Am I chasing? (Post-Lay Retention Game)

Kaida

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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522
Lately I’ve been making an effort to put myself out there and be more open with my interest. I’m starting to become more and more aware of the mental resistances I have towards showing interest in a girl and am actively combatting them.

With that in mind I’m purposefully going in the other direction to try and rebalance myself, and I’ve seen a increase in results and investment from girls. I’m still falling into patterns of pulling away once I see a little disinterest but I’m working on it

On February 6th - a week ago now - I laid this girl I’d been talking to for about 3 weeks. The first time she came over she wouldn’t even kiss me, but I ended up laying her the second time she came to my room after a bunch of resistance.

(She wouldn’t even kiss me for a while, and after trying a few times I just started doing work on my computer and iceing out. She said I should come back on the bed multiple times but I told her I didn’t want to get blue balls. Eventually she gave in and let me fuck)


The seduction was pretty cooperative imo, I enjoyed how open it was. Although I think I may be a bit in the boyfriend territory due to how I’ve been texting and calling her.

She was chasing quite a bit too. Practically begging me to come to the gym with her once and facetiming me like twice when I didn’t reply.


We had a bunch of texts before we fucked, but here are the post-lay texts:

https://flic.kr/p/2pxJbVa
https://flic.kr/p/2pxKWUP
https://flic.kr/p/2pxK6pA
https://flic.kr/p/2pxK6pv

At this point was the first thing that gave me doubts and made me want to pull away. She replied late to my message and she replied dry.

I’m guessing my message was a bit miscalibrated but I’m not sure.

I just didnt respond until the morning and pinged her with a nickname later the next day:

https://flic.kr/p/2pxK6pf
I met her at a club that night. Club wasn’t very packed as it was a thursday.

I’ll admit, I didn’t talk to her as much as I really should have in that club. There was about 5 girls I already fucked in there and a lot of girls I had tried to fuck. Felt like I was being watched like a hawk. So I only talked for about 10 minutes.

I was warm during though. After the talk I left to kind of just hang with my boys. I hugged her goodbye when I was leaving, and she was giving me sexual looks and squeezed my bicep.

Maybe not the best move, but I sent her a text saying “wyd after” thinking I could invite her over if she was free. She said she was going to an after party but didn’t reply when I asked her what party.

I facetimed her the next day (Friday) while at the gym. I told her to come with me but she said she was doing something

I also told her I would’ve talked to her in the club more but I didn’t like how so many people were looking at us. She was like “Oh noww you dont like being public” (I’ve grabbed her in public before)

I explained how the club is different and nobodys really watching us in the daytime. She ended up agreeing with me.

I was thinking I should put her on ice for like 3 days for not complying and coming to the gym with me.

But I caught myself pulling away. I dont want to make the same mistakes I’ve done with so many other girls and tank my attainability.


So I pinged her later the next day Saturday around 7 to try and rebuild attainability:





Instead of replying to her last message I facetimed her (like we’ve done before).

It was a decent call. She was around her friends I didnt see as much chasing from her as I did before, but she was still compliant though, doing what I said and whatnot when I said show me your outfit.

We werent really talking the whole call. She was around her friends so she was talking to them a good amount. I was focused on my computer whenever she disengaged.

I didn’t want to invite her over because:

1. This was mainly an attainability building call, didnt want to come off like a poon hound like I did with the “wyd”

2. She didn’t seem like she’d come. Its late and her rooms a 20 minute walk.

After bout an hour I ended the facetime and we had a little warm goodnight both ways. She even said “dont let the bedbugs bite” and I laughed and called her corny before ending it.

I wanted to give her space and give her the opportunity to text me first, but then again I caught myself and didn’t want to pull back too much, especially since I already fucked this girl.

So I pinged her again around 7 with one of my favorite pings. She read it but didn’t reply.


She’s read my messages before and just replied hours later, so I don’t think she’ll just ignore it.

But am I chasing too much? Is it time to just give her space?

Honestly felt like I was chasing ages ago lol but I know from experience now my radar on that is way off.
 
Last edited:

orkie123

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Feb 21, 2023
Messages
159
I wanted to give her space and give her the opportunity to text me first, but then again I caught myself and didn’t want to pull back too much
This here is your main problem and I have the same issue but have recently improved by focussing on it.

Stop thinking about how she feels about texting and start thinking about what you want out of texting.


You invite her out but she decides to send u 2 paragraphs about her ignoring ur msg - you dont have to reply. Restart later from scratch where later is appropriate for the situation.

She asks you a question that u cba to answer over text? Ignore it and just msg whatever is on ur mind.

Want to have some quick texting banter cos something reminded u of an inside joke? Do it and then stop msging at a peak.

Whats with the "are you still there?", "what you doing after" questions? Are you waiting for her to say "coming to urs"? Not gonna happen. Take the lead.

