An attracted girl bringing her boyfriend along

[Improvementalist]

There's a girl who's been attracted to me but we haven't hanged out together. She's usually had her boyfriend along at different events. I've mainly just said "Hi." and engaged a few words. After all, her boyfriend's been right next to her.

Some time ago there was a get-together. She came to the party alone and came right to the table where I was sitting by myself. We started chatting and I noticed her attraction towards me. She was compliant, even offered me a drink at one point when I was out of mine.

The party ended and I decided to head home. We parted ways but she later rejoined us (came to walk by me and waited for me to initiate conversation) and she asked me to go and join her at the local bar. I decided to accompany her. Some time later we started deep diving and after her screening me for a while she went on to confess that's she's "noticed" me since the beginning when we first stumbled upon each other, over half years ago and that even things like me greeting her brings up a smile in her (= I really really like you). I noticed her glancing at my lips while I was talking. I in turn was becoming more and more attracted to her. At one point she also mentioned her boyfriend as a side comment ("Well, my boyfriend does/has _____") (= I really really like you but I do have a boyfriend. Is that a problem to you?). I decided to ignore it and we continued the conversation while waiting at the standing line for the bar. The bar was full, we couldn't enter it and it was late night at this point.

I asked her if I could escort her and she asked for me to join her at the apartment, mentioning that her boyfriend's out partying. I decided to join her, though I wondered what her boyfriend would think of that.

She sent one message with her phone. Around 5 minutes later she got a call.. From her boyfriend. (I wonder if she sent a message to her boyfriend. Was it "I'm heading home with a friend of mine" or "call me after 5 minutes").

She said in a bit disappointed tone that I couldn't join her anymore. She needed to meet her boyfriend at another place. I said "Well, that's life. It always ends up surprising you." She said she was glad to have met me. We ended up hugging and parted ways.


Some time later there was an outdoor event. Her boyfriend came along with her to the group. He ended up leaving the group and rejoining her every once in a while. The girl joined my company again when the boyfriend was away. I offered her a drink. She thanked about it even 5 minutes after I had given it to her. At this point I was a bit anxious though about the situation and decided to excuse myself and head elsewhere in the group to chat up with the other ones when she was talking with another person. (I know it was a mixed signal from me as I had just offered her a drink. But then again, she wasn't focused on me at that point.) After this, the boyfriend came back for her and left again. Around 10 minutes later the girl left too.

I went to have a snack and returned to the group some time later. Once again she was there and soon after noticing I had appeared there she joined my company. She was compliant and I ended up asking where she was heading after this. Her friends were heading to eat and she said that she didn't know but she isn't hungry. (= I'm not joining them. Where are you heading?) My friend suggested we join him at his place. The girl liked it and asked,

"Can I bring a person along?"

She was meaning her boyfriend, she gave a small hint which revealed that she meant him. She didn't say strictly "Can I bring my boyfriend?" but "Can I bring a person along?"

I was confused at this point. She's attracted to me and invested in me but now she wants to bring her boyfriend along? What's this all about?

We had already agreed and I asked my friend what he thought of it. He said it's completely okay. I asked for him and the girl to exchange numbers if there would become problems in finding the apartment (I didn't gave her mine). She said she'll join us afterwards. I never heard from her after that.


What was this about? Was I too low on attainability and she had decided to reject me, thus bringing her boyfriend to the mix? She was interested of me, that's for sure. Compliance, chase frame, ioi and all, not even mentioning her moving things forward on her own.

I'll focus on other things as she's unavailable after all, but I'd like to learn about this situation as an experience.

Thanks beforehand.

 

[ProblemSolving]

Hi Improvementalist,

Classic case of moving too slow. I'll break it down.

She came to the party alone

Very likely to be DTF.

We started chatting and I noticed her attraction towards me. She was compliant, even offered me a drink at one point when I was out of mine.

Further evidence that she is DTF.

