doesn't rule out approaches where you compliment the girl and just overall act social. Chances are people will gossip about you (and that's good!) if it's done often enough, but your aim is to get them gossiping about how you're a cool and social guy, as it will up social status in an area where you probably want it.

Remember, the aim when you first get to talking with a girl isn't to take her home. It's to move her and get to know her better. I find that the guys who come off as "creepy" to these girls are thinking too much about bedding them and not enough about moving the interaction forward in a comfortable way.

 

[Smith]

Thanks guys,

I agree that "shot gun approaching" doesn't really work in a small town, and it would be really obvious on my campus. Right now, I'm striking up a conversation with at least one stranger or one girl per day, and it feels great because it keeps my social skill sharp and I want to be more socially free. I don't think my "approaches" are creepy so far, since I get mostly smiles and laughs when I compliment girls, e.g. just straight up telling them they're cute and use shorter openers.
I don't really want people gossiping about me, but I guess that could be a good thing too
Our uni has about 19,000 students in 2012, but probably has gone down a bit since then.
Some students don't live around uni, so I don't usually meet people like that around campus, but it's not that hard to bump into someone you know that live around campus. Plus there aren't a lot of places where students hangout.

 

[ray_zorse]

I re approached a girl on campus today as follows

me: hi there, I noticed your skirt and I wanted to compliment you. You look great!
her: (mumbles a bit, something about already saying that)
me: you mean I spoke to you before?
her: yesterday
me: really? were you wearing the same skirt?
her: yes
me: haha well if I liked it the first time I'd probably like it...(but she's already turned to go...with some indecision as we'd been waiting for the same pedestrian light, which is at the southeast corner just outside main campus)...walk with me!

Although I didn't handle this in a creepy way, I could have done better.. "well you obviously took my compliment to heart" or "haha u must be a guy magnet".

Note I didn't look at her face before the re approach, although I didn't actually recognize her anyway, the skirt looked a bit familiar but again I didn't stop to think, was 100% in the moment. Which is a bit rare for me.

I think it would be a good idea to mix up the wording of my opener more than currently (although I do do this) as it would seem a bit creepy / insincere to hear the exact same "pickup line" from a guy who doesn't remember you. Wouldn't exactly make u feel special I suppose.

Anyway, I've always deliberately avoided "mass approaching" in this area, until a few weeks ago I'd hardly done any approaches at uni at all, just a naturally cautious feeling combined with strong AA. Now I just do it when I'm on my way to/from. In this case I was going out for lunch (in which I invited a girl to sit with me after she asked me some random question and had a great time, she's a master's student and responded enthusiastically to the icebreaker, so all worth it).

-Ray

 

[Rage]

Thanks guys,

I agree that "shot gun approaching" doesn't really work in a small town, and it would be really obvious on my campus. Right now, I'm striking up a conversation with at least one stranger or one girl per day, and it feels great because it keeps my social skill sharp and I want to be more socially free. I don't think my "approaches" are creepy so far, since I get mostly smiles and laughs when I compliment girls, e.g. just straight up telling them they're cute and use shorter openers.
I don't really want people gossiping about me, but I guess that could be a good thing too
Our uni has about 19,000 students in 2012, but probably has gone down a bit since then.
Some students don't live around uni, so I don't usually meet people like that around campus, but it's not that hard to bump into someone you know that live around campus. Plus there aren't a lot of places where students hangout.

I’d been asking about this question/wondering about it up till like last month. But what you said here’s just about exactly what I ended up doing too. I talk to 1 or 2 new girls a day; and like to go for indirect direct stuff that’s a bit more subtle and not hard direct attracting a lot of attention from outside people too much.

Plus going for the girls giving me signs and that seem naturally into me, meeting girls in day to day errands, and taking advantage of any opportunities that present themselves when they do present themselves.

I think it was Chase who told me, or maybe it was Hector .. or both haha… but someone told me something along the line of “school reputation < bettering your skill”… I tell myself that statement in my day to day now, “my growth and my progress matters to me more than all else” … and wouldn’t care if I fucked up horriby with a girl or a set of girls and had my reputation plummet or whatever … whatever it takes for my growth.

