Any Social Circle Experts Here? How To Get Into Specific Groups?

[Big Daddy]

Hey fellas,

If you decided to work on your social circle game and had great success with it, I'd love to hear some proven strategies to get into new circles and rise to the top.

I rarely bump into type of girl I'd like to approach, but I know more-or-less who I'd have to befriend to have access to groups with an endless supply of girls my type. Not only it's much more time-effective to get into a cool circle to fuck girls, it's also awesome to be part of a cool group.

I also want to master this for the skill itself. It's a great skill to have. Building a group of cool people (entertainment, business, etc) from scratch no matter where you move to is super nice.

Issues right now:

• I wasn't super hot back in high school or college so no solid social circle base to expand from; none of the people I know are close friends with "cool" people (though by logic they must be friends of friends of friends)
• For most of my life I ignored social media so not a very strong presence there
• Not many public meetups, etc here that I can find these people
• I can't really bring people to my apt and party

I can do fine with normal groups... I'm not talking about joining a club, or playing a sport. I'm talking about some specific girls I want to meet to be part of their group.

Think a specific business contact you want to meet, because you know a lot of doors would open to you, yet you can't just cold message or ask for an introduction like you'd do in a business context. In business that kind of pragmatism is the law, but for social it's just uncalibrated.

(I think not having social media hindered my ability to get into circles. Not so good for fucking girls but great to keep relationships/introductions warm. I'm sure my pages would suck though, since I'd have to dedicate energy to it and it wasn't really my thing back then. So maybe a net positive.)

Surely there is a way to increase your odds of meeting people you actively want to meet without looking like you're a loner or weirdo? The odds of us meeting randomly in a bar or walking down the street is not really something you can count on...

P.S. I'd like to become a member of the group to fuck girls and to meet & keep cool female friends too.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

As you know OP, I've had the same issues myself for a while but I have had some breakthroughs I wanted to share with you. At this point I think this topic does deserve its own post even though there was a guide done on helping move to a new city, a lot of the advice is more theoretical but not as practical.

From what I have witnessed, what you are looking for you will find in the nightlife industry. Unfortunately there is a huge drawback to this, it is an ungodly tough industry to break into for those of us who don't have service industry experience and one had to question the idea of leaving a nice paying job to be a bartender or DJ at a nightclub. I have also found that most clubs and bars are not too open to allowing people who have full time jobs an opportunity to work on the weekends or even start as a barback, doesn't mean I will stop trying but it is a tough route to take even though the rewards are high.

Meanwhile, here are some things I have found that can potentially help.

1 - Go to younger alumni meetings for your school.

I have found that connecting with old classmates who recently graduated and meeting new people through them has opened some doors for me. Unfortunately most of them have not been good but it has given me a peek into things to look into. Kickball and soccer leagues that cater to a younger crowd are a common way to meet people but it can be tough to break into already established college cliques, people are just less likely to reach out to you that way.

2 - Actually form relationships and friendships with girls around your age and in the same situation as you, especially if they are hot.

I used to smash and dash but I have found that some of my matches which I have fostered into a friendship have ended up calling me out to events and parties which has led me to meeting some decent enough people. Once again the pain point is to get them to call me out to their regular outings which they don't seem as keen on doing but my weekends are packed with dates so I can't blame them. I think it is an underrated strategy to use hot girls you haven't quite smashed as friends and links you can meet cool people through.

3 - Luck out at a younger company.

I am in an industry that is a bit more on the traditional and conservative end but one of my friends works for a software company that leans younger, lots of people working with him. A ton of them were former frat guys and cool kids in college and he formed a close bond with his coworkers due to the lack of competition, then he goes out with them and over the past year has formed a friendship that way so a good industry can help. Obviously the best one is nightlife but the question becomes is it worth it to throw a prestigious career away.

4 - The generic church group, hobby and Meetup advice but be really picky.