The party ended and I decided to head home. We parted ways but she later rejoined us (came to walk by me and waited for me to initiate conversation) and she asked me to go and join her at the local bar. I decided to accompany her. Some time later we started deep diving and after her screening me for a while she went on to confess that's she's "noticed" me since the beginning when we first stumbled upon each other, over half years ago and that even things like me greeting her brings up a smile in her (= I really really like you). I noticed her glancing at my lips while I was talking. I in turn was becoming more and more attracted to her. At one point she also mentioned her boyfriend as a side comment ("Well, my boyfriend does/has _____") (= I really really like you but I do have a boyfriend. Is that a problem to you?).

When your spider senses are tingling (this chick really digs me), GET HER HOME, not to another bar.

I asked her if I could escort her and she asked for me to join her at the apartment, mentioning that her boyfriend's out partying. I decided to join her, though I wondered what her boyfriend would think of that.

Here we have confirmation that she is DTF, you took so long to make a move that she had to pull you home herself haha. Honestly, you could've had this chick back at your place within 15 minutes of meeting her. She was upset that her boyfriend was out partying without her and in order to get back at him she was going to ride your D. But...

She said in a bit disappointed tone that I couldn't join her anymore. She needed to meet her boyfriend at another place. I said "Well, that's life. It always ends up surprising you." She said she was glad to have met me. We ended up hugging and parted ways.

Boyfriend calls, no longer sexually available, no longer DTF. You snooze you lose.

Everything after that is useless fluff, since she's back on decent terms with her boyfriend, she no longer wants to bang you.

 

[Improvementalist]

Thanks for posting, ProblemSolving.

You're true that I need to learn to move faster. I'm still completely inexperienced in sex and this subconscious anxiety hinders my advances, to the point of being seen as low attainment and being eventually auto-rejected. At least I don't have approach anxiety anymore like I used to have years ago. This sexual anxiety however is a thing I need to overcome.

About the op story, what is positive is that I managed to have the chase frame for almost the whole evening. At one point I became really attracted to her. She was chasing me so hard, she couldn't get enough of my company. And I liked her too, very much. After almost two years of being emotionally hung up to a girl who hadn't had interest to me in a long time (I was left feeeling myself weak, unwanted and in scarcity), this feeling of being wanted so much was.. It was pure serotonin. Perhaps it wasn't a coincidence that around two months before this event I had decided to let go of the auto-rejection girl (I was too low on attainment with her which had resulted as auto-rejection. As a result I had put myself to a nice guy position and it didn't make things better, if only worse. By this point she had stopped answering my messages or would stop answering soon after the initiation of the chat. I decided it's about time to move on.)
Note: I do not message with this new girl because why should I need to? ).

At the evening of the op story, until to the point where I had asked to escort her, I had been in the chase frame. For some reason (law of least effort and high value?) I was just in the right zone of attainability to her. When I was about to leave from her area of effect, she followed me. I didn't expect it ("She wants my company this much?"). But now at late night, as I had agreed to follow her to the apartment, she took the lead, walking ahead while we were talking. I felt like she was excited. I had fallen out so hard from the game because of the previous experiences that the thought of having sex with her didn't even occur to my mind. I just thought "Yeah, let's have a late night chat and some snacks." If the intervention woul'dve not become, I wonder what woul'dve happened.. Would've she eventually auto-rejected me as I was oblivious of escalating things? Or would've she just jumped me in order to make that final push over the edge, as we both were so intoxicated by each other?

In retrospect I wonder if she had put herself to the chase frame at that point - I was the one following her towards the apartment after all by her lead, all the way until the phone call where she had a serious-sounding conversation with her boyfriend. I wonder how they're doing now.. Well, not my problem really.

I have to note once more that during the next day I could still see she was interested of me. She was still showing ioi's - those were simply happening when the boyfriend wasn't around. Or perhaps she's put me to the friend zone but I haven't realized it yet. Anyways, I won't be waiting around for her. She has a relationship to maintain after all and I'm the single one here.

Once again, thanks for breaking it down for me. I had a long break from this forum and from the game, and I definitely feel like I am in power of myself again.