FR+ Another girl, same result...

[HumanWhoLearns]

So first I got her number at the gym she works at which is at the local college I go to. This was around 5 days before everything started getting shut down due to corona virus. So I text her some and we planned to go see a movie but it was late at night and I feel asleep. Anyway, she forgives me and then agrees to go on an early afternoon date where we just walk around this park that has some trails. We talk about why we went decided to major in the things we did. We also talked about things we like, etc. Basic conversational stuff. I didn't really flirt that much except to tease her about her shoes which were ripped. My hands were cold so I felt hers while I we were on a bench. I also tried painting a picture of us doing something physical together by saying telling her that she could probably beat me if we were wrestling on the floor (I'm skinny, she's thick). I felt that I could've tried to be more playful and flirty or touched her more but it just seemed like it would be so forced - like I would be trying too hard. When we were talking to she didn't really look at me that much and towards the end when we were walking she was walking just a little too fast. (This happened after I mentioned something kind of weird about race - she's black, I'm white).

I drove her back to her house and I pulled her in for a kiss which was very awkward - I guess I didn't signal my intentions clearly enough. Anyways I texted her a couple days later if she wanted to watch movies at her house (didn't want to do the same thing again and this felt like the only other option). She texted me back everything a guy doesn't want to hear: "Oh you're super nice and amazing, but I'm hung up over the last guy I was talking to and I'm not as interested in you as you may be with me." So yeah, just another day in my life.

After this topic, I think I'm going to leave this website for a while. Not because it's bad or because I hate it or anything, but to keep coming back here reinforces that belief that I need a girl to make me happy. This is why I feel I've never had social success in my life - wanting & needing validation and never getting it. I feel I have the best character out of anyone I know, but that doesn't matter in socializing so much. It's all about what the other person is getting from you and your perceived social value. So I'm going to take a break and try and fix this bad mindset because I feel like I could go on 1000 dates or meet 1000 different people and none of them would like me. Too socially anxious and depressed - not fun enough, not charismatic enough, not this enough, not that enough, etc.

 

[Toby2030]

You did not set a clear sexual frame. https://www.toddvdating.com/sparking-attraction-5-easy-ways-to-establish-man-to-woman-premise/
You did not escalate and missed your escalation windows. Therefore, she auto-rejects. https://www.girlschase.com/content/escalation-windows

Leaving the forums won't help you. At least not if you stop taking action.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

Hey bro,

There seems to be a lot of moving parts here but I've been where you're before so going to try help out:

"So first I got her number at the gym she works at which is at the local college I go to. "

First of all give yourself some props man! You managed to meet an absolute stranger and get her to meet up with you on a date. Believe it or not there are plenty of guys who don't have the balls or ability to do even this.

In terms of your date I will make the assumption that you haven't been on that many so don't be too hard on yourself with the details. Pin down the points where you lost her and figure out what you'll do differently next time. Also read the articles here on conversation making and law of least effort Once you've analysed how you will prevent it happening again forget about it.

In terms of the girl not wanting to see you again. Trust me that part of the game will never change. Rejection is the barrier of entry that stops the regular guy consistently getting girls. All we can do is increase the % of dates that go our way. Again don't be so hard on yourself - learn from it.

"I need a girl to make me happy. This is why I feel I've never had social success in my life - wanting & needing validation and never getting it"

This takes a lot of self awareness and I like how you aren't being bitter about it. If you truly believe this is an underlying thing you need to address then you should definitely focus on this before you even talk to a girl. You'll do better in the long run.

Do you have any hobbies or things you're passionate about outside of girls?

A lot of your "not fun enough, not charismatic enough, not this enough, not that enough" thoughts could stem from you not being passionate about anything in general. A good rule of thumb is to find one extroverted activity e.g. dance, sports, singing and one introverted activity to get good at.

You could then seek validation from yourself and how you continually improve rather than from the opinion of others.

Just a few thoughts brother I wish you all the best on your journey.