One of my wingmen I met I met through a young professionals group loaded with feministas and the crazy soyboy types, he was a former football player from the midwest who was just looking to make friends. Most of these events will draw in people not worth winging with but if you can pick the needle in a haystack, that can work.

As for what has not worked, making friends with guys when out.

Absolutely avoid nightlife, bars and clubs for making friends with guys. Most guys are hostile in these environments and not open to making new friends, they are either out to drink with their crew or hunt for women (often unsuccessfully).

 

[Hue]

Big Daddy,

I think you can kinda relate this to Chase's stickied post, How To Get Any Type Of Girl, or whatever it's called.

Find the group that you are interested in being a part of, and begin to do the things that they do. Master what they do.

You like some of the rappers in your city and they women they hang out with?

Go hang around trending street-clothing shops and talk to the staff. Become a regular. Go to small venue concerts and talk to the people standing next to you. Start rapping yourself. Shake hands and kiss babies. Literally dive into every aspect of that lifestyle, and become that type of person. Better yet, become that type of person who excels in whatever it is - then you gain notoriety and people know you.


You like the girls that do yoga and guys who are into spirituality / zen type shit? Sign up for a membership at a popular yoga studio. Train your body and master positions, become a fucking yoga instructor.


Or you overheard some random bros talking about this sick party they were at when you were at the gym. Ask them to spot you. Start some small talk. Find out if they're a regular at the gym. Start seeing them regularly at the gym and build that into a different friendship - go get drinks with them. Next thing you know you're invited to their parties. I've literally made friends with someone who's now a colleague of mine from doing this.



You can literally apply this to almost anything. Sure, you have a late start if you decide you like the lifestyle of hockey players in the NHL and decide you're gonna do that - so make it a realistic goal / scene. But yea man, you have to do the fuck out of whatever it is that your eye / mind is asphyxiated on and spend years to learn it.

Put it on social media too, despite it's annoyances. A lot of times people will just add you when you're out and judge you based on your instagram. Really shallow, and something I hate, but that's how many people think.

Think long term. It's kind of a dangerous game in things like industry night-life because a lot of people do that until the hedonistic treadmill starts to stall and they're a 45 y/o alcoholic not reaping the same benefits they were in their 20's when they finally got that bartending job after barbacking for 3 years.



If you're just looking to gain social proof and use that momentum, I would recommend going out in the nightlife scene. I'm a little bias because that's where I do my best, though.

Go to big, popular bars that aren't so chaotic you get no chance to build connections with people. Lots of people = more contacts / chances to meet people, but also means more chaos and less facility to make memories with people. It also means more reference points, and therefore more experience. When you're starting out, being a conversationalist with strangers is your greatest asset. Once you have that momentum, it glows around you, so these things start to become less necessary and a lot of the problems you had early on are negligible.

You could also go to more hole in the wall places and make friends with staff there. I've found that these types of joints, the people don't have a whole lot to offer, but are usually kinder to people who genuinely just want to be friendly than a lot of other places.

The social circles that I've meshed into have either been from me leveraging my already established social proof, but I've also met some very cool dudes and gone onto be invited to some wild parties (like girls gone wild shit) just by being friendly at the bar.

I think the biggest thing that a lot of people miss is that they don't exude enough confidence when forming these connections. They themselves, are looking at what they're doing as weird / uncalibrated and fuck up their stride. You gotta go in with a bit of devil may care, "how long until I win these guys over?" rather than "I hope I make friends tonight". That's how you approach it from non-social ladder way, too. The moment you fall into the game of a social ladder, you lose. Respect people that are more dominant / higher value and/or quality than you if you're on their turf, sure - pay respect when respect is due. But if you go from it already seeing yourself as below these people you might end up becoming friends with, it disarms you of all your tools.



OP,

Absolutely avoid nightlife, bars and clubs for making friends with guys. Most guys are hostile in these environments and not open to making new friends, they are either out to drink with their crew or hunt for women (often unsuccessfully).

