FR++ Another Case of Fun Stopped Early

[snipefield]

Went on a date with girl I met several days ago. Let's call her Sammy. We met up a coffee shop. I've been talking with Lucy, the girl from https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=10490 field report, and I was in an extreme state of longing for a girl I just physically cannot have. In truth, I really just wanted to go home and think about Lucy. Crazy stuff, because I know this is an extreme form of scarcity mentality and wanting what we cannot have, but that's the way I was feeling.

Also, Sammy was quite pretty - tall, blonde, outgoing personality. I have not had much experience with these types of girls, and so I was actually hoping that she would cancel the date to preserve my stupid equilibrium and to keep thinking about a girl who is far far away. Yes, a human being is a creature of habit..

Sammy was a tad late, but no biggie. I just got the coffee and then she joined. She was genuinely outgoing and was asking me lots of questions. I tried my best to deflect, but still wound up telling her a lot about myself. I think I could have redirected these questions more towards the sexual, but all in all, I did alright. Eye contact was good, even perhaps too good, as I was very conscious of not looking away when she asked me a question and looking dead in her eyes. Touch was OK as well - hips, a bit of leg, finger on her forearm while making a point. I distinctly remember putting my hand on her forearm while talking about something and feeling an ever-so-slight recoil from her. I recollect the advice to make sure to look in the eyes when touching, which I did, and letting my hand linger there and not pull away. I did have a knee-jerk reaction to pull away because I instinctively felt vulnerable from her micro-shudder, but let it go only after a minute or so.

I kept the incidental touch and eye contact going and recognized a couple of instances of sexual tension (pauses, moments of reciprocating intense eye contact) where I could have kissed her. We were in an extremely bright coffee shop, so I decided not to. At a certain point, I had my palm on hers and she finally locked her fingers in mine. I love this moment!

At that point, I knew we had to get out of there. Luckily, I was telling her some story, which I kept going as we took a walk one block and past my house. We were holding hands now. I told her I had to get something from my house and she followed (but weren't holding hands at this point). We entered the apartment and I went into room. She went as far as the doorway to my room but stopped. I got what I needed and offered her berries I had prepped earlier. I realize now the berry thing seems a little too pre-meditated - she didn't want any. She said let's go and started every-so-slightly to make her way. As I came up behind her, I went in for the kiss over her right should and she got into into. I pinned her up to the open doorway frame and she started to get really into, getting up on her toes, which I found so hot.

Guys, uncharted territory here because this girl was really pretty, and she was getting really into it. I tried to move her into my room and pin her there, but that raised a red flag. She quickly said "no" and kind of started to make her way. I let her, but then re-initiated once she was under the doorframe and we went at it again. My cock was rubbing her pussy and hips through pants, she was starting to breathe heavily. Man, this shit must have looked sexy from the side. ALAS.....It really is embarrassing to say but it did not take long for me to cum in my pants - I just could not contain the excitement and potential to be with this girl. Unfortunately, I've already had field reports of this nature. Enough to finally identify this as a problem. As soon as I came, I lost my sexual drive and the will to be dominant. Whether she actually felt it, or just wanted to go, but she pulled away and said "we should go".

The thing that makes me cum early is very quick arousal and constraint of the pants. I think if I am dominant with the girl (as in super physically dominant like throwing her on the bed) right from the get-go, I would be moving and my dick would be less constrained by the pants and there would be less sexual tension on it. Another thing I could have done was to tell her to get down on her knees and give me a blowjob. I didn't do this because I was scared of the rejection, preferring the stupid safe path ...

We went to a bar around the corner and played some pool. I actually enjoyed this and was able to relax and just be playful. After one game, I asked her whether she wanted to play another one and she said, "i'm with whatever". So I said, "let's grab a nightcap instead". "I'm down with that", Sammy replied.

We got home and I got cups for the booze and so forth. Then re-initiated the make-out once we talked for a little bit. The problem is that I was still not horny - my dick wasn't even hard. As a result, all I did was just make out with her. I think she just got bored of this after a while. We went on and off and I actually got bored of the make-out too and we went between making out and talking candidly, which was actually really fun. I felt like I was digging a whole here because it seemed like she just wanted to be fucked and I just could not do it and was instead establishing a connection..... Perhaps way too much of a connection.

This happened on and off for an hour. I did take my shorts off, but nothing else. The couple of times that I tried to put my hands down her pants, she deflected it (she did say "we're not having sex" sometime throughout this whole make-out session). I fear that it's just because it happened too late. Also, Sammy said:

Sammy: It's all about the eye contact with you

me: Yea, well, yeah, another cliche, right

I actually really enjoyed getting to know her and hanging out, but eventually of course, she started to make her way. She got up, we made out for a little bit more I walked her out and then we parted. I made sure to follow Ray's advice and let her have the last word. "Thanks for hanging out with me", she said. I looked into her eyes with a slight smile, turned and then went back inside the house.

Sent a text "Sammy, I enjoyed chilling with you. Good night". No response.

When we were on my bed after the bar, could I have just undressed completely and gotten here to play with my dick? Or even made her suck it? That would surely have made me hard eventually. I felt OK after she left, but now am feeling like crap, embarrassed at how things turned out.