 

[Smith]

haha hey guys, scew social circle. Got a same day lay today

I think it was Chase who told me, or maybe it was Hector .. or both haha… but someone told me something along the line of “school reputation < bettering your skill”… I tell myself that statement in my day to day now, “my growth and my progress matters to me more than all else” … and wouldn’t care if I fucked up horriby with a girl or a set of girls and had my reputation plummet or whatever … whatever it takes for my growth.

Thanks man! I'll keep that in mind as well. Since I'll be graduating next year, I won't rely that heavily on social circle to bring me girls. Although I consider 'social circle' similar to 'passive income', where you don't need to exert that much effort to bring girls into your life if you work on it well but of course there's also some downside to it, such as reputation management that I'm really not that bothered to deal with.

 

[ThrowDown]

Haha time for my take.

Dont worry.. From facebook.

MRU Confessions
March 12 at 5:40pm ·

[#30491] What's up with the Asian guy who is always in the library wearing a dress shirt with 3 buttons down, is he under the impression this is the jersey shore and the library is a night club? Looks weird.

This hasn't been the only confesssion posting of me.. I've developed a "guy who hits on everyone" kind of attitude; but also I am the guy that has love to give, constantly. I dont care if I develop that "pickup" reputation because I am me, and living my life for ME. However I find that if I constantly meet new women then they grow cold on campus: My sphere of influence dwindles (doesn't help if I am seeking to be President of the student body).

SO what I will focus on is social game and not cold approaching everyone and seeming a outsider. Introduce yourself to the nerd in the library, say Hi to the professor eating lunch at the cafeteria & give love to the beautiful woman in the cool skirt. Have a convo, spread positivity and stay in tune to the "scene". The more people you know, the more influence and access you have to college FUN, SEX, FRIENDSHIPS, and RELATIONSHIPS. Above all you will have an experience that you will look back on when you are 90.. and say, as you lay in your death bed.. "I remember when I did this..." not "I wish I did this in college..."

Based on Conquer Your Campus, I like social circle and sometimes just approaching and giving love... By having a positive viewpoint and focusing on letting people into your reality. Everyone on campus will love you. BELIEVE ME

 

[Estate]

I think there's truth in both sides... on the comment made about risk vs. reward...

Yes, if you're just starting from scratch and need to build some skill then there has to be some amount of just "sucking it up" and going and doing it.

Having said that. I never quite understood guys spamming a college campus. If you GO to the college, how long will you be there? A few years? 4-5? More even as a post-grad? Who knows...
Do you REALLY want to go right in there on day 1 and get a bad rep or be "that guy" for the rest of your time there?
Now college is it's own little world.. if someone doesn't know you, it's easy to find out who's who... you're only ever a few degrees of seperation from anyone. So is it worth it?
Also, as much as a bad rep can hurt you, a good one will help you get laid infinietly without much game. So that might be your best bet of where to focus attention...
People are much more likely to hook up with the friend of a friend of a friend they met at a party than some randomer creeping girls out around campus during the day....
I'm not saying it can't be done, but why make it hard?
Now if you HAVE skill.. you can pick girls up on campus but you're not spamming the place, thus no negative effects.

Now, what about where you live? Is there not any place to go BEYOND the campus square itself? The town, the area around it? There's more people there. Both students and non-students... you can walk around, there'll be high traffic areas. Even if you're seen, there's no campus repuation gained so if you're sucking it up just to learn some skills... isn't that a better option?

I just think guys make it WAY too hard for themselves. If you're spam approaching in your own back yard, that'll stick with you. Spam approach where you won't be known if most approaches are not going well.
College requires ZERO game. Just be cool, get some friends and bang some girls. Sorry but it really is that easy.

 

[Smith]

Good point, I knew not to burn the place down when I first started last year, and so far I haven't heard any "reputation" even though I've met girls who are friends with my close friends.
My original problem was that I let other people's judgement prevented me from initiating a conversation with a girl when I'm out during the day on my way to class, not that I "spam approach" the campus and burn it down lol.
But now I think I know how to go a little bit subtle to start a conversation. Cheers =)