- Joined
- Oct 12, 2018
- Messages
- 108
Hey everyone,
This idea may sound simple and dumb but it really clicked for me the other day and I wanted to share it.
Firstly, I'd like to say that for me the problem with women and romance has never been about ability as much as motivation.
Before I ever learned seduction, I didn't even want sex or relationships. I would get crushes on girls but my main thing was art.
And so what caused tons of frustration (and other negative emotions) for me personally was falling for a girl and her becoming more important to me than my vision of excellence in art. Even the pain of heartbreak I didn't mind (and still don't). I just did not want any romantic experience to ever affect my motivation for art/excellence.
Well, I've been listening to a podcast by Michael Singer and had a nice realization.
He gives this metaphor for life that life is like sailing a boat in the ocean. The wind and currents are the external experiences that happen to us-- we cannot really control/change those. We control the boat and sail with respect to the wind and currents.
He says that a life well-lived is one where you choose a destination from a "higher state", e.g. maybe you've been inspired by a great work of art and get a vision for your most excellent self, or maybe you had a really great connection with someone and get this idea about what you truly want to do in life. You choose these "peak goals" and then sail towards them, no matter which way the wind and currents are going.
And the key thing that he described, which is obvious, is that sometimes the wind simply won't be blowing directly towards your peak goal. It might even be blowing you away from your goal.
What do you do in these situations?
Well, you can do what you want but if you're truly committed to that goal, you may just set your sail down and stay put. The wind and current will pass (they always do).
Taking it back to oneitis-- these negative winds are when feelings for a girl disrupted your course.
Say oneitis is like a storm. When you're in that storm, you may literally lose touch with that peak goal. You don't desire it as much anymore. In that moment, all of your emotions are telling you the girl is more important (these states are what caused great suffering in me because I resisted those emotions so hard).
But just because emotionally you don't want that peak goal anymore, doesn't mean that the girl is higher than the goal.
That's because that goal was born when you were in a moment of clarity and you weren't being dragged around by fears and desires. It was born from an aligned state. The goal is more "true" than your oneitis (even if your emotions say otherwise) because the oneitis is just temporary desire that doesn't mean anything. And the fact that your desires feel grander than your past ambitions also doesn't mean anything.
And so the solution you can choose is to just wait out the storm.
Like every life experience, it will pass.
So yeah.
That idea of impermanence clicked for me a couple days ago on an intuitive level. Hope someone finds some value in it.
This idea may sound simple and dumb but it really clicked for me the other day and I wanted to share it.
Firstly, I'd like to say that for me the problem with women and romance has never been about ability as much as motivation.
Before I ever learned seduction, I didn't even want sex or relationships. I would get crushes on girls but my main thing was art.
And so what caused tons of frustration (and other negative emotions) for me personally was falling for a girl and her becoming more important to me than my vision of excellence in art. Even the pain of heartbreak I didn't mind (and still don't). I just did not want any romantic experience to ever affect my motivation for art/excellence.
Well, I've been listening to a podcast by Michael Singer and had a nice realization.
He gives this metaphor for life that life is like sailing a boat in the ocean. The wind and currents are the external experiences that happen to us-- we cannot really control/change those. We control the boat and sail with respect to the wind and currents.
He says that a life well-lived is one where you choose a destination from a "higher state", e.g. maybe you've been inspired by a great work of art and get a vision for your most excellent self, or maybe you had a really great connection with someone and get this idea about what you truly want to do in life. You choose these "peak goals" and then sail towards them, no matter which way the wind and currents are going.
And the key thing that he described, which is obvious, is that sometimes the wind simply won't be blowing directly towards your peak goal. It might even be blowing you away from your goal.
What do you do in these situations?
Well, you can do what you want but if you're truly committed to that goal, you may just set your sail down and stay put. The wind and current will pass (they always do).
Taking it back to oneitis-- these negative winds are when feelings for a girl disrupted your course.
Say oneitis is like a storm. When you're in that storm, you may literally lose touch with that peak goal. You don't desire it as much anymore. In that moment, all of your emotions are telling you the girl is more important (these states are what caused great suffering in me because I resisted those emotions so hard).
But just because emotionally you don't want that peak goal anymore, doesn't mean that the girl is higher than the goal.
That's because that goal was born when you were in a moment of clarity and you weren't being dragged around by fears and desires. It was born from an aligned state. The goal is more "true" than your oneitis (even if your emotions say otherwise) because the oneitis is just temporary desire that doesn't mean anything. And the fact that your desires feel grander than your past ambitions also doesn't mean anything.
And so the solution you can choose is to just wait out the storm.
Like every life experience, it will pass.
So yeah.
That idea of impermanence clicked for me a couple days ago on an intuitive level. Hope someone finds some value in it.
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