"This club is getting boring, Im going to the best afterparty in town. You should join"


If she is already gone somewhere, she will tell you and you stop replying (unless she hints she may be available later). But this way you are not chasing.

If she says "where?"

"House party at >your address< it's gonna be wild"


The only 2 reasons why you should text a girl is:

- To have fun/entertain yourself

- to get her to meet you


There is a 3rd reason for girls you dont want to sleep with which is to get advice on something but thats not relevant.
 

Kaida

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Messages
522
Stop thinking about how she feels about texting and start thinking about what you want out of texting.


You invite her out but she decides to send u 2 paragraphs about her ignoring ur msg - you dont have to reply. Restart later from scratch where later is appropriate for the situation.

Lol trust me my problem isn’t being too focused on her. I’ve blown out countless (40+?) girls by being too laid back and selfish like that when they were obviously attracted. Pretty much every high level guy on here has told me that lmao

Maybe i’ve gone too far in the other direction, thats what this post is for. But I think your idea is a bit extreme.

Keep in mind I did fuck this girl already

She asks you a question that u cba to answer over text? Ignore it and just msg whatever is on ur mind

I get if its a rude question, but otherwise you just look like you’re playing games doing that

Whats with the "are you still there?", "what you doing after" questions? Are you waiting for her to say "coming to urs"? Not gonna happen. Take the lead.

Cant lead if you dont know the logistics first. Imagine I just said “Come over” and she said “Cant, I’m babysitting my sister after” or some other unavoidable excuse. Farming negative compliance.

House party at >your address< it's gonna be wild

Promise this doesn’t work lol field tested by me multiple times

How you’re thinking right now is almost exactly how I used to think not too long ago before I hit college and got deep in the field. I had just read Hectors books and thought I knew it all.

Its a lowkey good way to think in the beginning if you’re coming from a nice guy background, but over time you’ll see the need for nuance emerge.
 
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topcat

Modern Human
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Dec 20, 2012
Messages
682
Yes. You’re doing way too much
The only 2 reasons why you should text a girl is:

- To have fun/entertain yourself

- to get her to meet you
this is correct. you’re doing all that texting and didn’t even ask her out again.


A simple “hey last night was hot 🥵” will do

if she keeps up a conversation, set up the next meet. If not.. leave it ping her again in a few days, ping banter soft close.
 

topcat

Modern Human
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Messages
682
Actually, when she said “i want to compare answers” that was your plausible deniability to soft close right there…

Again, you ain’t paying attention to what she’s saying. still “wyd wyd wyd wyd”.
 

Kaida

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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“i want to compare answers” that was your plausible deniability to soft close right there…

Yup, noticed that right when I was making the post 🤦🏾‍♂️. She probably wanted to meet, but her texting was kind of dry so I didn’t sense a soft close

Like you said before I need to be more cognizant of opportunities.

She still hasn’t replied, just left me on read. I’m not tripping tbh, but the sex was good so I’d like to keep her around.

Is it dead? I may see her around campus person in like a week
 

topcat

Modern Human
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Messages
682
Yup, noticed that right when I was making the post 🤦🏾‍♂️. She probably wanted to meet, but her texting was kind of dry so I didn’t sense a soft close

Like you said before I need to be more cognizant of opportunities.

She still hasn’t replied, just left me on read. I’m not tripping tbh, but the sex was good so I’d like to keep her around.

Is it dead? I may see her around campus person in like a week
play it cool, go about your business, be friendly be sexy but busy and keep your eyes peeled for an opportunity. ping her lightly in a week
 

StrayDog

Cro-Magnon Man
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Feb 23, 2022
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@Kaida It seems like you generally have two modes of texting.

The first is basically this kind of text soup where you are chatting with a girl about this and that and this and that. It tends to be a bit aimless. Often veers into subjects like school, and other chit chat that doesn't really help you much.

The Second mode is hard close. Basically you just jump into trying to get her out. "wyd" "come over" and so on. Basically, obvious attempts to pull her that aren't really smooth progressions from text soup.

After you have already hooked up with a girl and you two had a solid time together, you don't really have to do all that much.

You start with the morning after text. Which in this case you did good with. Then just ping her, something simple like "morning 🌞" To which she will most likely respond, and you can keep the ball rolling from there. Obviously her response determines a lot, but whatever you respond, but that is exactly the thing with post lay texting. You don't have to do much. You just throw out a little, let her respond, respond to whatever she says, then nudge things forward. She will usually be the one to soft close you at some point. You just have to be on the look out for it.

In this case, this is where you already started to go off the rails and start asking her about school. Of all things to reignite the flame with...It's not necessarily bad to touch on school at one point or another, granted it is relevant to moving things forward. But this definitely was not the time to do it. Here you two had a great time and she is probably waiting to hear form you and you hit her with the most mundane thing possible. You are supposed to be her breath of fresh air away from school, not a reminder of all the work she has to do. Besides that, it is not really a subject that easily leads to you two meeting up. Regardless of that she tries to work with what you are giving her and soft closes you "We should compare notes", clearly into you enough to take the lead here. Like I say, she will be the one to soft close a lot of the time.

