Any success stories after getting the cheek?

[HereNthere]

We've all been there. You go for the kiss at the end of the first date and you get the cheek.

I've always considered it a 100% sign to write it off and move on, but I'm wondering if there were any success stories following that.

Just recently had a date that went okay. A good enough time, but not exactly sparks flying. Throughout the date she mentions multiple times of future stuff we should do together: "We definitely need to go here", etc. Light touching during the date, open to every new place I moved her to.

I drop her off at her place. She goes for a hug and preemptively turns her head. "Well shit," I thought.

Then she starts laying out plans that next Thursday we'll "hang out" and go to this art museum I mentioned. I wanted to make things clear.

"Hang out? Or a date?"
"Aren't they the same thing?"
"...No."
"Well, clearly I'm not good at these things. I'll text you!" *hops out*

Not keen on wasting time going out if sealing the deal is dead in the water. I deleted her number since I don't want to chase this, and am leaning 90% towards ignoring or turning down any contact she initiates.

Am I jumping the rejection gun? Or is no kiss (ironically) the kiss of death, and even if she invites to hang out again it's just going to be an attention grab time waster?

 

[Hue]

HereNthere,

This has happened to me more than a few times. It's not a full rejection because she's still there with you and plans to see you again, but it is a really effective way for her to put you in the chasing position. It's an "almost! ...but not yet", and considering it's just a kiss... it's not a favorable place to be in.

I think a good response would be a little bit of reverse psychology like,

*raises eyebrows, closed mouth smile, and tilts head slightly upward, looking away*
You: "eh. you're probably not that great of kisser anyways"
*looks at her out of the corner of your eye, body slightly turned away from her*.

Doing that is flirty and doesn't let her fully chase frame you. And remember to try and always end the date on your terms as far as your behavior goes.

"Hang out? Or a date?"
"Aren't they the same thing?"
"...No."
"Well, clearly I'm not good at these things. I'll text you!" *hops out*

Calling her out is a good way of being direct, and while it's not always necessary - let's you know pretty well where you stand, and what she wants out of you guys (attention). She totally dodges it though and hops out the car having not really addressed you, which is disrespectful.

Am I jumping the rejection gun? Or is no kiss (ironically) the kiss of death, and even if she invites to hang out again it's just going to be an attention grab time waster?

I think, per usual, you should keep your options open and approach other girls - always have prospects coming your way.

This isn't a sunken ship though. I would ghost her and show her through your behavior that you're not going to waste your time because that's what it appears to you to be. If she does reach out to you again I'd be very stoic in your texts to her with short answers and low effort. Maybe just make an excuse as to why you can't come to your next date. Maybe even set up a date and flake - if that's something you feel you want to do (though that's blatant deception).

You have to make it clear that she could lose you, and then she'll chase.


Hue

 

[HereNthere]

What I always try to work on is walking that line between confronting/calling out, and avoiding coming across as frustrated or bitter, because it's very easy to cross over into the latter. Looking back I should have been more direct in laying it out, along the lines of "I had fun and you seem cool, but I need to know if this if this is going to be a date or buddy hangout because I only have time for dating right now." Make the soft ultimatum (never do hard ultimatums) while framing it positively with a compliment to her and communicating that my time is valuable.

(if anyone's not familiar with Patrice O'Neal, he did a lot of brilliant and hilarious dating stuff on his short lived "The Black Phillip Show", go check out all 12 episodes when you have the time. Here's an excerpt with his "Time Ho" bit where he lays out that women treat wasting a man's time without sex the same way that men treat having sex with women without spending time with them. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9QOQNcpuiA)

Have you ever seen success after getting the cheek on a first date? What was the main action you took that turned it around?

 

[HereNthere]

btw, my plan right now:

Don't reach out to her again. If she reaches out to me about going to the museum Thursday, I'm going to say, "Oh, I didn't think you were interested. I already made plans for Thursday." If she presses to do something, make alternate plans for a couple days after, after making it clear it will be a date and not just hanging out.

Seems like the best way of letting her know that her "make him chase me" shenanigans and vague signs of interest will make me drop her rather than get stringed along, WITHOUT coming across as demanding and bitter (always better to come across as unimpressed and aloof rather than angry).

 

[Hue]

What I always try to work on is walking that line between confronting/calling out, and avoiding coming across as frustrated or bitter, because it's very easy to cross over into the latter. Looking back I should have been more direct in laying it out, along the lines of "I had fun and you seem cool, but I need to know if this if this is going to be a date or buddy hangout because I only have time for dating right now." Make the soft ultimatum (never do hard ultimatums) while framing it positively with a compliment to her and communicating that my time is valuable.

It is much better to be indirect with woman than to be blatantly, explictly direct (similar to soft ultimatum & hard ultimatums). I don't think you would have an optimal response by being that direct - but that would tell you, loud and clear, where you stand with her. Even, "hey you seem cool and all, but I don't think I have time for this" is better than putting in phrases like "I need to know" (needy sounding), and "if this is going to be a date or buddy hangout", "I only have the time for dating right now" (too explicit). Those phrases in the latter are more or less implicitly stated by the former. She'll connect the dots quickly, believe me. Then after that you just have to hold frame until she changes her behavior, if she does.

(if anyone's not familiar with Patrice O'Neal, he did a lot of brilliant and hilarious dating stuff on his short lived "The Black Phillip Show", go check out all 12 episodes when you have the time. Here's an excerpt with his "Time Ho" bit where he lays out that women treat wasting a man's time without sex the same way that men treat having sex with women without spending time with them. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9QOQNcpuiA)

Lol. Love it. And yea, on point. A little crass with the swapping thing IMO, but I've never had a devil's three so what do I know.

Have you ever seen success after getting the cheek on a first date? What was the main action you took that turned it around?

I've gotten cheek after sex, cheek after multiple dates / hook ups, and cheek on the first date. The main action that I saw behavior change with was showing by my behavior that I'm not investing into that. As in, you're not rewarding her cheek. As in, you start texting her stoic / flaking / showing boredom or disinterest and she'll come around (if she's going to).

Don't reach out to her again.

Seems like the best way of letting her know that her "make him chase me" shenanigans and vague signs of interest will make me drop her rather than get stringed along, WITHOUT coming across as demanding and bitter (always better to come across as unimpressed and aloof rather than angry).

This seems to show you get the idea.

"Oh, I didn't think you were interested. I already made plans for Thursday."

Though this is too direct, and gives her too much power in my opinion. If and when she reaches out to you again, I would simply respond, "nah I'm busy" or "nah I have plans". Less effort by you --> More interest by her. See the differences?


Hue