What's new

Socializing  Anyone have experience dealing with a stalker?

Black

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
May 15, 2014
Messages
102
I was friends with this obese cluster B (not sure which type) girl for 8 months.
Things were a bit ambiguous 'cause she spent a lot of time trying to deep dive me, she used to wait for me everyday at some train station to get face-time/talk, she was more touchy-feely than normal.
Anyway, I let her deep-dive me all she wanted and had assumed we had solidly friend-zoned each other by the winter.

We added each other in a networking website and later Whatsup, then one day she downloads WeChat and adds me (??? she's European) and was asking for my Facebook and I said stop.

Last month I had to cut her off from my life because she started behaving egregiously bad.

I already posted the details but basically she started mocking me in front of girls outside our group, shouting in public that "I'm trying to pick up", interrupting conversations between guys with "you want to pick up THAT GIRL? haha you are sooo funny, you don't have a chance!!!" etc. . . We spoke about it ('cause she brought it up) and she framed it as me having a "behaviour problem", gaslighting me about all this stuff she does (i.e. outright saying it never happened) all the while repeating "don't you ever think that I'm interested in you". Whoah. . . enough from the clown. . . too much bullshit compressed in like 10 minutes; I decided that was the end of it.
Plus, the previous weeks - when she was acting like a normal person - I had spent time explaining to her why pick-up was a good thing, how it could help our (male) friends in common, and what advantages/disadvantages I saw in myself. All this in a strong, structured, matter-of-fact, confident way. Obviously, it was a waste time (or worse).

So this last month, I did as I said I would: I ignored/rejected her invitations, never saw her, hung out with one buddy from that group, worked on other social circles, went on dates. . .

Now I suddenly find out that last weekend she signed up to all these "meetup" events that she knows I regularly go to.
She even created herself an account in this other website - just to sign up to a meeting that she knows I always go to.
Huge coincidence since she's not ever interested in any of these meetups - all she knows is that I go there and make friends / meet girls. . .

Whether she will go try to start a public fight, spread rumors - or she is just doing this to call my attention, I don't know.
But most importantly I'm not sure what's the best option:
1) Ignore her (seems like the best; lowest effort) - also if she makes anything too big: everyone will just see some hyper-obese girl obsessing whether this (arguably) hot guy picks-up or not; it's too obvious what's going on
2) Call her on what she's doing
3) Preemptively let some people know what's going on (not easy in a low-effort way and might back-fire)

There's other circles that she doesn't know about or that the entry barrier is too high for her - but still it's pain in the ass; instead of just forgetting about me and minding her own business looks she's going kamikaze on 50% of my social life.
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jul 24, 2015
Messages
2,091
Simply go no contact. Eliminate her as a contact on all social media. Do not talk to her when she shows up to these events. She is DEAD to you.

She will make a fool of herself when she acts like a jealous ex. If you give her no credence then the women you talk with with discount her as well. If they ask "Who's the loud fat broad shouting your name?" Tell the truth. "It is a friend of a friend who I told I wasn't interested in more than a friendship and she took it badly." End of story.

In the back of the target girls mind, she might be apprehensive, but she is wondering "What is it about this guy that makes that girl so willing to embarrass herself? I need to find out."

Do the same thing as if the cockblocker was some asshole guy who teased you in highschool. Ignore and let 'em make a fool out of them selves trying to get a reaction....
 
you miss 100% of the shots you don't take

Black

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
May 15, 2014
Messages
102
Thank you. I agree continuing to ignore her seems like the best path, lowest effort. I'm only a bit unsure about deleting her from one particular social media account right now, as it might seem like I'm the one holding a grudge when in reality I just want to give her as much radio silence as possible so that she desists.

________________________________

Yesterday was the first of these meetups where she's signed up out of the blue like that. It went well.

Kind of as I expected, when I arrived *early*, she was already there making chit-chat with the organiser (mutal acquaintance) and some other woman.
I greeted all three, her last so that she was forced to shake my hand (we used to kiss in the cheek) - she looked terribly butthurt.
From there on I upped the energy and went on a series of one-on-one, intense conversations with different people (caught up with a lot of acquaintances).

The result is that she was kind of left outside looking in, unable to generate something like that herself - unable to interrupt me.
So she withdrew, she went back to her phone and started messaging; basically she called:

1) a common friend I used to hang out with (a sexually frustrated white knight stereotype with a drinking problem) until I brought him to a Group 2 meet-up so he could get to know some other friends of mine. Instead of making use of the opportunity he came to cock-block me shouting that this was "not the place to pick up girls" (we were at a bar). We hate each others guts ever since; she knows all this, so she brought him.

2) a guy she told me she was attracted to him last time I saw her. Bigger and stronger than I at that. . . What I don't know is how on earth she got in touch with him and whether he will be in my situation 6 months from now. My gut feeling was that she wanted me to see her with him "to prove a point", as he arrived and went directly to her i.e. he was not participating in the meet up per se.

At this, the day before she had notified all our friends in common about the event.
Seems to me her strategy is prop herself with allies and kind of give me heaps of social pressure (i.e. not going kamikaze like I thought she might)
She did not attack in the open (I feared she would) which is coherent with the fact that a month ago, when she made that mess and I tried to bring it up in group discussion, she did everything she could to shout me down. In other words, she's ashamed. . . at the very least, she doesn't want others to know. . .

Anyway. What she ended up doing with these two guys is to separate herself from the main group at some other table (not wanting to come back despite the organizer's requests). . . and that was it.

Since I ended up positioned between her group, the entry point and the main group - I entertained anyone who could possibly consider going her way (still laser focus 1-on-1) and eventually closed the loop of chairs giving my back to them. From then on, I changed to bantering with the group as a whole and building rapport with whoever remained that I hadn't met yet.
She got up to leave soon after, hit me in the head with her purse (accidentally?) then tapped my shoulder to say bye in a very weird way (effusive? sarcastic?), either way I only said "'till next" with cocky smile which visibly bothered/hurt her.

Aside from. . . whatever was that she tried to do. . . Rewards of the night for me: about 5 potential new friends, a CV request from a buddy in my profession, a lead to start hanging out with guys that have game (instead of going infinitely nuts trying to explain things to the kind of guys that hang out with the girl in question).

____________________________________________________

As for her, I don't know what is she looking for signing up to a Group 2 meetup. Bring the angry idiot? Say some bullshit?
In the above thing she had some friends, at this other group, the only friends are my own. Worse, if she tries anything she's treading in the dark 'cause she doesn't know who's my friend and who is isn't, how close are those ties, how I communicate with them; it can backfire nastily. Assuming she does come in peace. . . why now and not before having made this mess with me? What an idiotic thing to do. . .
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jul 24, 2015
Messages
2,091
TOTAL No Contact.

Eliminate all traces from your life and don't even give her the time in your head to report to us her desperate stunts. It wastes our time.
 
Top