Applying self-development to approaching women

[Vic.]

Hey everyone. First off I really enjoy the site and all the content has been very useful to me. I've come to a place where I feel I have my fundamentals down. I've done a lot of reading, personal development, searching and experimenting on my behalf to really understand what I want out of life. But now my issue is actually talking to women. I about to go into my second year of college. In terms of women I guess I've had not a lot of successes; however a very close female friend of mine always tells me how girls in my social circle find me vary attractive. I would also consider myself a "natural" when interacting with women, but that's only when I'm comfortable and I'm pretty bad at escalating as well. Not knowing what to say is something I think about a lot, because primarily I am very introverted and generally not one for small talk. But I think I'm over intellectualizing everything I feel once I'm in the situation I can pull it off based on how I interact with my female friends and such.

Long story short I've taken this time out to better myself; build more confidence, take control of my life, have a greater sense of self worth and identity, but when it comes to women there isn't any real progression happening. I know the short answer to my question is to simply "go out and talk to women, the more you do it the more comfortable you feel with it" but things are easier said than done. I'm just really frustrated by this because to me it seems counter intuitive. How do I apply my development and fundamentals to approaching women, any advice would be appreciated thank you.

 

[Skid]

By the sounds of it , you already know the answer to your question and to put it bluntly you're mentally masturbating. Don't look at anymore theory until you've gotten some cold approaches under you're belt, go to your college if its big walk around campus and do some solo daygame. It doesn't even have to be an approach just go and ask girls for the time or directions for 2 hours or something. Then the next week transition from that and then instead of leaving ask what they are studying , then leave. Baby steps. When people first start they think they need to get everything done in their first approaches , its never going to happen. Also just to make sure your in a talkative mood meetup with one of your friends first and chat with them. THEN LEAVE use the momentum and go do some sets. You build anything habits by slowly working your way up. Nothing anyone on this forum says including chase can force to take action. So you can choose to keep reading theory or go out and ask some random girls the for the time.

Skid

 

[Smith]

Vic,

Cool that you're developing yourself and got a lot out of self development. As to how to apply self-development into seduction? well, the way you interact with women can tell you a lot about yourself and that tells you where you need to work on. If you're not comfortable talking to women and you're constantly thinking about what to say....then that means you haven't even fully accept yourself yet! Sometimes you might think you've already worked out your internal issues, but often you won't realize it's still there unless you're very self-aware and do meditation. Start now everyday just talk to a random stranger with the intention of unconditional giving. This can be just bringing some fun into their day, cracking jokes, and even projecting your desire if u found her attractive. Keep being positive. If you can have fun talking to a random stranger, girls are just the same. Don't read any PUA stuff or use terms like "approach", "sets", "number close" for now, because semantics have a great influence on your subconciousness. These terms separate you from the girl instead of being connected to them and see them as on your side. Chase's articles on how to be a conversationalist, deep diving, and the basic stuff is great. It will be a little awkward actively trying to use them, but don't get too caught up on the technicality. Just let the conversation flow and you'll know how to use them as you get into more conversations.

 

[ray_zorse]

The advice already given is good even if I don't agree with every nuance of it, but one thing jumped out at me, you say you have fundamentals locked down pretty tight and I have no reason to doubt that, but later you say that you are concermed about not knowing what to say in conversation? What I want to draw to your attention is that conversation is a fundamental, IMO THE MOST IMPORTANT fundamental, and can be worked on. Think of it as your connection-building fundamental. Yes, you must practice. A LOT. But you also need a solid process, think of it like body building, you don't just wander around the gym doing random stuff and expect to improve fast, you either use a trainer or research it on the web or whatever, do a set number of reps of certain exercises, etc -- just telling a beginner to spend a lot of time in the gym, well it's a start, but far better to give hima programme to follow. My advice to you is to buy the Spellbinding conversation video product, and to read the articles on conversation and deep diving, and then to apply it every day, particularly in non-PU settings such as with friends, classmates, teachers, gas station attendants, baristas, salesgirls... go in with a compliment or some banter (if you dare). Then grab some basic information and deep dive on it. Also same idea for other fundamentals such as posture, eye contact and many more, you may think they are locked in, but they aren't until you can use them confidently and consistently in an interaction. #1 top advice to improve fast: MAINTAIN YOUR FUNDAMENTALS IN AN INTERACTION. Practice practice practice. Constantly evaluate how you did on this and how you could improve.
Ray

 

[Vic.]

Thanks for the reply guys totally makes s sense. I guess that fundamentals have a personal and interpersonal aspect to them. And during my journey I've been looking primarily inward. Like i said if I'm in a comfortable space with a female ( girls in my social circle) I'm great. It's just when is comes to random girls. So even though i may be more happy, more fufilled, more clear I'm still not completely unstiffled as a man and that can only cone with pushing boundaries and practicing. Thank you.