What? No way dude. I mean if you're going after a girl that is with a group of guys, I do get where you're coming from. You're a threat to what they want. But even in that situation your best plan of action would be to befriend those guys so they don't interfere with the game you're running on their girls. I've pulled girls who were out with guys and the fucking dudes they were with called the uber to the after party, with me feeling up the girl on the way back home. Once one of them caught on they were a little salty with me, but up until that point I was just some cool dude they met at the bar.

And you're going for specifically making friends, then that's very doable with nightlife. One of the social circles I mentioned to Big Daddy was literally me playing pool with a random guy, we started to talk about sports, then about women, and then about game (he's a natural). We exchanged numbers and then balled out for months.

Then you have groups of guys that will be dismissive of you, for being friendly. These people aren't good for you anyway, because they're social ladder climbers. Some of the time these guys have the things you want (they look high value and/or have beautiful women), and because of that they assume they are better than you. Well, I don't really want to be friends with guys like that anyway. Because they're just high value, not high quality. And trying to make friends with someone just because of their value isn't genuine, and will more than likely land you in a shallow relationship. If the dudes were high quality they will treat you like a human being, and not cast you aside by mistaking kindness for weakness.

 

[Dr. Manhattan]

Commenting on you mentioning the lack of social circle ever, I find that there is a heavy edge that can actually help you with social circles presently due to your awareness on enhancing it.

Firstly, I've always been cool. Growing up I had a cool last name, didn't give a fuck about what any dudes thought of me, played instruments up the ass, was always the go-to for moral support, dressed well, enjoyed people and enjoyed making them feel. After hitting high school, I moved across towns and didn't go to school with anyone at the new high school I was at. It was a district away.

What I did was, I floated amongst groups of people I found interesting, but always remained autonomous.

Being 23, having lived what many would consider a 'natural's upbringing' or an 'alpha upbringing', having been on my own for a while & and having been alone mentally for a while, and having restarted multiple times in numerous cities while doing a variety of different things and being totally different people, I can offer you advice that I know works for me.

1. Have your own life going on.
i. That means money (job, business, etc.), new people you're meeting in general, a hobby that takes up your time that you actually enjoy and focus on, and girls that you're shagging.
Why is this important?

It allows you to behave like this:
1. Free
2. Floating
3. In the moment
4. In control
5. Abundant
6. Busy
7. Motivated/Driven
8. Focused on being what people need you to be to get what you need.

I'm a very prideful young man. The groups I meet all enjoy me for being that guy that's always doing something or up to something. Being that guy commands hella respect, especially if you know you're a real badass. Like: calm, cool, relaxed, focused, intuitive, etc.
Being that guy turns women on. You're basically a modern day James Bond.
It creates massive intrigue because you are quite non-needy and autonomous.
It really lets girls know that you're most likely: experienced, discreet, fulfilled, good in bed, comfortable with 'being '(which is what seduction and winning are all about), cool, interesting, & patient.

Like, if I was to ever be invited to GC for an interview of some sort, I would be known as the guy who comes in every once in a while, has fun, says crazy shit, enjoys the time with fellow humans, and reminds you that you have one life and you ought not spend it being a big vajeen. And Chase &/or whoever else would love me for being myself. Because myself embodied all of the above, which are pleasant to experience.

I hope this helps. Let me know if you need any clarification or further exploring about any one part.

Doc

 

[Big Daddy]

Hey dudes,

Sorry, it took a while to get to this. You all gave me solid ideas. I guess it really comes down to:

Find the group that you are interested in being a part of, and begin to do the things that they do. Master what they do.

Eye-opening angle.

I guess in my case, that would absolutely include mastering social media. I could probably get something going without it, but it'd be way harder. Man, that thing is great to maintain social circles. Just browsing through profiles of people I knew I could probably bait them into inviting me to some shit.

I'm torn however because I hate bringing attention to myself/maintaining it to not look like a loser... Eh, I have to sit down and weigh the cons/pros of that one.