Anxiety and Fear Just hit me hard , very desperate

[Anonymous]

i'VE been reading on this site for 10+ months and single for almost 2 years to the day. i've read several materials similar to girls chase from respected PUA/self-improvement people like David Deangelo, Marni Kris (Wingirls), Entropy (i believe he runs a site called postmasculine) and read Neil Strauss' The game

and I knew and still know, that all this reading and i am no closer to where i was 2-years ago. i believe that this is the same reason I let the attraction meter expire with another woman whom a client actually introduced me to. I wasted 6 months of pointless texting and never got further than an LOL and some emoticons

Today ( 29 June 2013) i believe approach anxiety hit me hard, as in Man of steel hard( Which i'd just walked out of... GRRRREAT MOVIE) and i realised i cant carry on like this anymore.

i saw a woman whom i really wanted to talk to. i heard the clicking of her heels as she walked by in the mall, looked around and saw here scrolling through her mobile phone looking very beatiful in her all black outfit, she looked slightly older and i thought she might be married so i looked for a ring and there wasn't 1.
then before i even took a step towards her, fear kicked in and i stalled.

i was able to pause and capture why i was afraid and i was able to take stock of these 3 reasons

1.i didn't know what to say ( Brain completely locked up)
2.i was scared she would just blow me away and reject me
3. i was scared of a public humiliation ( I spotted her in a mall closest to where i live so i go there all the time)

i would have liked to be able to walk up to here strike a convo and get her laughing, then get her number for a date. but i just couldnt even put my 1 for forward to walk to here, and i watched as she walked on by ( and yes that Seal version of the song played in my head) then i walked to the car completely pi**ed off and decided to post this as a DESPARATE plea for help from sum1.

 

[HalfGuard]

This is is something that I used to do before even reading chase's material , whenever I wanted to talk to a girl and I would get AA I would think "you step on a mat to fight another guy who can hurt you in every competition you go and aren't afraid of that and you are scared of a lovely girl" and that worked wonders for me , I would suggest adapting that to you , think of something you have done or do that should give you more anxiety than talking to a girl and you still do.
That will help you get through your first approaches and after you've approached some women the AA will be less and less with each new approach under your belt

 

[PrettyDecent]

Hey commie27,

Check this out: viewtopic.php?f=13&t=34.

Start a journal online. Hold yourself accountable publicly. Everybody on the journals page had crippling AA, and learned to move past it. Look to those for inspiration.

I look forward to seeing your LRs in the future
Jake

 

[ProblemSolving]

Hey Commie!

I suspect that there are MANY readers of this site in your same exact situation. Without the approach, all the amazing skills and information contained on this site is useless. With approach anxiety, your mind is your worst enemy. You need to stop thinking about all the possible "what if?" scenarios and stop trying to read her mind. These thoughts will only hold you back. You need tunnel vision. The ONLY thing you should be thinking about is saying your opener. That's it! All other thoughts get tossed.

Either she's going to engage you in a conversation or she's going to blow you off. Either way, the fear of the unknown will be gone and with it, your approach anxiety.

It's like jumping off the high dive for the first time. If you walk up the stairs thinking about all the "what if" scenarios before you jump, you will more than likely wimp out. But if you walk up the stairs only thinking about walking off the edge of the board, then like a robot you'll just walk right off the edge without hesitation.

 

[NarrowJ]

You know, something that helped me get over my approach anxiety was making myself believe that if a girl couldn't stop for 30 seconds and talk to me then she's a stuck up bitch. I mean really, think about it. Someone stops you and gives you a sincere compliment (assuming direct approach here) and you don't have time to say "thanks"? F that.

I remember one time sarging in the mall, I saw a guy walk over to two girls sitting and eating in the food court. I was far enough away from them that I couldn't hear what any of them said, but they basically (could tell by watching) told him to get lost. He turned and walked away with his head down, and I just thought to myself. Gee, what a couple of bitches. Can't even engage in small talk with some kid that walked up to say hi.

I don't worry about getting blown out anymore. Fuck it, if they are so socially awkward that they can't make a new friend. If I approach a girl and she shoots me down instantly, I figure any other people that are seeing this happen have the same thoughts I would. How rude is that when someone is just trying to make small talk and they're "too good" for it?

Try this mindset, it worked for me and I still rationalize it this way.


-NJ

 

[Richard]

My way of dealing with approach anxiety was cliché albeit, but it worked. What holds most men back is their fear of rejection, and I had that fear, and basically, if you never approach her you're already rejected. If you don't take the chance, you will never have the opportunity. That was my approach to dealing with it, just simple rational, however, I like NarrowJs idea as well, and it seems a bit more modern, use whichever helps you most

 

[charming]

Hey Commie!

Thanks for sharing your experience with us and helping us learn together. You need to remember that you're a sexy man, embrace it. The response you receive from women has more to do with where they're at mentally then how well you approach. Your mindset should be I'm a sexy man and this woman would be crazy not to want me in her life when you approach. You should always be thinking about your destination (you and her in your bed having passionate sex). When you know the destination, you began forming a plan to make it happen. That's where you have to stay. Live in that zone. You're a sexy man. I often ask myself WWJBD? (What would James Bond Do). It sounds silly but really gets you in that mindset. Embrace your horniness and approach every girl that gets you excited. Anyone you admire, Chase included get's rejected way more that they get laid. They just know that for every 10 no's they'll get 1 yes. Girls want sexy and horny men to approach them (anywhere and anytime), sweep them off their feet with smooth conversation, and take them to bed. Chase's site is filled with great wisdom, but you have to embace that YOU are a sexy man. Live like it. I look forward to your future lay reports.

i'VE been reading on this site for 10+ months and single for almost 2 years to the day. i've read several materials similar to girls chase from respected PUA/self-improvement people like David Deangelo, Marni Kris (Wingirls), Entropy (i believe he runs a site called postmasculine) and read Neil Strauss' The game

and I knew and still know, that all this reading and i am no closer to where i was 2-years ago. i believe that this is the same reason I let the attraction meter expire with another woman whom a client actually introduced me to. I wasted 6 months of pointless texting and never got further than an LOL and some emoticons

Today ( 29 June 2013) i believe approach anxiety hit me hard, as in Man of steel hard( Which i'd just walked out of... GRRRREAT MOVIE) and i realised i cant carry on like this anymore.

i saw a woman whom i really wanted to talk to. i heard the clicking of her heels as she walked by in the mall, looked around and saw here scrolling through her mobile phone looking very beatiful in her all black outfit, she looked slightly older and i thought she might be married so i looked for a ring and there wasn't 1.
then before i even took a step towards her, fear kicked in and i stalled.

i was able to pause and capture why i was afraid and i was able to take stock of these 3 reasons

1.i didn't know what to say ( Brain completely locked up)
2.i was scared she would just blow me away and reject me
3. i was scared of a public humiliation ( I spotted her in a mall closest to where i live so i go there all the time)

i would have liked to be able to walk up to here strike a convo and get her laughing, then get her number for a date. but i just couldnt even put my 1 for forward to walk to here, and i watched as she walked on by ( and yes that Seal version of the song played in my head) then i walked to the car completely pi**ed off and decided to post this as a DESPARATE plea for help from sum1.