Calls & Texts After 2 dates playing hard to get or not interested?

[avgs30]

**Sorry for the long post, I'm trying to include all the important details here.**

I met this girl online, there's a tinder type function where you can "like" someone and if they look you too, you get a message. So she liked me and we both got a notification.

I don't remember exactly why but I didn't message her, maybe subconsciously I saw she's 30 and she's a few years older than me (and I try to date girls that are my age or younger - 27) or her main picture wasn't that impressive, I don't remember why. Turns out she's really cute at second glance at her pictures.

Three days after matching, she messages me FIRST, which girls RARELY do on tinder (tinder-like function on okcupid) so that was a pleasant surprise. We continued talking and I said we should grab a drink and she gave me her number.

I texted her and we set up a date the following week but I legitimately had to cancel since a bunch of my old friends were meeting up and I really didn't want to miss it. I told her a plumber was coming to my apartment to fix a leak and I really had to be there since if I told her the truth, it might seem like I'm blowing her off. I suggested another time so she knew I was still interested.

We met up for a date and it went really well, I felt. We talked for 3 hours which is hard to do with someone you don't click with. I texted her later that night saying I had a great time and we should do it again. She responded the next day, I knew it was more likely than not she was awake and saw it but she probably just waited till the next morning anyway.

I texted her over the weekend to set up another date and we met for dinner on Wednesday. Again I feel it went really well and we continued to text afterwards.

I texted her over the weekend again on Sunday asking her how a family party went and she responded about 5 hours later with a pretty long reply. Then I said we should check out an outdoor movie she suggested and she didn't respond for 24 hours. I used the technique in Chase's texting article (although this is even before even setting up the first date) where he says give a day of radio silence the first time and then text her again so I can be persistent but not desperate. I waited a day (Monday) and texted her asking her what her schedule was like and said we should check out the outdoor movie on Wednesday with a full plan - movie, time, etc.

She responds about 18 hours later (to my second text which was a day after my first text) and says:

"I can't do Wednesday. Next week?"
"And sorry, just catching up on life"

The fact she acknowledged she took so long to respond and didn't just say no while suggesting next week makes me lean a little more towards she isn't just blowing me off.

I have a theory that since she messaged me first and i cancelled the first date, that she wants the "balance of power" a little more back in her favor. I'm pretty sure she is aware of this and hopefully she is just playing hard to get.

She ALWAYS takes a long time to respond to tects unless we're confirming a date. Usually never responds in under 4 hours.

ANy thoughts on this situation? Also when should I wait to text her back? I was thinking wait until Saturday (4 days later) to plan another date next week.

Thanks

 

[avgs30]

Also I responded to her a few hours later saying:

"Yea next week should work"

I didn't want to guarantee anything so i said "should".

 

[Franco]

avgs30,

Is there any particular reason you didn't invite this girl home on the first date? Or the second?

- Franco

 

[avgs30]

Well she's a lawyer and we went out on week nights so even though it crossed my mind, I was a little hesitant. Our dates usually end at 11:00-11:30 so I assumed she couldn't since she has to get up early the next day.

Also I wasn't getting a good vibe on the first date so we didn't make out till the second date. She doesn't seem like the type of girl that would do come back to my place on a week night.

Maybe I'm assuming too much?

 

[Franco]

Maybe I'm assuming too much?

Definitely.

If she was willing to spend 3 hours with you on a date, then she was definitely willing to spend 1-1.5 hours with you on a date and another 1+ hours with you at your place or hers, especially if it meant amazing sex.

I would focus on reducing the time you spend on dates with women and inviting them home at the "peak" of your conversation (when she seems to the the most excited and investing the most in the conversation). Moving toward sex quickly is pretty much the premise of this website.

If you can manage to get her out again, then I would do so; just make sure to invite her home this time around! (I would not expect too much though since she might see you as a Provider at this point. If you're not sure what I mean, then I would read this article first: How to Get Girls: The Last Post You'll Ever Need)

Hope this helps!

- Franco

 

[avgs30]

Yes, it does help, thanks Franco. I've read some of the main articles on this site and I do understand the premise of it, it's just sometimes I have a tough time implementing all of the new strategies here and/or I forget them, but I am slowly getting there. I just need more reps.

What do you think of my theory (below) based on the novel I wrote in my first post. And how should I proceed at this point - wait till Saturday and try to get her out next week?

I have a theory that since she messaged me first and i cancelled the first date, that she wants the "balance of power" a little more back in her favor. I'm pretty sure she is aware of this and hopefully she is just playing hard to get.

 

[Franco]

What do you think of my theory (below) based on the novel I wrote in my first post. And how should I proceed at this point - wait till Saturday and try to get her out next week?

The longer you wait to make things happen, the more that extra variables begin to pile up and add unknown elements to an interaction. You could be right, or you could be completely wrong. If you had taken her home on the first date, this variable wouldn't have been there to worry about! =)

Don't waste too many mental cycles on a woman you've already made several mistakes with; at that point, there are too many variables introduced that it becomes difficult to pinpoint where the disconnect is, and you're better off just "getting more reps" with fresh, new girls.

As for your current situation, I would just text her back something along the lines of, "sure, we'll try again next week " and then not text her until Monday afternoon or Monday evening. Texting girls on weekends is usually not a good idea as it's when they are least likely to respond and forget about your message. I always try to text them during times when their attention is least likely to be diverted.

- Franco

 

[avgs30]

And by the several mistakes - you mean just not inviting her home on either date, right? Or anything else?

I already messaged her: "Yea next week should work"

I didn't want to guarantee anything so i said "should". Not sure if this was the best way to respond but oh well. I'll text her on Monday and see.

Appreciate your timely, insightful responses.

 

[Kaelos]

Texting girls on weekends is usually not a good idea as it's when they are least likely to respond and forget about your message. I always try to text them during times when their attention is least likely to be diverted.

This is very intriguing Franco as I hadn't thought of this... when are the best/worst times to text girls? (women with standard job hours)

 

[Franco]

Kaelos,

This is very intriguing Franco as I hadn't thought of this... when are the best/worst times to text girls? (women with standard job hours)

I guess I would have to say Mondays through Wednesdays are probably the best days to text girls, but sometimes it's more important to send texts sooner rather than later (if it's already a weekend day). If you're not in a rush to send a text for a particular reason though, sometimes waiting until early in the week is best.

This is all assuming standard working hours, of course (a.k.a. M-F, 9am-5pm).

- Franco

 

[Kaelos]

I guess I would have to say Mondays through Wednesdays are probably the best days to text girls

Awesome thank you Franco, makes sense.

Is there a particular time(s) of the day on Mondays through Wednesdays that has normally worked well for you?

 

[Franco]

Kaelos,

Is there a particular time(s) of the day on Mondays through Wednesdays that has normally worked well for you?

I've found earlier in the work day (usually just before lunch) to be the best time for me. I don't have a ton of data to say that this is definitely the best time to do it, but this is what I have been doing more and more, and it seems to be the most effective.

This is usually between 10:00 am and 11:30 am or so. I noticed that texting them just before lunch increases the chance they text you on their lunch break since you're the most recent thing on their minds.

- Franco

 

[confusedguy]

THIS SOUNDS LIKE MY SITUATION LOL

Dare 1.......went well

Dare 2...........dinner and went well


Only difference in my case..........."when I suggested a public movie she said it sounded nice but she is going on vacation for 9 days


So my situation is OVER because no way in hell is she going to contact me after a 9 day vacation