Apology

[Knight]

In my quest to improve I have recently thought of a situation which will occur many more times in my lifetime and yours. I'm talking about apologies, they are something that I respect and I have also had to do it many times in the past, often with no intentions to discomfort someone. In Chase's great blog posts he has previously discussed this to some extent towards commentators under the initial blog post. So far I understand that if I make a minor mistake, and someone calls me out on it the best thing to do is to remain exactly the same before, let them finish and go on as if nothing happened. I have also learned that I as a male, and the leader have to apologize to a woman or other male when they're upset and not simply attacking my status. I therefore have a few questions to ask:

- When should I apologize to another?
- How do I state the apology?
- How do I move the topic past the apology quickly? I do not want to stick on that topic - as we have learnt that those emotions do stick over time.
- If someone is forcing me for apology (someone who believes the world is in a heirarchy of status, and they are above me) how do I overcome this obstacle?

- Knight

 

[Franco]

Hey Knight,

Not sure if you've seen this blog post by Chase, but in case you haven't, here it is: Should You Apologize to Women?

- Franco

 

[Knight]

Missed my radar, thanks Franco.

 

[PinotNoir]

This is another great, recent article touching on the same subject: https://www.girlschase.com/content/when-course-correct-socially-and-when-not

In this article, it will help explain more of when to apologize or not, depending on how aggressive the person is. If the person is aggressive and just doing it for emotional/dominate reasons, it's best to not apologize and proceed in alternate ways.

For friends, I usually just apologize flat out, admit that I'm wrong (if I am), and move on -- unless this is in front of strangers or not-as-close friends. Then it's almost like they're trying to impress these people by putting me down. I don't apologize then.

Here's a technique for practicing "law of least effort" that I like when the "discussion" becomes an "argument" merely for dominance in front of women:

- Ask the person short questions. "Why do you think this is?" "Please explain more." Even if at this point you know you're wrong.
- They'll explain and start getting more and more flustered, usually raising their voice very loudly and in an aggravated way.
- Find small holes in their argument if you can. Keep your calm and keep your voice at normal volume. Continue to ask short questions or say short statements.
- Important to maintain eye contact.
- After the rage explosion, simply do a small toothless smile and say, "There's no reason to get so heated over this. We're just two different people having a mature conversation. Let's move on to another topic without as much tension. Do you guys/girls like X?"

Doesn't always work and is dependent on the situation, but I think you come off better than the other guy in the end.