When I say respond to her the info she texts, I mean respond directly to it. Nothing flashy. When I say nudge things forward I mean just say something subtly hints at the direction you want to go in

Her: Morning!, what are you up to

You: Sipping tea, thinking bout something you said

Her: Oh whats that?

You: oh, just how you want to feel free more often. I could relate. You know what's always good for feeling free?

Her: Tell me?

You: Good company. And you know what?

Her: What?

You: We're good company

Her: I agree :) What are you up to this week?

Now, there are always a lot of variables on how things can go, and sometimes you have to trouble shoot. But notice how in this convo you are

-Responding directly to what she is saying
-There is always a sense that the conversation is going somewhere. This is because you are leading it, and you are leading it to "us" "we" or things that remind her of the connection you share.
-Keeping things simple and not veering off into random subjects.


Okay, sometimes it is dynamic and you have to think on your toes, but keep this template in mind Respond, Escalate, Respond, Escalate.

Let's say she doesn't ask you what you are doing this week. Or soft close/ hard close you. That's okay, you just wait a bit, ping her, and repeat the process. Eventually things will lead to her lining you up to close, even if she doesn't do it her self.

The point, I am ultimately trying to make here is keep things simple and keep your eye on the prize. After you two have already fucked it shouldn't be too tricky to get her out again. Just be chill and keep things moving forward. Don't go off the rails or get side tracked, but also don't be too eager, and she will probably start making the moves herself.
 

StrayDog

Cro-Magnon Man
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Cant lead if you dont know the logistics first.
gather logistics after you have closed. "wyd" is hardly gathering logistics. It reads more as a soft close than anything. And besides. What does it matter what she is doing if you two haven't already established that you are fixing to meet each other again.
 

orkie123

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Lol trust me my problem isn’t being too focused on her. I’ve blown out countless (40+?) girls by being too laid back and selfish like that when they were obviously attracted. Pretty much every high level guy on here has told me that lmao

Maybe i’ve gone too far in the other direction, thats what this post is for. But I think your idea is a bit extreme.

Keep in mind I did fuck this girl already



I get if its a rude question, but otherwise you just look like you’re playing games doing that



Cant lead if you dont know the logistics first. Imagine I just said “Come over” and she said “Cant, I’m babysitting my sister after” or some other unavoidable excuse. Farming negative compliance.



Promise this doesn’t work lol field tested by me multiple times

How you’re thinking right now is almost exactly how I used to think not too long ago before I hit college and got deep in the field. I had just read Hectors books and thought I knew it all.

Its a lowkey good way to think in the beginning if you’re coming from a nice guy background, but over time you’ll see the need for nuance emerge.


You are mixing up advice.

Finding out logistics when you have no context of where she is or her schedule is good.

Ideally you would have subtly found out any logistical issues when you talked to her at the club. You should have also at minimum have seeded the pull in person.

After you went back to ur boys, finding out her logistics without any prompt from her just sounds like lame bootie call attempt.

Girls feel that shit. Its like a "oh he didnt inv me over and went back to his boys to go hunting and when he couldnt find anything else he msged me "wyd" to gauge if im down for a bootie call without risking anything"

At the point where you dont know where she went in the club, you should have either not msged her and just let her wonder about you or you should have made an easy suggestion with plausible deniability and then left it at that if she doesnt reply or replies unfavourably.


Its not playing games if u dont answer a question over text. Im not going to spend time texting if it doesnt meet my 2 pts:

- Having fun
- Leading to meeting up

Most time girls dont even care about the answer anyway, they just want to keep the convo going for whatever reason and have no clue what to text. Its ur job then to lead the texting to fun topics or to meeting up.
 

StrayDog

Cro-Magnon Man
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Feb 23, 2022
Messages
652
Ideally you would have subtly found out any logistical issues when you talked to her at the club. You should have also at minimum have seeded the pull in person.

After you went back to ur boys, finding out her logistics without any prompt from her just sounds like lame bootie call attempt.

Girls feel that shit. Its like a "oh he didnt inv me over and went back to his boys to go hunting and when he couldnt find anything else he msged me "wyd" to gauge if im down for a bootie call without risking anything"

At the point where you dont know where she went in the club, you should have either not msged her and just let her wonder about you or you should have made an easy suggestion with plausible deniability and then left it at that if she doesnt reply or replies unfavourably.
@Kaida I am going to second this, because it is a pattern you have. Where you see a girl that you have been with/ been flirting with out and about. You then do very little with the in person interaction, kind of leaving the moment cold. And then proceeded to hit her up with very unprompted attempts to pull. It basically reads to the girl like you don't really care enough to do more in person, then think you can just hit her up to get cheap and easy sex like "wyd"
 
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