Guys, please give advice on this cumming-in-pants problem. For a while, I was doing Kegel exercises in the morning and before going to bed, but didn't really notice any difference, got lazy and stopped. Maybe I should start meditating (have also done this in the past and didn't feel an effect on ability to bein the moment) or maybe it really is about being super dominant right from the beginning. I must admit that I'm wary of being dominant because of all the rape accusations directed at men in our society.... Or maybe it's just about continuing to establish reference points and becoming more comfortable with girls like Sammy who I find super-attractive.

Also, I don't masturbate, so that could be a factor (I'm sure that there would be less sexual pressure if I was getting it regularly).

Anyways, I think this one is dead. I don't expect to contact her and will see if she gets back in touch..

 

[ray_zorse]

I think I would mainly focus on the positives here, I mean she was tall, gorgeous and blonde (so much crap goes down about blondes on these boards haha), and you pulled with plausible deniability and dominantly pinned her to the wall, and she's fuckin loved it, I mean 6mth ago when you were grinding it out and getting a lot of flales and go-nowhere convo and having to experiment with stuff that didn't always come off, if you'd seen this moment you would've thought fuck yeah, you've arrived, you sexy motherfucker. So, some disappointing shit went down, but it's all about repeatability, right?

As to sexual problems it's a constant issue for me, (though my issue is performance anxiety, OTOH I'm not fapping either atm, so going off prematurely may become one)... anyway matters have improved a little for me and there's one single reason: abundance. That's all you need. The stress of pulling a girl back to home and then having to perform... just isn't a stress if you know you can pull another one, just as hot, any day of the week. Let's put it like this: guaranteed if you were alone you could've produced another erection and masturbated to orgasm within an hour or so, it might be weak as piss and you might have to fap hard and long to get there, but you could definitely do it. And when you have girls coming back every day or two, then sex with them is basically just like masturbation... i.e. no biggie. You just use them as a tool, if you're in the right mood.

(Note I don't actually have that level of abundance YET, but I have still noticed a big decrease in my anxiety level now that I can basically get numbers and dates any time I am willing to invest some effort, I anticipate this will get even better when I am able to pull/escalate reliably).

Back to the topic of using girls as a tool, I think part of your problem was you were too focused on giving her what you thought of as a conventional "date to fuck" experience, and although that's the safest if you're aiming for post-sex retention, it's (1) not the only way to please her and (2) not necessarily what you wanted at the time, hence not being 100% true to yourself.

So I'll bet your thought process was something like "fuck, I shouldn't have cum in my pants, now I don't feel as horny, OTOH she's objectively gorgeous and sexy and hot for it, why am I not feeling it... I want her to get a great lay to remember me by... when am I going to get hard... I had better make out with her a bit more and see what gives"... wrong mindset, try this: "that makeout by the front door was as sexy as hell, I enjoyed it so much I came in my pants haha, do I actually want to give her the D right now or what do I truly feel like doing"...

I would then break this down into a number of subcases:
1. You're satisfied and you don't really give a fuck -> tell her this, say she can hangout with you if she wants, or she can come back some time when you're horny again.
2. You're satisfied and you don't really feel like giving her the D, but you like her and want to reward her and try to see her again -> you give her the orgasm torture, I keep a vibrator and so on for this purpose, a handy technique. Another option would be just eating her out if u prefer.
3. You feel an itch in your cock, you're sexually frustrated because you want to fuck her but can't (as opposed to, she's objectively sexy but you're not feeling it, which is case 2) -> have her strip and pinch her nipples for you, rub her breasts, suck on her fingers, maybe masturbate for you if she's down... masturbate while watching her.

Note all of these options take a bit of balls, the common thread here is that although she may find it weird, it really does not matter, that's just social fear really, fear that she will be turned off / won't be impressed with your sexual prowess / won't feel pleasure / will be shocked / will reject you sexually / etc. In fact that's all bullshit. She'd rather have an interesting experience with a dude who is far from perfect, but is creative and in-touch with his feelings, wants and needs, than a conventional "date to fuck" -- and in any case the performance anxiety will pretty much go away the moment you stop trying to play a role. Anyway these mindsets work well for myself.

Keep it pimpin', I am seeing the sexy stories pump out more and more frequently you fuckin' badass mofo.

Ray

 

[snipefield]

Mate, that's great advice!

I would then break this down into a number of subcases:
1. You're satisfied and you don't really give a fuck -> tell her this, say she can hangout with you if she wants, or she can come back some time when you're horny again.
2. You're satisfied and you don't really feel like giving her the D, but you like her and want to reward her and try to see her again -> you give her the orgasm torture, I keep a vibrator and so on for this purpose, a handy technique. Another option would be just eating her out if u prefer.
3. You feel an itch in your cock, you're sexually frustrated because you want to fuck her but can't (as opposed to, she's objectively sexy but you're not feeling it, which is case 2) -> have her strip and pinch her nipples for you, rub her breasts, suck on her fingers, maybe masturbate for you if she's down... masturbate while watching her.

Ok, so for number 1, how would I communicate that in a tactful manner?

For number 2, is the orgasm torture bringing her close to orgasm with a vibrator but then stopping right before?

For number 3, how would I actually go about getting her to strip. Is it better to command her to strip or take the lead with removing her clothes? In the same vein, should I command her to touch her nipples, etc?

Finally, can another text (after my post-meeting "I enjoyed spending time with u") only hurt at this point? My intuition says yes but my neediness is making me want to text her again.